Chapter Thirty-Two
A week had passed since the miscarriage, and while Kingston was back to acting as if nothing was amiss, I couldn’t so easily forget the reality of this situation. I’d hoped that he’d put his brother’s death behind him, but I could see it in his eyes every time he trained them on me.
You think I’m a cold-blooded murderer.
First Princeton, and now the baby. Maybe he had a point, although both were accidents.
The latter I hadn’t even known existed. Had it been the hot yoga that day?
Or had it been something more? The more I read up on it, a number of things I had felt beforehand were all warning signs that I had naively dismissed.
If only I had known.
There was no use in blaming myself, because my husband did enough of that for the two of us.
A sigh escaped as I truly realized I was in a losing battle.
Everything had once been so simple. This arrangement was supposed to be a win-win for both of us, but it was more of a colossal failure where I was concerned.
Marrying someone you barely knew or even liked, but had explosive chemistry with in the sheets, seemed easy enough.
In return, I’d be protected from someone far worse and more evil.
“But the evilest of ones was you,” I said as I stared at a solo picture of Kingston in a frame on his mantle.
For self-preservation purposes, I’d chosen to steer clear of those of him and his brother.
Princeton used to haunt me every night for at least the first year, but I eventually accepted what I had done and moved on.
Now, it was fresh in my head again, and I had to grieve and mourn all over.
But it wasn’t for Princeton. Maybe for the loss of a life at my hands, but never for him specifically.
I picked up the frame with Kingston’s picture, then traced my finger over his face.
Even in this one, he was so devastatingly handsome.
And arrogant. Those piercing blue eyes and all-knowing smirk.
It infuriated me most days as much as it warmed me up from within.
This man could make me hot by simply existing, and it was so unfair to be able to have that effect on someone else and with such little effort.
I missed him. The longer I stared down at his smiling face, the more it hit me. I loved the verbal sparring we often did, and the way he would take control in the bedroom. Even when he was being a domineering jackass, I still yearned to submit to him, and did night after endless night.
That had all changed after the miscarriage. Was he actually concerned about me physically? Or was it what happened once we’d gotten home that had him distant, although still here? It was him simply going through the motions. And it fucking hurt. Badly!
What the hell’s happening to me?
I had no idea. One day, I hated the very air he breathed.
To have him not want to talk to or be around me should’ve made me so happy.
But on other days, I needed to feel his arms around me and have him assure me that everything would be okay.
He couldn’t do it because the truth was that he might just end this entire charade completely.
And if he did, where would that leave me?
I knew, and the very thought of going from one arranged marriage to another left a bitter taste in my mouth.
It also pierced the armor I had built around my heart because even it couldn’t stop the blasted organ from shattering.
I loved Kingston, and while it hadn’t always been that way, I knew it would never be transferred to someone like Aram.
In fact, I wasn’t sure I could ever allow myself to feel anything for anyone ever again.
The sound of the keypad on the outside door jolted me back to the present. Knowing it was Kingston, I quickly put the photograph back on the mantle, then walked to the window where I was standing when he opened the door.
Kingston said nothing as he closed it, then walked into the kitchen. I didn’t need to turn to know that he was watching me. The searing heat from his intense gaze was enough for me to know it. As I continued to stare outside, he grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator and opened it.
Finally, he spoke. “We have an appointment with Dr. Kane today.”
“I know,” I said softly.
“Aren’t you going to change or something?” he asked me.
I did turn in that moment, then shrugged. “Probably not. There’s nothing wrong with what I have on.”
And there wasn’t. I was in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. It wasn’t the normal attire I would wear when heading out, but my motivation to do more than lie in bed or walk around this godforsaken place and mope was zilch.
“Have it your way,” he finally said, before I heard him head upstairs.
I closed my eyes at the sound of his voice, and I knew he was still displeased with me.
The playful bantering and wickedly hot sex we used to have were basically over.
He resented me for multiple things, and if I didn’t end this soon, I would grow to resent more than myself and my choices.
I would also resent him, and once I did, I wouldn’t be able to live with him.
The only problem was that I had little idea how I would live without him, either.
Kingston soon rejoined me downstairs, and I knew he was ready to leave.
After grabbing my stuff, I stepped outside and realized this was the first time in days that I’d been out of the loft.
The sunshine was brighter than I’d ever remembered it being, and I couldn’t tell if the slight goosebumps rising on my arms were from the light breeze or the way he stood so close to me without actually touching me.
Do you miss me at all?
It was a ridiculous thing to think, so I forced that question and any like it from my mind.
He helped me into the car, which was more than I thought he would do at this juncture.
Once he took his place beside me, the enclosed space seemed to close in on me.
He was so close that our legs were touching, and his scent was everywhere, enveloping me in all things Kingston.
The drive to the doctor’s office was spent in silence, and the visit itself was even shorter.
I’d basically gone into Dr. Kane’s office and had a short ultrasound done along with a few tests.
With their in-house lab, they were able to tell me that my hormone levels looked great, and she was equally as pleased with what she saw during the ultrasound.
“There’s no reason to think the two of you won't get pregnant again. Perhaps it was just not the right time before, but I have no reason to think that you won’t be able to conceive and carry a child full term.”
“Are you sure?” Kingston asked her.
I had no idea why he cared, and almost said as much, but I kept my mouth shut as the two of them talked to one another about me as if I wasn’t in the same room.
To make a baby, he would have to touch me, and over the course of the last few days, he likely would’ve rather singed his fingerprints off rather than do so.
“I would still like to see you back here in a month, Mrs. Brannington,” the doctor said to me, and I finally snapped out of my lethargy and nodded.
On our way out of the office, I made the appointment, then silently followed Kingston to the elevators. Once inside, he looked over at me. “I’m hungry. We should go to dinner.”
“Whatever for?” I asked him. “We can talk when you get home. I just want to be alone.”
Midway down, he used his fist to smash the stop button, and the elevator came to a jarring stop. I stepped back until my ass hit the railing, and he advanced on me. The moment he cupped the side of my face, I forced my eyelids shut to stop the threatening tears behind them.
“The last few days have been hard on us both, and?—”
“On us both?” I asked as I found my voice, and didn’t even bother trying to hide a single ounce of disdain from it. “You’ve gone on as if your life wasn’t rocked off its axis while I was left to deal with guilt over the miscarriage and your fucked up attitude regarding Princeton.”
“I understand that, which is why I think we should go to dinner and discuss our future.”
My eyes widened at that because my worst fears were coming true. Kingston was about to wash his hands of me, either by leaving me defenseless to fend for myself, or by turning me over to someone who should’ve been a bigger monster than even him. And one, I could no longer think that about.
“Fine,” I muttered, which obviously pleased him enough because he restarted the elevator and we finished our descent down without any further delay.