16. Pineapple Does Belong On Pizza
16
Pineapple Does Belong On Pizza
LEIGHTON
The Little Women Chat:
Kaia
Emergency sister call in 10.
Alice
You okay?
Kaia
Everyone is in one piece. Just need ears. All hands on deck.
I’m looking at you @Jeanne.
Hadlee
Can we make it 20? I’m right in the middle of something.
Kaia
Fine. Don’t be late.
Hadlee
Rude.
Elora
Like she’s wrong, Hads?
Elora
@Jeanne
Can I at least get an agenda?
Alice
What am I preparing for? Are we destroying someone, or planning a yoga retreat?
Elora
Two very different hats to wear.
Jeanne
Still pregnant, sissy?
Hadlee
Oh look, it breathes.
Jeanne
Do you have any idea what time it is here?
Kaia
Where is here?
Jeanne
Tokyo.
Hadlee
Makes sense.
Jeanne
What’s going on?
Elora
Yes. Still incubating the little man. Brex had Emma, but I am, evidently, enduring an elephant’s gestation.
Hadlee
Maybe he’s just his daddy’s duplicate, and he’s too busy overthinking the proper birth strategy to come out.
Elora
*Middle finger emojis*
Alice
Anybody else notice that mating season was rather fruitful this year?
Jeanne
Jesus, this family.
Kaia
Anybody with mom?
Alice
What? Who’s going early? Dammit, I thought Pax was first down tonight, and Leigh flies out tomorrow. Did somebody add Brex on the chat?
Jeanne
*thinking emoji* This is our only sacred bio-sister space.
Alice
Why do we need mom on the call?
Wait a damn second.
*Narrow chicken eyes gif*
Is somebody pregnant?
Hadlee
Yeah, Elora.
Alice
HahahahaHA. What ELSE would we have an emergency girls-only call for?
If somebody got promoted, we’d be bragging on the main chat.
Rubbing the guys’ noses in it.
Jeanne was clueless, so she’s obviously not coming home or something.
Jeanne
Hey, also rude.
Alice
No. This screams women problems.
Elora
Where the fuck is Leighton?
Ollie’s chat
Leighton
I need you.
“Sissy, you’re going to be fine. We’ll all tackle this together.”
I was vaguely aware that I nodded, but my eyes were trained somewhere very, very far away. Through the floor of my bathroom and about three thousand miles north, in a hospital room that smelled like alcohol, panic attacks, and death.
“We’ll find the best high-risk OB in the city,” Kaia vowed, squeezing my fingers where they hung limply off my knees. “If, of course, you want to keep it.”
“I’m keeping it— them ,” I snapped, that concept finally yanking me out of my stupor. “I’m keeping them. Him. Her .” I scowled. I was not boy mom material.
“Okay. So do we need to call OBs or cardiologists first?”
“Both?” I guessed, still feeling beyond dazed. “I don’t know, I’ve never thought about this. OB, I guess. Make sure she’s okay in there before I worry about potential cardiac complications.”
There was something unspeakably staggering about finding out something “impossible” might have, indeed, been possible. I guess Audrey Hepburn was right, after all. Part of me wanted to fly back to Alaska just to punch that stone-faced knob goblin of a doctor square in the nose for speaking with such authority when, clearly, he might’ve been wrong. But the rest of me was terrified that the jackass had been right, and this wouldn’t be sustainable. That I’d lose her, just like the rest of my dreams—because that seemed to be how things went for me.
That Ollie would hate me when it happened. That I wouldn’t be able to keep our baby safe.
I wasn’t one for internalized misogyny, but for fuck’s sake, living with the idea that my body couldn’t do the one thing females of every species—well, except for seahorses, the adorable backwards weirdos—managed to accomplish had been a devastating blow.
Hell, I’d never even had a man, and I’d still carried that weight like a curse. Not because I wanted to please a man someday, or provide an heir like some Regency-era queen, but because I loved our packed house growing up.
When Rhyett, Jameson, and Broderick won their championship game, the entire football team lifted us girls onto their shoulders and carried us around like town royalty.
I loved that my brother’s geeky best friend once hoisted some asshole up by the scruff of his collar and dumped him in a trash can to defend me. The sound of forty people reuniting over pumpkin pie and coffee every holiday.
I’d wanted that.
Terrified or not, if this pregnancy was viable, it was a gift I never thought I’d get.
“Reviews are mixed on this one, but his cesarean rates are the lowest in the city,” Kaia murmured, swiping through her phone. “Allegedly terrible bedside manner, but his complications are basically non-existent due to his willingness to trust mom’s body and baby. Oh—this reviewer says he’s autistic. That explains the bedside manner-to-competency ratio. I like him. Personally, I don’t care if he’s nice to talk to. I care about how quickly he can get baby out if you need him to. Let’s schedule a consult.” She scrolled again. “This lady has fantastic bedside manner and her stats are pretty solid, although she’s more prone to interventions. Do you even care about that at this point? I mean, we already know there’ll be extra precautions either way.”
My nose stung as I blinked away the fog in my vision, trying to focus on my sister’s glowing face. Kaia had always been the gentler, more polished of the two of us—but there, in my fancy bathroom lighting, she looked luminous. Her eyeshadow made our gray-blue eyes pop. It was the tight pinch of focus between her brows that had my throat thickening.
It would be okay.
If the doctors said we were safe, I would figure this out. Land on my feet. And this baby would be so fucking loved, she’d have no idea what to do with all the excess.
“Well?” Kaia demanded, her eyes snapping to mine.
“What?” I breathed.
“Honestly, Leigh, I love you, but take a cold shower or something, because we need to focus. You’re probably what—nine-ish weeks?”
Halloween was almost eight weeks ago. I nodded.
“And the father? Do you want him involved? I will take this to my grave if he was some rando in a bar bathroom or something. Not all of us can be Rhyett with his one-in-a-million fucking luck.”
A little giggle bubbled out of me as something like hope bloomed in my chest. “He wasn’t a rando in a bar bathroom.”
“Oh. Okay… and… do we like this not-a-rando?”
“So much,” I admitted, my lip wobbling.
“Oh.” The word was perky, but the pitch was not. It was the same one we both got when we were lying through our teeth. That was hurt, masked in enthusiasm. “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.” There it was. “Hell, I had no idea you’d even popped your cherry.”
“It’s new,” I said lamely, earning a deadpan fit for The Office . “And I’m pretty sure I popped that thing on a tampon in college.”
“Two—don’t be technical. You know what I meant. And one —obviously not that new. Nine weeks, sissy? You’ve been keeping this from me for nine weeks? Oh my god, the Turkey Trot. No wonder you were such a bitch.”
“ Hey! ”
“What? You about snapped my neck when I asked where the tent was . And you were dizzy! Oh my god, Pax put us all on Leighton Watch because he thought you were hiding cardiac symptoms.”
I mean… same.
“I wasn’t keeping anything from anyone. There wasn’t anything to tell. Our situation is complicated. I don’t ask for a play-by-play of the dicks you’re riding.”
She beamed. “Your loss. I’ve had some spectacular hookups. If you ever need to get railed, the Bomber roster is ripe for the picking.”
“Oh my god, Kaia.”
“ What ? Look at their asses in those pants and tell me I’m wrong.”
“No interest in baller ass, thanks.”
“Again. Your loss. But this isn’t about me. My eggo isn’t preggo. Tell me how the hell this happened.”
“We hooked up on Halloween,” I admitted.
“That tracks. But why haven’t I met him? Or heard an inkling? Since when do we keep secrets?”
“We didn’t actually start dating until… well… last night was our first official date.”
“And who is this mystery man?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Don’t you think I should tell the father before I go spreading the news all over?”
“Sure. Yes. Very good,” she said solemnly. “But I’m not all over . I’m your other half. We are a package deal. Two-for-one special. Two musketeers.”
“About to be three.” I smiled weakly.
“Ha—good one. My point is, this turd burglar better get real comfy with me being all up in your business, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“What does that mean?”
“That I’ll stay,” she said with a shrug. “You’ll be due what, in July-ish?”
“That sounds about right,” I muttered, discreetly counting it out on my fingers.
“So I’ll stay after snowbird season ends.”
“Kaia, what about work?”
“I can find clientele anywhere. That’s the magic of social media.”
“You’re serious?”
“Bitch, like you wouldn’t do the same if the roles were reversed, and— ohmygod .” Her eyes rounded comically.
“What?”
“You went home with Oliver Hart on Halloween.”
“What?”
“Alice said he drove you home because you’d been drinking. Pax said you seemed fine. Ohmygod , you didn’t let him drive you home because you were drunk. It was because you wanted to climb that man like a tree and— apparently —you did just that, and now you’re carrying a Hart heir or heiress and?—”
“Lord have mercy, breathe , Kai.” No wonder Ollie always cut me off. Did I sound this unhinged when I connected dots?
“Oh my god, I’m right . Alice has said for months there was something going on there.”
“Alice doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“She said that little suit-daddy has had a thing for you ever since you told off big suit-daddy.”
Apparently, Alice had a much bigger mouth than she let on.
“There is nothing small about Ollie,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
“Oh my god!” She slapped my shoulder, ignoring my pointed ow as she cackled and kicked her feet in the air.
“You look like a circus seal.” My words only made her laugh harder. “Or a creepy-ass fucking clown.”
“Well done, sissy. I never thought two of us would bag a Hart.”
“I haven’t bagged anything. He’s just… Ollie.” My face flushed at the memory of what ‘just Ollie’ had done to me last night. There was no coming back from that . Not ever. “God, I hope he doesn’t hate me.”
“Hate you!? I don’t think he’d be parking his stallion in your barn if he hated you.”
“Hate sex is hot.”
“In books and movies, sure. But you two? No way. That man is so smitten, it’s ridiculous.”
“How would you know?”
“He looks at you like lunch.”
Welp. She had me there. I buried my face in my hands. “You’re the fucking worst.”
“You love me.”
“Debatable.”
“But seriously. How could he hate you whilst churning your butter?”
“Ew. Stop with the food analogies, please.”
“Fine. Just trying to lighten the mood,” she said, rolling her eyes as she stood and reached down to haul me up by the wrists. “Answer the question.”
But I wouldn’t get the chance.
It sounded like someone rammed into the wall—and then a fist slammed on our front door three times in rapid succession.
My hand flew to my chest, heart hammering, as Kaia scowled and marched toward the noise.
I was five paces behind her when she flung open the door to find an uncharacteristically rude Oliver Hart.
“Where is she?”
“Well, hello to you too, suit daddy.”
“ Leighton , Kaia. Where is Leighton? ”
Kaia gestured in my direction with a dramatic flourish, but Ollie was already moving, his eyes locking on mine before he collided with me, wrapping me up in his arms and crushing me to his chest. His face tucked into my neck like he couldn’t get close enough, his breath ragged.
I barely had time to register the disheveled state of him—his shirt half-buttoned, his hair tousled—before guilt sank sharp teeth into my stomach. I’d left. Just... left him.
I’d always been a solitary processor, but I hadn’t stopped to think about what that would do to him.
“You answer your phone after a text like that, Leigh. Are you trying to kill me?”
“Sorry,” I whispered into his chest, my body melting into the safety of him.
“Don’t be sorry. Be safe .” His voice cracked. “What’s going on?”
“Wait. How the hell did you know I wasn’t her?” Kaia barked from behind us.
“Please,” he muttered into my hair, still holding me like he had no plans of letting go. “You look nothing alike.”
Snorting, I mumbled, “We’re literally clones, Ollie.”
“Bullshit. You might share DNA, but you hold yourselves differently, and she doesn’t have the scar over her brow. Your skin is marginally darker, and your eyes are way brighter.”
“Rude,” Kaia muttered.
Then, so only I could hear, Ollie whispered, “And she’s not mine .”
Le swoon .
God, I hoped he didn’t hate me for this—because this man might very well be it for me.
Finally steadying, he pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes, gently adjusting my loose tee back over my shoulder.
“I was right this morning, wasn’t I?”
Studying the fear in his eyes, I searched for any trace of betrayal. Was that what was hiding under the panic? I hoped not.
Unable to find my voice, I nodded.
Silver flickered in his eyes just before he cupped my face again and kissed me—fierce, claiming, achingly tender.
“Are you safe?” he murmured, pressing a hand over my chest, right above my scar.
“I haven’t seen a doctor yet, so I don’t know if the pregnancy will stick or not.”
“That’s not what I asked, Leighton. Are you okay to do this? Do you want to do this?”
Tears burned my eyes, and my voice cracked. “Yeah. I do.”
He nodded, like he was trying to commit the moment to memory.
“And it can’t hurt you?”
“I mean… the squeezing a human through my vag probably won’t feel great.” His scowl told me he didn’t find me very funny right this moment. I just told him I was carrying his child, and it was my heart he covered with his palm like he could keep me safe. Like what mattered in this equation was standing right in front of him. Jesus.
I lifted my hand to cover his. “Are you ever going to ask me what happened?”
“Are you ever going to feel safe enough to tell me on your own?”
A watery laugh slipped out, but the sob that followed startled both of us.
We turned to Kaia, where she stood crying into her hand, her other arm wrapped tight across her ribs. She waved us off, shaking her head as tears overflowed from her eyes.
“You said you hooked up on Halloween—I didn’t realize you guys were in love ,” she sniffled.
“Irrevocably,” Ollie said simply, and I nearly lost it again.
Kaia sniffed hard. “Listen, after that display, I’m team Ollie. When the guys give you shit, tell them to fuck off—I’ll handle it.”
“Kaia,” I warned, narrowing my eyes.
She threw her hands up. “Sorry! I’ll see—see—myself out.”
“Thank yooooou. And please, can we keep this between us until I know what’s going on? I don’t need everyone henning me to death.”
“Of course. Totally.” She gathered her things, sniffed again, then grinned. “For what it’s worth, I think this is great—you’re both great. Together? My god.”
“ Kaia !”
“Sorry! Bye!” The door clicked shut behind her.
We both exhaled.
Ollie kissed my forehead, then drew back slightly. “Okay. So. The test is positive.”
“Tests,” I corrected. “Plural. Three, to be exact.”
“Okay,” he repeated, the tone suddenly businesslike, like I’d snuck into one of his conference rooms. Steady. Like he was bracing for impact. His hands slid down my arms to lace with mine. “Tell me what you need.”
My lip wobbled. I was so tired of crying, and yet here we were again. “I need you to know I didn’t do this on purpose.”
“Leighton,” he said, his jaw tightening.
“I swear, Ollie, I would never?—”
His lips crashed into mine, rough and possessive, and when he pulled back, his voice was firm.
“So help me, if you ever put you and Carly in the same category again, there will be hell to pay.”
“I just know what she did to you. And I don’t want you to feel trapped. I swear, I will never?—”
“Jesus Christ, Touble.”
“That’s one,” I whispered.
He chuckled against my lips, brushing his thumb over my cheek. “First of all, you’re acting like you’re in this alone.”
“I just don’t want to be another obligation.”
He kissed me again—slower this time. “Breathe, baby. Good girl.” Then he tilted my chin up, holding my gaze. “I told you last night I’m in love with you. And while part of what I love is that you’re the anti-Carly, that is not why I fell.”
“No?”
“No, baby. The only thing the two of you have in common is that apparently I have fire-breathing sperm that dissolves latex.”
A watery laugh burst from me. “ Ow .”
“I believe you, Leigh.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “The idea that you’d do something like that would never have even crossed my mind.”
“I didn’t stab the condom box.”
“What?”
“That girl at the bar said she would.”
His eyes narrowed. “Jesus, Leighton. No. I don’t think you orchestrated this.”
“But—”
“That kiss was too sloppy to be planned.”
“Hey!”
“It was the hottest moment of my life,” he said, completely unapologetic, “but entirely… well, you . Us . Unplanned. Con-artists are usually more subtle.”
“But Carly…”
“Taught me some very hard lessons,” he said, voice low and steady. “This is why I’ve paid a small fortune to my therapist, Leigh. My ex is a textbook narcissist. Luckily for me, money can buy the best shrink in the city—and I never loved her. She was a necessity. Nothing more.” He took a breath, then added, “Which brings me to my next question. Who do I need to call?”
“Ollie—”
“And don’t tell me you’ll handle it alone. That phase of your life is over. We do this together.”
“It can take months to get into a cardiologist,” I hedged, the weight of reality settling on my shoulders.
“ For …?”
I cleared my throat. “I had a mitral valve prolapse. Collapsed on the soccer field junior year. It was… a whole thing. Surgery, lots of flights to Anchorage and Seattle, specialists—zero out of ten, do not recommend.”
“But you’re okay now?” His voice softened, but the tension in his jaw told me he was cataloging every word.
“I should be. I’ve been asymptomatic since the surgery six years ago. My annuals have looked great. But with the pregnancy—and the hormone issues—they’ll probably want to keep a close eye on things. I think.”
“Okay,” he said immediately, no hesitation. “I’ll get you the best people.”
“Kai already started digging.”
“I’m sure she did.”
“She found a few she liked.”
“I’ll take her research into consideration while we do our own.”
We . Our.
He said it so easily. Like we were already a team.
“The family is going to riot,” I murmured, finally admitting the fear that had me wringing my hands raw.
“Then they’ll have to deal with me,” he said flatly. “Because no one—no one—is doing or saying anything that stresses out my baby’s mama.”
“You’re insane, you know that?”
“And you love it.”
“Yeah,” I admitted with a watery smile. “I do.”
I love you .
I love you.
I love you.
It sat right there on the tip of my tongue. But saying it now—after this week, this morning, that test—it might feel like I was saying it because of the baby. Because he showed up. Like he’d earned it by swooping in wearing his Oliver Hart super suit, or because I was pregnant and scared.
And that kind of love needed the right moment. Something big. Something mine.
“I’m gonna make some calls,” he said, stepping away with a kiss to my forehead. “Between Grey and me, we’ve got a few favors to cash in. I’ll find someone.”
“Okay,” I whispered, voice trembling as he disappeared toward the converted guest office.
But then he turned, glancing over his shoulder—right at my wringing hands. “Oh, and Leighton?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re going to be the most incredible mother.” His voice cracked a little. “That’s all I ever wanted for my kids.”
The Little Women Chat:
Kaia
*Waving white flag gif* Abort Call. I got her to relent.
Elora
Wait. What?
Kaia
Pineapple DOES in fact belong on pizza.
Jeanne
I hate you. I’m going to bed.
Jeanne
And blocking this number.
Kaia
It was very heated!