Chapter 7 Tilly
TILLY
“You look absolutely perfect,” Daphne says as she wraps her arms around me. “I’m so happy you’ll finally be my sister.”
“I love you,” I whisper in her ear before she pulls away. I don’t speak louder, not trusting my voice at a moment like this. I’m liable to start weeping, but it wouldn’t be the first time today.
“You now have three sisters,” Delilah says, elbowing Daphne out of my embrace and taking her place. “We’re a family now.”
It’s funny how life works out. In a heartbeat, I went from it being just Roger and me to a family with so many people, my heart couldn’t be any fuller.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve all this,” I say softly, touching the corners of my eyes before my vision has a chance to blur.
“You deserve this as much as the rest of us,” Bianca tells me, pulling a tissue from her small purse and offering it to me. “Don’t ruin your makeup, babe.”
I take the tissue and blot away the happy tears. I feel like an idiot because I’m crying from joy and I haven’t even walked down the aisle yet.
“We’re going to give you a moment alone. We’ll be outside when you’re ready,” Daphne says, shooing everyone toward the doorway before they can protest.
Butterflies fill my stomach as I step in front of the full-length mirror and blink a few times. I never thought I’d be here again, wearing a dress made of decadent lace and the smoothest silk, and getting married.
The door opens, and there’s a small gasp. “You’re so pretty,” Tate says as she stands in the doorway at her grandmother’s side.
She looks like such a little princess in her light pink lace dress, which matches mine exactly, and her crystal tiara I bought for her to wear today. This day is just as much about her and Brax as it is about Angelo and me. Their world is going to change forever, as will mine.
I turn, motioning for her. “Come here, sweetheart.”
Tate and Brax have been a shining light in my life, along with Angelo. I’ve been trusted with their well-being, helping to raise them, and to love them. Tate has taken to me as if she were my own, and I love her as if she came from my body and of my blood.
She runs toward me and wraps her tiny arms around my body, smashing her face into my dress. “I’m so happy,” she says, her voice muffled.
“Can you give us a minute?” I ask Betty, wanting to talk to Tate before the wedding.
“Sure, dear.” Betty gives me a quick nod before closing the door, leaving us alone.
I take Tate’s hand and guide her toward the couch. She practically jumps into my lap, not caring that we’re all dressed up, ready to walk down the aisle. She swipes her long brown hair away from her face and stares up at me with her big blue eyes.
“Are you ready?” I ask her, holding her tight.
She nods. “I’m so happy,” she whispers again, barely containing her excitement, but she’s shaking.
“How’s your daddy?”
“He looks so handsome.” She smiles.
Angelo looks handsome in everything he wears. The man wears pajama pants like nobody’s business, and when he’s shirtless…don’t even get me started.
“Is he okay?”
She nods quickly. “He’s excited too.”
“Are you happy?” I ask, because nothing is more important to me than this little girl’s happiness.
She turns in my lap and places her hand on the exposed skin above my sweetheart neckline. “I am.”
“Good.” I squeeze her tighter, kissing her plump cheeks, careful not to smudge my lipstick or leave any behind.
Her fingers find my diamond pendant. “Brax and I have a question,” she says, sounding so grown-up.
“Anything, baby.”
She glances down for a second and shifts. “We want to know if we can call you Mom.”
My vision blurs. Never in a million years did I think this kid was going to ask me that question just before I walked down the aisle. My heart races, and my chest is so full of joy and love, I’m not sure my body can take much more.
“Would you like that?” I can barely get the words out without bursting into tears.
Tate nods. “We need a mommy.”
My heart breaks. Literally breaks for this little girl, sitting in my lap, begging for me to be her mother. There’s nothing that would give me greater joy, but I also don’t want her to forget she has a mother. Although I’ll always be here, I can never replace the woman who gave birth to her.
“You have one, sweetheart.” I brush her hair off her shoulder. “She may not be here with you, but she’ll always be yours.”
“Cole has two mommies.” Cole’s her best friend at school, and he does, in fact, have two mommies, but no daddy like Tate.
“Yes, he does,” I tell her, but I don’t say anything more. I reach out and cup her face in my hands. “I’d be the luckiest woman in the world to have you as a daughter, Tate. Nothing would make me happier.”
“So that’s a yes?” she asks with so much hopefulness in her eyes, I can’t help but nod. Her little body vibrates with excitement. “This is the best day ever.”
“It’s almost time,” Roger says from the doorway, looking stunning as always in his pristine and overpriced suit. “Are you ready?”
“One second,” I tell him before returning my full attention to Tate. I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. “I love you, Tate.”
“I love you too, Mommy,” she says before wiggling out of my arms and dashing to the door right past Roger.
The tears I’ve somehow held in start to fall, growing in intensity as the power and importance of her last words hit me.
“Oh shit. Don’t cry. You’re going to mess up your makeup.” Roger stalks toward me, pulling a tissue from the box sitting on the table near the doorway.
“Did you hear her?” My words come out garbled because my face is scrunched up in the worst ugly-cry expression ever. It’s not pretty, and I’m glad she waited to say those words until we were alone.
Roger nods. “Kid’s got timing.” He laughs as he bends down and hands me the tissue.
I press the soft cotton to my face, careful not to smear my makeup, which I’m sure is already running down my face. Roger reaches into his jacket and fishes out two envelopes.
“I have two letters for you today.”
I raise my eyebrows, and I know the floodgates are about to break wide open.
“One from your past and one from your future,” he says as he places them in my hand. “Take your time reading them. The people will wait.”
“Look at me,” I say through my tears, noticing the mascara all over the tissue.
“I’ll get Martin back here. He’s the best drag makeup artist in Chicago. He can fix your face.”
I laugh and cry at the same time, tightening my hold on the envelopes.
“Breathe, Tilly.”
I inhale, trying to calm myself down, even though there’s no use. Whatever’s inside these envelopes will undoubtedly do nothing to make the tears stop falling.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Roger pats my hands before walking toward the door.
I stare up at him and take another deep breath. When he leaves, I glance down at both men’s handwriting, trying to prepare myself for the emotional ass-kicking I’m about to receive.
I place Angelo’s letter in my lap before carefully opening the envelope from Mitchell.
Tilly,
This isn’t a goodbye. A love like ours will never have an end, existing like the greatest galaxies in the universe, but on different paths.
Today’s your wedding day. Something I thought about when I made arrangements in case something unexpected happened to me. I knew you’d grieve my absence, close yourself off from the world, but I hoped Roger would help keep you going, reminding you of all the reasons life is so wonderful.
If you’re reading this letter, you’ve found love again. I no longer have to worry about you being alone. I can finally rest, knowing you’ve found someone to love you like you deserve to be loved.
Just know I’m happy. Today should be filled with celebration and not sorrow. Stop mourning what you lost and look forward to all you’ve gained.
We’re lucky to have one great love in our lifetime. I was blessed the day I found you. But you’ve found something rare again. Hold on to that. Cherish it. Give your all and remember the preciousness of each moment.
I’ll be with you today and always. You may not see me or feel me by your side, but I’ll watch over you until the day you take your last breath.
As you take the first steps down the aisle, look to the future and not the past. Let go of the hurt, bury the sadness and grief deep, and move forward to your future.
Live life well.
Be fierce.
Love strong and deeply.
And know I’ll always love you.
Yours Always,
Mitchell
“I love you, Mitchell,” I whisper as I fold the paper carefully. “Always.”
Moments of our time together flash through my mind, playing like a sped-up movie reel. So much love. So much happiness. Then the grief of knowing I’d lost him forever.
I lift Angelo’s envelope and close my eyes as I tear open the paper.
Tilly,
As you walk down the aisle today, know I’m only looking forward to our future. Although our dark pasts have brought us together, forging a love and understanding no other two people can fathom, our souls will be joined eternally in love and happiness.
Our pasts define us. We cannot wipe away what happened or forget about what we’ve lost. Mitchell and Marissa will always be a part of who we are and the guiding force that has brought us together.
Today, I take you as my wife, making you mine forever and giving myself to you completely. Not only am I giving you my soul, but my family too. Tate and Brax are completely in love with you, and I know you’ll love them as if they were your own.
I will always protect you from anyone who wishes you harm, and shelter you as best I can from any pain until I take my last breath.
Thank you for coming into my life and opening your heart, showing me that love is possible again. I thought my heart died that day, but you’ve brought me back to life and made me whole again.
Now, come to me, my love. We have a future to live.
I love you, Tilly.
Yours,
Angelo
I’m almost hyperventilating, barely able to make out the final line with my vision filled with tears. How is a girl supposed to walk down the aisle and not look like a hot mess after two letters like that? It’s impossible.
I let the tears fall, allowing the sadness of Mitchell’s words to seep into my veins before embracing Angelo’s wishes for what our future holds.
“Oh shit. Honey, this is a code red,” Martin says as he sashays into the room, holding a makeup bag that’s bigger than most carry-ons. “You need to stop, or I’ll never be able to fix this.” He places his hand on my chin, moving my face side to side.
“Is it that bad?” I sniffle like it’s somehow going to make all my puffiness disappear.
Martin grimaces. “No. It’s doable,” he lies.
I close my eyes and groan. “I look awful.”
Martin places the bag on the floor and kneels before me. “Look at me, sweetheart,” he says softly.
I open my eyes and glance at the man sitting in front of me, who, by the way, has eyelashes every girl would envy.
“You are beautiful, and when you walk out of this room, you’ll look fierce.”
I want to argue. Fierce isn’t exactly the look I was going for on my wedding day, but I guess it’s better than a puffy hot mess, which I no doubt look like now.
“Do your magic.” I muster a smile.
Ten minutes later, Martin hands me a mirror and stares at me. “I should win an award for this masterpiece,” he says with the biggest smile.
I stare at myself, unable to believe the work he’s just done. I barely look like I’ve shed a tear. “You’re a genius.”
“Darling, tell me something I don’t already know,” he says before opening the door to where Roger’s waiting. “She’s ready.”
Roger’s gaze moves across my face as his mouth drops open. “Damn, Martin. I knew you had it in you.”
Martin runs his finger down Roger’s tie. “You owe me, big boy.”
“You know I’ll pay up,” Roger says with a wink before looking over Martin’s shoulder at me. He clears his throat and steps to the side. “Are you ready? Everyone’s waiting.”
I rise to my feet, take a deep breath, and head toward my future.