Chapter 6
SIX
Sophia and I head into the hospital. Even though it’s Christmas morning, it doesn’t feel like it.
Sophia tried to lift my spirits by baking cookies and decorating the house, but nothing seems to help.
I was taught not to cry—always told to be strong—but right now, all I want to do is break down.
My heart is fucking heavy, and since I can’t cry, I just bitch about everyone and everything to Sophia.
She is a saint for putting up with me.
“Can you hold this?” she asks, stacking another present onto the pile I’m holding, freeing her hands to open the door to Carolina’s room.
Sophia wanted to add some decorations around Carolina’s bed, hoping to bring a touch of Christmas cheer while we spend the morning by her side.
Chiara is celebrating Christmas with Leo and his family, and honestly, I’m okay with that. Whenever I see her golden eyes, I’m reminded that my girl is not opening hers, and it’s torture.
As we walk in, I stop in my tracks. Xander and Clay are right there by Carolina’s bed, each holding one of her hands. Xander quickly lets go and shifts back when he notices us, but Clay just stares at me, defiance in his eyes.
I drop the Christmas decorations onto a nearby table and turn to Sophia, my frustration boiling over. “Why the fuck are they here?”
Sophia sighs and looks at me with a mix of concern and exasperation, her face not at all matching the cheery Christmas sweater she is wearing.
“You boys need to talk this shit out. It’s Christmas.
The girl you are crazy about is still in a hospital bed, not waking up.
Have you thought that maybe she doesn’t want to wake up and see that she’s the reason our family is falling apart?
” I give her a sharp look. “Imagine her waking up to find out she’s why you are fighting. ”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I drop my gaze, a wave of guilt washing over me. She would hate that. Really hate it. Maybe even think about leaving me so our family could be okay again. Of course, I wouldn’t let her, but she’d still feel bad.
I turn my gaze to Carolina, her unmoving form a painful reminder of how fucked up life is right now.
The room is filled with tension, and I know I can’t keep avoiding this conversation.
Even if it means we will tear each other apart before we go our separate ways.
Either way, being in this limbo will not help anyone, least of all Carolina.
I take a deep breath. “You’re right,” I tell Sophia, and Clay sits up, looking at me in surprise. I nod to him. “We should talk.”
He lets go of Carolina’s hand, stands, and walks over to me. “Here?”
I give a half-hearted shrug. “Sure.”
Sophia takes the seat Clay just left and takes Carolina’s hand. Xander gives me a pointed look and then clasps Carolina’s other hand again.
“Listen, Josh,” Clay begins. “I get why you might think our feelings for her seem like a betrayal, but they aren’t. You haven’t even let us explain—”
But I’m still so angry, and it bubbles to the surface before I can stop myself. “I wanted her first!” I blurt out, frustration and jealousy coloring my words.
Clay rolls his eyes. “That’s just childish, and you know it. We’re not kids anymore.” He lets out an exasperated huff. “And get your facts straight. I fell for her at the exact same time you did. The only difference is that you acted on your feelings while I hid mine.”
That stings because I know he is right. I noticed him flirting with her often enough and how he looked at her because it always gave me a pang of jealousy.
“And doesn’t that count?” I demand, my voice rising in volume. “Doesn’t me being in a relationship with her, being her boyfriend, mean anything?”
“Of course it does!” Clay yells back, his arms open in a gesture of exasperation. His frustration mirrors mine.
“Guys,” Sophia exclaims, and we turn our heads to her. “Her eyelids just fluttered, and I could swear she just gripped my hand.”
We watch Carolina for a moment, all of us silent, but nothing happens besides her breathing steadily. “She did that yesterday too. It just means she isn’t as fast asleep anymore, but not that she is waking up,” I mutter, the familiar pain in my chest squeezing my heart again.
“I am sorry, continue,” Sophia nods at me, making me huff.
“As I said,” Clay starts again. “It does matter that you guys are together, I just think—”
I cut him off. “Then why can’t you respect that?
Why do you always have to have everything?
You’re the one with the looks, the charisma, the good grades, the proud mother, the picture-perfect relationship,” I snap, my voice drips with jealousy, each word a bitter accusation.
“And now you want to take away the one person I’ve found for myself, who truly loves me? What kind of best friend does that?”
Clay’s expression tightens, his jaw clenched as he listens to what I say.
He takes a step closer, his voice laced with anger and hurt.
“Oh sure, I’m the guy with charisma, but with no friends other than the one best friend who hates me right now.
The guy who worked his ass off for those grades while you breezed through every test. The guy with an amazing mother, who died when I was nineteen.
” His words are sharp, and the pain in his eyes is undeniable.
“The only thing you got right is the picture-perfect relationship, and that’s only because that big fucker is dumb enough to love me.
” He gestures over his shoulder to Xander, who lets out a half-hearted huff.
I see the turmoil in Clay’s face, the same frustration and sorrow that mirrors mine.
It dawns on me that this situation has hurt him just as much as it’s hurting me, and the weight of my anger and jealousy feels heavier with each passing moment.
“I never wanted to steal her from you, Josh,” Clay continues, his voice softening with sincerity.
“Not in my wildest dreams. Neither of us would.”
I glance at Xander, who nods in agreement, his expression tense and serious.
“So, what’s the deal then?” I demand, my words dripping with bitterness.
“She’s my girlfriend, but you two want to share her in bed from time to time?
” I nearly spit the words out. “She’s precious, not just another one of your fuck buddies. ”
“Whether you want to hear it or not, whether you believe us or not, we love her. We love her just as much as you do. She is fucking precious, and we don’t want her for sex.
I mean, yes, of course, we want to have sex with her, but—” Xander coughs loudly, cutting off Clay’s words with a hint of amusement.
“What I’m trying to say is, we’re serious about this. We’re done playing.”
My heart is racing as my frustration and fear battle for dominance. “And what do you expect from me?” I retort, my voice rising again, my fists clenched at my sides. “To just step aside and say, ‘Sure, I’ll break up with my girlfriend so you two can have her?’”
Clay’s anger flares again, his voice raises in response. “You’re not getting it!” he shouts. “I want us to be in this together.”
I shake my head. “I’m not into guys,”
Xander barks out a laugh.
“Does he not want to understand me, or am I doing this wrong?” Clay asks, pulling on his hair as he turns to Xander, his eyes pleading, prompting him to stand and move to Clay’s side.
“What Mr. Big Words here is trying to say is we want to share her,” Xander explains.
“I don’t—” I start, but he holds up a hand, urging me to listen.
“You have your relationship with her, and we want to include her in ours. We won’t interfere with yours, and you won’t be a part of ours.
We remain a family, just as we always have.
Nothing changes for you except allowing her to love and be loved by more than just one person.
Let your brothers, who you trust and love, love your girl too.
Let us help you make her happy. Keep her safe.
Let us be in this together. The way we always were. ”
“You should’ve let him talk from the beginning,” Sophia mutters.
I look from Clay to Xander, then down to Carolina.
I’m so done hurting.
These past six days have been the worst of my life.
I can’t imagine life without these guys.
I love them. And if I’m truly honest with myself, I will always want them in my life, as close as possible.
I just always felt like the odd one out, the fifth wheel.
But now, I understand why. The puzzle piece that truly connects us was missing.
I watch Carolina’s chest rise and fall.
It isn’t missing anymore.
I am willing to work through my jealousy, to try this, and give it my best if it means I can keep them all.
“Joshy,” Sophia whispers softly from Carolina’s bedside, her voice filled with warmth and reassurance, making me look over at her.
“You know they would never do anything to hurt you or her intentionally. It’s Clay and Xander, your best friends since forever.
We’re a family, and we’ve just added one more member. ”
My gaze wanders to Carolina, who is furrowing her brows in her sleep, her nose scrunching up adorably, and my resilience is wavering. This isn’t just about me.
I can try.
For her.
“Only if she wants this too. She has to say it herself. And it has to come from her without any influence from you, Clay,” I warn him with a pointed look.
“If she truly wants this, and it makes her happy… I am willing to try.” Clay’s grin spreads from ear to ear, and he starts to approach me, but I hold up a hand to stop him.
“If you ever pressure her or hurt her, I swear, I’ll kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for weeks. Got it?”
He moves quickly, brushes my hand aside, and pulls me into a tight hug. “I promise we’ll make her incredibly happy. We’ll give her all the joy she’s missed out on all these years.”
I hug him back fiercely, feeling tears well up. “Fuck, I missed you, asshole,” I whisper.
“I missed you more, dickhead.” Clay laughs out loud.
“Shh, my head hurts.” We release each other and turn to see Carolina holding her head, her face scrunched up in pain and blinking slowly. Her voice is so faint and raspy that I can barely make out her words. “What happened?”
She looks up at me with those golden eyes, and it’s suddenly easier to breathe again.