18. Jared
JARED
For all I knew, Lacie would go out and sleep in that barn just to spite me. Why did people always do the worst things for themselves when they thought they were getting back at someone else?
To my relief, she was sitting in the hall outside our door with her back against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. Most of the lights were off, but a few lamps were lit on tables along the way. I released a relieved sigh and settled down beside her.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey.” She scrubbed a hand beneath her nose.
“You know I didn’t mean it, right?”
She fastened her gaze on her feet. “Didn’t mean what?”
“That I don’t want you a part of the picture.”
Lacie rolled her eyes to the ceiling, looking everywhere but at me. She leaned her head against the wall.
“You’re so confusing sometimes.”
“I know,” I said. “And I’m sorry.”
She let her gaze drift. Tiredness and sorrow rimmed her startlingly green eyes, along with something else, too. She skewered me with a look that let me know she wasn’t kidding around any longer.
“Why do you want to be with someone like that?” she asked.
“Like what, Tia?”
“Yeah. It seems wrong that she’s giving you this ultimatum. That you can’t have your old friends if you want to be with her. That’s not how a relationship should work.”
I pinched my eyes closed and expelled a breath. Lacie voiced the very thing I’d been struggling with since my goodbye kiss with Tia.
Ugh. If only I’d broken up with her then.
Tia had given me the perfect opening for it. I could have wished her well. I could have moved on.
“You’re right,” I said.
She made me sound like such a pansy, which was the worst insult I could receive. Of all people, Lacie knew how hard I worked to be as strong as I could be. To imply that someone could override me that easily? That I would allow someone to override me?
I didn’t like it. She was right. I just didn’t know what to do about it.
Lacie tipped her cheek against her knee and looked at me. “Then why do you like her?”
It was a valid question. One I tried to answer honestly.
Tia was beautiful and confident. Driven. And…
Wasn’t there anything else?
Like an idiot, the only thing I could think of saying was that I liked kissing her, and I couldn’t tell Lacie that. That would make me sound like the most superficial of all male specimens. There were other things I admired about her, too, weren’t there?
What did I like about her?
Why should I consider giving up my oldest friend for her?
“All I’m saying, is that she’s my girlfriend. And respecting her requests would be the right thing to do—assuming we wanted to stay together.” Which was no longer the case.
“But can’t you see that just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean they’re always right to ask for certain things? Just because you’re dating her, that doesn’t give her the right to dictate your choices.”
“You make it sound like I’m letting her tell me what to do.”
“Are you?”
I didn’t like the turn of this conversation, but she was also asking questions that I couldn’t ignore. “I—when you put it like that, I guess so.”
“The person you love shouldn’t expect you to let go of everything important to you. That would be like me telling you to stop doing tae kwon do just because I don’t like it.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“It could happen.”
“You love that I do tae kwon do.”
She sat up. “I was just using that as an example. As a matter of fact, I love practicing it with you.”
I gave her a look. “Since when?”
Her smile spread. “Since you started. It was fun to be your guinea pig, to have you show me the right way to stand or kick my legs, or have you wrap me in those holds and make me try to worm my way out of them.”
I didn’t need that reminder right now, either. I’d liked that, too, but mainly because I’d liked the excuse to hold her like that. Man, where were all these memories coming from?
“I could show you some new moves,” I said.
“Just watch out for my kick.”
I chuckled, letting the sound rumble in my chest. The moment here in the hall between us was so different from the contention we’d swum in in their room minutes before.
I loved this about her. In fact, I’d never had another relationship like this with anyone before, where we could fight and bask with one another in almost the same instance and neither would have any bearing on the end result of our relationship.
We had already lasted this long. A little spat here and there wouldn’t make us un-last.
Why should I let anything else do that, then?
I wanted to call Tia now, to bite the bullet and just move on from her. But she still hadn’t responded to the text I’d sent, and according to this new reality, I already had broken up with her.
This was so messed up.
I also wanted to know what Lacie thought about what I’d admitted—that I’d been crazy for her for at least the last four years.
We’d broached the topic of the kiss, but she had yet to mention the feelings I’d shared.
“Think about it, though,” Lacie went on, thawing enough to relax her posture and face me. She crossed her legs this time and rested her hand on my ankle. “What if I asked you to stop being friends with Tim or Miguel? Would you stop hanging out with them just because I said you had to?”
I snorted. “No, because you never would.”
“Exactly.”
I shook my head. “This is different.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a girl. Because you’re beautiful. Because I’m as comfortable with you as I am with my own family. Because you know more of my dirty secrets than anyone else on God’s green earth.”
Her nose turned up. “I don’t want anything to do with your dirty secrets.”
Another laugh. “See? I can’t do this with anyone else.”
“Then doesn’t that tell you something?” She pursed her lips, raised her brows and inclined her head, drawing my attention to our hands.
I stared. I hadn’t even remembered reaching for her hand, but there mine sat, right on top of hers on my ankle.
I withdrew quickly. Her words had settled so securely around me, I’d forgotten we were sitting out in the open where anyone could pass by and overhear.
“Are you saying you don’t want me to be with Tia?” My heart beat ridiculously hard. Was this her response to my confession?
I’d all but told her I loved her, and she’d never indicated that love was reciprocated. Only that my kiss had rocked her world.
A person could kiss someone else without loving them, and with that thought, my heart sank.
Maybe she didn’t love me. Maybe that was why she hadn’t said anything in response.
The tumult in her eyes gutted me. The moment passed.
She removed her hand from my leg and stood. I stood, too, appreciating the stretch in my legs but still as torn as ever inside.
“I’m saying, I’m your friend,” she said. “And friends help each other make sure they’re with the right person. If a girl is making you choose between people in your life and her, is she really worth dating?”
I didn’t have an answer. Instead, I followed Lacie back into our room, mulling over the answers, over this whole situation, and not liking any of it much at all.