10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Tyler
W ith six weeks on tour under my belt, I knew the show forward and backward. Each night as Mia shimmied into her final outfit, glowing with sweat and joy, she exuded a contagious lightness. Those moments before the second encore were my favorite. No one could match her, and she knew it. We always exchanged playful banter, and then she gave me a look over her shoulder just before she hurried to her harness. The heat in her gaze made me want to drop to my knees and thank God women like her existed.
But as soon as the stage lights went out for the night, a flip switched inside of Mia too. Night after night I saw it. I’d heard of singers and performers who crashed after the big production, but Mia deflated, as though someone popped her internal balloon. Her behavior didn’t seem to worry Laura, but the change from glowing and magnetic to sullen and quiet was unsettling. Her panic over losing her career made more sense after seeing the shift. How could she give up the one thing protecting her from whatever storms brewed inside her?
Eighteen months around the world and these high highs and low lows had to take a toll. It was a wonder she was still sane. I wanted to give Mia something, anything that inspired the joy I saw on stage or at least let her keep some buoyancy. Maybe the crowd, the lights, the sweeping emotion couldn’t be replicated, but I sought something. I’d heard the performers who chased the high offstage turned to drugs. Made sense, but it wasn’t an option I’d ever suggest—pregnant or not.
So, what? What could I do?
The only other thing that functioned like addiction was love, at least first love. The sweeping, all-consuming feeling had taken hold once. If I was generous, I’d come close to experiencing the high a few other times. Infatuated, perhaps on the brink of more, but never quite reaching those heights a second time.
Love gone wrong was its own kind of insanity; and in my experience, it was impossible to make someone fall in love or return the love you offered.
The click-clack of heels on the concrete floor directed my attention toward the door. All the costumes were in the backstage area at this arena because we had three concert dates in the heart of Kansas. An odd choice, but Laura had explained the hometown crowd was strong here. Mia was supposed to be a Kansas girl, and they played up her roots with multiple concerts.
“You busy?” Mia was framed in the doorway, a dress clutched in her hand.
“I’m making myself busy. Gotta earn my money.” I smiled and leaned against the sewing table I used in my free time to make costume alterations for the backup dancers. “What’s up?”
“This dress doesn’t fit, and I need to wear it today.” Tears pooled in her eyes, and she shook the black sequined dress in her hand.
With a frown, I took the dress from her outstretched hand. I checked it over and tested the fabric. There was no give. “We can make it fit.” I caught her eye. “This is why I’m here, right?” Her costumes on stage were always built from material meant to stretch and flex. While Mia worried about showing early or putting on weight, her petite frame was almost exactly the same as a few months ago.
Perhaps not exactly. I wasn’t blind. Her breasts would fill my whole hand now instead of only my palm.
“I can let a seam out. I’ll need you to put it on to see if that’ll be enough.” I glanced up from the dress to meet her gaze. “Across the chest?”
A tear fell, and she scooped it up with a finger. “Yeah.” She closed the door and flicked the lock into place. “This fucking sucks. I thought about getting implants a couple years ago.” She put her hands under her breasts and bounced them. “But now I’m terrified someone’s going to figure this out because I’ll have these honking things and then I’ll be flat as a board again.”
Watching her play with her breasts made me want to adjust my pants. God, she was gorgeous. Sometimes, it stunned me that she was carrying my child. I gave a strained chuckle. “It’s not that noticeable.”
“Did you see the change?” She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. “’Cause you know all the pervs on the internet screenshotting interviews and appearances are going to spot my hooters if you did.”
I grabbed a lollipop from the table and tucked it into my cheek. I wasn’t a saint. She’d had nice breasts before, and it was the body part I noticed first on a woman. The expansion in the last week was obvious.
“That’s a ‘yes,’” Mia said. “You see them. You might as well attach a flashing sign to your lollipop addiction that says, ‘Trying to hide my emotions and not succeeding.’ I’ve got your number.”
“You want the truth?” I took the lollipop out of my mouth and waited.
“Sure. Why not? Never to each other, right? Isn’t that the mantra?”
“You had nice breasts before, and you have nice breasts now. Whatever some perv is screenshotting in his basement hasn’t changed. Same breasts. Same spank bank.” I shrugged. “Not much you can do about that.”
Mia cocked her head and wandered over, her heels clicking on the floor. She favored dresses and skirts, and today was no exception. The candy pink skirt swayed with her as she sidled closer. My fingers itched to slide up her thigh and under her skirt. After the things she’d told me, I was determined I wasn’t going to make a move. I wasn’t the kind of man who took something a woman didn’t willingly, enthusiastically give, no matter how tight my pants got.
“Do you have a bank?” Our fingers connected as she took the dress.
“Every man has one. If they tell you they don’t, they’re lying.” My voice was rough, and our gazes met. She did this sometimes, tested, teased, seemed to be considering whether she wanted more from our arrangement. Whenever she heard I was out for coffee with her mother, she ramped up the sexual tension between us the next time we saw each other. I hadn’t been out for a drink with Laura in a week, so I didn’t know what was happening right now. I wasn’t going to complain. This version of Mia was one of my favorites.
She braced her hand on my bicep, and she rose on her toes, so her lips grazed my ear. “What’s in yours?”
I held very still while everything in me hollered to grab her, lift her onto the table, and show her all the things I’d been thinking about these last few weeks. When she drew back, I searched her face, trying to decide how honest I should be. Was this a test?
“Never to each other,” Mia whispered, reading my mind .
“I get new material for mine every day,” I said, her lips a distraction.
A sly smile slid onto her face. “Why’s—”
A loud knock on the door startled us, causing the dress to fall. It hit the floor between us with a soft thud.
I cleared my throat and swooped down to pick it up. I passed it to her and went to the door. “Who is it? I’m in the middle of a repair.”
“Time for coffee?” Laura called from the other side of the door. “I need to pick your brain.”
Over my shoulder, I caught Mia’s scowl while she tugged up the straps of the black dress.
“Give me thirty minutes.” I pressed my forehead against the cool, steel door. The temperature in the room was already ten degrees cooler. When I turned around, Mia was wearing the dress, hands on her hips, breasts spilling out the top. Despite the pissed-off look on her face, it was an image I was storing for later.
“Don’t mind me.” Mia threw out her hands. “Don’t let the mother of your child get in the way of your coffee date .”
I walked a slow circle around her, assessing the dress and giving us both a moment to get collected. Two inches short of zipping closed at the back. Saying something I didn’t mean would push us further apart. The baby we were bringing into the world deserved two parents.
“If our situation comes out, we’re going to need your mother on our side, right? She needs to like me, Mia.”
“You sleep with her, and I’m putting this child up for adoption.” She pointed to her stomach.
Pursing my lips, I suppressed a sigh. From her experience, men made poor choices all the time, let her down, took advantage of her. Even though I knew where these thoughts came from, they made our age difference jarring. Jealousy wasn’t reasonable, rational, especially since we weren’t together.
“I’m going to say this to you one more time, no jokes, straight-up serious. I have zero interest in sleeping with your mother. Zero. Next time you toss out that claim, I’m ignoring it. I get that it’s hard for you to trust what I say, but I won’t lie to you. I promised you that much, and I want to be a man of my word.”
Her dark hair fell around her face while she looked at the floor. I swept back one side of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, hoping to catch a glimpse of her expression. Her attitude often turned on a dime.
“I can let out the seam, and it’ll fit.” I kept my voice gentle. “What time do you need it?”
“Lunch.” She tucked the other side of her hair and faced me. “I don’t like you spending time with her.”
“Why?” I pushed one hand into the pocket of my jeans and readjusted the lollipop in my mouth with the other. “It’s just coffee and not even that often.” But our meetings were regular, consistent. She usually asked once a week. I was careful never to initiate, but turning her down produced other complications. After all, as far as everyone knew, she was my boss.
“I like how you treat me. How you see me.” Tears pooled in her eyes. “What if she tells you something to change that?”
Protectiveness gripped me so hard it stole my breath. As much as I enjoyed the flirtatious Mia, this version of her wiggled into my heart. The naked vulnerability made me understand how people committed homicides. I wanted to murder every person who ever made her think respect and kindness could disappear in a puff of smoke. “I’ve seen pretty much every side of you. Nothing is going to change how I view you, or how I treat you.”
“How can you know that?” She wiped at her tears and stared at them on her fingers. “I never cry. Lately, I’m always crying. Why am I always fucking crying?” Her voice caught on a sob.
I slid my hand into her hair and tugged her into my chest. She clung on, pressing her face against me. “We’ll check with David later today when we see him for your checkup. The tears are probably hormones, but we can ask, okay? Your schedule is insane, and you’re riding the onstage and offstage emotional roller coaster.”
“I used to even myself out with drugs,” Mia whispered. “But I haven’t taken anything since I took the tests.”
Did Laura realize Mia used drugs to level her moods? Was that why her mother wasn’t worried about her? She thought Mia was medicated?
“For depression…or…?” My heart hammered in my chest. She should have told me or David at one of the appointments. Maybe she needed to be on the meds.
A husky chuckle reverberated across my chest, warming my heart. “Self-medicating. Recreational. Nothing doctor prescribed.”
I wasn’t sure her revelation was more comforting. Jesus. Laura dropped the ball on a lot of shit with Mia.
Against my chest, she said, “I’ll be okay.” She rose on her toes and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her lips against the hollow. “Thank you for caring.”
I spanned her back with my hand, and I drew her a little closer, our bodies slotting together. The caring came easy, which was starting to be scary. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to let her go when she was ready to leave, and the baby wasn’t even here yet, not even visible on her body. How would I feel once she’d given birth, once we’d spent more time together? A baby was a bond, a profound one.
“I’ll always care,” I whispered in her ear and squeezed her tight.
Laura sipped her coffee and placed it back in the saucer on the table. We decided on this coffee chain because it was close to the stadium. I thought everything was overpriced and the food was not particularly good, but Laura liked the familiarity. Wherever she went, at least this place never changed.
“Mia’s been going on about how much she liked Little Falls when we were in the area for the benefit. She wants to go there and work with Grady on her album. What do you know about him?”
“He’s dating my sister, and while I don’t know much about the music business, he seems to have written a lot of really popular songs.” I stirred more cream into my coffee. “He’s a good guy. Mia wouldn’t have any worries with him.”
“I don’t doubt his talent. I just—I wanted to make sure she’ll be safe going there.” She fiddled with the arm of her coffee cup. “Of course, she’ll still need a bodyguard. There’re a lot of crazed fans out there. We’re almost constantly in touch with law enforcement about one thing or another.”
“People threaten her?” Political figures or controversial performers, sure. But Mia was America’s sweetheart .
“Men, mostly. Delusional in one way or another. Some want to marry her, some want to have sex with her…some want to kill her.” She shook her head. “It’s the scary part of fame.”
“She’s got protection all the time, right?” A cold sweat broke out across my back. I don’t know why the darker side of her fame hadn’t sunk in yet. The last few weeks, I’d had a front row seat to how invested people were in her.
“Yeah. We take every threat very seriously. She’s—we’ve had a few instances of people taking advantage of her, of people not treating her well. I was surprised she let you on the tour. But she seems to like you.” She watched me over the rim of her cup for a beat. “I’ve seen the banter between the two of you.”
“I have two sisters.” I was unwilling to give her more than that. “Lots of practice.” Lengthy explanations made people look guilty. Not that I had a reason to feel guilty. Nothing had happened between us since I joined the tour.
“Maybe that’s it,” Laura said. “Fourteen years is quite a gap. Her father is only a few years older than you.”
Ah, so her observations were what I’d thought. She was warning me off. Too late, Laura . I sipped my coffee. “So, what’s your feeling on Little Falls? I grew up there. So, of course, I think it’s a nice town.”
“I don’t know. She wants six months.” She eyed me. “Are you going back to Little Falls after the tour?”
“Sadly, no.” I shook my head. “I have a job with a theater company. It was why it took me a while to get back to you about this job. I had to check some dates and juggle a couple commitments.” I took another, longer drink. The lie came easily. I’d expected this question at some point with Mia pushing to work with Grady .
“Don’t you think six months is too long? Mia loves touring and singing. I don’t want her career to run cold.”
“Like I said, I don’t know too much about the music business. Kesha took off five years or something, didn’t she? And Shania Twain was gone for years. Beyoncé spent nine months going around the world, right? Taylor Swift largely disappeared for a year. When there’s an appetite for what you’re producing, the length of time between products doesn’t seem to matter as much. It’s not like she won’t be working. She’ll be building an album.”
Laura tapped her cup with her fingernail. “He says he doesn’t know much about music, but comes up with a nice list of names and dates.” She chuckled. “I’d say my daughter has gotten to you.”
A slow smile spread across my face. I’d give her this one. She caught me. “She can be very persuasive when she wants something. She was running a few of her arguments past me. I paid attention.” Or we were brainstorming together one night about other singers who went on hiatus and come back just as strong or stronger. Mia knew her mother’s priorities.
“She’s worked hard to get to this level, sacrificed a lot. I don’t want to see her lose it.”
“She seems tired. I’d be worried about burnout,” I said.
“Has she said something to you about that? Taryn and Rebecca used the same argument on me.”
“Hasn’t said a word. It’s written all over her every night as soon as the last song finishes. I don’t have a stake in this beyond the tour. But she seems worn out.” The lies were coming fast, and I drank my coffee to keep from meeting her gaze. She wouldn’t see anything on my face. I could sell this line of thought because I actually believed it. But if Laura dug too deep, she might see my anger and annoyance at some of the choices she’d made when it came to Mia. A parent should protect their child above all else.
“She could just as easily work with Grady in L.A. or New York. I don’t understand why she’s pushing for the middle of nowhere.”
“She’s been doing this scene since she was fourteen. Maybe she wants some normalcy.” I shrugged and drained my cup.
“Ah, well. Perhaps I should let her have it then? She’ll be bored to tears in five minutes. My daughter craves the spotlight. Lives for it.” Laura laughed.
That wasn’t quite the Mia I knew, but it wasn’t so far off from the truth for me to argue. Did she seem to enjoy it? Definitely. Did she crave the adulation because of what she was missing in her off-stage life? That was the question I was trying to answer.
“I’ll have to keep thinking about it. I’ve already cleared her schedule for the first few months after the tour. Perhaps if I give her what she wants, she’ll take less than six months.”
I gave her a strained smile. I couldn’t weigh in more. I’d have to trust Taryn, Rebecca, and Mia to stay the course and come up with better arguments. At least I’d be able to tell Mia about what Laura had said. Not that Mia would like knowing how I’d gotten the information.
I paced the top floor of the small hospital we were using just outside the city. The staff we were working with had been given an NDA. My mother, a lawyer, had written it up to be used for anything related to Mia’s pregnancy. Hospitals and hospital workers were under pretty heavy privacy rules, but Mia had wanted an extra layer of protection. I got it. Understood it more every day.
“Tyler,” a woman murmured my name off to my right.
I spun, recognizing her voice. “Katie. I didn’t realize you were coming with your dad this time.”
Her brown hair was in a ponytail, and she was wearing pink scrubs. It had always been a color that suited her, making her round face glow.
A small, familiar smile surfaced. For years, I’d lived for all her smiles, but I never liked this one, full of uncertainty. She gave me this one the day she broke up with me, as though I should somehow understand what was really going on. I never had then, and I had no interest in figuring it out now.
“Blood work.”
“Someone here could have done that.”
“Maybe.” She shoved her purse higher onto her shoulder. She ambled closer. “I wanted to see you.”
“Why?”
“I was hoping we could go talk somewhere. Maybe grab a drink after the exam?” Another tentative smile.
“Mia’s on stage tonight. Time is limited.” I held myself rigid. There was a reason I’d avoided her since we’d split. Not just one reason, reasons—plural.
“When I moved back, I heard you were dating Danai. So, I was surprised when you showed up at the hospital with Mia Malone.” She scanned me, searching for something. “As your surrogate.”
The truth sat poised on my lips. Danai had texted me a few times when I’d first gone on tour, and then those texts had stopped when I’d called her to make it known we wouldn’t be picking up where we’d left off when I got back. I’d thought I’d made it clear before I left. But endings weren’t my specialty.
“What are you after, Katie?” She didn’t believe the cover story. It was a ridiculous one. Why would a world-famous pop star agree to be my surrogate? I spent ten years with Katie; she knew me better than almost anyone.
“You’re going to raise the baby by yourself?”
I clenched my jaw and looked away. She was close enough for me to catch a whiff of her familiar apple blossom perfume. If I closed my eyes, I could go back to all the times I’d smelled it before, all the moments when I’d soaked her in, lived for this smell. Getting over her had been the hardest thing I’d ever done. A small piece of me still strained toward her in the corridor, wanted to hear what she had to say.
But loyalty was important, and mine didn’t lie with Katie anymore.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I did the right thing. With you and me.”
When I said nothing in response and time stretched between us, she continued, “Are you and Mia together?”
Swallowing down the residual feelings creeping up my throat, I met her curious gaze. “You can’t ask me that. We broke up. Eight years ago. Eight years .”
“I’m not…maybe we shouldn’t have,” Katie whispered. “I really want to talk to you. Talk about what happened back then. Ever since I saw you a few weeks ago, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She’d crossed my mind, too. More than once. I’d blamed the memories on the shock of seeing her. Knowing she was back in Little Falls had screwed with my head .
“Well,” Mia drawled, her heels clicking along the corridor. “This looks tense. You okay, Pretty Boy?” Her sunglasses dangled from her fingers, and she was eyeing Katie with distaste. “I’m going to have to call a janitor. I think there’s a puddle of drool at your feet, Katie. Or did that wetness come from some other part of you?” She cocked her head, her eyes wide with false innocence.
I sucked in a breath at the sight of her and crossed the distance between us. Without thinking, I hugged her and pressed my lips to her temple. I kept my back to Katie, even though Mia’s comments were rude at best. Earlier, I tried to tell her the jealousy she felt was misplaced. The difference between this situation and the other was my history with Katie and the hope sparking in my gut.
After she broke up with me, I spent many a drunken night rambling to friends and family about how Katie would regret it. We’d been perfect for each other. Someday, she’d see it.
Hearing her admit she might have made a mistake was a vindication. My instincts about her, about us, hadn’t been as wrong as I’d thought. At the time, her justification for our split hadn’t rung true.
Too late for explanations. Wasn’t it?
It had altered the pattern of my life. Once the seam between two hearts had been ripped, it wasn’t always possible to mend it. Sometimes, the two pieces would never again fit together.
Mia pressed her cheek into my chest, and I breathed her in. “I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered in her ear. At least I knew that much for sure.
When I heard the soft retreat of Katie’s sneakers, I tried really hard not to care.