Chapter 43 Hope
HOPE
Dad shoves me into an old car and drives us home.
The whole ride, I stay absolutely still. I can’t feel the right side of my face; it stings, but I’m numb. No tears slip past my cheeks and no sound comes out of my mouth. The pit of darkness that started growing in my stomach earlier begins to shrink, but it doesn’t go away.
I knew it.
I knew something bad was going to happen tonight. I just never expected my dad to show up at Heath’s house. How did he find out about it? The only person who knew was Mom.
I sit like a statue beside him, scared that any little movement will tick him off and he’ll attack me.
The fear I used to live with me all the time went quiet in the past weeks that I spent with Heath. I forgot to not flinch or watch my every step. But now sitting in this car with him it comes back in full force.
I’m afraid of my own shadow.
We arrive home quickly, as he speeds through the streets, running every traffic signal without a second thought.
I keep my mouth shut and don’t utter a single sound as he drives fast.
Getting out of the car, he slams the door hard and barks at me to get out.
I force myself to stay calm as I slip out.
My eyes catch a glimpse of Nadina’s house and I see her looking at me through the window. Before I can pass her a smile, Dad grabs my wrist and starts pulling me towards the house.
Once inside he shoves me hard and I hit the wall.
“I brought her home,” he shouts.
“What?” Mom comes out of the kitchen and pales when she sees me.
Her eyes fill with sadness and fear but she schools in her emotions. “Hope, what are you doing here?”
I only stare at her.
It’s been weeks since I’ve seen her.
The last time I did, she kicked me out and told me to not come home.
It was late at night, and the silence outside was suffocating, so deadly quiet.
I’d never felt fear and uncertainty like I did that night. It wrapped around me, thick and heavy, and I couldn't escape it. I was scared. So scared.
As we stare at each other, it all comes back and a fire lights up in my heart.
I don’t reply to her and avert my gaze from her.
“I found her in a mansion. That boy she has been whoring aorund with is a rich kid,” Dad snaps at me. “Tell me, how long have you been fucking him?”
“Stop it!” Mom intervenes.
Dad frowns and looks at her. “What did you just say to me?”
Mom steps away from him.
“That’s what I thought.” He smiles, then turns his attention to me. “Now, you are going to answer some of my questions.”
I shake my head.
He takes a swig from his bottle and starts walking towards me.
In a panic, I start backing up, then break into a full sprint up the stairs, desperate to get away from him. I know I’m as good as dead tonight. He’s not going to let me live after finding out I stayed at a boy’s house for weeks.
His loud thumps weaken the floorboards of the stairs and they creak.
The horrid sound send chills down my spine.
Before I can open my bedroom door, he catches me and slams me against the wall.
“Alex, let go of her!” Mom hurries towards us.
“Stay back! Bitch.” He throws his bottle at her, but it misses, shattering into sharp shards at her feet.
“Don’t hurt her,” she begs, eyes filled with tears.
Dad smiles. “Hurt her? I’m going to kill her.” He fixates his eyes on me and they look so dark. “I will punish her for leaving us and staying at a boy’s house. I told her to stay away from him. I told her what would happen if she wouldn’t.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I beg him as fear fully consumes me and I can feel my heart scratching the walls to escape.
Anxiety swirls like acid in my stomach and burns everything. All the happiness and joy I experiened today burns down into ashes and a pile gathers up.
“You are sorry!” He grabs my hair and gives a good tug that makes me scream out. “I told you the rules and you disobeyed me. Just like your fucking mom.”
“Alex! Let go of her.”
“And what did you tell his family, huh? You think you’re clever for snitching on me?”
I shake my head but he doesn’t allow it.
Dad drags me by my hair and makes me face Mom. “She’s told his family about us and you know what happened. That scoundrel’s dad threatened me.”
He tightens his grip on me and I wince.
“He threatened to break my hand,” he chuckles dryly.
My tearful eyes connect with Mom and she looks devastated. I didn’t expect her to feel this way for me. I thought she wanted me to get punished because she’s always hated Heath.
“She thinks she is safe now that she’s told him and his fucking family,” Dad snarls.
“Alex, please come down. Let’s talk about — ”
“Talk about what?” He yells at her.
Mom flinches. “No, I meant you don’t need to hurt her. I will talk to her and it’ll be fine. She’ll stop seeing him.”
Dad shakes his head. “No, she won’t listen. Your blood runs in her veins.”
“She will listen. I will talk to her,” Mom softens her voice and steps over the glass to get to us.
He scoffs. “There is nothing to talk about. We need to — ”
“I said I will talk — ”
At once he lets go of me and reaches for her. “You’re talking a lot today.”
A painful noise escapes through her throat where he is holding her.
The image cuts through me, and a sharp, piercing pain spreads through my chest.
My senses go haywire and my entire system shuts down.
This is exactly how he held her that night when he nearly killed her.
A throbbing pain starts in my head, and I can’t stop it from consuming every corner of my head.
You have to do something.
Stop it.
He’s going to kill her.
Do somethimg.
Do something!
DO SOMETHING.
My feet move before any other thought crosses my head.
A voice whispers in my ear. The next time he hurts you, I want you to hurt him, Rose.
Heath had said to me once and I discarded his words because fighting someone isn’t in me. I don’t have the courage, strength or will to hurt someone. I can only take a beating.
But in that moment, my body fills with me so much bravery that I manage to shove him away from Mom. She falls to the ground and gasps loudly as if she was seconds away from dying.
Dad turns around, his gaze locking onto me with such a heated glare that it’s a miracle my bones don’t disintegrate under its weight.
“You little — ”
“I hate you. I hate you so much,” I choke out those words.
His words widen and he grows angrier.
“What did you just say to me, you whore?” He extends his arm to grab me, but I manage to dodge, slamming my hands hard against his chest to make him stumble. He loses his balance, stepping directly onto the glass shards with a harsh crunch.
A groan escapes his lips as the glass shards embed into his feet. He tries to pull away, but in his panic, he steps back and trips over the first step, tumbling down the stairs with a loud crash. A thump and then it’s quiet.
“Oh my God!” Mom whispers from beside as we both stare down at the body. Unmoving body.
An eerie silence fills the house and the air turns cold.
A long moment stretches by before the shock fades and the adrenaline burns out, leaving me standing there, trembling.
“I did. I killed him,” I choke out, registering what I’ve done.
My hands start shaking and dots dance in front of my eyes.
“Hope, listen to me!” Mom snaps at me. “You didn’t do anything.”
I shake my head. “No! I… I pushed him. I did it — ”
“—to save me,” she finished in a hard tone, trying to break my panic.
She cups my face in her palms and forces me look at her. “You saved me.”
“But — ”
“That’s what happened.”
I stare at her long and hard.
“You. Saved. Me.” She repeats.
I keep shaking but she brings me to her chest and hugs me tight. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Shh… it’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”
What happens next is a blur. I fall into a trance, surrounded by people moving and speaking, but their voices and faces blend into the background. I can’t focus on anything.
My hands fidget uncontrollably, twisting together, and my throat feels like it’s been sealed shut with a heavy stone.
I feel shaky, out of place, like my own skin doesn’t fit anymore.
It’s as if all the peace and calm have been stripped from me. I’m buzzing with some strange energy I can’t shake, unable to find any ground to steady myself.
Through my blurry vision, I watch Mom take control of everything.
She calls an ambulance and handles the body, arranges for it to be removed, and cleans up the bloodstains.
She answers a lot of questions and with confidence making it seem like it was an accident.
She even takes care of the glass shards, like it’s all just another task to be done.
After all that, she helps me into bed and tucks me in whispering reassuring words to me but I can’t seem to calm down.
Will I stay like this forever?
Will the reminder of what I’ve done keeps coming back to me?
Will I be normal again?
The answers to those questions seem to be out of my reach as I watch the ceiling for long hours.