Chapter 21
Lily
Never in my life did I think I’d end up back in Parker’s truck. This bench seat holds a lot of memories. A lot.
There are flashes in my mind of heavy breathing, sweaty bodies, loud moans. The way it felt when he touched me. How it felt to touch him.
But then I think about all the other girls that probably have had similar experiences in this very seat. My face scrunches as Parker climbs into the driver’s seat.
He looks over at me, the smile on his face dims. “What’s wrong?”
“Am I going to catch something from sitting here or have you disinfected?”
He turns the key, starting up the truck, and doesn’t answer at first. I’m about to ask again, or crawl out the second window of the night, but then he speaks.
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’ll let you figure that one out, Lil.”
He starts to drive and I’m not sure where exactly we’re going.
“Do you have another car for your hookups or something?” I goad.
“Nope,” he replies simply. I narrow my eyes in his direction even though he’s not looking at me.
I know I’m bringing down the mood. Normally Parker gives it back to me just as good as I do, but this seems to get to him for some reason. I decide to drop it, for now.
“Where are we going?” I ask instead.
He looks over at me with a smirk. “I told you we’re going to be teenagers for the night. We’re going to all the places we used to go when we were younger.”
I slump back against the seat and look out the window, watching the familiar places pass me by.
It’s amazing how much this town hasn’t changed over the years, but also how it has.
There are the staples, even with people coming and going.
Some places getting new owners, but nothing feels different.
Now being in Parker’s truck again, I really do feel like I’m transported back to being a teenager sneaking out to get into trouble.
Except the last time we did this Parker was my boyfriend, not my friend. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t long before I left and everything changed. Because while the scenery may not change much, my life sure did.
It turned on its axis when I came back after being away for a month and saw Parker with someone else. The image forever ingrained in my brain, his arms around her. The arms that were always around me, were no longer mine. And never would be again.
Yet here I am.
I told him not to make me regret it, but I worry that letting him in at all will have me regretting a lot.
Parker pulls into the small parking lot behind the local ice cream shop, parks and cuts the engine so we’re suddenly surrounded in silence.
I turn my head toward him. “I don’t know if you realize this, but Sharry’s is closed right now.”
“I don’t know if you realize this, but I know where she keeps the spare key.” He winks before climbing out, and I’m not far behind.
This was one of the things we used to do when we would sneak out. Parker’s first job was here, and he picks up the rock next to the back door to reveal the key that’s always there.
“You’d think Sharry would move that by now.” I shake my head.
“She doesn’t change much,” he replies, unlocking the back door for us to enter.
“This is stealing, you know?”
“Not when I leave money.”
“But you don’t.”
He rears back, looking at me. “Yes, I do. I always have.”
I open my mouth to say something but then snap it shut because I don’t know how to respond to that. I always felt bad when we would do this because we were technically stealing, but Parker always reassured me it was fine. And I believed him because I always did without a second thought.
We go inside, keeping the main lights off and using Parker’s phone flashlight as our only light source. Everything seems to be in the same place it was when we were younger.
“Still remember what I get?” I ask as Parker collects two of the premade waffle cones.
“Of course I do.”
I jump onto the counter where the cash register is, my feet dangling in front of me as I watch him. “Just know if you get it wrong you have to take me home.”
He chuckles. “Why? Is this a test or something?”
“Yup, you said we’re being teenagers again. And as teenagers you never got my ice cream wrong.”
“Good point, but we aren’t going to do everything we did when we were younger.
Getting arrested now can mean actual jail time.
” The humor in his voice is evident as he slides open the freezer to scoop out the ice cream.
I try not to stare at the way his arms fill out his T-shirt better than they did when we were younger.
How the tattoos wrap around his skin and send a bolt of heat between my thighs.
It makes me think of the other things we can’t do that we did when we were younger.
“I was never arrested,” I insist to distract myself. “Just brought home by the cops.”
“Three times.”
“It didn’t count,” I lie. “In my defense, I didn’t know it was against the law in Washington to lie about your family being wealthy.”
“You were arrested for being a minor in possession.”
“I wasn’t arrested,” I insist again. “I didn’t get taken to jail, it’s not on my record, henceforth, ergo, not arrested.”
Parker shakes his head, laughing while continuing to put together the ice cream cones.
“And to be fair, I thought saying my parents had money would help my case not make it worse.”
“Lil, the cops knew you and your parents.”
“You’re using a lot of logic over there, and I don’t like it.”
He laughs again, stepping closer to me. I have to fight my legs to stay close together and not let him step in between them. Because I may let him. He holds out the cone between the small distance my knees are forcing between us.
“Tell me how I did.” His voice is deeper, and it’s doing some things to me it shouldn’t.
I snatch the cone from him, and lick around the top to give my mouth something else to do that isn’t blurting out something crazy. I shouldn’t even be surprised that he really did remember. Down to the rainbow sprinkles on top of the cookie dough ice cream.
The mixing of textures is my favorite, the soft ice cream with the crunch of sprinkles plus the doughy consistency when I get a bite of cookie dough. It’s just the way I like it.
“How is it?” I swear his voice drops even more, and I look up at him; even in the dark I see the way his eyes are focused on me.
It has me thinking about something I heard before. My mouth moves faster than my brain can think about what I’m saying. “Do guys really get turned on when a girl eats ice cream?”
Parker sputters out a laugh before leaning forward and licking the top of my treat.
“Hey,” I scold, yanking it away from him.
“I’m not going to answer that because you may not like my answer.” He backs away from me with a smile. “Come on, we have our next stop to get to.”
“Why won’t I like the answer? I asked the question, didn’t I?” I jump down to follow him, but he still doesn’t answer. “Where are we going next? It’s not like we have a schedule to follow.”
“Maybe we do,” he retorts.
“Then I guess we’re done pretending to be teenagers because we never would have followed a schedule back then,” I grumble.
Parker glances back at me with a smile. “Now you’re getting it, Lil.”
I hate to admit how much I missed him calling me Lil.
And how hearing it again has my stomach clenching.
Again, I use my ice cream as a distraction and keep my mouth full as we leave the store.
He locks the door and hides the key exactly where he found it and we get back to his truck.
I don’t let him open the door for me again, doing it myself, hopping inside and feeling sad that it won’t be long until I don’t have the dessert in my hand to distract me as needed.
When we start to drive, I roll down the window to let the cool spring night air flow through the cab.
I stretch my arm outside to feel the breeze as we drive somewhere I’m unsure about.
I keep my eyes up at the sky, finding familiar constellations and trying to make up my own.
One kind of looks like it could be Jerry Lee.
I turn to face Parker to tell him that but see him already looking at me.
“You might want to watch the road,” I tell him.
“You’re much more interesting.”
I sigh, slumping back against the seat. “I know I am. I know I can be a lot sometimes.”
“You’re not, and I swear if you tell me that dickhead said that to you, I’m going to find him, and he’ll wish he just had a broken nose.”
I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and bite down, turning back toward the window so Parker can’t see my reaction.
After another quiet minute he speaks again. “You’re never a lot or too much. You’re perfect.”
I drop my chin into my hand; I know I can’t look at him because I may launch myself into his arms. That’s also a stupid law in Washington apparently. I won’t risk us going to jail for that.
Parker drives us into the empty area that’s so familiar to me, and I can’t believe he brought us here. He cuts the engine, cloaking us in silence; he keeps his headlights on, hopping out of the cab. I hesitate to follow because I think I know where this is going.
We’re really going back to our past if he did what I think he did.
When I walk around to the bed of the truck and see the giant blankets and pillows back there, it takes me back fully. Except Parker is grown up now and looking better than ever as he stands in the bed, stretching his hand out toward me. “You going to join me?”
“I don’t know if I should.”
“Why not?”
“You know why.”
“C’mon Lil, friends just like the old days.”
I sigh, giving in and letting him pull me up to join him. His hand lingers on mine, but I break the contact sitting in the perfect spot where I can lean back to look up at the sky. Parker lays back by me, but not too close, clearly giving me some space.
Neither of us say anything at first. We just lay here with the sounds of crickets around us. I’ve never been good with the quiet, though.
“Do you think I’m heartless because I’m not sad Aaron left?” I ask.
I can feel Parker tense at the sound of another man’s name, but he doesn’t say anything. “You’re the furthest thing from heartless. You made me hold a funeral for a dead squirrel you found when we were ten.”
“Well duh, every life has meaning and deserves to be celebrated.”
“You made me write a eulogy.”
“What’s your point?”
“You’re the least heartless person I know, and I can keep listing examples if you need.”
I shift around, keeping my eyes up at the sky. “No, that’s okay. You don’t need to tell me how great I am.”
He nudges me with a small laugh, and I smile. My mind continues to run as it always does, especially at night.
“What do you think about when you go to sleep?” I ask. “I try to play movies in my head, but sometimes I get distracted and think about things I need to do. Or conversations I need to have, or worse…ones I’ve had.”
Parker doesn’t answer right away. I turn to look at him, and he’s still looking up at the stars, so I take the time to examine his face.
The scruff on his jaw is shorter than his mustache.
I want to feel if it’s rough on my fingertips.
His jaw seems sharper than before, and his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows.
“I usually think about memories.”
“What kind?”
He turns toward me, blue eyes shining even in the low light. I swear they flick down to my mouth for just a second before they move back up to meet my own. “It’s always memories of you.”
I swallow roughly, doing everything I can to keep my voice even. “Which ones?”
“Depends. Sometimes it’s innocent things from when we were kids. Sometimes it’s not so innocent.”
I should know better than to ask for clarification. But yet again, my mouth moves faster than my mind. “What not so innocent ones?”
Parker smirks, scooting closer to me, our thighs just barely touching. “I think you know exactly which ones I’m talking about.”
I swallow again, my eyes look down to his mouth, remembering so many firsts with him.
Everything was new to both of us. First kiss, first time having sex.
Our first everything was with each other.
I never thought there would be a time we weren’t each other’s lasts, but here we are. Though, that could change.
“Which is your favorite?” I whisper between us, noticing how much closer we’re getting.
“With you? Everything.”
Parker’s hand is on my thigh, the warmth there feels like it’s burning through my jeans, and I want him to tighten his grip.
Maybe move it higher. I don’t know how we got this close, but we have.
I feel my breathing start to speed up as our faces get closer.
We’ve been in this position recently, but there’s nothing around to stop it now. Only me, and I don’t think I can.
“Lil.” His deep timbre shoots through me. It’s enough to have me closing the small distance between us as my mouth lands on his.
My hands land on his hard chest while his move to grip my face like we’re anchoring to each other.
A kiss shouldn’t feel this perfect, this right.
I practically lose the ability to sit up and the only thing keeping me from melting onto the bed of this truck is Parker’s hands holding me while his tongue teases the seam of my lips.
I should stop this, but I can’t. Instead, I let him in, knowing I’m letting him in more ways than one.
The fear of regretting this lingers in the back of my mind.
But I don’t want to stop this yet. I can’t.
I want to swing my leg on top of him and straddle his lap, but I hold back.
It’s fine like this, it’s just a kiss. We can kiss and it not be anything else.