25. Lacie
LACIE
My ankle throbbed, but the rest of me was warm and comfortable nestled into Jared’s side. I worried his arm would fall asleep, but he hadn’t said anything about it. In fact, he hadn’t said much at all since we burrowed together beneath this blanket.
Despite all of the crazy things that had led up to it, I loved this moment. I wouldn’t change where we were now for anything in the world.
I was in Jared’s arms. He was holding me as though I were the most precious thing to him in the whole world.
Even though he held me like this, keeping me warm, keeping himself warm; even though the storm still raged outside and thrashed against the barn, was he thinking about Tia? Wishing he was with her as he’d said in that text he’d sent?
And I was dying to know what was on the paper that had been attached to the reindeer’s antler. He still had it in his pocket, didn’t he?
“Are you asleep?” I asked since I couldn’t see him behind me.
A grunt.
I rested my hand on his arm encircling my waist. I could tell something was still bothering him. Why was he acting so closed off?
“Want to talk about it?” I said.
“Talk about what?”
“Tia’s text.”
Jared sniffed. Cleared his throat. Adjusted his position, which was halfway between behind and beside me. Even though my back rested against his chest, my hips were beside his thighs, and our legs extended over the other cushion.
My hand still on his arm. I wanted to run my fingers along his skin but wasn’t sure how he’d react. He’d basically lost his girlfriend because he’d come with me. Was Tia important enough to him that he’d hold that against me?
That completely went against everything he’d said before he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t help wondering.
“Not really,” he said.
My hand trailed, resting over his. “Okay. Just—I’m here, you know.”
“I know.” His fingers lifted to meet mine, and the touch sent tingles down my legs.
Did he know he was stroking my hand? Or was it an absentminded action, like so many times before?
“Why won’t you tell me what you’re thinking?” I asked.
“Because it doesn’t matter.” His voice rumbled in his chest and vibrated against my back. I thrilled at the sound.
“Sure it does.”
He expelled a puff of air, but his arms tightened around me. “I’m thinking that I’m confused. That I don’t know what the heck is going on at this madhouse inn with its magical radio, so my feelings about it won’t matter because there are too many indeterminate factors.”
“That makes sense.”
His voice dropped a few notches and all but tiptoed across my skin. “I’m thinking how much I like this.”
Even though my body was warm beneath the blanket, I still shivered. “I do, too.”
Silence descended between us, but heat crowded me. I attempted to rotate. I wanted to see his face.
He turned as well. Lowered his gaze to mine.
My heart caught. The wind howled distantly, created a pinwheel of the snow outside the room’s single window.
“Hey, Jare?” I muttered.
“Yeah?”
“You’re not with Tia anymore.”
“You need to remind me?”
“I mean, nothing is holding us back now.”
He stilled. Fixed his gaze to mine. “Holding us back from what?”
When had my pulse ever thrummed this hard?
“You know what. Would it really be so bad? You said you’d be open to dating me if I’d said something sooner. You said—” I swallowed, my heart hammering, my palms growing clammy. “You said, no one could take my place in your heart. Did you mean it?”
His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip. He grew still, as though he were holding his breath.
“Talk about loaded questions,” he muttered.
* * *
Jared
I didn’t know how to respond. I’d been hoping for this conversation, true, but that didn’t make things any easier. She asked me if I meant what I’d said?
Of course, I had.
I didn’t want to admit as much, though, not when I didn’t know whether she was about to accept those words or throw them back in my face.
Every nerve ending in my body stirred, and a dull, panging pain fluttered in my chest. I had the sudden desire to stand, to create some space between us.
To allow myself to think? To keep from kissing her again?
Or both?
My hand slid to her elbow. “Why are you bringing this up? Because we’ve been stuck together in that room? Because we’re stuck together in this barn now?”
A grin slowly stole over her face. “We’ve always been stuck together.”
Not helping.
My chest rose and fell. “You’re saying you want to be with me? Lace, you never said anything about how you feel. I’ve been waiting—dying—for you to tell me your thoughts.”
“About what?”
“Me,” I said with an exhale. “You kissed me back.”
And she nearly gave in when like an idiot, I’d just about kissed her again after my nap. Not going there.
“But you never said anything, not really,” I went on. “Not even when I asked if you wanted me to be with Tia. Or when I asked if you’d be open to things changing between us.”
“I thought you meant following through with Tia’s ultimatum,” Lacie said with a laugh. “You keep talking about her.”
“You’ve brought her up a few times, too.”
“Are you really going to argue with me about this?”
I laughed and rubbed her arm. “Okay, then. Are you ever going to tell me?”
She smoothed her fingers against her palms. “Tell you what?”
I gritted my jaw. “You’re really trying to kill me, aren’t you? Tell me how you feel, Lace. About me.”
Lacie’s body tensed within my hold.
“I don’t know what to say, honestly,” she said. “I haven’t been sure whether what you said was real or just part of the situation we’re in. But you said—” She swallowed. Stared straight ahead before meeting my eye. “You said you’ve felt this way for years?”
“Years,” I echoed.
If she only knew.
She nodded, and I could have sworn she trembled beneath my touch. “You keep talking about calling off our friendship once we get back to Texas, but that’s the last thing I want. I’m not ready to let you go. I never want to let you go, to lose this amazing thing we have. You can’t tell me you really want that, either.”
My jaw flexed, and heat flushed through me. “I don’t,” I said. “From the minute she said it, I haven’t wanted it.”
“Then what did you mean that night? The night you told me you couldn’t move on if I was in your life? Do you want to move on?”
I lowered my head, resting it against hers. “That came out completely wrong. You said our kiss rocked your world? It completely redefined mine. I knew I couldn’t go on being just friends with you, not after that.”
I’d told her as much before, but I wasn’t sure she grasped it at the time.
“Wow,” she said on a breath.
I went on, needing to share the rest of his thoughts with her. “But I also meant I don’t want to be your rebound.”