Chapter 4
FOUR
The lack of sleep for the second night is taking a toll on me. The constant stress, worry, and emotional turmoil have left me feeling mentally and physically sick. My body aches all over, and a gnawing nausea churns in the pit of my stomach, making it impossible to eat.
I head to the hospital as soon as visiting hours begin so I can spend time by her side. I just need to be back home in time to help Chiara before my shift starts this afternoon. Sophia asked Xander if we could borrow his truck to help her move her things.
The doctor said the swelling is receding, but it’s taking longer than they initially expected, which only heightens my anxiety. I can’t bear to think of complications or the possibility of her not waking up. Yet, the doctor told me to keep faith and be patient.
“I’ve waited for you my whole life. I can wait a few more days,” I whisper to Carolina, leaning in to kiss her temple. “But don’t make me wait too long, my Carolina. I have so much planned for us.”
I gently squeeze her hand before leaving the hospital and taking the subway home.
The ride is rough but necessary. Whenever I have needed to drive anywhere during my off-duty hours, I have always asked Xander or Clay for a ride or borrowed Xander’s truck, but with things as they currently are, that wasn’t an option today.
I was so happy just days ago. What the fuck happened?
Sure, I take the blame for not noticing anything earlier and doing something for Carolina, but Clay?
We’ve been best friends since kindergarten and roommates since we were eighteen.
We completed police training together and kept each other motivated even when everything sucked.
I was there for him when his mother died, and he was there for me when my parents just up and left.
I can’t think of a time when he wasn’t by my side, whether it was good or bad.
And he just threw all that out the window because…
… because of her.
I sigh. At least that part I can understand.
She is worth a lot of trouble. I love Clay like a brother, but when it comes down to it, which it does now, I would always choose her.
I just wish I didn’t need to. But I can’t just forgive him for something like that, right?
I mean, what would that mean? Living with them and knowing that my best friend has a major crush on my girl?
Never knowing if he is trying stuff behind my back? How do I know if he hasn’t already?
It’s all so complicated, and I can’t help but wonder what the fuck I should do.
The subway car rumbles on, and I close my eyes for a moment, using the time it takes to get home to try and find some semblance of peace amid the chaos that has become my life.
As I walk up to our house, I see the Ford parked outside, ready to collect Chiara’s and Carolina’s things. Xander is in the driver’s seat with Chiara next to him.
I open the driver’s door, my frustration at him is evident as I snap, “Thanks, I can take it from here.”
“Get in. I’m coming,” Xander grunts out, and I mentally prepare myself for another fight.
“Xander—” I begin, but he cuts me off with a stern look.
“This guy is dangerous. I need to make sure Chiara is safe. You can either come with me or wait here.”
“Fine,” I relent, albeit reluctantly, moving to the passenger side and signaling for Chiara to slide over on the bench seat.
The drive is silent, the air thick with tension.
“He’s probably home, but he’s usually asleep in the mornings,” Chiara informs us when Xander parks the truck in front of the apartment building.
We exit the truck, and Xander collects three laundry baskets from the back.
I recognize the one I collected my things in to move to Sophia’s yesterday, and my heart sinks.
I wonder how Xander feels, considering his shocked and hurt expression when I told him that Clay unintentionally shared his feelings for Carolina. But now isn’t the time to discuss Clay.
We head to the apartment, and my unease grows as we enter. The place looks so worn out. It’s crazy that they still live here. It is clean, though. Someone—probably my girl—tried to make it feel homey, but there’s only so much one can do.
We tread lightly, following Chiara into a room. It’s small, with just one bed in the middle, and I look at Xander, who grimaces.
Chiara goes to the only chest of drawers and begins piling clothes in her basket. Once the bottom three drawers are empty, she moves to the bedside table. She adds shoes, jackets, and school items to her pile.
“Where’s Carolina’s stuff?” I whisper.
She points to the top drawer. I pull it open and look inside and am immediately puzzled. “Where’s the rest?”
“She has some makeup in the bathroom, and here’s her laptop and college stuff, but that’s about it,” she whispers, continuing to load her basket.
I remove a hoodie, two Henleys, two black T-shirts, and a pair of black jeans from the drawer. Then, I take out a few socks, panties, and a bra—all in black. A pair of black leggings and a scarf follow. That’s all that was in the drawer. It doesn’t even fill a third of the basket.
This just isn’t right. Carolina deserves so much more. All the beautiful things. Not just a few basic items that look nearly worn out. There isn’t even a set of pajamas. Or fuzzy socks.
Girls love fuzzy socks, right?
“Let me get that,” Xander offers, and his frown deepens as he takes the college stuff Chiara points out and puts it on top of the clothes in my basket.
“Okay, that’s everything here. Bathroom next,” Chiara declares, and we follow her but stop in the bathroom doorway. It’s so small that there’s no way all of us can fit inside.
Chiara hands the full basket to Xander and takes his empty one to fill with her toiletries. She has a few shampoo bottles and some makeup, which she handles more carefully than she does her clothes.
Then she hands me a shampoo bottle and maybe three makeup items. I look at the shampoo and note that it is apple-scented.
“That’s all?” I ask, comparing her modest collection to Carolina’s meager four items.
Chiara nods. “She’s not really into makeup.”
While scrunching my nose, I frown at her. I bet that’s not true. I remember the pretty dark lip shade she wore a few times, the tube of which I am holding right now, and think how I wish I could kiss those full lips again. To clear my head, I give it a quick shake. Not the time or place.
Fuck, I miss her.
“Let’s take this to the truck and bring up the groceries,” Xander grunts out.
“You already got some?” I ask.
“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugs.
Good to know that I am not the only one.
We do as he suggested and stow the groceries in the refrigerator and cupboards. I place a hundred dollars on the kitchen counter, and Chiara gives me a startled look.
“What? I don’t plan on coming here every day to give him money,” I hiss out.
“With that much money, he’ll drink himself to death,” she whispers.
“Who would even care?” I shrug, surprised by my coldness.
“I would since it’d land me in foster care,” Chiara snaps back, crossing her arms over her chest.
I hesitate, taking a deep breath. “All right,” I concede, taking back the money and leaving twenty on the counter instead. “Better?”
“Thank you.” She nods, a flicker of relief flashing in her eyes.
We leave the apartment, and I instantly feel some of my unease lifting. I vow that Carolina won’t spend any more time here than she absolutely has to.
After we are safely back in the truck, all sitting on the bench seat in the front again with the baskets on the back seats, Xander starts the engine to drive back home. Chiara takes Carolina’s laptop from the basket behind her and puts it on her lap.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Carolina said she’d buy me a new laptop for Christmas, but I don’t think that’s happening now. So, I’m just going to use hers until she can get me one,” she explains nonchalantly.
The truck comes to a screeching halt, and I quickly put my arm out to keep Chiara from being thrown forward.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Xander snaps, glaring at her from the driver’s seat, his grip tight on the steering wheel. “Do you even listen to what comes out of your mouth? How the hell you turned out to be such a spoiled brat living like that is a mystery to me.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, Carolina gave up everything so she could have all she wanted.”
I already guessed as much, but what we just saw confirms it.
Chiara rolls her eyes, her face flushed with a mixture of embarrassment and defiance. “It’s not like I asked her to do that for me. She chose to.”
I lean forward, locking my gaze on hers.
In a calm but firm voice, I tell her, “Chiara, it’s not about what Carolina chose to do.
It’s about recognizing the sacrifices she made for you and being thankful for them.
Using her laptop without her permission and expecting her to buy you a new one is fucking ungrateful. ”
Chiara crosses her arms, her gaze fixed on the window. “I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this. It’s just a laptop.”
Xander takes a deep breath, obviously trying to control his temper.
I can see his jaw clenching. “It’s not about the laptop, Chiara.
It’s about the principle. Carolina has given up so much for you, and instead of seeing that and being thankful, you act entitled.
She went through years of abuse to protect you and was even willing to stay in this fucked-up situation to make sure you’re okay, and you can’t even bring yourself to treat her with respect? ”
I add, “We’re not saying you can’t have nice things or that you shouldn’t want them, but you need to understand the value of what you have and the sacrifices made for you to have them.”
Chiara remains silent for a moment, her gaze distant. “I just… I just wanted to fit in with my friends. They all have the newest stuff, and I feel left out.” I watch her cheeks turn a little pink, and she gnaws on her bottom lip.