Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
CHASE
The last six days had been nothing short of a dream.
Each night, I fell asleep with Elena in my arms. And each morning, I woke the same way. There was nothing else I needed in the world, other than maybe to press my lips to hers, slide my dick deep inside her.
Despite the urges that were always right there, simmering under the surface, we were rebuilding—this time, with a much more solid foundation, one built on mutual trust and respect and boundaries instead of the chaotic entanglement of desperate passion and unresolved issues.
We’d danced dangerously close to the ledge before, letting our desires cloud our judgment, but now we were forging a different path.
Gone were the impulsive nights fueled by reckless abandon and the shadows of my past that had lingered too long.
This time, every touch held purpose; every whispered promise echoed with sincerity.
I loved her even more now than I had then.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t hole up in her house and talk, cuddle, and watch movies all day, every day—despite how much we both would have loved to. Elena was working hard at the hospital, and I was juggling meetings, lessons at the resort, and my nightly cleaning duty at the cidery.
I’d even managed to save up a little money—money I’d put aside for a very special purchase. One I’d make as soon as possible.
This afternoon, I was doing my part to contribute to our household.
I’d all but moved in after Christmas, so the least I could do was grab groceries between shifts.
I wandered the produce section of Harbor Pantry, our small local grocery store.
I had my earbuds in, listening to the Untoxicated Podcast based on a recommendation from Jackson.
It dealt a lot with how intimacy and addiction intersect, and exploring recovery-related relationship challenges.
Elena had even listened to a few episodes with me, and her support—her willingness to meet me where I was—was humbling.
My cart rammed into the banana display as I was jostled by an arm slung around my shoulders.
I reared back in time to see an unwelcome face.
Jared’s mouth was moving, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying with the podcast still playing in my ear.
I plucked the AirPods out while simultaneously shrugging off his extremely unwanted touch.
“Oh, shit.” He chuckled. “Did you hear me?”
“No, but no need to repeat yourself. I’m not interested.”
Jared scowled. “Come on, dude. Don’t be like that.”
“I’m. Not. Interested.”
“Such a fuckin’ pansy, whipped by some hot doctor pussy.”
Before I did something stupid, like break his fucking jaw, I abandoned my cart by the bananas and hustled out of the store.
When I was just a few steps from the door, I heard Jared laugh and shout, “If you change your mind, New Year’s party is at Cody’s tonight!”
The harsh winter wind whipped at my face the moment the automatic doors whooshed open, and I stepped toward Main Street. Fortunately, my destination wasn’t far. I zipped my Carhartt up to the neck and booked it across the street, making it to Callaghan’s in under sixty seconds.
I pushed through the door and let my eyes adjust to the dim bar light. This place had once been a second home to me; I spent the better part of my week ponied up to this bar and even passed out a few times right on its sticky surface.
Kai was behind the bar with his back to me. I stepped up and knocked my knuckles twice against the wood top. He turned and raised a surprised brow. “What can I do for you, Chase?”
My eyes scanned the liquor bottles behind the bar while Kai’s narrowed in on me.
I swallowed hard. “Meeting?”
In an instant, his shoulders dropped. He placed the glass he’d been polishing behind the bar and tossed his rag toward the sink.
“We’re closing early,” he shouted. There were only three people here this early in the afternoon, and they were all regulars. “You can settle your tabs tomorrow. God knows you’ll all be here.”
His jab was met with laughter; a year ago, I’d have been sitting right next to them, laughing along, too.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said as Kai rounded the bar. “I could have waited.”
“Nah, there’s a meeting in thirty at the hospital. If we leave now, we’ll make it. Let’s go.”
“How ya doin?” Kai asked as he drove us back to Sable Point after our meeting. Unfortunately, Elena had been with a patient when we passed through the ER to try to catch her, so I’d have to wait until tonight to give my girl a hug.
“I’m all right. He caught me off guard, more than anything. Then he just had to go and bring Elena into it.” I shook my head. “Guy’s such a fucking douche.”
Kai grunted in response. My bartender-turned-sponsor and likely-to-be-brother-in-law in the near future was a man of few words. But, despite my initial reaction to him and Charlie, he was good for her. Hell, he was good for me, too.
“Need me to drop you at the orchard?”
“Nah, I’ve been staying with Elena.”
Kai’s brows rose at that.
“We haven’t fucked.” I winced at the crudeness in my own words.
“I’m taking care of her, of course, because she’s pregnant and needy and damn, she’s fucking sexy as hell carrying that baby.
” I was rambling now. “But I just don’t know if I’m ready, man.
Maybe I was addicted to sex, too? I don’t know.
I just don’t wanna fuck this up. I haven’t even fucking kissed her since a few days after I came home.
Nope. Just get her off with my hands and my tongue and—”
“I get the picture.”
I chuckled. “Right. I get it. Definitely wouldn’t want to hear about your sexy times. Shudder.”
That earned me a smirk from my baby sister’s stoic boyfriend.
“Look, Chase,” he said. Then he took a deep breath and did a very Kai thing—strung together more words than normal to make his point crystal fucking clear. He’d done it for me after the accident, and here he was, again, proving that he was the best fucking sponsor I could have asked for.
“We can all see how well you’re doing. You’re putting in the work.
You’re making the right choices. But this is a marathon, not a sprint.
You’re never going to be magically cured.
This is something you will live with for the rest of your life.
It’s a daily struggle. Don’t get me wrong, it does get easier.
But this is a part of who you are. You need to stop punishing yourself for what happened in the past and let yourself move forward.
Let yourself heal. It seems to me you may never be fully healed until you truly get your girl back.
And I get it. Believe me, I do. Just don’t lose yourself in the process.
Remember what’s important. Remember what you almost lost and the work you put in to get to the other side.
But enjoy your life, man. You’ve done the hardest part.
You can reward yourself a little bit now. Just not with booze.”
“Well, shit.” A sudden weight lifted off my chest. It felt damn good to know that, from the outside looking in, I was doing okay. Hell, I was doing better than okay. I was crushing this sobriety thing. “When you put it that way…”
My hands were clammy as fuck.
The last time I remembered feeling this way, I was praying to the porcelain gods—purging the sins of my past in the first few weeks of rehab.
Tonight’s sweat wasn’t from booze, drugs, or withdrawal.
Nope.
Tonight, it was nerves.
Because at midnight on New Year’s Eve, I was going to kiss my girl.
I had Kai drop me off at Harbor Pantry after our meeting. With a plan brewing, I skipped the usual staples and zeroed in on the essentials I’d need for tonight.
Sparkling grape juice. A champagne-scented candle. Cheesy party hats and noisemakers. A bouquet of flowers.
She didn’t own a tablecloth, so I made do with a white bedsheet draped over the kitchen table like I knew what I was doing. The candle was lit. The flowers sat in a clear drinking glass. And front and center? My makeshift charcuterie board of beef jerky—Elena’s pregnancy craving—Cheetos, and M&Ms.
I stepped back, surveyed my work, and grinned.
Fucking nailed it.
Headlights flared in my periphery as Elena pulled into the driveway. Despite salting the hell out of it, the snow from earlier in the week had left it slick as shit. I flung open the front door and bounded down the porch steps—sock-footed and grinning—to meet my girl as she climbed out of her SUV.
“Oh! Hi!” She giggled, reaching for my hand. “Well, this is a nice welcome.”
“Didn’t want you to slip, Sweetness. You’re carrying precious cargo.”
“Chase, where are your shoes?”
“Inside.”
She tried to play the hard-ass, rolling her eyes, but I caught the smile tugging at her perfect, plush pink lips. God, I couldn’t wait to kiss her.
We moseyed up to the still-open front door, slowly and carefully. Elena stepped inside—and froze.
“What is this?”
“It’s New Year’s Eve, baby,” I said, grinning. “We’re partying.”
She didn’t move, just stood there blinking at the flickering candlelight and beef jerky charcuterie like I’d performed a goddamn miracle. I jogged over to the coffee table and grabbed one of the stupid party hats. But when I turned to crown her with it, I stopped cold.
Tears streamed down her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said, voice cracking on a sob.
That was all it took. I dropped the hat and rushed her, arms wrapping tight around her trembling body.
“Shh, Sweetness. Don’t cry. I’m sorry. You’re probably tired. If you wanna go to bed, that’s fine. I’ll tuck you in. We can eat the snacks tomorrow.”
“No.” She sniffled. “I’m not tired. Well—yeah, I am—but that’s not why I’m crying.”
I pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. “Then why are you crying?”
“This is just—” Sob. “So—” Sniffle. “Sweet.” Wail.
She slapped her hands over her face, and I couldn’t help it—I laughed.
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“I’m sorry,” I said, still grinning like an idiot. “You’re just so fucking cute.”
I reeled her back in, her face still buried in her hands, smooshed against my chest. I ran a hand up and down her spine, slow and steady, until her breathing evened out and the tears stopped.
“You okay?”
She looked up at me and nodded. “Thank you. No one’s ever done something so sweet for me.”
I smoothed a hand over her hair and down her dark ponytail, giving it a gentle tug. “Anything for you. Wanna put on your hat?”
Elena grinned up at me, and my heart stuttered. She was so fucking pretty. She put on a good show, sure—but this woman, my woman, was tender-hearted to her core. She’d spent so long holding herself together, staying safe.
Now she was letting me in.
And I’d never stop being grateful. For her. For us.
“You hungry?” I asked, running my hands up and down her coat-clad arms.
“Starving. But I feel gross. Can I shower first?”
“Oh, fuck, of course.” I helped her out of her coat and tossed it over the back of a chair then knelt to peel off the ugly-as-sin clogs she wore to the hospital.
“Thanks. I’ll be quick.”
Elena hustled down the hall, and I flopped onto the couch, rubbing my hands against my thighs. Fuck, I was nervous again.
My knee bounced incessantly, which reminded me—my socks were soaked.
I leaned down and peeled them off, chucking them toward the front door.
Then I sighed and shook my head. Not the place for wet socks, genius.
I stood, picked them up, and padded barefoot into the laundry room to toss them in the washing machine.
By the time I made it back, Elena was walking down the hall toward the living room.
Her dark hair was wet, her head tilted as she toweled it off.
Long, tanned legs stretched out beneath tiny pink sleep shorts, and a white tank top clung to her round belly.
Her dark nipples were visible through the thin fabric, and I had to adjust my now-very-hard cock.
She was fucking breathtaking.
“So much better,” she said as she approached.
I cleared my throat. “Mhm. Yeah. I bet.”
“You okay there, sir?”
I groaned. “Elena, please. Do not call me sir.”
“Like that, do ya?” She waggled her eyebrows. That playful sparkle in her eye? It wrecked me. She’d been gifting that to me more and more, and it reminded me of the early summer—when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Laughing. Cuddling. Fucking.
God, what I wouldn’t give to go back and do the months that followed those over.
But I didn’t have a time machine.
All I could do was move forward. Do better. Earn back her smiles, her laughs, her kisses. Her love.
“Alright, troublemaker. Let’s eat.”
“Um, I believe you promised me a hat.”
“And you’d be correct.” I held up a finger. “One moment.”
I darted over to where I’d dropped her hat earlier and scooped it off the floor. With a flourish, I placed the cone atop her damp head and gently stretched the elastic under her chin.
“Perfect,” I whispered.
Elena’s gaze dipped to my lips. Fuck, I wanted to kiss her. But I had a plan—for midnight.
With a hand on her lower back, I broke the spell and guided her to the table.
“Bubbly, madam?” I asked, holding out the bottle of sparkling juice.
Elena giggled. “Yes, please.”
We snacked and chatted for the next hour. She caught me up on the chaos in the Ashford ER, and I told her about my run-in with Jared and the impromptu meeting Kai had accompanied me to.
“I’m really proud of you, Chase,” she said, her smile morphing into a yawn.
“Come on.” I stood and offered her my hand. She let me guide her to the couch then curled up on my lap as I pulled her favorite microfleece blanket over us. “Rest.”
I grabbed the remote and turned the TV to New Year’s Eve Live with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. We still had a few hours until midnight, and Elena and I laughed as the hosts did shot after shot, getting increasingly unhinged.
I didn’t miss it.
I didn’t need it.
I could laugh and have fun and be happy—with her—without a single drop of alcohol.
After a particularly awkward interview with 50 Cent, I looked down and found Elena fast asleep against my shoulder. I muted the TV and let the room fall quiet. As the countdown began, I made a silent resolution—to do everything humanly possible to give this woman and our daughter the world.
And when the clock struck midnight, I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her.