Chapter 28 Hope
HOPE
Heath takes long and I sit on his bed watching the relentless rain drench the town. The endless pitter patter of the raindrops brings a calm to the restless storm churning inside of me.
I’ve spent time in this room before—multiple times—yet spending the night here makes my nerves jittery. It feels like a ball is jumping between my heart and stomach, growing faster with each bounce. And all I’m doing is waiting for it to crash and burn.
What feels like forever, the door finally opens making me sit straight.
He walks in, holding a plate of rice and a glass of water. Setting it on the nigh stand, he takes a seat beside me and looks at me with those blue eyes that make my heart flutter.
Leaning over, he kisses me softly. I melt into him, surrendering myself because I feel safe with him.
Maybe it’s the fact that it’s late at night or perhaps I’ve been abandoned by my parents, but I just let it be. I don’t let myself think about anything.
“You okay?” he asks.
“You asked me earlier.”
He smiles. “Just making sure.”
I nod. “I am.”
Reaching for the plate, he places it on my lap and hand me the spoon. “Chicken rice. Mom made it.”
“Thank you.” My stomach squeezes in hunger at the sight of food that looks delicious.
I take a bite and chew quickly. The flavor dissolves into my mouth bringing a joy inside. “It tastes good.”
“Really?”
I offer him a bite and he eagerly takes it. “Fuck, this is good.”
“You seem surprised.”
He shrugs. “Can you blame me? I haven’t spent much time with them.”
“What about now?”
He groans. “I’m still avoiding them.”
A sad smile tugs on my lips. “I bet they aren’t as bad as my parents.”
Heath’s stare burns a hole in my face as I keep my head down and eat.
Uncomfortable silence fills the little space between us.
“You are wrong,” he says quietly. “They have hurt me by ignoring me and my sister for years. They didn’t hurt us by words or physical violence, but their ignorance was just as bad enough if not worse.”
I nod, feeling awful. “I’m sorry… I shouldn't’ have said that.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t need to be sorry.”
“You say they don’t care, but your mom… when I talked to her at the cafe, she seemed like she genuinely cared about you and wanted to know more about you.”
“And did you tell her?”
I set aside the empty plate and reach for water. “No. I knew you wouldn’t want me to.”
“Good choice.”
“I know you,” I say softly.
His eyes brighten even in the dark. “But I know you more.”
I open my mouth to argue with him, but no words come out. It is true. He knows me better than I know him.
The fact bothers me and I decide that I’m going to learn more about him, as much as I can.
Setting down the now empty glass on the nightstand, I sit straight, not knowing what to do.
Heath, unaware of my anxiety that consumes me, picks up the empty plate and glass and put it on the coffee table. When he comes back, he takes the other side of the bed and gets under the covers. Then, he shifts closer until we’re sitting shoulder to shoulder next to each other.
Heat infuses into me, having his rock-solid body pressed against me. His scent envelopes me, pulling everything inside of me towards him. The tug is so strong it’s hard to not gravitate towards him and get closer to him more than I ever have.
Ludicrous thoughts fill my mind and my skin warms.
My pulse quickens.
The little space between us shrinks with each shallow, slow breath that I inhale.
His hand reaches for my hair, and he tucks a few strands behind my ear. The slight brush of his fingertips makes me shiver.
I meet his gaze and an electric current sizzles through me. In the dim golden light of the nightstand lamp, his eyes appear beautiful. The hue of blue so enrich and bright in color that it reminds of a peaceful ocean. I realize that I wouldn’t mind drowning in him.
“Do you have any idea how scared you got me tonight?” he murmurs, his fingers playing with my hair. “I lost my mind when you called me.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t need sorry. I need you to be okay.”
“I am okay.” I force myself to be brave enough to press my palm over his chest. His heart beats wildly fast. A rhythm both powerful and rapid. “With you, I always am,” I add.
His gaze goes heavy as it lays on me with a tangible force. The weight of it diminishes the space between my lungs and I can hardly breathe.
Is no breathing an option?
Because I sure am heading there.
Heath stays still, his eyes locked on me, but the desire burns brightly within him. It’s the way his gaze never wavers or the way his breathing becomes deep and rugged.
I glance away just long enough to watch his throat work, a slow, painful bob.
He is holding back because of me. Because he thinks I’m not ready.
Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. Things aren’t going to change at home.
But one thing is for certain. I want him.
Without thinking, I push him back against the headboard and straddle his lap.
My fingers quiver and my stomach tightens, but I refuse to back down.
Before he can stop me, I lean down and kiss him. I move my lips against him in a slow and sweet manner, taking my time to memorize the shape of them and how they taste.
They feel like home.
Heath stiffens for a moment, then pulls me down with his hands on my hips and his mouth focused on devouring me.
In the silence of his room, with the rain tapping against the windows, we kiss for a long time, not leaving a single place untouched. His breath is warm and minty as it infuses into mine and fills me up.
Finally, he moves to the side of my neck and I can barely feel my lips. However, the tingles are there, sparking under the surface and inducing lust into my veins.
His mouth is soft and hot as it peppers kisses over my skin, stirring heat into the pit of my stomach.
“Please tell me to stop,” he begs. “Because tonight I won’t if you don’t ask me to.”
“No, don’t stop,” I plead.
I feel his hands climb up a little until they reach the hem of my sweatshirt. Raising his head, he meets my gaze, a question brimming in them.
I give him a nod.
Very slowly, he lifts it off my body until it’s completely gone.
Quickly, I shield my chest because I’m not wearing a bra. If I had any idea that I’d be here tonight, I would put on my best one—the one that would qualify as decent because before today I didn’t even care about how important that is.
Heath places his hands on my hips, his fingers rubbing circles over my bare skin. The touch is new and makes me lose my mind. His eyes don’t steer towards the area I’m trying my hardest to hide.
I know I lack in that department. After all, I’m super skinny. I only have bones, no meat.
“You are beautiful,” he says in a voice that is full of conviction. As if it isn’t a compliment but a fact.
“These aren’t,” I gesture to him.
“They are to me.” There is no speck of lie in his words.
I fold my arms tightly over my chest, desperately hiding every curve. Embarrassment washes over me like a bucket full of cold water making shivers race down my spine.
I’ve never felt more vulnerable.
“Rose,” he calls me softly, eyes locked on me.
I refuse to look at him, not when I can feel my chest cavity instead of breasts when I press hard against myself.
This was a huge mistake.
What was I thinking?
That’s right. I wasn’t thinking.
I just reached for him because I wanted him.
“Hey.” His lips meet my collarbone and I tremble.
I can’t do this.
It is too real.
“Baby,” he murmurs, tipping my chin back so we’re staring at each other. “Let me see them. Let me see you.”
“Are you sure?” I choke.
He nods.
Taking in a stuttering breath, I slowly remove my quivering arms all the while keeping the eye contact. When my arms land in my lap, I let out another shaky breath that shakes my entire body.
Heath touches my back with one hand and draws me closer to him. “These are fucking beautiful just like the rest of you.”
A gasp escapes my mouth, the second he kisses me there.
Pleasure rushes through me and I can’t keep my head straight.
I get lost in him, his touch and his soft kisses.
—————————
We lay in bed awake. My back is towards him but I can feel his gaze burning a hole in me.
I bite my lip to hide my smile as I think about all the lewd things that he just did to me.
At the same time, my breasts hurt a little. But it’s a good kind of pain.
I want it again.
“Rose,” he says. “I know you aren’t sleeping.”
I don’t move a single muscle.
“Your breathing is loud,” his tone carries amusement.
I quickly clamp a hand over my nose. “No, it’s not.”
The covers shift and then his arm is wrapped around my waist and he plasters my back against his hard, warm chest.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he murmurs into my hair as he nuzzles his face into my neck.
I stop breathing.
“Breathe, baby.” He squeezes me.
There is that word again. One that makes a thousand butterflies flutter in my stomach in excitement. When he used it earlier, I was too caught up to process it. But now, it’s the only thing I can think about.
He gives me a squeeze to pull me out of my thoughts.
“What are you thinking?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not possible.”
I sigh, knowing it is futile. “Should I go home tomorrow?”
He stiffens. “No.”
“Why not?” I whisper.
“Because they don’t get to fucking throw you out like that. I can’t believe they did it.” His tone is full of anger. “It was late at night and raining. Anything could’ve happened to you if I hadn’t come to get you.”
When he says all those things, my chest hurts. Pain spreads like poison, dissolving into my blood and sinking into my bones. The ache is so deep and intense it knocks the air out of my lungs.
I was abandoned by my parents.
That sentence hits me like a bullet, shattering my entire world in seconds.
“I have nowhere to go,” I murmur, just as my lungs close in on me.
“The fuck not,” he grumbles. Gently, he turns me around so I’m facing him. He cups my cheek in his palm and looks intently at me. “You’ll stay here with me. I’m not letting you go.”
“But your parents—”
“They can fuck off.”
I purse my lips. He’s not thinking logically.
Things would have been a lot different if his parents weren’t here. I could consider staying here for a day or two until Mom declared that I could come back—but will she though? Questions start piling up in a stack, one by one.
Is she looking for me right now?
Is she worried about me?
Is she thinking if I’m safe or not?
Disappointment fills my heart because I don’t have the answers.
And I’m someone who likes to have the answers. Whether it’s derivatives in maths, chemical equations in chemistry, research in biology or theories in physics. I like it when I know the definite solution. The uncertainty of anything bothers me. It triggers my anxiety, not knowing the unknown.
“You don’t need to worry about my parents. They won’t bother you. But if they say anything, just tell me, okay,” he says.
I give him a weak nod.
His mother seems nice, but I don’t know anything about his Dad. I wonder what is he like? The only thing I know is, he hates him a lot.
“I’m going to take care of you,” he promises.
That makes me burrow my head in his chest. I don’t want him to see the way tears blind my vision because not knowing what’s going to happen next is killing me from the inside.
In the midst of it all I do something that is so stupid.
“I love you,” I say, without thinking.
Heath’s fingers dig into my hair as his whole body tightens.
“What?” he asks in a raspy, low voice.
“I said, I love you,” I tell him.
The tension hangs in the air, and our rugged, fast breaths fill the tiny space between us. It’s so quiet that you can hear a pin drop.
It’s a miracle that he can’t hear my heart is racing.
After a long moment he says, “That’s my line, Rose.”
I look up at him in bewilderment. “What?”
“I love you.”
He loves me?
He loves me.
Our gaze connect and our hearts beat at the same rhythm.
Something inside of me, that was broken, mends.
“Heath—” I whisper, my hand reaching for his T-shirt. He changed in it before slipping into bed, saying he gets hot under the covers. I feel the scorching heat of his skin through the thin material of his t-shirt. He is burning.
“I thought you only liked me,” I whisper.
He smiles in the dark. “I do like you, but it’s more than that. It has been for a while.”
“Since when?”
“Since the first time I saw you.”
I gasp. “That long?”
He nods. “I was captivated by you the moment I caught you staring at me through the window.”
“But you were glaring at me.”
“I was, because it bothered me that one look at you and I forgot to say everything I wanted to.” He chuckles. “You looked so beautiful that day.”
My cheeks redden. “I wasn’t wearing anything special.”
“It wasn’t the fucking clothes. It was the girl.”
I clear my throat, feeling warm inside. “I fell for you when I started trusting you.”
“So it wasn’t my looks?” He teases.
“No…that’s not what I’m saying. I mean, you are handsome and your face is pretty—”
“Just pretty?”
“—and your body—”
“My body?”
“—it looks good—”
He bursts out laughing, the sound warm and bright like the first ray of sunshine on a frosty, cold morning. His whole chest shakes, the strong vibrations traveling through my palm, into my skin. My hand twitches as if to grab and hold them forever in me.
“For fuck’s sake,” he mutters. “I work out for hours, do boxing, and you think my body looks just good?”
Of course, it doesn’t look just good.
It looks delicious.
He draws me closer, and wraps me up in his big, muscular arms that make me feel safe. We’ve been this close before, but this is different. It feels oddly cozy to be this close with the person you love.
“Remember I asked you out on a date?” He rubs my back. “Would you like to go with me?”
“A date.”
“Yes, Rose. A date.”
“Where would we go?”
“Anywhere you want to go.”
“I’m fine with anything.” I just need you with me.
Heath starts drawing soothing circles on my back, the movement so careful and gentle it lulls me to sleep.
“I’ve never been to an aquarium,” I mumble absentmindedly.
“Aquarium?”
I nod, my eyes get heavy and my fog wraps around my thoughts.
Before I know, I’m falling asleep.
His words follow, distant and weightless, vanishing before they ever land.