Chapter 19
Angel
“. . . l
ift up your voice and sing out His praise. It’s Christmas.”
I looked around the church in its splendor.
The white and silver décor was so pristine and ethereal.
The choir looked holy in their white and silver robes as Mrs. Holly led them.
I glanced up at Christian as he swayed beside me, singing in a powerful bass voice.
I could also hear his father and brothers.
It was amazing that an entire family could sing the way that they could.
In my family, I was the only one blessed with that gift.
My mother told me that I had gotten it from my father, who was a rolling stone.
I hadn’t seen him since I was sixteen. I turned my gaze back to Belle, thankful that she wouldn’t have the torment that I had as a kid, wondering when my dad would show up, or if he would stand me up again.
My baby opened her mouth and gurgled out a sound as she bounced her arms happily.
She stared up at her father in awe, and I wondered if she would have the gift of song too.
I was still amazed that Christian was my daughter’s biological father.
How ironic that I would receive the gift of life from the man who I had admired for years?
And it was all because he decided to donate years ago based on his need for money.
Christian encouraged me to visit the clinic to confirm things for myself, although I believed him. I had checked my email and saw a notice from the clinic that my donor had unsealed his records, and it encouraged me to pick up the results of Belle’s paternity if I wanted to know.
The clinic was closed the day after Christmas, which was a Friday, but I was able to go online and access our documents through the patient portal using a code I had previously been given. My online records confirmed everything that I needed to know.
Tears stung my eyes and fell down my face as I stared at my daughter and my fiancé.
It was still so surreal. My daughter had a father, not just the unknown sperm donor I’d always been subliminally aware of, and not just my fiancé, who I had given permission to step into the role of her father.
But she had her real, biological father in her life, the man I loved and adored and shared a beautiful friendship with.
Christian grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze as he continued singing in that powerful voice of his. When he finished the stanza, he smiled, leaned down, and kissed my forehead.
“I love you,” I mouthed.
“I love you more,” he mouthed back.
Belle started wiggling in his arms and whimpering.
I reached for her, and she easily came to me.
I inhaled the sweet lavender scent that cloaked her skin and clothing before I buried my hair in her soft, silky curls.
She continued wiggling, and I shifted her in my arms. The milky aroma of her sweet breath caressed my face like a kiss, making me smile.
I couldn’t help but think about how blessed I was with her and Christian.
They were the greatest Christmas gifts that I ever received besides the Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior.
I opened my mouth again and sang along with the rest of the congregation as Belle sank snugly in my embrace and drifted off to sleep. Christian wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer.
“It’s ironic to me how you all hated being in the choir, but I loved it. And when we no longer had a junior choir by the time I turned eight, because we didn’t have that many young people in the church, it broke my heart. All I wanted was what you had.”
Christian chuckled as he took our dishes to the kitchen. “And all I wanted was what you had.”
We had returned to his place after church, and I had made us broccoli and potato cheddar soup with homemade bread. I was so cozy at his place, and I couldn’t help but look forward to the time when we would be living together and doing things like sharing a meal daily.
My mother and grandmother, along with Christian’s parents, had been so ecstatic when we called them on LiveTime to announce we were engaged.
I was surprised to find that he hadn’t even told his parents or brothers about his decision.
Christian told me that he bought the ring the day before the ball.
He said he knew that he didn’t want to wait much longer to make me his.
It was icing on the cake that Belle was already his.
“Baby, do you think Belle will be able to sing?” I asked when he returned to the living room.
He plopped down on the blanket that I placed on the floor for Belle’s tummy time.
“Whether she will or won’t, we won’t force her to do anything with her gift that she doesn’t want to do,” he replied, holding a plastic Dory a few inches in front of her. He smiled and clucked his tongue to get her attention.
Belle drooled and turned in his direction, disarming him with a beautiful smile. He started to pick her up, but I shook my head no, reminding him that she was learning to crawl.
I giggled. “I agree. I was just wondering with all this talent between us, because not only do you sing, but you also play the guitar.”
“And you’re a gifted cook, baker, and singer, in addition to all your other talents. So, she’s going to have a plethora of gifts that may be bestowed upon her. Or who knows? Maybe God will give her a unique set of gifts that have nothing to do with either of us.”
Christian held the toy up for her again, and Belle scooted in his direction.
“Like what?” I asked, screwing up my face.
Shrugging, he replied, “Ice skating. Fashion design. Math genius. Underwater basketweaving.”
“Chris!” I hollered with laughter.
The doorbell rang, thrusting us both into silence. “Another ex popping up?” I asked, lifting my eyebrow at him.
“Go answer it. If it is, tell them folks to beat it. I only have eyes for two girls, and they’re right here.”
I giggled and walked to the front door to answer it.
I should have peered out the door first. I didn’t know why I didn’t peer out the door first. Who the hell opened the door without checking it first?
I mean, sure, Christian lived in an extremely safe neighborhood with several police officers as his neighbors, and even one living next door. But still, what was I thinking?
“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Jeremiah greeted me.
“Yeah. Same,” I replied, huffing out a breath.
“I can come back at another time if it makes you feel more comfortable.”
“No need. Your presence and absence don’t affect me that way, Jeremiah. He’s your friend. You’re entitled to visit him.”
“I just thought with everything that happened, maybe you wouldn’t want—”
“That’s in the past. I’m not stuck there anymore. My future is very bright, Jeremiah.”
We stared at each other a moment too long. “Who’s that, baby?” Christian called from behind me.
I stepped back and opened the door further. “Jeremiah,” I replied softly.
He kept staring at me but didn’t step inside.
“Are you going to come in or not?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah.”
He followed me inside after he closed and locked the door behind him. I sat on the couch again, grabbed the remote, and flicked through channels. I needed something to do to occupy my mind and manage this awkward silence.
“That’s a good look on you, son. You’ve always been good with the babies.”
“Thanks. I’m especially good with mine,” Christian replied.
“Come again?”
Christian sat up from lying on his belly, where he’d been playing with Belle. He pulled her onto his lap and looked at Jeremiah. “That conversation we had where you suggested she could be mine because of my donor history, well, you were right. She is mine.”
“Damn, I mean, I knew there was a possibility, but what are the odds?” Jeremiah asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Turns out it was an excellent chance.”
“How old is she?”
“She’ll be seven months tomorrow,” Christian stated, surprising me that he recalled those details. “I’m on the floor working with her. She’s been learning how to crawl when she doesn’t get frustrated first.”
“She’s beautiful. Glad you straightened that out,” Jeremiah replied before he turned his gaze to me. I could easily see him from my peripheral vision, but I kept my gaze trained on the TV.
“You’ve got the ring and everything,” Jeremiah stated, pointing at my finger.
I looked up and nodded absently at him before returning my gaze to the TV again.
“I’ve always been the smarter man of the two of us,” Christian boasted in a somewhat teasing manner. I knew that he meant that for real.
“So, you’re gonna marry this clown, Angel?”
I looked up at him and tilted my head. “Jeremiah, what is it that you want?”
“My bad, sweetheart. I didn’t know there was still bad blood between us.”
“There’s no bad blood between us.”
“Well, I’m trying to have a conversation with you, and you’re cutting me off at the knees.”
“No, you’re trying to make small talk like we’re cool like that, and we’re not. I answered your questions at the door because I wanted you to be okay being here with me. But making jokes is not who we are, not anymore.”
“I can’t have a casual conversation with you now?” he asked in disbelief.
“You didn’t care enough to have a conversation with me when you left me alone at our old place without so much as an explanation other than that you were just done and over me. I don’t see the need to converse now. I’m good on all that.”
“Whoa. Okay. You’re right. You turned her against me, Chris?” he asked Christian, turning and laughing at Christian.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Jeremiah still thought everything was about him.
“Nobody did that shit but you, my nigga.”
“I knew your ass always wanted my woman.”
“Nah, chief. You got it all wrong,” Christian replied, kissing Belle on the cheek before he passed her to me.
I took her, and he jumped up and stood in front of Jeremiah. “I never wanted your woman. I wanted the woman you couldn’t see, the one you didn’t appreciate and tried to change. I wanted the real Angel.”
Christian took the baby back from me and jogged upstairs to put her down to sleep on his bed.
Jeremiah turned back to me. “Yeah, about that. Angel, I spoke with Chris about that, and I know that I was dead wrong. I should never have tried to change you. I realized that I was insecure about a lot of things, and I took them out on you. I’m sorry.”
“Jeremiah, I don’t need your apologies. Just be a better person to the next woman.”
“Can’t we at least be friends?”
“No. You’re friends with Christian, and that should be good enough. Besides, my man doesn’t like me having male friends,” I replied sweetly.
“Yeah, I bet he doesn’t. I should’ve been that smart,” he stated with a chuckle. “Well, anyway. I’m sorry, Miss Lady. I’m not trying to ruin your day.”
“Jeremiah, you’re not. I took the long road, but I found healing, and I gave myself grace to take the time that I needed to get over you.
I’m not traveling that road again, and I’m not indulging in your pity parties.
We are good. I will be cordial again, but we will never have a friendship.
You never respected me enough to be my friend. ”
“Well, I just came to holler at Chris. Hey, man, you wanna walk me down to my car?” he asked when Christian jogged back down the stairs.
Christian looked at me, and I gave a single nod. I loved that, although he didn’t need my permission, he checked with me to make sure that I was okay.
When the two of them walked out of the loft, I closed my eyes and lay down on the couch.
I felt comfortable and at peace. I often wondered how I would react when I had to face Jeremiah again, but it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.
Yes, there was still some betrayal lingering, but more than that, there was just disappointment that I had wasted so many years on him.