Chapter 15 Lily
Lily
I called an emergency girls meeting with Bailey and Sutton.
Jameson is on shift, so Sutton said we could come over to her house.
I didn’t waste any time to rush over there before Aaron comes back from wherever he’s doing his work.
I know from him and Trish that the plans have been submitted for some approval by the government, and apparently no one knows how long that will take.
Half of the structure has to be completely demolished and built again.
The other half that wasn’t as burned gets to keep the framing, but everything else has to be rebuilt.
Which led to Aaron being more annoyed about the uncertainty of the timeline of staying in Amity.
And then there’s me, unsure if I even want to leave again.
When I left for college, I was sure I’d never want to move back. I wanted a big city, busy populations, crazy people walking the streets, shops full of everything you need, and even more things you don’t that are easily at your disposal. Any and every food you can imagine close by.
I experienced that in San Francisco. That, and then some.
And being back has made me feel a million different ways, but lately it’s brought a sense of comfort I don’t know if I want to let go of. It’s also brought doubt, and that’s why I need the emergency girls meeting.
Sutton swings her front door open with a smile.
“I hope you’re ready for me to word vomit because it’s coming. Is Bailey here yet?” I ask, walking inside.
“Not yet, you kind of rushed over here. I told you that it was okay like five minutes ago.”
“Perks of a small town.” I flop onto her couch, but then regret it because the wine in my hand can’t be opened or poured from the couch.
Sutton must read my mind because she takes it from my hand and into the kitchen.
“You’re a saint,” I call after her.
There’s a knock at the door, and I swing my head to look at it, hoping that somehow, I’ve developed super powers that can open it from here. It works because Sutton goes over to open it.
Okay, so it kind of worked, in a way.
I stretch my hand out. “Wine me!”
“Are you really making the pregnant woman bring you wine?” Bailey questions, joining me in the living room.
“I have my reasons,” I huff.
“Are your reasons why we’re having this emergency meeting?” Bailey raises an eyebrow.
Sutton hands me a glass that’s impressively full and I take a large sip while nodding.
“How did you know Jameson was the one?” I look to Bailey. “Same question for you.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say Jameson is the one for me,” Bailey says seriously.
“Hah!” I bark out. “Hilarious. You know what I mean.”
“The thing is, I don’t think you can base your own relationship off our experiences. We all know in different ways. What I will say…is if you’re questioning it then that may be your answer.”
“Damn Bails, that’s deep.”
“Don’t call me Bails,” she grumbles.
“She’s right, though,” Sutton adds. “Why are you asking?”
I take another large gulp of wine. “I love Aaron, I really do.”
“That’s always a good start,” Sutton murmurs.
“I just…he’s not exactly happy about being here, and I think it’s weighing on him. He’s been a little upset. But I also don’t know if I want to go back to California.” It’s the first time I’m admitting this out loud.
“You want to stay?” Sutton asks excitedly.
“I don’t know,” I groan, throwing myself against the back of the couch.
“Would this have any other…outside influence?” Sutton raises an eyebrow. Even Bailey leans forward like she’s wondering the same thing.
“Like what? My parents? Of course they would love for me to stay, but they’re always really good about not being overly pushy about it.”
“I don’t think she’s talking about your parents,” Bailey supplies.
I look between the two of them, confused on what I’m missing before I realize. “Will you two drop it on the Parker stuff please.”
Sutton shrugs. “I’m just asking.”
“No, it has nothing to do with him. I don’t totally hate my job, it’s nice to be around my family and you guys. I weirdly missed Amity over the last few years.”
“Have you told Aaron how you’re feeling?” Sutton asks.
I sigh. “Not yet.”
“You should. Maybe he’ll take it better than you think,” Bailey suggests.
“Maybe.” But something tells me he’s going to take it exactly how I fear he will. “Anyway, enough of that. Where are the dogs? I need some fluffy love.”
“They’re running around somewhere. Do I need to bring them in here?” Sutton chuckles.
“Yes please.”
She goes to get the dogs from wherever they’re off exploring.
“Guess I should’ve brought Sadie,” Bailey says about her golden retriever.
“You really should have. Maybe I should get a dog.”
“You should. Wes has connections at the shelter.”
“I would, but Aaron is allergic.”
Bailey looks like she wants to say something but holds back.
It doesn’t take long before the two beasts bound into the living room.
I open my arms to accept the love from them.
Bennet, Sutton and Jameson’s Landseer Newfoundland, gets to me first, and his big fluffy smooshy face is in mine in a second.
I wrap my arms around his neck and he accepts it.
“Suddenly everything is much better,” I say into his fur.
My hand is nudged, and I let go to give Duke, their blue nose Pit Bull, some attention as well. He crawls his way into my lap, even though he’s too big to be a lap dog. Still, I accept the attention gladly.
Once I feel like I’ve gotten a good fill of dog love for the time being, I unwrap my arms from Duke. “Alright, my friend, I can’t feel my legs.” I try to push him off me but then notice something. “Ew, Sutton, why does your dog have a boner?”
Sutton bursts out laughing, and Bailey isn’t far behind with her own soft laughter as I wrangle Duke off me.
“I wasn’t needing that.” I wipe my hands on my pants and shake my head.
Sutton finally manages to speak through her laughter, “He has an issue…that’s why he was at the shelter for so long. He gets a little excited and sometimes it can get stuck.”
“What do you mean stuck?” I gasp.
Bailey laughs a little harder while I’m horrified.
“If it’s really bad we’ll have to take him to the vet.”
“Maybe I don’t want a dog.” I shake my head.
My friends continue to laugh, and I join in, feeling lighter. I know I’m going to need to tell Aaron how I’m feeling, but at least for tonight I’m able to be distracted by my friends. And dogs getting inappropriate boners apparently.
Once I get home Aaron is already asleep, and I’m grateful for it.
But I have to carefully climb into bed to not wake him.
He grumbles and turns at one point, and I freeze, worried he’s awake.
Luckily, he doesn’t move again, so I’m in the clear.
Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe I’ll talk to him then.
But when I wake up, he’s gone, and so is my confidence. Which is fine, I have time to build it back up. And nothing can do that more than hanging out with a half-ton creature and jumping on its back.
I used to barrel race, and not many people know that Jameson’s mom, Emily, trained me quite a bit. Jameson too, but not for very long because then he left. I’m not up for all that today, but a nice trot seems nice and peaceful.
I take my time tacking up Boone. I have music playing in the stalls, and it helps keep my mind free of all the anxious thoughts I’ve been having.
By the time I lead her out, I feel significantly better.
She’s not the tallest horse we have, but as someone who is five-foot-one on a good day and hasn’t mounted a horse in a couple years I debate breaking out the mounting block.
But momma didn’t raise a quitter. Neither did my dad, I guess, but he’s a man and only gets minimal credit for my successes. Sorry, Dad, love you though. I grip the horn, and Boone’s mane, pulling myself up and swinging my leg over.
“Ah hah!” I exclaim. “I’ve still got it.”
I adjust in the seat and feel my confidence coming back at me full force from being successful on the first try. I let her get warmed up, walking and trotting while we get used to each other again. It’s just like riding a bike, and I’m ready to speed it up a little bit.
We go over to the open spot in the field that’s over several acres, and it’s my favorite place when I just want to feel the breeze as we run. I can tell Boone wants to feel it too.
“You ready?” I ask her.
Even though she’s more than ready, she waits for my signal.
As soon as I give it, she’s off and I let her.
It almost feels like floating; she’s so smooth as she runs to nowhere, but I trust her.
I know she’ll listen to my signals. I even feel like she may be able to sense what I’m going to signal before I even do.
I’m not sure how much time passes; I’m not paying attention to anything other than how good it feels to be out here just me and Boone. As we’re trotting around my phone goes off, and we come to a stop so I can answer it.
“Hello Mother,” I answer.
“Hey, what’re you doing?”
“Just riding Boone.”
“Would you be able to pick Ethan up from the fire station?”
“Uh, why’s he there and why can’t you pick him up?”
“He’s there with Parker.” She ignores my other question, and I furrow my brows at the phone even though she can’t see me.
“Sounds like there’s two other people that could bring him home.”
“I’m stuck at work for an extra hour, and Parker can’t.”
“Why?”
“Lily, please go get your brother.”
“I really prefer to know why I’m doing things,” I grumble, already leading Boone back to the house.
“Because I’m your mom, and I’m asking for your help picking up your brother.”
Just because I like to be difficult, I continue, “What about your husband? What’s he up to?”
“He’s working, too.”
“Clearly you two should’ve thought about that before you decided to have another child. You already had perfection the first time, yet chose to try again,” I tease.
“Right, we had perfection and then about twelve years later thought…we could do that again,” she jokes.
We all know Ethan was an oopsie, but I’m also sure they’ve spoiled the shit out of him, and it doesn’t change how they feel about him. They’ve always been amazing parents to me and to Ethan. That’s why I know she can handle my jokes and hassling.
“Yet, you can’t even go pick up your precious baby boy and have me doing it for you.”
We hang up a short time later. I get back to the barn, and untack Boone, not even bothering to change out of my dusty clothes before driving the short distance to the fire station.
I complain to myself the entire way because I don’t know why this couldn’t wait until my parents are off work, or Ethan could just ride his bike or something. It’s not that far.
I pull up to the parking lot and see the grooming salon next door that causes a pang in my chest. Trish loves that place, and I hate to see it like this. Hopefully it won’t be much longer before the work can really start on it.
The bay door is open, so I walk right in because they all know me anyway. Though, as I walk in I don’t see anyone. I call out for Ethan, but the person that walks out is not my brother.
“Nope, no, no way. I don’t have the energy for you today. Hand over my brother and we can both move on.”
Parker smirks and keeps walking toward me. “I don’t want to move on, Lil.”
I scoff, rolling my eyes. “Yeah okay. We both know how quick you were to move on.”
He’s less than two feet from me when he stops and narrows his eyes. “Last I checked, you’re the one with the boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well we all know commitment hasn’t been your forte lately.”
“And how do you know that?” he questions, but it’s not defensive, it’s more curious and almost taunting.
“Oh please, everyone knows that.”
“What? Do you think I just take any girl that shows me any interest to bed?” He steps closer.
“Uh, yeah pretty much.” I shrug.
I hardly notice how close he is to me now. I try to back away, but I can’t because there’s a wall behind me.
“Maybe I’m just really friendly.” He smirks.
“Oh, trust me I know just how friendly you can be.”
“Does that mean you think about me?”
“Never.” My voice squeaks, giving away the lie.
“You don’t think about how we were together?” He reaches up and moves the hair that’s fallen in front of my eye off to the side. I don’t stop him. Even as his hand lingers longer than it needs to. “You don’t think about what it was like the first time we kissed?”
I swallow roughly. “No.”
His voice drops lower. He’s moved even closer; there’s barely any space between us now and I’m completely frozen. “You don’t think about how it felt?
“Never,” I whisper the lie.
“I do,” he admits. “Maybe we should jog your memory.”
I open my mouth to say no. I really do, but nothing comes out. Parker moves closer, our foreheads almost touching. I need to stop this; I have to stop this. I don’t want this.
Right?
I don’t.
No, I can’t. No, it’s Parker and he hurt me, and a million other reasons why this is a bad idea.
But he’s moving closer, and I’m not stopping him. Not even when his mouth is dangerously close to mine. This would be a mistake, but I’ve made many of those. What would one more do?
“Why’s Lily’s car here?” Ethan’s voice breaks through the haze I’ve found myself in.
Parker doesn’t immediately move away from me. I push against his chest to create some distance right before Ethan sees us.
“Because I’m here to pick you up,” I say as soon as he’s rounded the firetruck.
“Why? I thought mom was going to pick me up.”
I shrug. “Don’t know, she’s the boss and asked me to.”
He groans. “Fine. I’ll see you later, Parker.”
We start to leave, but my name is called. I pause, but don’t turn around because I don’t think I could stand looking at his face right now. His blue eyes that were just looking at me with so much heat I was close to combusting. His body, larger than before, towering over me.
The feeling of rightness having him so close.
“You both should come over one of these days.”
Now I do turn around.
“Why would we do that?” I snap, finally regaining some of my composure.
“My cat hates me, and I could use some help with her.”
“Hah! Of course she does.” I laugh, but don’t answer him because I can’t help but laugh even harder when I think of all the jokes I can make.
Ethan doesn’t seem to find it as funny. We get to my car, and I’m finally able to calm my laughter. We head home, but I can’t stop thinking about how close I came to kissing Parker. And how I can’t find it in me to regret it.