Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
ECHO
W e sit in the hot bath that he only agreed to take if I joined him. Like I would tell him no when I feel we might be on the upward trajectory. I revel in the closeness of my back against his chest as we sit with our fingers laced together. His casted arm rests propped on the side of the tub while he begins to move our interlocked fingers across my stomach. The movement slightly tickles, but I remain still as he continues.
“Have you ever thought about having more kids?” he asks, sending a shiver down my spine.
I begin to stutter, unsure if it’s his breath against my skin or the question causing my reaction. “Sure, in a perfect world,” I admit with a shrug, trailing my free hand down the top of his thigh.
“Huh,” he says, pulling his hand from mine. “And what would be a perfect world?” I hear the agitation in his question and regret ever answering him in the first place.
I sigh. “One where I’m not the only parent ninety percent of the time.” He wasn’t wrong when he said Dylan isn’t his, but he also hasn’t been around to even be a father figure. His body tenses beneath mine and a coldness settles in as he pushes up from behind me, groaning in pain as he does. “Let me help you,” I say as I stand and reach for his arm.
“No,” he yells, voice sounding like thunder, rattling the walls. I jump back, retreating from him.
“Fine, figure it out yourself.” I grab a towel and wrap it around me. “But don’t blame me if you bust your stubborn ass on the floor.” I wipe away the tears and head for the door.
“Echo, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, the water splashing as he sits back down in the bathtub.
I turn around to see my husband hunched over with his knees pulled to his chest. His body heaves with cries of brokenness I’ve never heard from this man of mine. I practically slide on my knees the short distance to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into me. I don’t know what he’s been keeping inside. I just pray he can get it all out.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he admits through ragged breaths.
“Shhh.” I rub his back, trying to calm him down.
“I just find myself getting so angry, and I don’t know why.” He looks over at me, eyes filled with agony, pleading for understanding. I move my hand to his face and cup it, offering what he needs. “I don’t know if it’s the pills, the pain, the experience, or the situation that’s pushing me over the edge.” He shakes his head as if he’s trying to rid the demons. I want to ask about it all and pick at his brain to see if it’d help but feel it might have the opposite effect. I want to ask about the rest of his unit, but I refrain. I keep the possibility of Dustin being injured in the back of my mind, knowing that if he were, Lynsie would let me know. But also knowing he has a family to take care of him, while I’m essentially all Brian has.
“You need to talk to someone.” I let out a shaky breath. “And while I’d love for that to be me, I don’t think I’m going to be what you need to get through what you experienced.”
He nods in agreement.
“Now let’s get you out of this tub.” I kiss his forehead and pull him against me again for a hug.
“I love you. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.” His admission ties my heart in a knot.