Chapter 26
Emery
Distraction was my savior. The key to my survival.
Seeing Ville for the weekend had been amazing, but when he left, it made things even harder on me.
I never said a word. Not to him, not to anyone.
I just went about my day, doing everything I could not to acknowledge the soul deep ache.
I was pining, I knew it, but I was determined to persevere.
But with each week that passed, I got closer to my breaking point.
It got worse when he’d texted about the shooting.
Knowing it was a through and through, that Kamon would recover quickly and with no issues, and that that the person who had done it had been arrested, only helped a little.
He’d had to spend a long time reassuring me that the threat was over and they weren’t in danger.
I missed Ville so badly I physically hurt.
The triplets were born the day after Thanksgiving via a scheduled cesarean at thirty-five weeks.
Demi had gone on bed rest at twenty-eight weeks, doing everything she could to carry them as long as possible.
We were lucky that there weren’t any serious complications during the pregnancy—which was a miracle in and of itself really—but their first few days of life were somewhat touch and go.
Quinn rallied first, but then again, he’d been bigger than his identical twin sisters.
Violet gave us a real scare on day two, but a quick-thinking nurse had placed her in Rowan’s isolette and that had gotten both girls’ vitals to stabilize.
Quinn got to come home right before Christmas, and Violet and Rowan were released a few days after New Year’s.
Demi and Luke realized that their three-bedroom house in town was not big enough for their family, and took my parents up on the offer of land to build their dream home.
The acre they chose was on the east side of the property, off the easement, and though it wasn’t complete yet and the whole family was taking up residence at the main house, it was nearly done.
Mal and Crew decided it was time to build their house as well, and they’d broken ground close, but not too close, to Demi.
They were talking about expanding their family as well, which we were thrilled about.
Fern and Gemma went in together to buy Demi’s house, and Ora moved in as well.
Gemma asked for noise cancelling headphones for Christmas.
I’d moved into the cabin between Crew’s and Russ’s, so that there was plenty of room at the house.
But with Judson and Kee finishing up college, Isley in his last year of vet school, and Bodhi moving into the apartment he’d built above the admin building over at the Yellow Ribbon, it really hadn’t been necessary. I just wanted to be in “Ville’s” house.
Between the babies, the moving everyone around, the chaos of three toddlers, the new construction, and my never-ending work where it was easy enough to pick up overtime, I was plenty distracted and too exhausted at the end of the day to think much.
It was hardest during the European leg of the tour, as the time zones were all messed up.
Ville and I missed each other more than we connected.
It was during those weeks that I got the closest to breaking.
I wasn’t sure if that meant breaking down or breaking up, neither of which I really wanted to do.
As much as I loved that man, and I did with everything I was, I knew I wasn’t cut out for long distance.
I needed Ville here, holding me close, keeping me grounded in my own body, and he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.
When the tour came back to North America, Ville called me as soon as they landed and the relief at hearing his voice after several days of only texts, nearly made me bawl.
“Come to Miami,” he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. “It’s gotta be all snow right now there, since it's February. I bet you could do with some sunshine.”
My laugh was watery. “I need to see you more than I need sun.”
Ville let out a rumble that was at least part laughter. “So come here.”
I had to do some shuffling of shifts and make some big promises to my coworkers, but I got on the plane Wren sent.
Ville was waiting for me when I disembarked and he strode toward me, all power and intense focus. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but he grabbed me up tight, not caring who was watching, and squeezed me until I could breathe again.
The first night, we didn’t get out of bed.
We ordered room service, and in between the fucking and the making love, we ate and filled each other in on everything we missed.
I was sated and sore the next morning, and I chuckled at the way Ville hobbled to the bathroom as though he pulled something.
It turned into outright laughter when he shot me a dark look and the finger.
“Like you’re any better,” he grumbled, but I saw the sparkle in his eyes. “With the way I pounded your ass, you’re going to walk with a hitch in your giddyap.”
I lost it then, bent over, howling with laughter. I finally got myself under control when I heard the shower turn on. I didn’t want to miss being in there with Ville and made myself get out of bed. There was definitely a hitch in my step.
Ville welcomed me into the warm water with a grin, and I kissed him gently before giving him a smirk. “You’ve spent too much time around country music, I think.”
“Wren doesn’t make that kind of country music,” he defended as though it had been a criticism.
“But Neon Horizon does,” I said, mentioning the band that was Wren’s opening act.
Ville just grunted, and after he washed my hair, he placed a sucking kiss on my neck. I was sure I had bruises and hickeys everywhere.
“It’s going to be a boring day between sound check and everything else, but I want you with me, okay?”
I about melted right there. “Of course.”
I was better when I went back home, and it was easier on my mind when I knew Ville was only a plane ride away.
Even though I hadn’t mentioned how hard everything was, Ville seemed to understand it anyway, and he made more of an effort to video chat every day.
We didn’t always make it, like the night the show ran late in Toronto, but it was better.
But still, as May warmed up the world, I found myself slipping back into the melancholy that being apart caused.
It was harder to fake the smiles and the cheer, but I did my best. When I caught Mom staring at me one morning over breakfast, I finished quickly and headed outside.
I had no real destination in mind, but somehow found myself hanging on the fence to the pasture where the mares and foals spent their turn out.
I had always loved watching the foals. They were so gangly and awkward, trying to figure out the world, and I adored how protective the mamas were.
Well most of them, Maggie Smith was the sort to let her babies learn their own lessons, only stepping in when it was truly needed.
Imelda Staunton was a helicopter mom until her foal was at least three months old, then she mellowed out.
I startled when an elbow landed next to mine on the top rail, and I cut my glance sideways to see Crew had joined me.
He’d been so busy with foaling season, and building the new house, that I’d barely had a chance to talk to him in the past few weeks.
I bumped him with my shoulder and he leaned into me for a second in return.
“Any keepers this year?” I asked, keeping my voice low. Judi Dench and her foal were only a couple of yards away and didn’t want to spook the baby, who was only a few weeks old.
Crew jerked his chin in the direction of Imelda Staunton, who had her foal clear on the other side of the pasture. “Dad named that one Ian McKellen.”
It took me a few seconds. Then I turned to him, eyes wide. “Since when do we keep colts?”
Crew shrugged, but a little smile played around his lips.
“You know he’s always been partial to that line, a big fan of Maggie Smith and Imelda Staunton, and their babies.
The sire is a grand champion himself, incredibly good minded, and the three- and four-year-olds that are showing now are winning across the board. Plus, look at him.”
I couldn’t really see him that well, considering the distance, but I clocked that the foal was a bay roan and well put together. If he had good confirmation and had a good mind, he would make a great stallion.
“We wouldn’t keep him here though.”
“No,” Crew agreed with a head shake. “We’ll see how he turns out, train him as we go, look for someone to show him, and if he gets to keep his bits, he’ll eventually stand at a stallion barn. Dad has one or two in mind, but that’s years down the road.”
Dad must have seen something special in that colt, and Crew had to have agreed, if they were willing to try.
We’d had plenty of colts born on the ranch since Dad began his breeding program, and while some he’d held on to for a while to see if they were actually stallion prospects, they always got sold eventually.
“So. You going to tell him?”
I blinked at Crew, trying to figure out what he was talking about. My mind was firmly on the colt, and I had no idea what I could tell anyone about that. “Tell who what now?”
Crew shot me a look like he thought I was stupid. “Ville. About how hard this is on you?”
I was ready to deny it. To put up the front I’d been doggedly hanging on to.
But I knew it was useless. I knew I hadn’t been doing a good job of hiding it.
Not completely. Crew was more observant than not, except maybe when it came to Mal in the early days, and my older brother always had a keen eye when it came to his siblings.
I let out a long sigh. “No.”
This time, the look was disapproving. “Emery James, you have to—”
“Nope.” I gave him a light shove. “Our situation is unchangeable at the moment. I’m not going to make it harder on him. He needs to focus on keeping Wren safe.”