Chapter Twenty-Four
Then
Avery
Helen and I spent the entire morning in the city buying furniture and accessories for my dorm room. The day I’d been looking forward to for years was overshadowed by the heavy emotions of knowing in just a few weeks, I’d no longer see Jasper every day.
We haven’t spoken about how we will move forward or if we’ll continue seeing each other. I can’t imagine we wouldn’t be, but every time I bring it up, he pushes it aside and says, we’ll figure it out.
“I’m so excited for you.” Helen beams, taking the last few bags of new bedsheets and towels into the house. “Your dorm room is going to be so cute.”
I smile. Helen and I have become close this summer. She’s like a mom and big sister wrapped into one. “Thank you for coming with me.”
Out of breath, she sets the rest of my stuff on the bed in the guest bedroom. “Oh, honey, of course. I love it.”
“You don’t mind keeping all this furniture and things in here until I move?” I glance around the once-clean space, now littered with household items, boxes, and storage containers.
“Don’t be silly.” She rubs my arm comfortingly. “I’m so grateful I get to be here with you. It brings me so much joy.”
We share a sweet moment in silence before she seemingly wipes a tear that I was unaware had fallen.
“You have been such a gift to me,” I tell her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
“Oh, Avery.” She sniffs. “It’s you who’s brought light into my life.”
I smile with a heart full of love for her.
She wipes her nose again, then palms down on her yellow sundress, flattening the fabric. “What do you want to do for dinner?”
Being consumed by another human can be draining. I haven’t seen Jasper all day, and my heart aches to be with him.
I should spend the evening with Helen. I’ve appreciated everything she’s done for me and what she continues to do for me. Maybe Jasper can come over after dinner?
“Whatever you want. How about takeout?” I suggest heading across the hall into the bathroom.
“Fabulous.” Her voice is distant as she passes my bedroom door toward the kitchen. “And then we can see if there’s a fun rom-com to stream.”
“That sounds great,” I reply, but my thoughts halt. A basket of yellow tampons underneath my bathroom cupboard catches my eye. Shouldn’t my period have been here by now?
I grab my phone and swipe up to the calendar. Counting back to the first day of my last period, I go back five and a half weeks. That means I’m almost two weeks late. My period is always on time because I’m on the birth control pill.
Wait. My heart skips a beat, forcing a breath.
I never refilled my prescription!
Oh my god. Oh my god! It’s fine. My body is probably off its normal cycle because I’m not on the pill. Everything is fine. It will come. But what if it doesn’t? Jasper and I have had a lot of sex.
Gripping the edge of the counter with clammy palms, my mind races.
“Should I pick up Joe’s?” Helen’s voice startles me from the other room.
I push off the countertop, pace a few times, and then rest my back against the cold bathroom wall. I squeeze my eyes shut. “That sounds great!”
“Okay, be right back!” she shouts. The sound of clinking keys tells me a moment alone is close. “The usual?”
“Yeah, two chicken tacos and a salad,” I rush out. My lungs gulp in deep breaths.
“You got it,” she says.
A simple latch of the door is all I need to release.
My knees go weak, and I sink to the floor.
This can’t be happening. Burying my face in my hands, I take a few heavy breaths to calm down.
It doesn’t help. I rise to my feet, turn on the sink, and splash cold water on my face.
My head hangs low while I attempt to rein in my spiraling anxiety.
This happens to girls all the time. Periods fluctuate.
It will be here, it’s just a little late.
If that were true, why do I not feel like it is? My boobs aren’t sore, and I don’t have those annoying dull cramps I get a few days before.
Fuck. I need a pregnancy test. Maybe Helen has one? She and Duke always sleep together, and she’s not nearly old enough for menopause.
I yank open the bathroom door and hurry down the hallway to her bedroom.
With my lungs constricted, I head for her bathroom and straight to the cabinet under the sink.
It makes sense why it would be here. I have to push through containers of cotton balls and Q-tips before I find a pink and white box toward the back.
Blowing a sigh of relief, I snatch the box and leave the room. When I return to my bathroom, I notice a text from Jasper. I set the box down and swipe my phone off the counter.
Jasper: Hey, Arizona. I missed you today. What are you up to?
Well, Jasper, I’m taking a pregnancy test.
Me: Missed you too. I’m waiting for Helen to bring back tacos for dinner.
Jasper: How was your day?
It was good until about ten minutes ago.
Me: It was good. We picked up a lot of things for my dorm while we were in the city.
Jasper: That’s great.
Me: How was yours?
Jasper: Busy. We have to do inventory at the shop. Do you mind if I still come to see you even if it’s late?
My stomach flutters as I tap out a response.
Me: Of course. I can’t wait to see you!
Then I toss my phone through the bathroom door. It lands on my bed. I need to take this test before Helen gets home.
With shaky hands, I quickly skim the directions.
It seems straightforward. I rip open the rapper, pinch the handle with two fingers, and lift my dress with the other.
Placing it between my legs, I let a steady stream flow on the testing strip.
I take care to leave the strip in place until I empty my entire bladder. I’d rather be sure.
When I’m done, I put the cap back on and set the test on a piece of toilet paper on the counter.
Okay, ten minutes. No worries.
I fix my dress and pace my room for what seems like a lifetime. I forgot to set the timer, but I’ll know soon.
Finally, after the longest ten minutes of my life, I walk back into the bathroom, holding what’s left of my breath, and glance down at the test.
Pregnant.
Oh my fucking god.
There’s no way.
It’s got to be a false positive.
Panic whips at my back, causing a rush of lightheadedness. This can’t be real!
Just then, I hear the front door open and close. Helen is back, and suddenly, I’m comforted by her presence. I swing open the door to the bathroom, tears rolling down my face. I have to tell her.
Helen handled the news better than I thought she would.
Through tears and minor hysterics, she made me realize this doesn’t have to stop my life and that she’d be here with me every step of the way.
She also reminded me that I have options.
It was a brief conversation, but not something I’d like to consider.
Now I lie in bed, a million thoughts bouncing around my head while even more emotions wreck me. Jasper texted me about half an hour ago, telling me they’d just finished. I’m expecting him to arrive at any moment.
Helen said I should tell him before she said anything to Duke and suggested that the four of us sit down together tomorrow and discuss what Jasper and I plan to do and how they can help us.
A bang at my window gives me a quick scare. I sit straight up to see Jasper hopping down to the floor.
“You know we have a door?” I say. His hair is windblown, and he has shorts and a T-shirt on.
Only Jasper can make dressing like a beach bum sexy.
Maybe it’s not such a surprise he got me pregnant.
I shake my head, pushing away the thought of doing the same thing that got us in this predicament in the first place.
“I know.” He glides his hands along my hips. “But crawling through your window is more fun.”
I bring both arms around the back of his neck and lock eyes with his. “I need to talk to you.”
He frowns. “About what?”
I lightly kiss his lips, then pull away and gesture toward my bed. “Can you sit down?”
“Okay,” he says with a drawl, worried about what I will say.
I sit next to him, shoving my hands between my legs. “Um.” I pause, sucking in a weighted breath.
“What’s wrong?” He extends an arm behind me and leans in close.
I refocus my eyes away from his, capturing the small pineapple lamp on the dresser. “I don’t know how to tell you this,” I begin. Silence. “Jasper …”
“You’re scaring the shit out of me.” He tries to force eye contact, but I keep looking away. “What’s wrong, Avery?”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, throwing my hands over my face. Fuck, that was hard to say.
Jasper removes his arm from behind me and sits up straighter.
Unsure of what to say, I remain quiet, letting him recover from the bomb I dropped.
Without a word, he bends forward, resting his chin in his hands. “How do you know?”
“I took a test,” I whisper.
He nervously runs his fingers through his tossed hair. “When?”
“A few hours ago.”
“Only one?”
I shake my head. “Helen had me take three altogether.”
Jasper audibly sighs and falls onto his back on my bed. “How far along do you think you are?”
Still fearful of a change in his reaction, my limbs remain locked. “I’m not sure, but I think only five and a half weeks.”
“Oh fuck,” he grunts.
The panic I hear in his voice causes my eyes to fill. “I’m so sorry.”
He abruptly sits up. Before I realize it, he wrapped his arms around me.. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because I told you I was on the pill.” I sniff, feeling the weight of my lapse in judgment.
“Look at me,” he gently demands, cupping my face. My teary eyes find his. “I love you, Avery. We made this choice, and now it’s a choice we have to live with.”
“I forgot that I hadn’t refilled my prescription. I’d never had to worry about getting pregnant before, so it wasn’t something I thought about all the time.”
“I know—” he begins, but I interject.
“We have options—” Jasper vehemently shakes his head, interrupting me.
“No. I would never want you to do that.”
A surprising sense of relief washes over me. Do I want this baby? But how can we care for a baby together if I’m in Arizona? How am I going to go to college?
Tears leak from my eyes. “How are we going to do this? We’re so young.”
Jasper presses a sweet kiss on my forehead and then on my lips.
“My life is here in Coconut Grove. I just bought a house. I’m running a very successful business with my dad,” he explains, tipping his head up to meet my eyes.
Boring into them, I feel his love and security.
“You have a substantial inheritance from your parents, and we have my dad and your aunt Helen,” he continues. “It’s going to be alright.”
I hear his words, but my thoughts keep circling back to independence and going to college.
It’s important to me to go to school and make something of myself outside what my parents have done.
I’m not sure if it was being raised all alone that has made me the way I am or the fact that they’ve always made me feel like a burden.
I never want to feel like that again if it takes me the rest of my life to prove I’m enough.
“But what about college?” My voice comes out weak and unrecognizable to my own ears.
Jasper smiles, brushing away the sticky hair from my face. He’s beaming with palpable love. “You can go whenever you want. We have great schools here.”
Rubbing my tear-soaked lips together, I imagine a future with Jasper and a baby. I love him deeply. I could give my baby a chance at a life with loving parents—one I never had. “Okay.”
“Come here,” he commands, nudging me down beside him. I rest my face on his chest. His heartbeat echoes in my ears—a sound I can’t imagine living without. “We’re going to do this together.”
“I’m so scared,” I mumble.
“I am too,” he says. “This is definitely not what I ever thought would happen to me.”
“Me either.” I rub my nose into the fabric of his shirt. He smells like home.
Jasper lifts his other arm and massages his temple. “Fuck.”
“I’m so sorry,” I mutter with guilt. I can’t shake the feeling like this is my fault.
“Avery, this is not your fault,” he says firmly. “We both had choices and played our part in this.” He sighs once again. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Since I was a little girl, I believed I’d forever be alone. I’d accepted that and grew to trust and embrace it fully. But could a life with two others be that bad? Could I even do it? I’m not sure I have it in me.