Chapter 12
Lily
I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, picked up and tossed against a wall, then run over by a semi, before being rolled down a hill and then stabbed by a blackberry bush.
Some people call me dramatic. I have no idea why they would say that.
After working night shift and finishing my orientation shifts, I don’t know how long I can handle this. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, but right now my body is screaming from exhaustion. It’s not even like I’ve been doing much physically. The shift in schedule has me so thrown off.
I roll over in the empty bed, not even sure what time it is, but I don’t work tonight and I already feel the life breathing back into me. Even though I’m probably going to be up most of the night now, I’ll have to figure out what I can do to entertain myself while everyone is sleeping.
Maybe Bailey and Sutton will become night owls with me. I guess not Bailey, she has to wake up super early because she runs a coffee stand. But Sutton will have a baby soon, so I’m sure she’ll be up at all hours.
Aaron has never been a night owl. He’s someone that goes to sleep at 10:00 p.m., and wakes up at 6:00 a.m..
He also said he can’t get any work done in the house and has had to find different places to go.
He talked about a coffee shop, but the only one in town in Roasted Bean, which is owned by my friend Bailey and is more of a coffee stand than a full coffee shop.
He must have found somewhere because he doesn’t come back until later in the afternoon.
My parents are also both at work, and Ethan…
well I don’t know where Ethan is, but I don’t hear him.
I manage to pull myself out of bed because my stomach is demanding I eat.
That’s been the other problem with working nights.
I never have a full meal, just a variety of snacks whenever I get the chance.
All I want right now is a vat of mac and cheese.
When I get upstairs Jerry Lee starts barking at me, like he always does. “You want out of here for a little bit?” I ask, opening up his cage so he can stretch his wings.
“Shut up Vern!” he squawks, pulling himself out of the opening, using his beak. He gets to the top of his cage and perches there, celebrating with a loud, “Hot guy, Jameson!”
“You know, Jameson isn’t even here. I think you need to expand your vocab a little bit,” I tell him while pulling out a pot that’s about to be filled with the greatest mac and cheese ever.
He just barks in response, and I think about what could be fun to teach him as I cook the meal that I hope will change my entire life.
“What if I teach you some weird word—Oh! Or, what if I teach you to ask other people for things. Like, ‘Ethan bring Lily gummy worms.’”
“Lily worm!”
“Close enough.” I shrug, continuing to cook the pasta.
“Hi bitch!”
“I could teach you more cuss words. You seem to like those.”
“Jizz!”
“Yeah, like that.”
I finish cooking, and Jerry Lee seems to be entertained enough for the time being, so I’m able to get myself a bowl and stuff my face without needing to hold conversation with the bird. I continue to think of words I can teach him for my own pure selfish entertainment.
He flies over to the window that looks out toward where the horses spend their days. “Hunky Parker!”
“Okay, that is something we’re not going to continue. Don’t be an asshole, how about you say something about Aaron.”
“Asshole Aaron!”
“Shit, no, that’s not what I meant—”
“Hunky Parker!”
“That’s it, you’re going back in your cage, it’s your bedtime.” I push out of the chair while he keeps barking out the window.
My eyes catch on the man riding one of our horses, and I freeze. Maybe I’m more tired than I thought and I’m hallucinating.
“Hunky Parker!”
“Is he really there?” I ask Jerry Lee. Even after I shut my eyes really hard and open them back up Parker is still there, trotting around on Major.
I notice Ethan riding Boone, and it makes a little more sense why Parker is here, but it doesn’t diminish my irritation. “How dare he be here like this.”
“Asshole Aaron!”
“That’s going to need to stop, like now.” I guide Jerry Lee up onto my hand, but my eyes don’t leave the man trotting around on the back of one of my favorite horses.
We used to sneak out to ride the horses when we were younger. I think about the local rodeo at the Strawberry Festival. We would both have our sports, me barrel racing and Parker roping. We seemed like quite the pair. Everyone always said how cute we are.
Were.
We were.
Parker’s head turns toward the window, and I swear he sees me. I duck away quickly to bring Jerry Lee back to his cage.
I toss the blanket over the top of his enclosure, so he thinks it’s night and hopefully won’t bother me.
Just for good measure, I grab my headphones and put them in while I clean up the kitchen.
The music that blasts in my ears has my hips moving on their own while I put on my own personal silent performance as I wash the dishes.
I’m scrubbing a pot, and refuse to look out through the window.
I don’t want to chance seeing Parker again.
Suddenly, there’s warmth at my back, and I think Aaron must have come home early.
I lean back because my hands are deep in suds.
But what I smell isn’t Aaron’s cologne. It’s familiar, but not who it should be.
Turning around quickly, I’m met with the blue gaze of the man I was avoiding looking at. He’s standing too close to me. I lean back completely against the sink, but I’m trapped with less than an inch between our chests.
“What’re you doing?” I snap, ripping the headphones from my ears.
“Trying to talk to you.”
I look down at the minuscule space between us. “And you chose to trap me?”
“You weren’t responding.”
“I had headphones in.”
“Clearly.”
“Are you going to back up?” I question.
“Do you want me to?” He raises an eyebrow, and I know that look. I’m overly familiar with that look. That look has gotten me into many questionable situations with him. That look is a dangerous one when it’s coming from the man standing in front of me.
“No, by all means, please stay here, just like this,” I tell him sarcastically.
He shrugs. “Okay, if you say so.”
“Oh my God, you’re so annoying. Move.” I push against his chest, and try not to let my hands linger there for too long to feel how his body has been honed over the years. He’s bigger, more muscular than before, and I’m sure under his shirt it would show me just how much he’s changed.
He chuckles as he lets me push past him, and I feel like I can breathe again.
“Where’s my brother?” I ask, refusing to turn around and look at Parker.
“He got a little muddy from a fall, so he’s washing up.”
I whip around so fast my hair smacks the side of my face. “He fell off? Why didn’t you say something? Is he okay?”
“Calm down, Lil. He didn’t fall off, he slipped in the mud afterward.”
I huff out a relieved breath. Rationally, I know Parker is more than capable of helping Ethan if he got hurt, obviously, he’s an EMT.
But I also think about him being the same boy that tried to shrug off a broken arm when we were kids.
He was so mad when I tattled to his mom.
Turns out it was broken, so he should be thanking me.
In fact, he still should.
“You should thank me for telling your mom when you broke your arm.”
He huffs out a chuckle. “I should? That was like fifteen years ago.”
“Yes. You should,” I insist, folding my arms across my chest, then quickly realizing it was a mistake because my hands are really wet, and now my shirt is soaked.
“Thank you, I owe you for the use of my right arm.” The way he says it sounds more sensual than it should.
“You’re welcome,” I huff, and then feel the need to leave because being close to him is suffocating me. I want to scream at him but also want to fall into his arms. The longer we’re in close proximity, especially alone, the worse it seems to get.
“Lil,” he calls after me, and I freeze, but don’t turn around to face him. “Are you coming to the first responder’s night?”
“Why would I do that? I’m not a first responder.”
“To watch me of course.” I hear his teasing tone, and I shake my head. “Plus, you know Sutton will be there.”
I turn to glare at him. “Don’t use my friends against me.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “I’ve missed you, Lil.”
My stomach swoops, and I really have to get out of here. Without another word, I turn back around and rush down to my room. As soon as I’m safe inside with the door shut, I lean against the wood, dropping my head into my hands.
I need to get my shit together if I’m going to survive my time here. It’s not fair that he still has this much effect on me. I’ve moved on; I always look forward, not backwards. Then why is it that as soon as he’s around I’m transported right back to being a lovesick teenager.
But I’m not. I’m sure these feelings will fade. I’m sure one day I’ll be able to look at him and not feel like my heart is bottoming out. I just have to stay strong.