Chapter 13
Christian
Ihadn’t been home long when I got a call from Angel, asking if we could talk. She told me that she had something serious on her mind that she’d wanted to talk to me about a couple of days ago, but we’d never gotten around to it.
After we had eaten, she changed into the lingerie, and I made love to her like she was the only woman ever to experience lovemaking.
Her mother had called right after we finished making love and told her that Belle had been running a fever, so she had showered and bolted out of my place.
The last couple of days, she had been dealing with a sick Belle, who was teething.
I had dropped by and taken them a care package, but left her to it, because she was in full mommy mode. I turned the dishwasher on and was sweeping the kitchen floor when my doorbell rang.
I headed to the door, expecting to see Angel, but was shocked when I saw my ex-girlfriend, Erica, instead. It had been a while since I had seen her. She had been by my new place only once since I had moved in.
“Hey, girl. What’s going on with you?”
“I’m good. How about you?” she asked, walking inside my apartment as I held the door open.
“I think I’m good, unless you’re here to tell me differently.”
She laughed as she looked around my place. “I like how you decorated it in here. Looks good and filled with holiday cheer. Let me guess, your new girl hooked you up.”
“Nah, I did this myself. What makes you think I’m incapable of decorating?”
Shrugging, she took a seat and replied, “You never did it when we were together.”
“That’s because your bossy ass never let anyone do anything that you didn’t approve of. It was easier to go along with whatever you wanted than to argue.”
“I wasn’t that bad.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“What do you think you’re doing, Chris?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“With Angel. She’s a sweet girl.”
“What do you mean, what am I doing? Dating her.”
“She’s Jeremiah’s ex. You’re dead wrong for that.”
“Look, don’t come over here judging me.”
“I know what you’re up to.”
“What am I up to, Erica?” I asked in a resigned tone.
“You’re trying to make me jealous.”
I chuckled. “Everything isn’t about you, beautiful.”
“Funny, that’s not the way that you behaved in the past, now is it?”
“It was about you—when it was about you. I’ve moved on, Erica, and I don’t feel the same way anymore that I once did where you’re concerned.”
“Is that what you tell yourself to make you feel better about what you’re doing?”
“I’m not doing anything. And as far as you’re concerned, a man can only take so much.
When a female places herself in a position to use, manipulate, and make a fool of a man, one day, he’s gonna wake up.
And when he does, the respect, the love, and the care he had for her is out the door.
And one day, she’ll realize that she lost the best thing that ever happened to her.
I was your best thing, Erica. Too bad you waited too late to figure it out. ”
“And I was yours. Getting with her won’t get back what you lost with me. She’s not me, and she’s never gonna be me, Chris.”
“You’re right, she’s not you. And that’s exactly why I’m getting with her, because she’s everything I want and need in a woman. You weren’t my best thing. You tore me down, complained about everything, and never appreciated me. I never want to involve myself with a female like you again.”
“So you go after your boy’s ex?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “It’s not about his ex.
It’s about seeing a woman who was always a godsend, a good friend, and a kind, compassionate, and caring soul.
It’s about loving a woman who has only good intentions and sees the good in others around her.
It’s about being with a woman who is not only a good woman, but an excellent mother. ”
“I notice that you keep saying ‘woman’ where she’s concerned and ‘female’ where I’m concerned. What are you implying?”
“I don’t have to imply anything, Erica. Take a look at your actions. They tell a story that words never can tell.”
“Yeah, you’re on some stupid shit. It’s about time for me to bounce. I have a family to take care of and not a pre-fabricated one either,” she stated, grabbing her purse and standing up.
“Erica. Wait.”
She stopped but didn’t turn around to face me.
“I know you didn’t come here for us to go back and forth, at least I want to believe that you didn’t.
And while we just did that because that’s who we became, I believe we’re better than that.
I’m sorry for the role I played in our demise and in the argument we just had.
But we spent three years of our lives together.
And for me, most of them were good. Let’s not walk away from each other with hate and tension between us.
You made your choices, and I was cool with that.
I haven’t bashed you for them or anything.
You hurt the fuck out of me, but I didn’t drag you.
I told you how I felt, and I let you be great.
Why can’t we just have peace between us? ”
She inhaled deeply, and her shoulders slumped. Turning around, she answered, “Because you lied to me.”
“About what?”
“I asked you back then, when Jeremiah used to tease you for having a crush on his girl, if you felt some type of way about her. You said no.”
“And I didn’t, Erica. I admired her, and I found her attractive. But she was just my friend.”
“And you’re still lying to yourself now. You had feelings for her. It’s over between us, so why can’t you admit it?”
I dropped my gaze to the floor and tucked my thumbs in the pockets of my jeans.
“Fine. If that’s what you wanna hear, I did have feelings for her.
But I couldn’t admit it at the time, because I couldn’t come to grips with that myself.
I couldn’t admit something to you that I hadn’t admitted to myself. ”
“No, you couldn’t admit to something that you knew was dead wrong.”
“It’s not like I acted on that shit.”
The doorbell rang as she replied, “Are you sure? Because I’ve seen her baby, and she looks just like you.”
She walked to the door and snatched it open. Angel was on the other side, and her beautiful smile dropped, and her face turned into a composed mask of indifference when she laid eyes on Erica.
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise. Hello, Angel.”
“Hi, Erica. Did I interrupt something?”
“No. I was just leaving.” Erica looked back at me and declared, “Your BS never ends. You’re priceless,” before she turned back to Angel and stated, “Good luck with that.”
“What did she mean by all that?” Angel asked, closing the door behind Erica.
“Ignore Erica. She’s on some dumb shit. Are you good?”
“I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you about what happened the day of the volunteer drive.”
“What happened?”
“Ashanti came to me pretending to discuss how great the event was, but then said she would have expected more from a girl like me. I asked what she meant by that, and she proceeded to tell me that I have to consider Belle’s best interest, you only want one thing, you cheated on Erica, and I’m better than that.
She even said it doesn’t look good the way that I’m being passed around in the friend group. ”
“Baby, I’m sorry. You’re so much better than that, and you and I both know it.
Ashanti is a disgusting person, and everyone knows this.
She’s got her own issues to worry about, so she needs to get out of our business.
But I never said that what we’re doing was going to be easy, but we’re not doing this for others. We’re doing it for ourselves.”
“Are you sure, because sometimes it doesn’t feel like it?”
“All I can tell you, Angel, is that I love you, and the way that you’ve made my life feel so meaningful and fulfilled over these last few weeks is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
When we get the calls to go out to a scene, there’s this adrenaline rush.
We’re going out to make a difference, and we’ve got to figure out how traumatic the scene might be, how impactful we can be, and what we’re dealing with.
But even all that pales in comparison to how I feel about you.
And I don’t want to lose you because you mean the world to me. ”
“I love you, too, and I don’t want to lose you either, Chris.
I’m just afraid of getting hurt again. I bent over backward to please Jeremiah, but it never seemed to be enough.
I changed my hair, clothes, what I ate, who I hung around, and even my workout routines to please him, and he still left me. ”
“Baby, I’m not Jeremiah. We all saw what he was doing to you, and we all knew he was a fool.
We always thought you were too good for him.
And when I spoke up to him about changing you, he snapped at me.
You walked in on that argument, and you took his side.
I couldn’t do anything else but step down, because it wasn’t my business. ”
“I’m so embarrassed that I played the fool for so long and everyone saw it but me.”
She broke down crying, and I pulled her into my arms.
“You weren’t a fool; Jeremiah was. You were simply being the best version of yourself, trying to salvage your relationship and please your man by giving your all to someone you loved, and that someone didn’t respect or honor you.
That was Jeremiah’s loss and my gain. Although I hate that you were hurt through it all, I’m thankful that it happened, because without the pain, you wouldn’t have Belle, and that road wouldn’t have led you to me. ”