Mending Hearts

12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Tyler

I slid the metal clip into another stack of weights and pulled down on the lateral bar. Another set to be counted out. I’d likely increase the weights again. Ten miles on the treadmill hadn’t been enough, and now I was working my muscles to exhaustion. My mind might be in a million different pieces, but at least my body would benefit from the internal chaos. Besides, as far as I could tell, I was one of the few people who used the exercise equipment stored at the back of one of the buses. It was expensive stuff. Someone might as well use it. I yanked the bar down again, muscles burning.

As soon as Mia left for the club last night, I called Grady in L.A. to find out how I could stick a figurative knife in Cade Brewer’s back. Instead, my sister, Maggie, had been visiting him and talked me off the ledge. Or at least talked me down far enough that I stopped trying to search Google Earth for Cade’s movie location so I could exact some revenge.

For the first time in my life, I understood why people snapped, committed murder. If Pasha hadn’t already had the guy by the throat when I got there, I wasn’t sure what I would have done. Seeing Mia standing there shaking, tears pooled in her unfocused eyes, had ripped right through my gut and pierced my heart. What kind of life was this? What kind of man did that to a woman? No wonder she didn’t want to raise a kid in this environment. Her life was a viper pit. Every day, another one punctured her.

She was so young. How many more wounds could she take?

Across the gym, my phone vibrated on the table. There were very few people who’d call me at two a.m. Maggie ? Had to be. Trying to make sure I hadn’t stolen a car and driven around Kansas City on a mission. With a sigh, I let the weights rest and wandered over to grab my phone before it went to voicemail. My sister would probably send out a search party if I didn’t answer.

I understood the unreasonable worry. Every night, I stayed awake until I heard Mia come back from whatever club appearance she went to after the shows. She’d never asked me to go with her after the first failed attempt, when she’d stormed off my bus without me. But I forced myself to be awake, no matter how late she appeared. Tonight, it wouldn’t be an issue. Adrenaline hummed despite the run and the weights.

When I got close enough to see the name on the display, my heart thumped. She never called.

“Mia?” Her name was out before I’d even gotten the phone to my ear.

For a second, the line seemed dead. Then, a sniffle.

“Mia? Are you okay?”

“No.” Her voice was thick, almost garbled. A sob burst from her, hitting me in the chest.

“Where are you?” I swiped my bus keys off the table and hesitated at the top of the stairs. A ride. I didn’t have a vehicle. “What happened?”

“I’m bleeding.”

Her words were so mangled, I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly. “You’re bleeding? Is Pasha there? Are you hurt? Do you need to call an ambulance?” My mind was on a tilt-a-whirl. Had someone hurt her? Was she cut? Or, God help me, I hope she didn’t hurt herself. I knew people who’d used cutting on the outside to ease their turmoil inside, but I’d never seen any evidence on Mia.

Her voice caught on another sob.

“I’m coming. I’m on my way. Club—” God, what had the place been called? I’d heard so many club names over the last few weeks. Zen? Zilch? Zeal. “Zeal, right? I’ll be there as soon as I can. Call an ambulance.”

“I’m bleeding.” She was almost hyperventilating.

Outside the bus, I looked around, the phone pressed to my ear. A car. Across the parking lot, a guy was smoking a cigarette beside a Civic. Punch him and steal his car or beg for a ride? At this point, I’d steal the cigarettes, too.

I took quick strides in the guy’s direction, patting my pockets for a lollipop while Mia took a few shaky breaths.

“Pasha called you an Uber.”

The guy across the lot dropped his cigarette, grinding it into the ground with his heel. “You Pretty Boy?”

“That’s you,” Mia whispered.

“That’s me,” I agreed with a grimace. “My girl’s got a sense of humor.”

Mia’s sharp intake of breath made my gut clench. What had happened to her? With an audience now, I wasn’t sure how much more I should say or ask.

“Apparently.” The driver opened the door to his car and slid in.

I held the phone to my ear, listening to Mia breathe while the car zoomed toward Club Zeal. I could hear her shuffling around in a place with an echo, but I was afraid to ask. She was still at the club, so whatever had happened couldn’t be that bad.

When the car pulled up in front of a packed nightclub, I climbed out and approached the bouncer on the door. “I’m—”

“Pretty Boy.” The bouncer checked me over from head to toe. “You look like the picture her bodyguard showed me.” He moved the velvet rope aside and pointed to the back of the club. “VIP is at the back on the right. She’s there somewhere.”

The bouncer wasn’t panicked, and when I moved through the packed crowd, it became clear no one else was injured. Across the phone line, her breathing was steady, and she hadn’t cried again in a while. But she said she was bleeding. Bleeding. Would she call about a simple cut? No, she’d have to be bleeding out before she’d admit she needed me.

I shook my head. Bleeding out. Then it clicked.

The baby. Oh, God. The baby.

The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I caught them just in time. Even with the loud music, there were too many people around. “I should call David,” I said into the phone.

I tried to drag up fragments of my conversation with David and Katie at the hospital. Did they fly back tonight, or were they somewhere in the city? I weaved through the dancers, my heart tap dancing to the rhythm of the song.

“I’m in the bathroom at the back.” Her voice was almost too quiet to hear. “I think it’s stopped, though. I think—I think it might be okay.”

When I saw Pasha guarding a door near the back of the VIP section, relief swept over me. “I’m here,” I said. “She’s in there? You in there, Mia?” I tipped my head at the door behind Pasha’s wide shoulders.

Pasha nodded and shifted sideways to let me squeeze past into the bathroom with several stalls, only one occupied. “Mia? ”

“Tyler?” Her voice caught on another sob and the stall door swung back. Mia sat perched on the edge of the seat, black streaks of makeup ran down her face, and her phone was pressed to her ear. “I don’t want to move.”

I dropped my phone into my pocket, then crouched in front of her, and smoothed her hair from her face. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then her temple. “I’ll carry you out. We’ll call David from the car and decide if we’re going to the hospital or back to the bus.”

Her fingers played with the damp strands of hair on the top of my head, our foreheads pressed together. I’d forgotten how sweaty I was.

“I knew you’d know what to do.”

“Just give me a second,” I backed away from her and stuck my head out the bathroom door. “Back exit?” I asked Pasha.

“Ready to go.” He nodded and pointed down the deserted hallway.

In the stall, I helped Mia rearrange her clothing and then I swept her into my arms. Immediately, I wished I hadn’t done that last heavy set of weights. The burn didn’t feel quite so good when I was in danger of dropping her. I clenched my jaw and followed Pasha down the narrow hallway to the back exit. Mia’s face was buried in my neck.

“Even your sweat smells like jasmine,” she murmured.

With a chuckle, I settled her tighter against me. “Oh, yeah?”

“It’s nice. I’ve never liked the way a guy’s sweat smelled before. You were working out again?”

“Yeah.” I gave a curt nod as I slid her into the back of the car.

“You do that a lot.”

“Yeah.”

“But you didn’t always work out this much. ”

I gave her a sideways look as I settled beside her. “No, I didn’t.” Before she could prod any further, I flashed my phone. “I should call David. You don’t think you’re bleeding anymore?”

“No. But it seemed like a lot.” Her chin wobbled. “It was a lot.”

For a moment, I examined her, tried to decide if I should prod, and then I dialed David. “You were scared?”

Instead of answering, she shifted closer, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, drawing her into my side. From the front seat, Pasha stared at us in the rearview mirror, waiting for instructions. On the fourth ring, David picked up the phone.

After a lot of back and forth and a conversation with Mia that had her in tears again, David said he’d come in the morning to check on her before leaving Missouri, but if the bleeding had stopped, rest and avoiding stress was the prescription for tonight. It was the first time we’d had to strike a balance between the need for privacy and secrecy and the potential need for care.

When we got back to the bus, Pasha offered to carry Mia, but she clung to me, and truthfully, I didn’t want Pasha to take her. I liked that she’d called, that I’d been the one she turned to for help. Once the bus was swept for any security issues, I carried Mia up the stairs and back to her bathroom.

“Did you want to shower?”

She nodded, and when I turned to leave, she grabbed my hand. “Will you stay?”

“In here?” I cleared my throat and glanced around the bathroom. Watching her shower and then walking out of here would test every bit of my willpower .

“In my room, tonight. I don’t want to be alone. What if I wake up later and it’s started again? I can’t handle it. I don’t want to handle it.” Tears pooled in her eyes again, and I slid my hand into her hair and pulled her against my chest. That surge of protectiveness I was coming to expect around her consumed me. I’d battle wild animals for her, cross a desert, walk through fire. Whether the intensity was the baby or something else building between us, I’d never felt protective like this for anyone other than family.

Maybe Katie. Maybe. The situations were so different I couldn’t compare them. I hated that she’d come to mind, almost against my will.

“Yeah,” I murmured against her temple. “I’ll stay.”

She eased the sliding door closed between us, and I went to her bed and sat on the edge. My mind wandered to thoughts of her, slick with water from the shower, back arched, and I jumped up, guilt like a lightning strike. I rubbed my face, annoyed with myself. She’d thought she was having a miscarriage, and not even an hour later, my brain was going to places it shouldn’t. When the water shut off, I breathed a sigh of relief.

In the closet to the left, I dug out some sheets. Couch or floor? The couch was outside her bedroom. Would that be better or worse?

The bathroom door slid open, and Mia stood in the entrance, a towel wrapped around her slight figure.

I was screwed. Between the vulnerable look on her face and the dewy dampness of her pale skin, this version of Mia would be seared like a tattoo in my mind. Permanent. Unforgettable. God, I wanted her, and I hated myself for feeling that way right now with the night she’d had.

“You okay?”

She tucked her wet hair behind her ears with her free hand, the other keeping the towel secure around her. “Yeah, I—I probably overreacted.” She looked down at herself. “I saw all the blood, and I knew… I thought…”

I didn’t know what to say. When I asked earlier if she’d been afraid, she avoided the question. Fear would mean she cared, and I didn’t want to push her harder to admit her feelings if she wasn’t ready. She had to be ready.

When she glanced up, she cocked her head, her gaze full of almost playful curiosity. “Are you changing my sheets? I have someone who’ll do that, you know.”

I’d forgotten I was holding them, and I chuckled. “I was trying to figure out if I should sleep on the floor or the couch out there.” I jerked my thumb toward the front of the bus. “I wasn’t sure which you’d prefer.”

She sashayed into the bedroom over to a chest of drawers and let her towel drop to the floor. “Neither.”

All my good intentions burst through every closed window of the bus. I’d seen her naked before, and then there were glimpses of her during every show. But that was different—we were working, surrounded by other people. This was the opposite of that, and every part of me strained at the seams. I moved the sheets in my hand a little lower to conceal what had sprung to attention.

Over her shoulder, she cast a long gaze at me before opening one of the drawers and pulling out a wisp of fabric, tugging it over her head. The pale-pink silk slid along her body. I’d never seen anything sexier. Normally, lingerie looked best on the floor, but this was definitely vying for first place in my memory. That tilt-a-whirl feeling was back but for a very different reason.

“Neither?” My voice was rough with need .

Her palms slid down her body, smoothing out the negligee, drawing it tight against her.

Sweet Jesus. I was in trouble.

She dragged her hair around to rest on her shoulder and flexed her hands. Strange to witness the insecurity creep in as soon as she had clothes on. The thought grounded me, re-centered my desire. However beautiful the outside package was, she needed more from a man than lust, even if she didn’t know it.

“I can go back to my own bus, if you’ve changed your mind.” I was sure that hadn’t been her intention when she’d said she didn’t want me on the floor or the couch, but would she admit it? Would she let herself need me more tonight?

With a fluff of her long hair, she went over to the bed and threw back the covers, crawling in. “The bed is big—a king. You don’t even have to touch me if you don’t want to.” She turned on her side, her back to me. “Up to you.”

Being around her was like being showered with heat and then having someone suddenly turn on the cold water. Burnt or frozen. There didn’t seem to be anything in between. “Maybe I should shower.” I’d been so sweaty when she called, and now that we were back here and things were calmer, I worried I stank.

“I already told you. You smell like jasmine. Those lollipops are lodged in your pores.” She glanced over her shoulder. “There are worse smells.”

Not the most enthusiastic invitation I’d ever gotten, but I knew Mia well enough to understand it was the best I’d get from her tonight. Crossing to the closet, I put the sheets back and gave her one last considering look. Then, I dropped my pants, shed my shirt, and flicked off the light. Darkness descended so completely I was disoriented for a moment .

“You take this whole lights-out thing seriously,” I muttered.

“Weird hours. Weird sleep patterns. I like total darkness.”

I heard her shift in the bed while I fumbled for the edge and slid in behind her. Once I was settled, I listened to her breathing. She’d had a hell of a day. “You okay?”

“No, but I’ll survive. I’m a survivor.”

“What can I do?” Even though it was pitch-black, I turned my head, wishing I could see her face, gauge whether she was telling the truth.

“Would you—” She turned in the bed, and I caught a whiff of lemon and ginger. The sickness had mostly passed for her, but she still stole lollipops whenever she saw the lemon-and-ginger ones. “Will you hold me?”

Her breath brushed against my cheek, and I wrapped my arm around her, drawing her into my chest. Her cheek rested against my bare skin and her fingernail traced slow circles around my nipple. After she’d circled it three or four times, I was so hard I was considering a shower for a different reason. I gathered her hand in mine, stopping the slow madness.

“I thought you liked that. You did last time.”

My chuckle was strained. “Things were a bit different between us then.”

“’Cause I seemed glamorous and not like damaged goods.” She drew her hand back and tried to turn away, but I tightened my grip.

“That’s not what I said. Not what I meant. If we go down this road, sex means more now. There’s more at stake.”

“Sure, cause the stakes ended up being so low last time.”

“You know what I mean.”

She resettled against me, her small hand resting over my heart, and she was quiet for so long I wondered if she had given in to sleep.

“Should I quit the tour?” she whispered.

It took a moment to follow her logic. “Because of what happened tonight? With the bleeding?”

“Do you think he’ll tell me I need to quit?”

“I don’t know. If he does, are you okay with that?”

She let out a long breath. “I had a really bad day.” Her voice was thick with tears. “Maybe it’s a sign to take a break. Cade was never like that before. I don’t know—why would he act like that?”

“You two used to date?”

“A PR stunt, mostly. But yeah. I mean…we’ve slept together before. Today wouldn’t have been the first time. Which he so kindly pointed out while trying to slide his hand between my thighs.”

Tension shot through me, causing all my muscles to tighten. “I’m not a violent guy, Mia. But seeing you like that, knowing what he tried to do? I wanted to beat him, maybe even kill him. I’ve never felt that,” I searched for the right word, “intensity before.”

“You hid it very well.” There was an edge to her voice.

“I didn’t want to scare you.” I huffed out a breath. “He’d just attacked you, and then I get violent?” I rubbed her arm. “But Laura coming in with the useless comments about PR and the nightclub was the pinnacle of stupidity. I know she’s your mom, but…like, what the hell was that?”

“I didn’t tell her what happened.”

“Doesn’t matter. You were clearly upset. The room looked like there’d been a fight. Pasha had to escort him out. Making the leap isn’t rocket science.” I bit off the next comment I wanted to say about how terrible Laura was as a mother. Maybe these things made her a good manager for Mia’s career, but they made her a nightmare as a parent. But I had friends with bad parents, and I learned family lines couldn’t be crossed, even if the family member was awful.

“That’s just my mom.”

Talking about Laura more might cause a rift, and I liked having her tucked into my side, her breath drifting across my chest. I’d have to let it go. “I’m glad you called me.”

She rose onto her elbow, and I could sense more than see her looking down. Her hand slid up my chest and cupped my cheek. Her hair fell around my face as her lips brushed my cheek. “Thank you for coming.”

“Pretty Boy didn’t have much choice once you called me an Uber.” A grin spread across my face, and I pushed her hair back gently. “We need to chat about that nickname.”

“You don’t like it?” Her voice was breathy in the darkness. “You call me Mini sometimes instead of Mia.”

“That’s because you said you were my dictator.”

She muffled her laugh in my neck, and goose bumps rose across my arms. Barely clothed, in bed, in a pitch-black room with one of the sexiest women I’d ever met who happened to be carrying my child, and I was determined I wasn’t going to make any moves. I wasn’t going to be an assertive asshole who read too much into her affection.

“I remember. I can be such a bitch.”

“I’d never call you that.”

“You don’t know me that well yet.” Her lips grazed my ear.

Tonight, I was going to die in this bed and God would make me a saint. St. Tyler, patron saint of sexual frustration.

Nope. Not even that was working as a suitable distraction.

“Do you want me to know you?” My voice was rough with desire, but I couldn’t conceal it any longer. “You can’t seem to decide. ”

“Are you calling me a tease?” She pulled back as though I’d sloshed cold water over her.

“No.” I reached for her when she tried to move away. “I’m saying you seem confused sometimes. Or unsure. Or indecisive. That doesn’t make you a tease. Do you know what you want? I know you thought you did. But is that still what you want?”

Silence stretched in the dark, my hand on her stomach, keeping her within arm’s reach, as it rose and fell with her breathing.

“Not really, no,” she said. “But I don’t think you’ll give me what I want.”

“Try me.” My heart kicked in my chest, and I had to remember not to drive her away. Baby steps.

“I want us to be friends.”

“I think we are.”

“Better friends. Friends who have sex.”

Warmth spread across my body like a wildfire. She’d definitely lassoed the attention of several body parts. “Friends who have sex?”

“Forget it. I knew you’d think it was a dumb idea.”

“No.” My voice was strangled. Her idea wasn’t dumb, just unrealistic. Friends who had sex were in a relationship. Any way you sliced the connection, what she described was exactly what all my long-term relationships had been. “If that’s what you want, what you’ve been thinking about, it’s not dumb.” God knows sex with her crossed my mind about five hundred times a day.

“But you’re not interested.”

I tugged her back against me so her ass connected with my erection, and she could feel just how interested I was. “It’s not that. But it’s a slippery slope. What about after the baby comes? ”

“There is no after. We break ties. We’re just for now.” Her voice had the breathy tone I remembered from our one night together.

“Friendship and sex.”

“Might as well, right?” She turned in my arms and cupped my cheek. “The worst that could happen already did.”

My gut clenched at how na?ve her statement was. Heartbreak. Mine. Hers. Maybe both of us. She’d never experienced it, not the romantic kind, anyway. Foolish to believe our hearts wouldn’t get involved. “You think that arrangement would work?”

“Sure. Why not?” She shifted closer, her hand dancing along my shoulder. “A few months of us getting what we need from each other. Doesn’t have to be more than that. No feelings. Friendship. Sex.”

Should I try to warn her of how devastating heartbreak could be? “After the baby arrives…”

“Once I lose the baby weight, I’m gone. You keep the baby, and I come back…” She took a deep breath, “to this.”

I wanted to say “no,” but my reaction wasn’t related to the sex or to the friendship, but rather to her coming back to this lifestyle, to this environment—alone. Months stretched between now and then. She’d already gone from zero involvement to friends with benefits. Could I get her all in? Is that even what I wanted? Did I want to be all in with her?

“That’s what you want?” A part of me resisted because we’d be making an already messy situation an absolute tornado of emotional madness. She might not feel the chaos coming, but I could sense the changing winds between us.

“I feel safe with you. I just want to feel safe for a while.”

Like an avalanche, any objections I’d had were swept away. I couldn’t deny her something so simple, something everyone should feel.

“Yeah, Mia. If that’s what you need, we can do that.” I located her face, and I brushed my thumb across her cheekbone. “Friendship tonight, though. We gotta make sure you’re okay.”

“Is it really me you’re worried about?” She toyed with the short strands of hair on top of my head.

“Both of you. I worry about both of you.”

Another lengthy silence lay between us while her fingers whittled away the tips of my hair. Should I ask what she was thinking? I could only nudge her so far. If there was even a sliver of light, I’d be able to see her expression. I wasn’t sure she’d have asked if the room wasn’t this dark, if the risk wasn’t minimized by her not being able to see my face.

“We should probably seal the deal with a kiss, don’t you think?” she murmured.

Given how hard I was, that was probably the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. But she nailed me to the cross when she implied she only felt safe with me. A saint, a martyr, I’d do it all.

I drew her toward me, and somehow our lips found each other in the dark, gentle at first, testing. When she angled her head, deepening the kiss, and her tongue slipped into my mouth, I suppressed a groan. I couldn’t stop myself from tightening my grip on her, from meeting her tongue. The kiss went on, coming up for air, and then diving back in for more. When we finally broke apart, we were panting, and my muscles strained with the effort to hold back. Was it possible to die from a hard-on?

Mia touched her forehead to mine and whispered, “I forgot how good you were, how good this was. This is gonna be fun, Pretty Boy.” With a satisfied sigh, she nestled into my side, and it wasn’t long before her breathing evened out .

For a long time, I stared into the darkness and wondered if I was really keeping her safe with this new deal. A hell of a big risk. I told her I’d protect her, and I was a man of my word.

But if I’d been honest with her, I’d have warned her, tried to talk her out of this arrangement. Our new game was more dangerous than the last one, the risks equally volatile for us both.

Feelings didn’t play by anyone’s rules.