Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
DUSTIN
M ore than anything, I wanted to lie next to her and watch her sleep all night. I wanted to at minimum lie on the floor next to the couch to protect her. But seeing the ring on her finger sobered my mind, bringing me back to reality before my head was too far in the clouds. So instead of staying close to her, I stayed up finishing the porch and left before I could get my hopes up even further. Yesterday was perfect, which is the problem when the situation at hand is anything but.
I know Lynsie told me to be whatever Echo needs, but there’s too much on the line for me to keep tiptoeing around. There are far too many unknowns. I’ve kept my distance all day, which has proven to be extremely hard when you naturally gravitate toward someone. I drove two hours one way just to be intentional with the space, but as I’m pulling back into town, I drive straight to the person I’ve been avoiding.
I have to know.
It’s time to pull the Band-Aid off.
I knock on the screen door.
Echo walks up, smiling like she’s been waiting all day to see me…which I'm sure she has. “Hey you,” she says, pushing open the door. “Hey you,” she says.
“What happened that night?”
Her smile falls from her face as I catch her off guard.
“Which night?”
I raise a brow, encouraging her not to play dumb with me.
“A lot.” She leans back against the entrance to the office and stares at me. Her gaze darts to the ground as apprehension consumes her before finally letting out a heavy sigh. “Apparently, my dad had been on the fence about moving us back to Oklahoma because Brian’s father had been diagnosed with cancer and they were in need of a new pastor. Finding us together that night solidified that decision for him.”
As if I only take one thing from what she just said, I reply back with the most chick question ever. “So Brian? You knew him before me?” The idea of him having stronger ties to her than me stings a bit.
“Yes, since third grade.” She looks over at me and clarifies. “It was never like that…until it was. Our marriage began as a convenience. He was my escape route from my parents.”
“I thought I was supposed to have been.” I can’t hide the hurt in my voice.
“I thought so too. I came back. I needed to tell you. But when I got here, you were already gone. Your mom was so distraught that I couldn’t tell her. When she said you joined the Army, I knew the chances of ever finding you again would be damn near impossible.”
As things start clicking together, I feel my anger rising. “Tell me what? That you were marrying your childhood best friend like I never existed?” My voice booms more than I anticipate. Echo’s eyes widen, but she doesn’t jump. Which is good because I don’t plan on coddling her.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I came back here before ever reaching out to Brian. He was my only option. I only married him because I was pregnant.” Her eyes plead with mine. I see the tears forming and I don’t care. I want them to spill over.
“Wow, you wasted no time.”
Bang. Bang. Bang.
My eyes cut to the screen door, and I laugh. “Well, well, well. Lookie there. Mr. Convenient decided to show up.” Brian swings open the screen door and walks in with a cane. I notice the limp he’s trying to hide, but he’s too focused on the situation at hand to do a good job at it.
“What the hell, Echo? You take off in the middle of the night without a word and run back to your first love?” Brian says, glaring at the two of us. I want to be pissed, but his admission renders me speechless.
“It’s not what it looks like,” she replies, looking absolutely defeated at this point. As if the last thirteen years have sucked the fight out of her and she’s deciding to throw in the towel. She lets out a heavy sigh, pushing herself off the wall. Then her stance changes and it’s as if the fight returns. “Wait, you knew this entire time?” she questions Brian.
“Knew what?” He attempts to play dumb.
She steps closer to him, almost pinning him to the screen door. “Knew who Dustin was to me. Knew he was injured and didn’t tell me.” She jabs a finger into his chest.
“Yes.” He looks down, not willing to fully own up to his mistake. “It all came together right before we were injured.”
Echo paces the space between us almost as if she’s doing eenie meenie minnie moe to pick between us. “It all makes sense now,” she whispers.
I want to ask what, but this new turn of events revolves strictly around her and Brian. I’m just an innocent bystander.
“The injury, the unknown with your career, the pills, the drinking…” She stops in front of him. “You being a complete asshole, talking down to me, making me walk on eggshells in my own house.” Her voice rises with each statement. “It was all because you knew Dustin would be back in my life?”
Okay, at this point, I feel like I’m intruding on a married couple. But I can’t help but wonder what she means by I’d be back in her life. Just because our worlds had collided again, didn’t mean we’d become a permanent fixture in one another’s life.
“It’s everything. It all became too much. My career, all I’ve ever known is up in the air because of the nerve damage in my leg. Besides you, it’s all I’ve ever had. And I only had you because of it.”
Damn, I want to hate Brian, but right now all I can feel is empathy for him. Because same, bro. Same. No matter who she ends up with, she’s not receiving a whole man. She deserves someone who is complete, and knowing that’s not me torments me.
“You don’t treat something you want to keep like shit and expect it to stay,” Echo says flatly before walking out the door, letting the screen slam behind her. I want to chase her, but it isn’t my time. This isn’t my fight. More than anything, I want her to be mine, but on her terms and not because she’s confused.
Brian finally makes eye contact with me, and I watch as his gaze travels down my arm to where my hand should be, and he winces.
“Listen, man,” he starts. “You saved my life, and I never got to thank you.”
I head toward the front door, stopping in front of him. “You sure aren’t acting very thankful to be alive.” His body begins to sag, and I get the feeling that standing for this length of time is probably painful for him. I lean in, mere inches from his ear. “You lay a finger on her and you will wish I had let you die. I didn’t save your ass for you to come back and be an ass.”
“Why did you save me?”
I push open the door and step onto the porch. “Lack of judgment.”
I hurry down the steps, hoping to catch Echo before she takes off, not wanting us to end on bad terms. And not wanting to add to the shit plater she’s already getting served by her husband.
Brian walks out with his head hanging low. I watch as he limps with his cane and feel partially responsible for his injury.
“You’re riding back with your mom,” Echo yells over her shoulder. As if he knows he’s lost the war, he just says okay and walks to the car he arrived here in. An older lady with short gray hair holds the door open for him while he slowly climbs in. I can only imagine the blow to his pride all of this has been. Brian is in a shit position. We all are.
She walks around her car and leans her back against the driver’s side door, facing me. With her arms crossed, she stares off into the distance. Dusk has settled in, and little specks of stars are starting to appear.
“Asshole for an asshole.” She laughs. “Those seem to be my options.”
I want to disagree, but she’s right and nothing I have done proves otherwise.
“I’m only angry because I can’t have you,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say, but wanting her to also know where I stand. Her eyes dart to mine as if my admission is surprising. As if I could never want her. Even when I don’t, I do. “But I don’t want this to be a choice. I don’t want you to feel like you are a rope getting pulled in two different directions.”
Echo walks up to me, places her hand on my check, and I resist the urge to melt into it. “We’ve all been running, it seems. I think it’s time we all work on ourselves and let everything unravel naturally.” She gives me a weak smile. Tears trickle down her face and it’s my undoing. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her tightly against me as if it’s the last time I’ll see her. Because it very well could be.
“I’m worried about you,” I admit.
“I know.”
I pull away and cup the side of her face in my hand, searching her eyes. “Promise me, Echo. Promise me you will get out before things go too far.”
“Brian’s harmless.”
“We’re all harmless in the beginning. Then life throws a bunch of shit our way.”
“He just needs help.” She diverts her gaze from mine.
“Yes, psychiatric. You can’t fix him.”
“I don’t want to fix him.” She wraps her hand around my wrist, slowly pulling my hand from her face. “I don’t know what the future holds, Dustin. But right now, I have an obligation.” She cups my face with her hands and stares intently into my eyes. “I promise you I’ll stay safe, but you need to promise me something, too.”
Can’t she see I’m putty in her hands? I’d promise her all the stars in the universe.
“I need you to promise that you’ll work on yourself. Not get trapped in the what-ifs. Restore the relationships you can. And most importantly heal this,” she says, placing her hand over my heart. I nod. It’s the only response I’m capable of giving. She then stands on her tiptoes and leans in to kiss my cheek. “I know the Dustin I love is still there,” Echo whispers.
“He is,” I confirm. I’m engulfed with a flood of emotions. That seems to always be the effect she has on me. I know she isn’t mine, but I can’t help but panic knowing she might be walking back out of my life for good. “But what if I don’t see you again?” I barely get the words out. My throat feels tight as if I’m physically having the life choked out of me.
She wraps her arms around my waist, and this time I allow myself to melt into her. “You and I are bound for life. This isn’t over.”
I find comfort in her words and loosen my grip.
She pulls away and gives me a sweet smile. It’s a reassuring one. Her hand glides down the side of my face, over my beard. She gives it a little tug once it reaches my chin. “I’m kinda digging this. And this,” she says, ruffling my hair to lighten the mood. Something I’ve always loved about her.
“Just tell me when and I’ll get rid of it.”
She scoffs. “Or how about I just do it for you if that day comes?”
“Deal.” I smile, loving her plan even better.
“Speaking of.” She opens her door and bends over, reaching inside. I avert my eyes. The last thing I need is my mind wandering to the gutter. “Here,” she says, handing me a business card.
“You want me to drive five hours for a haircut?” I ask, raising my brow.
“No.” She laughs like it’s the most incredulous idea.
“I would.”
Her laugh falters and we stare at one another. I want to tell her to stay, to pick me. But I could never say those words knowing she has a family. I might be a selfish prick, but even I have my limits. Maybe just when it comes to her.
“I was just thinking if you wanted to continue our letter writing, you could send it to my work.” She looks down and kicks at the scattered gravel.
“Is that what you want?” I ask.
“I don’t know what I want.” She shrugs, looking back up. I can see the defeat in her eyes even though she tries to hide it. She’s carrying so much and all I want to do is lighten the load. “All I know is I can’t go on living like you don’t exist.”
I slide my arm past her, leaning in close as I do. She sucks in a breath, eyeing me as I inch closer. She’s vulnerable. I’m sure she’d let me push the limits. But that’s exactly why I don’t.
“It’s getting late. You need to hit the road. I’ll lock up the house.” I lift the handle up, pulling the door open for her.
She slowly crawls in and buckles. It takes every ounce of restraint for me not to yank her out of this car and hold her. “Bye, Dustin.” Her voice cracks and her eyes begin to water. And I shut the door before I lose all resolve. I watch the woman I love drive away and I want to burn this town down. I didn’t even get to spend two full days with her, and I’m left feeling as if all the oxygen is being squeezed from my lungs. I shouldn’t have let her go, yet I told her to.