Chapter 4 Parker
Parker
As soon as Lily walks away I feel like I can breathe again. Seeing her wasn’t on my bingo card for the day. Seeing her look better than my memory allows was even worse. The beautiful blonde I loved so many years ago has grown into a perfect woman. My best friend. My first love. Mine.
But not anymore.
“Come on, can we go?” Ethan complains, pulling my attention back to the present.
“Yeah.” I nod. “Why didn’t you tell me your sister was coming back into town?”
Ethan shrugs. “I didn’t think you’d care to know.”
“Way to look out for me,” I tease sarcastically.
We go out to my truck to head to the fire station.
Ethan had an issue with bullying in school this past year; kids are brutal.
My mom is friends with his and indirectly asked if I could be a friend to him.
I quickly learned he was extremely interested in firefighting.
Every couple weeks we go to the fire station for him to hang out, learn a bit, and have some sort of distraction from the bullshit that is being a kid.
I know I’m going to have to have a conversation with my mom after I drop Ethan off because I have a feeling she knew about Lily coming back into town. But why wouldn’t she tell me?
The drive to the fire station doesn’t take long, our small town only has one stoplight and a lot of farmland. I rest my left arm on my door; the windows are down letting the spring breeze in through the cab.
“So,” I start. “Is Lily’s boyfriend moving here too?”
Saying those words burns my tongue. The only boyfriend I’ve known her to have has been me. Until I wasn’t.
Ethan shrugs again, and I start to wonder if I shrugged this much when I was his age.
“Sounds like she’s staying for a while if she gets a job.”
I try to get any more information from the kid, but he’s not budging. His shoulders rise and fall again and I inwardly groan. “Are you excited she’s back?”
“Yeah, she’s fun to have around. Except when she fucks with me.”
“Language,” I splutter.
“You said I could cuss at the fire station.”
“Shit,” I mumble. “Well, we aren’t there yet. Don’t tell your sister.”
“Why do you care?”
I open and shut my mouth, not about to get into this with him. He was really young when Lily and I were together. I doubt he even remembers. And I’m not about to talk about my past relationship issues with a twelve-year-old.
We get to the station, and all conversations of Lily cease because Ethan is fully in learning mode as he always is when we’re here. My coworkers that are on shift know Ethan and love showing him around, answering all his questions. When we come here, he’s essentially put to work with them.
Normally I’m involved, but today I stand back because my mind is elsewhere. Jeff helps Ethan into some bunker gear that’s going to drown him. I watch, joking along with Ethan and the rest of my coworkers, but all I can think of is Lily being here. In Amity.
Will I see her again when I drop Ethan off? Will I see her around town? I look over at the grooming salon she’s worked at growing up, the once brown sides are now black from the fire. She said she’s a nurse at the ER. Will I see her there if we have to bring someone in?
She’s going to have to face me, and I can’t help but think this might finally be my chance to win her back. She left to go to college, and I couldn’t tell her not to. She deserved more than this town, more than I could give her. Even if I would have given her the world.
We didn’t leave on bad terms, but the next time I saw her when she came home for the holidays that year, she would hardly look at me. The distant memory comes back to me like it just happened.
“Lil, what’s going on?” I ask when we’re finally alone after Christmas dinner with our families. She’s washing the dishes while everyone is in the living room.
“Nothing. What would be going on?” she snarks, tossing a dish roughly into the water.
“Well, those are the first words you’ve said to me all day.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve had nothing else to say.”
The worst part is she’s still not looking at me. I step up closer to her, gripping her hip, and turning her around. That’s when I see the tears welling up in her eyelids, and my heart plummets.
“What’s wrong?” I cup her cheek, but she moves her face out of my grip and looks at the floor.
“You know what’s wrong. We’re done, Parker.” Her voice cracks, but I know she tries to hide it. “Let me do the dishes in peace.”
“What if I don’t want to be done?” I press.
This time she does look at me. Her bright blue eyes are shining with unshed tears, and I want to kiss them all away.
“It’s too late for that.”
I shake my head. “Why?”
Her face hardens and she narrows her eyes. “Think about it.”
She turns back toward the sink, dismissing me, and I’m at a loss because all I know is she left me heartbroken in the middle of the road watching her leave with a ring in my pocket. But this makes me think there’s something I’m missing.
Instead of pushing her more, I walk away.
Ethan calling out to me shakes me out of the memory. “Parker, look!” He’s showing off the giant gear hanging off him.
“You look like you’re ready to fight a fire!” I try to sound just as excited as he does.
He’s smiling widely, but then the alarm goes off signaling a call, and I know this field trip is ending early today.
“Can we go?” Ethan asks, practically bouncing up and down as much as he can in the heavy gear.
“Sorry, bud, not this time.”
He groans, and I move him out of the way of my team that’s about to head out. I help Ethan out of the gear before taking him to my truck where he grumbles about not wanting to leave.
“Will you at least hang out and play some video games with me?”
I think about it. Normally I would say yes anyway, and now that Lily is back, and she’s there. This could be a way to spend more time around her, even if she’s not right next to me. Even if I don’t see her, she’s close enough for me.
“Yeah, we can play a couple games. You better not be a sore loser this time,” I tease.
“I am not,” he scoffs.
“I remember you cried last time.”
“No I didn’t!”
I laugh, driving us back toward his house while he continues to insist that he didn’t cry, and takes losing like a champ. Fun fact, he does not.
We get back to the house; I’m excited and anxious at the possibility of seeing Lily again. But when we walk inside, it’s too quiet for her to be around. The woman lights up a room in more ways than one. And you always hear her before you see her.
“Jizz!”
Kind of like Jerry Lee.
“What does that mean? He yells it all the time,” Ethan asks. “My parents won’t tell me.”
“Ask your sister, I’m sure she’s the one that taught it to the bird.”
Ethan nods. “Yeah, she’ll probably tell me.”
We go downstairs in the basement where there’s a second living room with a couch and TV.
I notice Lily’s suitcase is still sitting there, so I make sure to carry it down for her and set it outside the closed door I know leads to Lily’s old room.
I think about when I would sneak in there at night.
Or when we would sneak out the small window in there.
“You ready?” Ethan bounces onto the large couch with a controller, already starting up the game.
“Ready to kick your ass.”
“Hey, language! We aren’t at the fire station anymore,” he scolds.
I chuckle, joining him on the couch and the game starts up. I don’t beat him this time because my mind is filled with thoughts of Lily, and anticipating the moment she comes down here and I get to see her again. She’s my entire focus, and always has been, even when she’s not around.
That’s why I’m going to get her back, and I’ll never let her go again.