Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Max
Narrator: Word on the street is Florence is still saying boner.
Just thought you might want to know that.
Really got nothing else to say.
Shall we carry on with the story?
Ornaments, garlands, and lights dangle from the ceiling, the mood’s set with dim lighting throughout, and the subtle sound of instrumental Christmas music playing in the background brings the entire space together.
Betty sits across from me, sipping her cranberry martini, while I can’t help but stare at her and the way she takes in the decorations, how she delights over her drink and exudes pure joy with every little detail that she sees.
“This might be one of my favorite places ever. Reminds me of one of those bars you see on social media that people are always showing off during the Christmas season. You know, the ones shrouded in Christmas decorations.”
“That was the inspiration, actually,” I say. “With the added elements of tartan and reindeer.”
“I seriously love it. Makes me rethink my entire candy cane theme.”
“Don’t,” I say. “Your candy cane theme is perfect.”
She twists the snow globe I got her and says, “It is, isn’t it?”
“I love it. Also really liked the idea of getting a candy cane when you check in.”
She smirks. “One to eat, not to play with.”
“You might need to add a note that says, Please use candy canes responsibly.”
She nods. “You know, not a bad idea, followed by Peppermint stings.”
I laugh. “Yeah, cover all your bases.” I lift my drink—went with a soda since I’m driving—and I take a sip. “So tell me something about you that I don’t know.”
“There’s a lot that you don’t know.”
“Well, give me a quick rundown then. What are your interests, your dislikes, pet peeves, comforts? I want to hear it all.”
She sips her drink and then sets it down on the table. “Interests . . . well, I like to crochet, even though I haven’t done much since I’ve been here. I’ve been kind of busy with this guy stalking me.”
“Guilty, not even ashamed of it.”
She smirks. “I also like everything Christmas. It’s one of the reasons why I liked coming here to visit. I love chocolate-covered cherries, like obsessed. Sometimes I get a few boxes during the season just so I can have them when they all go away after Christmas.”
“I love a chocolate-covered cherry.” I wet my lips, thinking over all the things I can do with that. “What else?”
“Umm, dislikes. Well, I don’t like it when people lie. I don’t like mean people. I think there’s enough rudeness and lack of empathy in the world that there’s no need to feed it.”
“Could not agree more.”
“And I really don’t like chocolate oranges.”
“Wait . . . really?” I ask. “You mean the ones wrapped in foil that you crack?”
“Yeah, hate them.”
“Okay, so you are obsessed with chocolate-covered cherries but hate chocolate oranges.”
“Correct.”
“Got it. What else?”
“You said pet peeves, right?”
I nod, so she thinks on that.
“Um, well, isn’t that lying?”
“Umm, I see a pet peeve as something that’s unusual that you can’t stand. Like . . . people taking pictures of babies in cutout pumpkins.” I lean forward and say, “Cole did that with Florence, and I couldn’t get on board with it.”
She laughs. “Okay. Hmm, let’s see. Well, working in retail for a bit, I realized there is a proper way to hand back change.”
“Oh yeah? How does it go?” I ask.
“Coins first, then dollars, receipt in the bag.”
“Why that order?”
“Well, the coins first so people can hold on to them, then bills so they can stick them in their wallet, receipt in the bag so they don’t have to fumble with it.
The worst is when they do receipt, bills, and then coins on top of the bills, so the coins go spilling everywhere. It’s inefficient and frustrating.”
“I can see your point. Okay, great pet peeve. Last one is comfort.”
“Hmm, comfort.” She sips her drink again, and as I watch her lips curl over the edge, the temptation to pull her across the table becomes very strong.
“Ooo, I have one. Whenever I’m not feeling well or just need that comfort food that makes me feel better, I always grab a microwaveable mac and cheese. ”
“For me, it’s a frozen pizza,” I say.
“Do you eat the whole thing?” she asks.
“Have you seen the size of me?”
“Right.” She chuckles. “You definitely eat the whole thing.”
“That would be correct.”
“So how about you? What are your interests and dislikes? I already know the comfort and pet peeve. Noting not to put babies in pumpkins around you.”
“Smart.” I tap my head and then give it a thought.
“I obviously like basketball. When it’s summer, I join a three-on-three league, and that’s pretty fun.
I like the outdoors, and I like to sometimes get metaphorically lost in the woods.
I know our forest so well at this point that I’d be able to find my way no problem.
I also really like forestry. One of my favorite things to do is to walk along our property and clean up the forest.”
“Is that a thing?” she asks.
“Yeah. It’s how you keep your forest thriving.
You have to take down the dead trees, make room for new.
We get all our fireplace wood from cleaning the property.
You have to renew the space to keep it growing, something you’ll have to do on your land.
It probably hasn’t ever been cleaned out and could really use it. ”
“Oh, I had no idea.”
I wink at her. “I can teach you. As for dislikes, same as you, lying is not my favorite thing. Also, I hate when the big pick on the little, or anyone picks on anyone for that matter. When I had more spare time on my hands, I’d help out at the school with after-school activities, and I found that there still are a lot of bullies out there, and I hated it.
I made sure to point it out and teach those kids a lesson. ”
“You helped out at the school? That’s really cute.”
“Yeah, there are days I miss it and days that I don’t. Like when the kids come to the farm and I teach them about forestry, I really miss working with them. But then they go and spit on a tree because they think it’s funny, and it makes me want to punt them across the yard.”
She laughs. “Spit on a tree? Really?”
“Yeah, fucking punks.” I shake my head.
“Why would that even be a thing they think to do?”
“Great question. And of course they’re from out-of-town schools, so it’s not like I can address it with their parents. Instead, I just threaten them while holding an axe.”
“Oh my God, like you threaten to chop them up?”
Now it’s my turn to laugh as I shake my head. “No, I just grip my axe tightly and stare them down. They get the picture. Do it again, and they very well might be chopped up.”
“I bet you can be very intimidating.”
“I can. I’ve practiced the look in my mirror.”
“Have you really?”
“Oh yeah. It’s a look I learned from my dad and perfected. You have to let these youth know that you mean business. Good thing you’re going to create an all-adult resort, because then you won’t have to deal with punk-ass kids.”
“I mean, I like children, but yeah, you’re probably right about that.”
“I like kids too, mainly my two nieces. They’re fucking adorable . . . when not in cutout pumpkins.”
“Heaven forbid they’re in cutout pumpkins.”
“The nerve of Cole and Storee.” I shake my head with mirth.
“The most awkward date I’ve ever had? Hmm.” Betty cutely taps her chin as she thinks about it.
Our food has been delivered and devoured. She got the fish and chips, and I got the burger. She had some of my Brussels sprouts, and I had some of her fries. It felt like we’ve been sharing meals for years.
There’s an ease when I’m around her, a comfort, like I’ve known this woman my whole life and I’m finally able to hang out with her.
Not to mention she told me when I had ketchup on my nose, and I told her when there was something in her teeth. There was no embarrassment, just laughter and gratitude. And to me, that’s a true testament to how you get along with someone.
“Well, there was this one guy that I went on a date with—he was a train conductor.”
“Like an actual train conductor?” I ask, because that’s a job you don’t hear about someone having very often.
“Well, he was one in training. And all he talked about was all the bodies he witnessed getting run over by the train.”
“Wait . . . seriously?” I ask.
She nods. “Yeah, it was depressing and disgusting, and at one point, I asked him to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore, so then he went into animals. Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date.”
“Jesus. Maybe the guy didn’t get the memo on how to properly act when on a date.”
“Yeah, he definitely didn’t. My mom set him up with me as a favor to a friend. I told her I wouldn’t be doing any more favors for her friends.”
“After that, yeah, I’d be the same way. Are you close with your parents?”
“Pretty close. I’m the only child, but they also aren’t the type of parents that attach to me and revolve their lives around me, you know? I chat with them, catch them up on my life, and they go off and do their own thing. I’m assuming you’re close with your parents.”
“Maybe a little too close at the moment,” I answer. “I wish I wasn’t sharing the same living space as them, especially since my brothers tend to rub it in a lot, but I know it will pay off in the long run.”
“It will. Building your own house will be worth it.”
“Yeah, I agree.”
“Do you have any awkward dating stories?”
I tug on my hair and lean back in the booth. “I mean, where do I begin? Being a guy in a small town with not a lot of options, you tend to date a few people who are in and out of the town, and there can be some real weirdos.”
“Really?” she asks, her expression emitting intrigue. “Tell me some.”
I heave a sigh. “There was the girl who wanted to try to have a conversation without using the letter T in any of our words.” I clear my throat and say, “Ee was he worse nigh of my life.”
Betty bursts out in laughter. “Why on earth was that a thing she wanted to do?”