Chapter 20
ALEXIS
“Do you think it’s too sexy? Like it’s giving the message that this is a date?” I asked Alicia, who was on video chat while I modelled my outfit for her.
“Is it a date?”
“No?”
“Then why did that sound like a question?”
I huffed, and Alicia smirked.
“I’m nervous,” I admitted. I was on the verge of breaking out in hives.
“You used to be married, Lex. You’ve seen each other’s private parts. You’ll be fine.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know this is different.”
Alicia’s expression turned from teasing to gentle. “I know. I think it will be good for you to get some closure. Hell, you don’t even date… Especially after that one-night stand with no-name daddy—”
“You’re lucky Austin isn’t here,” I snapped. Alicia chuckled.
“Alexis. No matter what you wear, Owen will be drooling over you. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you in the hospital, and let’s just say you weren’t at your best then.” No shit. I had gone days with hardly any sleep.
“Thanks, I think? Ali, do you think this is a good idea?”
“It’s overdue, Lex. Especially since you’ve moved back to town. It will be better for you to put him behind you… or under you,” she said with a wink.
“There will be none of that .”
“Shit, why not? It’s been how long? You’ve got to brush off the cobwebs sometime, sis.”
“With my cheating ex? I can do better.”
“Of course you can! And I’ve told you that many times. But you’re forgetting something.”
“What?”
“In the last four years, I’ve never seen you fret over your outfit.”
I groaned. She was right.
“Be strong. You can do this. Yell at him, shut him out forever, fuck his brains out. Whatever your decision is, it will be the right one.”
Owen picked me up as my parents were out running errands with Austin. I’d set it up perfectly so my nosy little boy didn’t get any crazy ideas.
There was a new café a while away that was situated in the middle of the botanical gardens that we thought we’d try out. It also helped that we left the vicinity of Acacia Falls, knowing that gossip would make the rounds by the end of the day if we were spotted.
As Owen drove, I discreetly scanned his profile. Believe it or not, he had grown more handsome since I’d left. In my head, he had turned into some fat ogre with no teeth, fitting the villain role well.
However, sitting beside me with the sun beaming over his chiselled features, I knew I was in trouble.
He looked like my husband. Smelt like my husband. Yet he was not my husband.
A melancholy aura stained the air, blatantly displaying my wayward thoughts.
Owen glanced over in concern. “I have an idea. Why don’t we just catch up for a bit, ease into it? Talk about what we’ve been up to. Based on your boy, you’ve had an eventful few years.”
He cocked his head as I gave my first genuine smile. Austin, I could talk about.
And just like that, I poured out the story of the stranger, the accidental pregnancy and the life-altering change of birthing my baby into the world. I wasn’t ashamed. I’d never be. All my decisions led me to being the mother of the most magnificent boy.
When I came to an end, Owen was beaming, catching on to my contagious enthusiasm, which made me pause. It’s amazing what your mind can shut out until you’re slapped with the reminder directly across the face, the imprint leaving an indentation so deep there’s no way you can ignore it.
Owen was my best friend. He used to be the one I would run to, to celebrate in all my wins and comfort me in my losses.
He was who I would confide in, cry on, complain to or love on. He was my everything for a while.
I miss him. I miss him so fucking much.
As we settled in the quaint café, we continued on in a similar fashion. Owen filled in the gaps of his life. He put a lot of emphasis on his work and how he found fulfilment through his physiotherapist role. With a lot of effort and hard work, he was promoted to the head of his department, which was impressive. He also mentioned how involved he was with his family, and proudly decreed that he was Cooper’s favourite uncle—and only uncle.
The catch-up was surprisingly pleasant. No awkward silences, no strained pauses. It felt like I was with a long lost friend, and in a weird way, I was. The talk was easy with no heavy topics, which I appreciated at first, although we could both feel the inevitable shift starting to occur as our conversation naturally tapered off.
“You want to go for a walk in the gardens?” Owen asked.
I knew it was the end of our comfortable bubble. No more running.
“Yes.”
The gardens were beautiful and expansive, which helped with privacy as we couldn’t see anyone nearby.
My rib cage stuttered as my mind went spinning. I don’t know if I can do this.
Then, his voice cut in. “ Breathe , Lex. I will answer anything you ask, and I will be truthful. There is no rush. We can even do this another time. Whatever you want.”
Listening, I inhaled deeply, regaining composure. I was the one who requested the meeting, the one who asked to rehash our old shit. I knew if I left without getting answers, I’d be pissed at myself, so I plunged over the edge and asked.
“ How long were you having an affair?”
“It was once. Only with her, and only ever once.”
“Was it premeditated? Were you always interested in her?”
“No, to both.”
“Did you… Did you do it in our house?”
“No.”
“Were you going to leave me for her?”
“No.”
“Did you love her?”
“Never.” Hmm. That one had a bit of bite to it.
I was surprised by his answers. For so long, I had warped so many scenarios in my head that in the end I told myself he must have loved her to implode our marriage. He must have wanted her for a long time to betray me like he did.
Though, with his simple replies, he had just blown those makeshift assumptions to pieces. I was so thoroughly poisoned by my own pain I couldn’t even see the truth anymore. And that was what he was offering me—the truth.
“Can you… Can you start from the beginning?” I asked, staring up at him.
He didn’t look at me, instead gazing off into the distance.
“That day you asked me to help her. I didn’t want to go. You remember?” I spared a nod. “I reluctantly went, and thought it would take a couple of hours tops, but the dresser was a fucking flatpack and took forever to assemble. By the time I was finished, it was already night.
“I didn’t know Everly well. I only knew her as your friend. Before then, I had never been alone with her—ever. But during the day, we talked, hung out and got along well. I remember being surprised at how pleasant her company was.”
I interrupted. I couldn’t help it. “Pleasant as in a sexual attraction?”
“Not at all.” I gave him a glare, but he didn’t backtrack. “I was not sexually attracted to her, but there were signs I chose to ignore.”
“Signs?”
“She was hitting on me all day. Subtle touches here, a few compliments there. Now that I think back on it, she was quite blatant.”
“So you fell victim to her advances?” I huffed. Could he feel the fumes permeating from my skin? ’Cause I sure felt like I was on fire.
He went to reach for me as if out of habit until he caught himself. Smart move.
“No. I actually ignored them or excused them away with some bullshit reasoning or other. So, when she offered dinner, I said yes. And when she passed me a full glass of wine, I said yes again.”
“ Oh, god. ”
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, his voice strained so much that I thought his throat was closing.
I shook my head, and he ran a hand through his hair but continued.
“I was wine-drunk out of my mind. Literally passed out on her couch when I woke up with her mouth on me. I was so out of it, I didn’t even know what was happening—”
“Wait, what?” I interrupted. Owen was renowned for being a lightweight and sloppy drunk, especially on wine. Everyone knew that, including Everly. “You weren’t even aware of your surroundings? That’s serious, Owen.”
He gave a defeated sigh. “Yeah. I didn’t realise it at the time, but my therapist said Everly assaulted me since I was so intoxicated I didn’t even recognise her.”
The earth paused on its axis as the new revelation hit me with the weight of the moon itself.
“ Oh, my. ” I crumbled. Right there on the pavement. “She… She sexually assaulted you? Fuck!” The thin tether holding my emotions in check just collapsed.
Why? Why? Why?
I came to on a garden bench, Owen sitting next to me, running his hands down my back—placating me, petting me, soothing me.
“Maybe we should stop,” he said.
“No, please. I want to know the rest… If that’s okay with you?”
“I’ll give you whatever you want, Lex. I’ve had a lot of time to wrestle these demons, so they’re not as fresh for me as they are for you right now.”
He inhaled deeply, then detangled himself until we weren’t touching anymore.
“It’s hard to reconcile… I could easily use Everly as an excuse, but her shitty actions don’t cancel out my own.”
Then, he gave me his eyes, full of heartbreak, and I knew I wouldn’t like what he said next. “Although I was out of it at first, there was a point there where I was fully aware, cognitive and in control of my actions. At that point, I still … We still—”
“You still continued … to fuck her,” I said, defeated.
“It was only a second. A lapse in judgement. Then, I threw her off me and ran. But that one second sealed my fate. Everly committed a disgusting act. But I wasn’t fully innocent either.”
I remained silent because what the hell was I supposed to say?
Owen shook his head. “When I got my shit together, I ran out of there straight away. I didn’t even… I didn’t come.”
“Like that’s supposed to mean anything!” I spat. Shit, shit, shit. This isn’t the way it was supposed to go.
Owen turned his imploring eyes on me. “It wouldn’t mean anything… if she hadn’t lied and said I knocked her up.”
“ Lied? ”