Chapter 32
Parker
Jameson and I are cleaning the truck while Jo and Dave are doing other chores around the station.
We have music playing, so neither of us say much.
And my mind is replaying the other night with Lily anyway.
I never wanted to leave that spot on the beach, but when she started to shiver, I knew we had to get back.
She fought me because of course she did. I think she does it just for fun half the time. That’s just Lily. And just one of the many things I love about her.
I get off my shift in the morning, but we have to wait to leave until she’s off her’s.
I plan on driving the whole way and letting her sleep so we can get there, get her shit, and leave.
I’ve never been a fan of big cities and don’t want to linger in one for too long.
Especially in one where she had a life with someone else.
I’ve seen enough of that. I’ve also seen how much happier she is now that he’s gone. The natural glow around her is back.
“I hear you’re taking a road trip,” Jameson says.
“News travels fast around here, doesn’t it?”
“It does when it comes to Sutton and Lily apparently.”
I smile at the mention of her name.
He notices. “Glad things are working out between you two again.”
“Me too,” I tell him honestly.
“Hope you know not to fuck it up this time.”
I scoff. “I won’t. I still have the ring I was going to give her and I plan for it to end up on her finger this time.”
“When were you going to propose?”
“You were living in Florida at the time, old man.” I slap my hand on his shoulder.
He grumbles. “I’ll show you an old man.”
“After we graduated, she went back and forth on where she was going to go to college, and I planned on proposing to her that summer. But then she said she was going out of state and wanted to experience more than just Amity. I knew I had to let her.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, I’m not just some immature little shit you know,” I joke.
“I know you’re not. But I know that’s what you want a lot of people to believe.”
I shrug. “I’ve never cared what people believe, that’s on them. I never felt like I needed to correct them.”
“And it made you almost lose Lily.”
My jaw clenches. “But I didn’t.”
“Just know if you fuck it up again, I have to be on her side.”
“Hey, wait, that’s not fair, you’ve known me longer.”
“No I haven’t, but it doesn’t matter. I love Sutton and she loves Lily. My alliance is with them,” he says it so easily.
I almost say I love Lily too but hold back because the first time I say those words again it has to be to her, not to my coworker. “Well, it’s good that I won’t fuck it up.”
“I know you won’t.”
We finish washing the truck and I go inside to lay down for little while.
I can’t think about the day Lily left, how it felt to watch her drive away with the heaviness of the ring in my pocket.
How I wanted to chase her down. How every day after we would talk and I came close to begging her to come back.
I forced distractions on myself. I think about every time I was with friends and a girl would be around me.
I should’ve kept them at arm’s length. I’m mad at myself that I don’t know the day Lily saw me.
It was the day that changed everything and I don’t even know what it was.
I can’t remember much about the girl she saw me with.
I don’t know what she was wearing, if her hair was up or down.
I can’t picture her smile or what she smelled like.
But then I think about Lily the day everything changed with us that shifted from friends to more.
I remember every single detail of that day.
What she was wearing, her white sweater hung off her shoulder while her blonde hair was loose.
She had side bangs that would fall into her eyes.
Her jeans were tight on her legs down to the ankle boots she had on.
I remember exactly what happened like it was yesterday. We were with our respective group of friends and I suddenly heard her.
“Smash, easily.”
I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I can’t help it with how loud she is. It’s amazing she’s able to stay quiet enough that we can sneak out of her house sometimes. I want to hear what they’re talking about, but I can’t hear the rest of her friends as easily.
That is until I hear my name, then I’m straining to hear what’s being said.
“Try again,” Lily says.
“Boo, you’re no fun,” Rachel complains.
“I’m going to head out, guys,” I tell my friends.
As I walk past Lily she leaves her own group, skipping to catch up to me, bumping her shoulder against me once she does. “What’s up?”
We walk outside together, and I ask on a soft laugh, “What were you doing?”
She shrugs.
“Why’d I hear my name?” I try.
She twists her mouth and doesn’t answer, even as we get to my truck and I give her a pointed look that has her rolling her eyes.
She throws her arms up before opening the passenger side door and climbing inside. I join her and refuse to start the truck until she answers.
“Are we going to sit here all day or…” She still won’t look at me.
“We can. Unless you want to just tell me what that was.”
“We were playing a stupid game, take me home.”
“Why was I involved?”
“Parker, take me home,” she says again.
I start the truck, but don’t drive toward her house.
Instead, I go to the open field we come out to in the middle of the night.
The late nights we can’t sleep and drag each other out of our houses without our parents knowing.
The place we turn up the music as loud as it can go in my old speakers and dance around like nothing matters.
The spot we lay in the truck bed looking up at the stars, naming constellations, making up our own.
Sometimes I’m just looking at her. Watching how excited she gets whenever she finds the big dipper.
It’s the place I really started to realize I was falling in love with her.
My best friend. My Lil. But I’ve been too scared to say anything because if she doesn’t feel the same then it would ruin our entire friendship. And I’m not going to do that.
“This isn’t home,” she huffs as I park.
“Nope. I’m still waiting for an answer,” I push.
“It was just smash or pass, jerk.” She rolls her eyes.
“Why’d I hear my name?”
“Because Rachel thinks she’s funny.”
“Why?”
“Why what, Parker?” she snaps, finally looking at me.
Her blue eyes are blazing as they glare at me. Her lips look so soft, I want to know what they would feel like against mine. Lily thinks I’ve kissed someone before; I lied when she’s asked, but I haven’t. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone that isn’t her.
“Why did she say my name?”
“Because…” Her voice trails off and I wait for her to continue. She looks down, breaking the eye contact and I want it back. I hook my finger under her chin to guide her eyes back up to mine. She takes a sharp intake of breath at the action but doesn’t move. Neither do I.
“Because why?” I ask, my voice deeper than I think I’ve ever heard it before.
“Because everyone thinks we’re…you know.”
“I don’t.” I shake my head.
She mumbles quickly. “Everyone thinks we’re together or we should be or whatever.”
“You didn’t answer her, though.”
“Nope.”
“Will you answer me?”
Her voice squeaks. “What’s the question?”
“Smash or pass?” I smirk.
Her cheeks darken, and she tries to look away, but I don’t let her, gripping her chin to keep her looking at me. Her mouth opens but then shuts quickly and she’s moving so fast out of my grasp and out of the truck.
I follow her to the hood where she’s standing with her hands on her hips.
“Why’re you doing this?” she snaps. “There’s no right answer.”
“Oh there’s a right answer,” I argue.
“Not if we have different ones.”
“Do we?” I step closer to her, closing the distance.
“I don’t know, last time I checked I couldn’t read minds. But even if I could I don’t think I’d want to be in yours. I don’t even want to imagine all the gross things in that teenage boy brain of yours.” She shivers and I just laugh.
“I doubt it’s any worse than yours.”
Lily will usually say anything that pops into her mind. I don’t even need to have a superpower to know what she’s thinking. Except right now.
“Oh please, I’m not jacking off into socks.”
I shake my head. “Neither do I.”
“Will you just take me home?”
“Not until you answer the question.” I take another step closer.
“Parker,” she breathes.
Another step.
“Lil.”
Another step.
We’re less than an inch apart; I’m much taller than her, but I lean down to be even closer.
“It would change everything,” she whispers.
“Would that be a bad thing?” I whisper back.
“It could be.”
“Or it could be the best thing we’ve ever done,” I counter.
“It could be,” she repeats as I raise my hand to cup the side of her face. My heart is racing. She’s not stopping me. This is really happening.
I’m about to kiss Lily, my best friend. The only girl I’ve ever thought about is right here and she’s not pulling away or stopping me.
“What’s your answer, Lil?” I whisper when our lips are so close I can practically taste her minty breath.
Her hands find my shoulders just seconds before she starts to speak, but I cut her off with my mouth landing on hers.
And in that moment my entire world shifts.
I pull her closer into me and try to hide how much I’m shaking with nerves as I kiss her harder.
When she wraps her arms around my neck, lips parting, I tentatively push my tongue into her mouth, and she accepts the move easily.
It's all just easy.
In this moment I know everything has in fact changed. But it’s changed for the better, and I never want to go back.
When we break apart, I can’t help myself. “Still not going to answer?”
Lily lets out a loud laugh that has her head falling back. “Smash, obviously.”
I take her mouth with my own once again, swallowing her laughter. I can easily say this has become the best day of my life. But something tells me it can only get better from here.
The alarm goes off signaling a call, and I jump up, ready to go.
It’s funny how on that day a younger me didn’t know everything we’d go through.
One thing I knew even then is that I’d still love Lily to this day.
And that even being apart hasn’t stopped me from falling more in love with her every day.