Chapter 7
OWEN
I was a walking zombie, refusing to go back to that house. The house I once shared with my wife. The house that sat empty and bereft of her presence.
I couldn’t stand to be there without her. With the constant reminders of the things left behind. Her vanilla perfume sat on the dresser, the once healthy orchid was dying on our kitchen bench, the black heels in our closet that she wore to our last anniversary dinner.
Alexis’ ghost tormented me at every turn, and grief had me overtaken. She was so thoroughly removed and ripped from my life that I didn’t know what to do.
I packed a travel bag of clothes and crashed at my parents. They were trying their best to support me, but I could feel their disappointment, could sense the regret from my brother.
Which was a step better than the rest of the town. Bitter resentment permeated from each whisper, every piece of gossip not so subtly reaching my ears. Everyone was talking about my betrayal, and the worst part was that I couldn’t even defend myself. Didn’t even want to.
They spoke no word of a lie. Sure, some of the rumours were far-fetched and exaggerated, but the main focus remained the same. I was a good-for-nothing cheat who lost the respect and dignity of all those I loved.
Everly continued to blow up my phone, wanting to discuss future plans for our baby— my baby . I still hadn’t really come to terms with everything. It almost felt like an abstract concept. As if all that was happening wasn’t actually happening to me.
I maintained a daily check-in to make sure the baby and Everly were healthy, but besides that, I had no energy left to give them. All my resources were geared towards staying alive.
It sounded dramatic, but it’s truly how I felt—like I was fighting just to remain present and afloat. With barely enough power to eat or sleep, I lost weight, only leaving the house to go to work or stake out Alexis’ parents’ home.
Which is where I was at that moment. I knew I was a complete fool, but it was the only way I could breathe, to be near someone who was in contact with her in order to feel close to her in some way— any way.
I leafed through the divorce papers again, the ends fraying from my rough handling. Alexis wanted me to sign, but every time I picked up the pen, my fingers wouldn’t move.
A rapt knock on my driver’s window made me jump. I was so far inside my own head I hadn’t noticed Harriot approaching.
I wound down the window with a guilty expression, and Harriot sighed with pity. “Owen, you can’t keep doing this. We’ve told you she’s not coming back, and we won’t talk to her for you.”
My features dropped. I couldn’t even look her in the face. “I know, Mrs Thorne.” I used to call her Harriot, at times even using the endearment “Mum”. That privilege had since been revoked.
“You don’t look well, Owen. You need to start taking care. If not for yourself, for your baby.”
I flinched. When will I come to terms with my new role?
“I just…” Just what, asshole? My hands scrunched the papers, making a crinkly sound. “I just want to talk to her. I need to hear from her that she’s sure about the… About the divorce."
Harriot’s eyes softened when we were interrupted by her phone ringing. She checked the number, then seemed hesitant before her expression hardened. “Now, I’m not doing this to be cruel. I’m doing this so you can finally move on, Owen.”
Before I could make out her meaning, she answered her phone and put it on speaker. “Mum? I missed your call earlier. Everything okay?”
Alexis. I hadn’t heard her voice in months. Silent tears poured down my face as Harriot gave me a sad expression before she replied. “Baby girl, I know you’ve forbidden us from talking about it, about Owen.” I heard Alexis gasp on the other end. She wasn’t expecting that. “Alexis, I just wanted to ask once, and I promise I’ll never ask again.”
One second, two. “Ask.”
“Do you want this divorce? I’m not questioning you to defend anyone. I’m only asking as your mother. You’re my only concern, and there is no rush to come to a decision. Is this divorce what you truly want?”
I held my breath.
“Truly want?” she asked, her voice marked with all the bitter pain I felt inside. “ How the hell should I know? This was never the future I envisioned, Mum. We were going to try for a baby next year. Instead, he fucked my friend, and now he’s having a baby with her , not me . You’re asking me if this is what I want? Of course this isn’t what I fucking want! Yet, they gave me no choice! He gave me no choice.”
Alexis was weeping at that point, and the broken sound tore me apart. What the fuck is wrong with me? By fighting the divorce, I was delaying the inevitable. My need to keep her only hurt her more. When would I stop hurting her? Now. This has to end now .
I closed my eyes and let my head drop backwards against the headrest. Defeated. I was completely defeated.
Alexis sniffled. “Look, Mum. I know you just want the best for me, but I’ll call you back later, okay?”
“Alright, my girl. I love you,” Harriot replied. Then, the call ended.
I took a minute to compose myself, then mustered up enough courage to face Harriot. “Thank you, Mrs Thorne.”
Tears gathered in her eyes as she reached out to grip my shoulder. “Don’t thank me for that, son.” The endearment took me so off guard that I nearly passed out from her touch. When a set of lights came up behind me, the car parked, and my parents got out.
“You called them?”
“I had to,” Harriot said sympathetically. “You made a bad decision, Owen. That doesn’t make you evil, it makes you human. I will always be angry for what you did to my baby girl, but you have to learn to live with your actions. Just like she has to. You have bigger priorities to worry about now. Find peace in that.” And with that parting statement, Harriot left me with my parents.