Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
After spending a couple of hours at the ice rink, we all head to the guys’ place, enjoying some of Sophia’s delicious cooking and trying the mulled wine Xander made for us. They even invited Chiara and Leo to join us.
It’s warm and tasty, and Sophia’s cookies are hands down the best Christmas cookies I’ve ever had.
After a while, Chiara and Leo decide to head to Leo’s place, and Xander offers to drive them. As they leave, Clay and Sophia make their way over to the couch.
“Would you like to watch a movie with me in my room? I think I’ve shared you enough for today,” Josh whispers in my ear as he comes up from behind, placing his hands on my upper arms.
I nod, and he takes my hand, leading me upstairs to his room, and I take a moment to look around. It’s bathed mostly in soft blues, his bed is practically the size of our entire room at home, and everything is so neat and new.
My stomach churns. I’ve never felt like what Barbara would call a ‘gutter rat.’ I work hard for everything I own and take pride in that. But standing here in Josh’s room, surrounded by all his nice things, I can’t help but feel a bit out of place.
He moves around me and gently lifts my chin with his finger.
“Hey, what’s wrong? We can head downstairs and watch the movie in the living room if you’d prefer.
I’m sure Clay and Sophia would join us. Though, I was hoping to get some alone time with you.
” His tone is soft and reassuring, and he strokes my cheek.
I inhale deeply, pushing aside the unease. “No, I’d like it to be just us. Your room is cool.”
“Thanks.” He grins, planting a quick kiss on my lips.
Josh turns me around and pulls me back against his chest, his arms draping over my shoulders. He rests his chin on my head, and we both gaze at his bookshelf loaded with books and movies.
“What would you like to watch?” His whisper sends a shiver down my neck, making goose bumps pop up.
“I don’t know. I haven’t watched movies for a few years. You pick something good.”
“Looking for something funny, action-packed, or romantic?” He stands straighter, running his hands up and down my arms.
“Surprise me,” I tell him, and he releases me, spinning me around by my shoulder so my back faces the bookshelf and television.
“No peeking,” he says, his voice laced with amusement.
As he picks out a movie, I take the chance to look over the rest of his room. I spot medals and trophies on a shelf next to his bed. Getting closer, I see they’re all from swimming competitions.
“You swim?” I ask.
“I do, but I no longer compete. Now it’s just something I do to clear my head,” he says. He comes over and takes my hand, leading me to the bed and pulling me to sit next to him. “Is this okay?” he asks as I settle in, leaning against the headboard with his arm draped around my shoulders.
I nod, but my heartbeat picks up its pace in my chest.
As he starts the movie, I recognize the actors, but their names escape me. It’s odd how disconnected you can become when you don’t have time for simple things like watching a movie.
We sit and watch for a while, Josh’s fingers tracing patterns on my upper arm while I try to soothe my racing heart.
My focus is entirely on his touch, not the film, when his other hand gently takes mine.
It’s such a small gesture, but it makes me shiver.
I tilt my head to look up at him, finding him already watching me, a faint smile playing on his lips.
“Enjoying the movie?” he asks. I nod, to which he chuckles softly, letting go of my hand to cradle the back of my head and leaning closer.
“You haven’t watched a minute of it,” he murmurs, his voice a gentle hum.
I swallow hard and shake my head. “Neither have I,” he admits before leaning in and kissing me.
His lips are incredibly soft, and the gentleness of his kiss sends my heart into a flutter, my stomach swarming with butterflies. As I part my lips, he deepens the kiss.
I’m still unsure if I’m doing it right, following his cues, but his low groan against my lips tells me he’s enjoying it. His hands wander from my upper body to under my thighs, effortlessly lifting and pulling me onto his lap to straddle him.
Startled by the sudden move, I pull back slightly, staring at him.
“Too much?” he asks, brushing my hair aside so he can see my face.
It’s not that it’s too much. I’m just amazed at how easily he managed that. I’m not exactly a lightweight. I shake my head and lean back in to kiss him again. He grins into the kiss before pulling me closer and deepening it once more.
Somehow, in the middle of kissing, we slide down the bed until he’s flat on his back, and I’m straddling his waist. My hands rest on his shoulders while his roam over my body, above my clothes. They squeeze my thighs before drifting upward to cradle my cheek.
Then, one of his hands slips down my body again and under my sweater, gliding over the side of my waist and brushing against my belly rolls. I freeze, causing him to stop and lean back to look up at me.
“Everything okay?” he asks, worry flickering in his eyes.
Internally, I’m in turmoil. I don’t know how to do this.
I never did stuff with a guy before. I want to do everything with him, but what if he thinks I’m weird?
What if I mess things up? What if he loses interest when he sees or feels what’s hidden beneath my clothes?
How could he find someone like me attractive?
“I don’t know,” I whisper, my thoughts spiraling out of control.
His concerned gaze softens as he reaches out, gently pulling me onto him and nestling my head under his chin.
“Why don’t we cuddle while you figure it out?” he offers, rubbing my back soothingly.
His rhythmic strokes and gentle breathing calm my frantic thoughts, and we lie there quietly. There’s a peace in his strong arms I’ve never experienced before.
“My Carolina,” he murmurs, planting a soft kiss on top of my head.
I pull back to look at him, and he smiles. “You can call me Lina if you want,” I offer, but he just shakes his head.
“You know, I looked up your name because I thought it was so beautiful, and I wanted to know what it meant,” he says, reaching out to stroke my cheek.
“Carolina, beautiful.” I blush, attempting to look away, but he gently lifts my chin with his forefinger, guiding my gaze back to his.
“I’ll never call you anything else because your name already captures everything you are.
Beautiful…” he plants a kiss on my nose, “… strong…” he pecks my forehead, “… loved.” His voice drops to a husky whisper before he meets my lips with his.
I pull back from the kiss, my eyes wide. Did he just say he loves me?
“Josh…” I start, but he puts his thumb over my lips to silence me.
“You are it for me, Carolina. I get it if you need time, and I can wait. I’ve waited my whole life for you. I can wait until you’re comfortable with us, until you’re ready. I can wait forever if that’s what it takes. But I’m not going anywhere. You have me… all of me.”
Tears well up in my eyes so quickly I can’t hold them back.
And I don’t want to. He just laid his heart on the line.
I see it in his warm, brown eyes. He’s being sincere.
It’s not some cruel joke, not a game, and he won’t bolt if I open up too much.
It’s Josh, promising me that someone truly cares about me and that I can rely on him.
“You have me too,” I say, pulling him back into a kiss.
My heart flips at her words. I kiss her, wishing the kiss could show her how much she already means to me.
Is it possible to overdose on happiness?
I cradle her face, mindful of being gentle and considerate. I know she is inexperienced, and I should have thought about that before I spooked her earlier with my boldness.
I meant what I told her. I can wait forever if she needs me to.
I want her to be ready for everything that could be between us.
But God, I just got carried away. She is so fucking perfect, everything I’ve ever wanted.
She is fierce, funny, and compassionate.
And she is the perfect mix of cute and sexy.
I break the kiss so I can gaze into her golden eyes. She smiles softly at me, and before she knows it, I’ve gently flipped us around, so she’s now lying on her back with me hovering above her.
“I could kiss you forever,” I murmur, peppering kisses up her neck.
I love to see goose bumps rise in response and feel her shiver under my touch.
“Didn’t say you had to stop,” she murmurs breathlessly.
I can’t help but chuckle at that. “Oh really? I don’t think I could stop, even if I tried,” I confess, diving back in for another kiss.
After a few minutes, she gently guides one of my hands from the safe zone near her head and shoulders down her body to the edge of her sweater bunched up at her waist. My fingers brush against her bare skin, causing me to freeze in surprise and look into her eyes, searching her face.
“I meant what I said, Carolina. I can wait. Just having you here in my arms, being able to kiss you, it’s already more than enough,” I reassure her.
But she gazes up at me with those irresistible, intense eyes and whispers, “Touch me, please.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Fuck. I was hard before, but now my cock is straining in my pants. Having that sassy mouth whisper such a plea for me is a heady feeling.
Gently, I slide my fingers under her sweater, caressing her silky skin. So soft, incredibly soft. I glance back up into her eyes and promise, “If you want to stop, all you need to do is say the word. I’ll stop immediately, no questions asked. We’re not doing anything you’re not ready for.”
Once again, all she murmurs is, “Please.”