Chapter Thirty-Four
T his man had the power to weaken me, and he knew it as he so effortlessly wielded it over me like the most effective weapon in his arsenal.
He had been talking in riddles tonight, his attitude a bit different than the usual indifference I had come to expect from him.
I almost didn’t want to know what caused the change in him, and I wouldn’t as long as I didn’t let him speak.
He called me his wife and the mother of his potential son, but he never once did anything to indicate that either of those things meant anything different than the papers he’d made me sign before the nuptials.
Some people had prenuptial agreements to separate wealth and assets, but his had been a binding contract to take his name, wear his ring, and hang on his arm in public.
It was also legally binding for me to produce an heir that I’d never have sole rights to.
Just the thought of actually having to fight him in court for custody, or god forbid visitation, would rip my heart straight out of my chest.
Anything to do with Kingston had the power to do that now.
If only I knew then what I knew now. Hindsight was quite the bitch.
Of course, I could be too. And I supposed that I had been.
While I was upset that I had lost a baby, I hadn’t known I was even pregnant, so I had never had a chance to truly embrace the idea of being a mother.
Maybe I hadn’t wanted it enough. Or maybe I hadn’t deserved it enough. Whatever it was, it was gone now.
“Fuck, puisín,” Kingston rasped the moment he tore his mouth away from mine. “Why can’t everything be as easy as this?”
“Because life isn’t easy,” I replied before pushing at his chest. Kingston took about three steps back, which allowed me just enough space to slide past him. Once I did, I headed toward the stairs until he called my name. “What?”
“I know it’s hard to fathom, but I do believe you.”
I turned in that moment. “Believe me about what?”
“Does it matter?”
“You’re the one who brought it up,” I said, and when he said nothing, I threw my hands up in surrender. “But never mind. You don’t have to say it, or anything else. I’m going to take a nap.”
“Don’t go,” he said to me, then added, “Please.”
Never one to grovel, the pleading in his voice caused a fresh batch of tears to spring to my eyes.
“What do you want from me, Kingston? I’m so tired of trying to figure you out.
It’s a mission of futility, and I’m too tired to play this game tonight.
And I’ve come to realize that I no longer need to. ”
“Ekaterina,” he said to me, and I flashed a watery smile at him as the first tear fell.
“I already know what you’re going to say to me, and in case you haven’t caught on, I don’t want to hear it right now. I can’t bear it.”
“You have no idea what I want to say to you. I?—”
“It could be any number of things, so I’ll make it really easy on you. Just pick something for fuck’s sake so I can go upstairs to be alone for a while.”
“What do you want me to pick?” he asked as he moved toward me.
I backed my way to the staircase, then grimaced the moment my upper back made contact with the sharp edge of iron on the railing.
“You either want to tell me that you’re handing me off to my father and/or Aram, or that you’ll never get past me killing your brother, and—” As something flashed in his eyes, I knew the latter was it.
“I’m sorry that you lost Princeton, but he wasn’t the man you knew.
At least not that night. I’d never intended for him, or anyone else, to lose their life, but?—”
“I know that now. That’s what I’ve been trying to say. It was an accident. A tragic one, but an accident nonetheless.”
With his admission of the truth, I should’ve felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but I knew he still hated me despite it. “When did you come to that conclusion?”
“Yesterday. The day before. I don’t know. After our blow-up the day of the miscarriage, I left and was determined to find the proof to back up what I’d always believed. In searching for that, I did receive some answers. Only, they were not the ones I’d expected to get.”
“I told you that it was an accident.”
“I know, and I’m sorry I never believed you.
When I’d heard that Princeton was on life support, I’d dropped everything to sit at his bedside.
As I begged him to come back to me and our family, he instead just wasted away minute by minute and day after day, until his heart finally gave out.
In that moment, I vowed to rip the heart out of the one responsible for this, and?—”
I clapped my hands. “Well, you’ve succeeded.
Congratu-fucking-lations! Knowing that someone had lost their life at my hands had weighed heavily on me my entire adult life.
I will accept and endure that, but I will not apologize for his death, because the truth is that he destroyed something within me that night as well.
He’d killed any innocence I had left, and I refuse to feel sorry that he’s gone where he can never hurt me or anyone else ever again. ”
“The man he was that night...It wasn’t who he truly was. Princeton?—”
“I knew him, Kingston. I went to school with him for years. He thought he was above everyone because his last fucking name was Brannington. The girls flocked to him, the teachers catered to him, and no one dared to ever refuse him anything until me. I’d fought back against his self-entitlement and denied him, then he’d tried to rape me.
For a while, I thought he might even succeed.
Right now, I can’t muster up any words that’ll help you, nor do I want to. I’m mentally exhausted.”
With that, I started up the stairs, but the next few seconds happened in such a blur.
I went from ascending them on my own, to lying back against them as Kingston covered my body with his, effectively trapping me underneath him.
My eyes met his, and there was something I’d never seen swirling in those blue depths of his.
“I’m the one who needs to apologize to you.
For Princeton, and more importantly, for me.
I’ve harbored so much hatred for you over the years, and it was a switch I couldn’t simply turn off.
And I wanted to because God knows how good it felt to be with you, but I could never allow myself to trust you.
On anything, and I was wrong . I’m saying I’m wrong. ”
“I never thought I’d hear those three words come out of your mouth,” I whispered.
“And they’re not even the three words that matter.”
He reached down and stroked my cheek until I turned my face into his palm. “Which words are you talking about?”
“Love, Ekaterina. God knows I’ve tried so damn hard not to, but I fucking love you!”
Between the sincerity I saw in his eyes and the truth I heard in his words, more tears began to fall, and I started to sob. Just like the girl my father had always accused me of being, I started to cry instead of telling him that I also loved him.
He leaned in and started trying to kiss my pain away, but I needed to cry this out.
For years, I’d wanted someone to tell me that they’d believed me.
Hearing it from anyone would’ve been cathartic enough on its own, but to have those words come from him of all people, crushed me in a deeper, yet better, way.
“And I’m sorry about the baby,” he said as he pulled his head back. He then began to kiss along the shell of my ear before taking my lobe between his teeth and giving it a sharp tug. “And I’m even sorrier that I’m not going to let you go to sleep. Not now, or for hours. I...need...you...”
I clutched the sides of his face in my hands, then pulled his head down toward mine. “I need you, too.”
“Is tú mo ghrá,” he rasped moments before fusing his mouth to mine.
I needed no translation as I had looked up those very words a few times, wondering what it would sound like to hear them directed at me.
Kingston loved me. It was crazy to think about, especially since we’d just been at one another’s throats.
It was always like that for us, and I suspected it would remain that way as well.
We’re like water and oil...fire and ice...love and hate...
We were basically two sides of the same but different coin, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
While there was still plenty of fight inside of me, I gave it all up.
Surrendering to Kingston and the kiss, I lost myself in the moment, at least until he pulled away.
I watched him kneel on the steps, then yank his shirt off.
“I need you naked now,” he said to me, and I’d finished shedding mine at the same time he did his.
“Fuck me, Kingston,” I said to him as I stared up into his now navy eyes. “Please.”