Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
STEVIE
S weat beaded at my temples and my armpits felt sticky. My shoulders were pinned, my spine stiff, and after sitting like this for nearly an hour, my muscles were screaming.
Perfect posture was incredibly painful. My entire frame was tense, and no matter how hard I tried to ignore Maverick behind me, he might as well be perched on my lap for how he pulled my focus.
Every few minutes, his knees nudged against my shoulders. There were the occasional, light tugs at the ends of my hair like his fingers would brush the strands. And his cologne. Damn him for always smelling so good. Every inhale was a reminder that he was right here, right behind me.
Why was he here? Was he interested in one of the girls on the team? Maybe he’d rekindled his thing with Megan.
That idea, combined with my nerves, made me want to puke on Taylor’s shoes .
“That new freshman is good,” Jennsyn said, nodding to the hitter that had taken her place on the team.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Definitely.”
Was she good? I had no fucking clue and would have to take Jennsyn’s word for it. Because despite staring straight ahead, pretending like my attention was locked on the gym floor, I didn’t have a clue what was happening on the court.
“I’ll admit I don’t know much about volleyball,” Taylor said, leaning close so I could hear him over the noise.
The moment his arm touched mine, Maverick’s knee bumped my shoulder blade.
I gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to turn and pretend like I hadn’t felt a thing.
“It’s fairly straightforward,” I told Taylor in yet another short answer to one of his questions.
To his credit, Taylor had tried for an hour to make easy conversation. He’d asked me about my job at Adair. About where I’d grown up. About my plans for Thanksgiving and if I had a favorite restaurant in town.
I’d tried to engage. I’d smiled and answered his questions, with albeit short replies, and asked a few of my own in return. But it was so hard to concentrate and relax.
At this point, I just wanted to go home.
“How many sets will they play?” Taylor asked.
But before I could answer, Maverick’s knees were at my back again, pressed firm as he leaned forward. “Best out of five,” he said, answering Taylor’s question.
His voice was so close I could smell the hint of his cinnamon gum.
I closed my eyes, swallowing hard.
There was a pack of cinnamon gum in my purse. I chewed it to torture myself. To remember what his mouth tasted like.
“First to win three sets,” Maverick explained. “They play to twenty-five. Have to win by two.”
Now he was a volleyball expert? Had Megan been giving him lessons after their hookups? God, I was going to be sick.
“Thanks,” Taylor muttered, dismissing Maverick with a quick glance. Then he leaned in closer, like he was trying to block Maverick out.
Except there was no blocking him out. He was in my head. Impossible to ignore or forget.
I jammed my elbow backward, hitting his shin, but it only made Maverick inch closer.
“Stevie played setter when she was on the team.” He pushed an arm between Taylor and me, pointing to the girl who’d taken my place.
“Do you mind?” Taylor asked, giving Maverick a glare.
“Just trying to explain the game.” Mav held up a hand and leaned away. But those knees never left my back.
“How do you two know each other?” Taylor asked me.
“Our parents are good friends.” I spoke loud enough for Maverick to hear. “I’ve hated him since we were ten.”
The outside hitter, the girl Jennsyn had mentioned was good, delivered a kill and the crowd shot to their feet, the third set finished and a win for the Wildcats.
It was two to one, Wildcats leading the Griz. One more set and we’d be the winners.
Except I didn’t think I could stand another set. The air was too thick and stuffy, the heat becoming unbearable.
“I’m going to get a water,” I told Taylor. “Be back in a few. ”
He nodded, his hand touching my elbow before I shifted toward Jennsyn and Toren.
“You okay?” she asked, eyes darting to the row behind us.
No. No, I wasn’t okay. “Just need some water.”
“Sure.” She gave me a sad smile as I shuffled past her and Toren.
When I reached the stairs, I jogged to the floor and hurried out of the gym. The noise from the game grew dimmer and dimmer as I made my way along the familiar fieldhouse hallways, passing the concession stand and the bathrooms. I didn’t stop until I was outside, finally filling my lungs with the crisp night air.
The cold should have chased the dizziness away. It should have cleared my head and settled my stomach. But my knees felt weak and the twist of my insides only tightened.
I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t watch another game with Maverick here. Especially if he was here to watch Megan.
After gulping down another cool inhale, I started for the parking lot, digging out my phone to text Jennsyn as I weaved between cars for where I’d parked the Jeep.
Tell Taylor I’m sorry.
She replied instantly with three hearts.
Jennsyn was the only person who knew about what had really happened with Maverick.
I fished out my keys, hitting the fob to unlock the doors. Except before I could reach the row where my taillights flashed, footsteps sounded at my back.
“Go away,” I said, not bothering to turn. I’d learned the sound of Maverick chasing after me a long time ago.
“Why is there a for-sale sign in front of your house?” he called .
“Because I’m moving.” I whirled, crossing my arms over my chest so he wouldn’t see my shaking fingers as he came to a stop in front of me.
“You’re not moving.”
“Yes, actually. I am moving.”
His jaw worked. “Since when?”
“Since yesterday. It was a whim. Me being spontaneous.”
“You’re not spontaneous.”
“I am now.” I pointed over his shoulder to the fieldhouse. “You’re going to miss the rest of the game. Better hurry on back so you can catch Megan in action.”
“I’m not here for Megan.”
My racing heart climbed into my throat, and even if I knew what to say, speaking was impossible.
“Ask me why I’m here.” Maverick moved even closer until I could feel the heat from his chest.
I shook my head.
“It’s Saturday,” he said. “I hate Saturdays without you. And if the only way I can spend them with you is by crashing your fucking date with another guy, so be it.”
It wasn’t a date, not really, but I couldn’t bring myself to correct him. He could suffer for a few minutes.
I’d been suffering for seven weeks.
His fingers came to my hair, pushing it away from my temple. “I’m sorry, Stevie. And if I have to spend the rest of my life groveling and begging for you to give me a second chance, then I’ll do it every day and twice on Saturdays.”
He didn’t have to grovel. I’d promised him I’d be here when he was ready.
Except I still couldn’t find my voice. My heart was lodged in my throat, and if I opened my mouth, I’d probably start to cry.
“My grief counselor thinks I’ll be lucky if you take me back.”
I blinked, replaying that statement. He was going to a grief counselor? Since when?
“But I told her that we’d make it. That there wasn’t a person on this earth who knows me the way you do. That you knew, before I did, that I’d need time to sort myself out. That we might have started this thing as fake, but it’s real. We’ve got merit. And we’ll make it because I love you. Because I’ve always loved you, Nadine.”
A tear dripped down my cheek before I could stop it.
Maverick caught it with his thumb.
“It’s been seven weeks,” I whispered, finally finding my voice. “I’m so fucking mad at you.”
“I’m mad at me too.”
I swiped at my eye before another tear could fall. “Did you tell my dad you’d take a job at Adair?”
“Yes.” The corner of his mouth twitched. “I knew it would piss you off. And you’re beautiful when you’re mad.”
“Then I guess I’ve never looked better.” I took a step away, glaring up at him.
It only made him smile. “How long do you think you’ll be mad?”
“Awhile. I’m good at grudges.”
“I’ll wait.” He stepped forward and took my face in his hands. “I love you.”
I should push him away. Get in my Jeep and go home. Except I didn’t want to go home alone.
My house, a space I’d once loved, had considered a sanctuary, was no longer in my own Top Five favorite places. Not without Maverick.
Maybe we both needed to make up a new Top Five. Together.
“Are you okay?” Despite my anger, despite my stubbornness to make him pay for a few more moments, I’d spent seven weeks worrying. And even though he never told me how he was feeling, I had to ask anyway.
“No, I’m not okay.” He leaned back to give me a sad smile. “I’m sad. I miss Mom. I’ve been a dick to my family more often than not. I’m wearing myself thin trying to fill every moment of every day so that I don’t have time to hurt. School is harder than I’d planned for my last year. Football is almost over, and I’m not sure who I’ll be without it. Mabel is eventually going to marry Kai, and I’m pretty sure Bodhi likes spending time with him over me, which makes me insanely jealous and glad at the same time. Rush is going to get drafted this spring and then he’ll leave Montana and take Faye and Rally, so I’ll be all by myself. I miss you so much it’s hard to breathe. Oh, and you went on a date tonight and your house is for sale. So no, I’m not okay.”
I stared at him, eyes wide. “That’s . . .”
“Real.”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“I’m not good at real. But I’ll try to be real with you.” His hand cupped my face. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “I’m on a blind-ish date when I’d rather be at home in my sweats. I made a spontaneous decision to sell my house, my realtor is pushy, and I’ve been overthinking it ever since. It’s exhausting trying to avoid you while always thinking about you. I miss your mom. I hate my bed. I love you, and I kind of want to strangle you too. ”
Maverick reached for me, but before he could say anything, Taylor’s voice drifted across the lot as he walked our way.
“Stevie? Are you all right?”
Maverick twisted to scowl over his shoulder. “Date’s over, man. She’s taken.”
“Maver—”
His mouth crushed mine, and my protest was lost with the swirl of his tongue, the taste of cinnamon gum.
Time warped as his lips fused with mine. One moment, it was just the two of us in the parking lot. The next, the crowd from inside was streaming outside, people getting in cars.
A car behind us turned on their headlights, forcing us apart and out of the way.
Maverick hauled me into his arms, breathing in my hair. Then he tipped his face to the night sky and let out a laugh. “She loves me, Mom. I think we’re going to be okay.”
Yeah. We were going to be just fine.