Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Max
Narrator: A date, a date, he has a date!
Can you see it? Him skipping about, unable to control his excitement?
Well, I saw it and spared you the details.
Might have lost a little respect for him, especially because after she left, he skipped around and then ran into the coffee table again, causing him to go headfirst into the Christmas tree.
He took a giant hit to the ego and scratched up his face, but other than that, both eyes are intact, which was a win in the end.
Let’s just hope he can keep it together tonight, as the last thing he needs is another blow to the head . . . or ego for that matter. Then again, the blow to the ego might have helped after the willy he was wielding. Whenever a man has a penis that big, you have to humble him somehow.
“What are you doing here?” Cole asks on a groan after opening the door and finding me on the other side.
“Wow, what a greeting.” I push past him with my change of clothes in hand and take off my shoes. “Where are my favorite girls?”
“In the living room.” Cole shuts the door, and I move into the living room, where Storee is nursing Evelyn and Florence is playing on the floor.
“Why are you here?” Storee asks, taking the wind out of my sails.
“You know, I expect that kind of greeting from him, but from you?” I take a seat on the floor next to Florence and pick her up to give her a hug.
“I didn’t mean that in a mean way. I just thought you would be at your house . . . with Betty.”
“Yeah, you and me both.”
“Fuck the whole thing up already?” Cole asks as he takes a seat next to Storee.
“No, you dick,” I say as I cover Florence’s ears. “Betty just had some things to do, and we’re going on a date tonight.”
“You are?” Storee asks, excited. “Where are you taking her?”
“I was going to take her to the deli.”
Storee’s face falls while Cole shakes his head. “You can’t be serious.”
“Of course I’m not serious.” I roll my eyes. “Honestly, that’s something Cole would do, not me.”
“They have an amazing chicken parm sandwich,” Cole defends himself.
“Eh, it’s okay,” I say.
“Bullshit. I watched you lick your fingers several times after eating one,” Cole says, calling me out.
It’s true. I’m a finger licker.
“Either way, I’m not taking her there. I honestly was thinking about meeting her at Antlers Antiques and then taking her to Prancer’s Libations for dinner.”
“Why Antlers Antiques?” Cole asks.
“Thought it would be a fun place to wander around. She’s on a new journey and needs inspiration, and it’s a great place for that, especially since the store’s main focus is Christmas antiques.”
“I think that’s a sweet idea, actually,” Storee says.
“Thank you.”
“Has she decided to do something else with the land?”
I nod. “We talked about it today when we were checking out the reindeer. She was the one who brought it up. I didn’t pressure her or anything, as I really wanted her to want to make that change. Anyway, we talked about her putting cottages on the property and making it an adults-only retreat.”
“Oh.” Storee brightens up. “That’s actually an ingenious idea. Sherry Conrad was telling me the other day how busy the inn is, especially during the holiday season.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said too. I think it’s totally feasible. But the idea is just at the beginning stages. I think taking her to Antlers will help her see some of the history of the town and maybe spark some ideas.”
“Thoughtful,” Cole says with a curt head nod.
“Is that me getting your approval?”
“If you need it.”
“I don’t.”
Cole rolls his eyes. “I still can’t believe you two morons tried to pull a fast one on me.”
“Oh please. You had no idea,” Storee says as she hands Evelyn over to Cole, who starts burping the baby. I look away as she adjusts herself.
“I could hear the consumption of the Crunch Tators from inside the house. Hell, I think Bob Krampus heard it from his house.”
“Dramatic much?” Storee asks. “You had no idea until recently, so stop acting like you did.”
“I knew something was going on. You don’t go visit your aunt Cindy when I’m naked in bed.”
I cover Florence’s ears again. “Uh, hello, you have an impressionable child who can hear you.”
Cole waves his hand. “She only says Dada, ball, and no.”
“If that’s the case”—I lean forward—“you should have seen the size of my boner last night.”
“Jesus . . . Christ,” Cole says while Storee laughs.
“It was—”
“Bo-na,” Florence says, causing all of us to stop and stare down at her.
“What did she just say?” Cole asks through a clenched jaw.
“Bo-na,” Florence repeats while waving her hands.
Uh-oh.
I slowly set her down as she continues to say it over and over again.
“You know, I think I’ll head to the bathroom while you take care of . . . that . . .”
Without looking back, I grab my bag of clothes and run to the bathroom, fear consuming me that Cole is right behind me, ready for murder.
“Well, I haven’t seen you around much,” Bob Krampus says as I spot him on his way to his house in Ornament Park.
“Hey, Santa,” I say with a wave. When in public and Bob is dressed in his red suit, like he is now, we’re to always address him as Santa. “Yeah, I’ve been sort of busy.”
“Word on the street is you’ve been pursuing Dwight’s niece. Is this true?”
Hands in my pockets, I nod. “Yeah. Dwight is not fond of the idea.”
“So I’ve heard. Martha and Mae filled me in when they came to talk to me about the situation over there. Odd that you want to date someone who wants to put your family out of business.”
“Yeah, that’s not the case anymore,” I say. “She’s coming up with a new idea, and she’ll present it to Dwight when he gets back.”
“Oh really?”
“Yup. She’s a smart woman, but that’s her information to tell, not mine.”
“A good man, I see. Looking past the differences and still finding good in her.”
I shrug. “She’s a good match. She’s quirky and goofy like me. She’s also beautiful, and it’s really easy to talk to her, even if we’re both rambling.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it.” Bob claps me on the shoulder. “I’ve been waiting for you to find someone. Thought maybe you were waiting for Cole to find love first, since you’re so protective of him.”
“Nah, I think I was just waiting for the right one to come along.”
“Think she’s the right one?”
“I think she can be the right one,” I say. “We’ll see. Kind of have to jump the hurdle that’s Dwight.”
“Yes.” Bob strokes his beard. “What is the feud between the two of you?”
“I honestly don’t know. But I found out the source of the animosity comes from something that I didn’t do, but he’s convinced I did.”
“What is it?”
I shift on my feet and look to see if Betty is headed my way, and when I don’t see her, I say, “He claims I took his ornament off the town tree after he’d made a wish to help save Jessica from her cancer.”
“Oh dear,” Bob says with a shake of his head. “I remember when Jessica was sick. Just a terrible thing. I didn’t know about the ornament though.”
“Neither did I until I was blamed for it. Anyway, I need to find a way to bridge that gap with Dwight, because I really like Betty, and if I want any shot with her, then I need to figure out a way to get along with him.”
“Yes, you do. And while you’re at it, maybe encourage him to be more of a friend to the town. He seems to isolate himself, and it’s one of the reasons why I think he lost the Christmas Kringle competition last year.”
“Umm, the reason he lost was because I was superior at everything.”
Bob lets out a hearty laugh. “Yes, and humble too.” He looks to his side. “Oh, your lady friend is approaching. Here.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a container of spearmint Tic Tacs. “Have a few.”
“Oh shit, does my breath stink?” I hold my hand out, and he plops three into my hand.
“No, but it’s nice to be minty fresh.” He points at me. “Don’t spoil your dinner with those.”
“I won’t.”
He clasps me on the shoulder one more time and then takes off. I turn toward Betty and watch her approach in her camel-colored coat, looking so fucking beautiful with her hair down and curled at the ends.
“Hey.” She places her hand on my chest and stands on her toes so she can kiss me briefly. “Did Santa tell you if you’re on the nice list?”
“He did,” I say as I take her hand in mine. “But he did warn me that you seem to be on the naughty list after sitting on my face.”
Her eyes widen, and she pokes me in the side, making me laugh. “You did not tell him that, did you?”
“No, but I did say boner in front of Florence, and let’s just say, it’s her new favorite word.”
Betty covers her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God, why did you say that in front of her?”
“Cole made it seem like I could say whatever I wanted and she wouldn’t retain anything, so I was telling him about how huge you made my boner, and she repeated it.”
“First of all, what is wrong with you? Why would you talk about that?”
“It was impressive, was it not?”
Her smile tells me everything I need to know. “Doesn’t matter if it was impressive. You should keep that stuff between you and me. Also, don’t talk about boners in front of children. Dear God, Atlas.”
“Yeah, I see where I made a mistake. I apologized a lot, but Cole still wants to murder me.”
“Because his baby girl is saying boner.”
I chuckle and then lean in close. “Honestly, it was hard to control my laughter. I went into the bathroom after it happened to change for our date, and I couldn’t stop chuckling. I almost had to punch myself to get rid of the giggles.”
“And here I am, ready to go on a date with you. There might be something wrong with me.”
“Nah, you’re making all the right choices.” But just to be safe, I tug her toward the antique store so she can’t change her mind. “How was your thinking session?”
“Could have been better,” she admits.
“Why? Couldn’t stop thinking about me?” I obnoxiously bat my lashes at her.
“Actually, yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and please don’t make a big deal about it, okay?”
“As if I’d make a big deal about something like that.”