32. Lacie
LACIE
I took Chloe to the park, grateful for the ankle brace tucked beneath my sock that helped me walk. Once we arrived, I sat on the bench and watched the girl play, getting up to join her more than once.
To chase her around the spongy, recycled pieces of shredded tires. To push her on the swings and catch her as she made her way down the slide.
We headed back to my apartment where we watched copious amounts of Disney movies that I hadn’t seen in years, and we ended the afternoon with a smoothie before I dropped Chloe back off with her mom.
“This was the best day ever!” Chloe said, hugging me around the waist as we stood on her front porch.
“I had a great time, too,” I said.
And I really did. It felt so good to get out, to care about someone else for a change.
I didn’t want to return to my empty apartment just now, not when a quick drive past verified the fact that Jared’s car wasn’t at his apartment. Nor was it at mine.
Where was he? The gym? Was he avoiding me?
I wasn’t about to call him. Not when I’d laid my heart on the line for him, and he didn’t remember any of it.
His faithfulness to Tia was admirable. He should be true to her. Jared was a good man, and that was something I respected about him so much.
When my car seemingly drove its own way to my mom’s house, I couldn’t say I was surprised. Nor was I all that surprised by the sight of Jen Kingston’s car in the driveway.
Pulling up near the sidewalk, I shifted into park and trundled inside.
I was greeted by laughter and the familiar potted plants nestled near the built-in bookshelves in the family room. Several succulents were situated on those shelves—proof of how much Mom loved plants.
Mom was stretched out on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table, with the remote in hand. She was chuckling at something Jared’s mom was saying.
“I could swear the man nearly spewed his mouthful of popcorn, he was trying so hard not to laugh.”
Mom chortled harder, slapping a hand against her friend’s leg beside her, which was nestled beneath the crocheted afghan in colors of beige and dark blue that matched Mom’s accent pillows. There was one thing to say: Mom definitely had style.
“Lacie Lou,” she said, lowering her feet to the floor when she saw me enter.
Her hair was browner than my auburn, and she wore a blue cardigan over a chevron t-shirt and jeans. “How was your trip?”
My heart knotted. No mention of a honeymoon now.
The last time I’d spoken with her, Mom had told me to get off the phone and kiss my new husband.
If only Jared was my husband. If only I could kiss him anytime I liked.
Did Mom know things had ended with Wyatt? I couldn’t remember. I probably should have called sooner, but I was here now.
“Uh-oh,” Jen said, lowering her feet to the floor as well and straightening. “I know that look, Lace. What’s on your mind?”
Jen had been my second mother. As a child, I’d known I could have gone crying to either of these women, and I would receive the same loving treatment regardless. I’d confided in them both. Now was no different.
Perhaps the best woman to get advice from regarding her son was Jen.
“Is it Wyatt?” Mom asked. “You never told me why you ended up going on vacation with Jared instead.”
They knew that much, at least. That was good. It was a start.
“I—we got a little distracted, I guess,” I said, coming in to sit on the vacant armless chair diagonal from the couch. I removed the overstuffed pillow first and hugged it as I sat.
“Oh?” Mom and Jen exchanged a look. “What happened? You just told me you were there with Jared and that you’d fill me in later.”
“Spill, because I’m dying to know,” Jen added. “How distracted is ‘distracted?’” She pierced me with her attention as though this was the most gripping part of a movie.
So I spilled. I told them everything. Wyatt’s painful words during his phone call. Jared saying he could only give me Christmas because he wanted to pursue a relationship with Tia.
I hesitated for a moment but decided to tell the truth as I knew it, including the rumors about the magic, the radio, and the events that had transpired.
How Jared and I had been suddenly married. How we’d each called these women and had them both confirm it. The pictures on social media. The reindeer and the moment after his nap, the confessions we’d shared on the couch in the barn.
Both my mom and Jared’s mom interjected frequently.
“Are you sure you’re feeling well?” Mom asked.
“Maybe you got food poisoning on your trip,” Jen said. “Because there’s no way this can be real. I don’t remember any of that.”
“I know it sounds crazy,” I said, insisting again. “But I swear, I’m not making this up. Look.”
I pulled up Harper’s Inn website and tapped on the page that described the radio. Each woman read the page in turn. They met one another’s gazes again, like they were teenagers saying, “I’ll believe her if you will.”
Mom frowned at me. “You’re serious.”
“One hundred percent,” I said.
Mom’s brows shot upward. Jen shrugged her shoulders at her, passing my phone back to me. And that was that.
“All right then,” Jen said. “What now?”
I was beyond relieved. “Thank you,” I said, feeling some of the strain I’d been carrying for days seep off of my shoulders.
This meant so much. It meant I wasn’t crazy.
It made me wonder if Junie remembered. If I called the inn, would she see things the way I did? Or did everyone forget, and I was the only one with the full recollection?
“What’s the problem?” Mom asked.
“I love him,” I said, plunging my elbows onto my knees and raking my fingers through my hair.
We’d had many conversations like this a few times now—with either Mom or Jen hinting that Jared and I should just get it over with and get married already.
Every single time, I had denied any such feelings, but I saw no reason to hide it now.
“ That’s the problem,” I finished because neither of them said anything.
Mom snorted. She tossed a glance in Jen’s direction before saying, “You’re only now realizing this?”
I pulled my fingers down my face. “I know. What’s wrong with me? I’ve lost him.”
Jen tucked her foot beneath her and settled the afghan over her new position. “When was the last time you talked to him?”
“The day we got home from Montana,” I said.
“That’s been days,” Mom said. “That’s not like you two at all.”
“It’s been almost a week,” I whined.
I couldn’t remember ever having gone so long without talking to him before.
“I’ve been leaving my schedule open in case he drops by, checking my phone every ten seconds to see if he’s called or texted, but he’s been spending all his time with Tia.”
Jen cleared her throat, but Mom spoke first. “Are you sure about that?”
I peered at each woman in turn, from Mom’s stylish, auburn locks hanging in soft curls down her shoulders to Jen’s dark brown.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Go see him,” Jen said. “Swallow your pride and go.”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t want to see me.”
“You don’t know that. Stop by his apartment. You’ve never been one to keep your distance before. Maybe that’s why he’s keeping his.”
Could that be possible? Was Jared keeping away from me because I had been doing the same to him?
I had kept my distance, certainly. But only because it was what I had promised I would do. But it was killing me.
Even now, as dramatic as it sounded, I was sure I was losing the part of him that made up my soul, the way people who exercised lost muscle if they stopped.
“But—he said he would give me Christmas. After that, he said we had to end our friendship. He told me he didn’t want to hang out with me anymore if he wanted to have a relationship with her.”
“Why would you agree to that?” Mom asked with a tone that all but accused me of stupidity.
My mouth hung open.
“You love him. Fight for him. You know how much our boy likes a fight.” Mom elbowed Jen at this statement and received a snicker of agreement in return.
That he did. It was why he’d studied tae kwon do and jiu jitsu and kept himself looking like a life-sized action figure.
Could I, though? Could I fight for him when he’d made what he wanted clear?
I’d told him I loved him. He’d said he only wanted to be my friend.
Even after things had gone back to normal, he hadn’t . This was not normal. He’d remained friendly but aloof. He’d kept his distance from me emotionally, which was almost worse.
Jared’s message was clear: He wanted to be with Tia.
Shouldn’t I let him?
We talked a bit longer about how their Christmas had gone, and then I made my way back to my apartment. I sank onto the bed, feeling utterly lost and confused.
I pulled my driver’s license free from its pouch and stared at my plain old ordinary name. Wishing my name was still paired with his. Knowing it now never would be.
Did he remember any of it? Our late-night talks, sharing a room? The reindeer?
That wasn’t the only thing I missed. I had so many memories with him. Crying with him. Laughing. Wrestling. Playing. Teasing. Sulking. Fighting. Kissing.
He’d always been mine. Losing him felt like he had died somehow, like he really was gone.
A few more days passed, mostly because I wasn’t sure what to do. I considered meeting up with Jared and the guys on New Year’s Eve, but that was also the day of the mayor’s wedding. I had to be present, to make sure things went off without a hitch.
The reception turned out beautifully, and since my crew was up well past midnight to handle the cleanup, I slept in the next morning, exhausted.
Needing something to focus on in place of my cancelled calligraphy course and the handwriting I would have been practicing otherwise, I decided to take down my Christmas decorations.
In doing so, I couldn’t help but think of an enchanted radio nestled on a table in America’s North Pole. A radio Junie Harper had claimed made those who heard it play fall in love.
A thought descended over me like snowfall—soft, gentle, yet as noticeable as the cold. I wrapped the porcelain Santa Claus in its bubble wrap. But I paused. If the man I’d met outside truly had been Santa Claus, he’d said the radio only provided us with a crossroads.
It had only brought Jared and me to the point where a decision needed to be made.
Nothing between us had changed, other than our situation.
“The radio never made us fall in love,” I said, staring at the box with the heavy porcelain Santa in hand.
The radio had never changed a thing about what we felt for each other because we already were .
Only our circumstances had changed. The radio only meant to show them what should have been obvious?—
How perfect we were together. How much we cared about each other.
Even if I made up all the strange circumstances that had happened between us, I didn’t want him to be with anyone else.
This was the crossroads. The point of no return.
I could let him go, let him be with someone else. Or I could do as Mom and Jen had suggested and fight for him.
No snowmen, no magic radios, just late-night phone calls and returning lost charge cords and trips to help cheer me up even though he knew he shouldn’t go.
I loved Jared. I chose him. I would fight for him in the best way I knew how.
No time like the present. I was ready to make for the door, to dash over to his apartment regardless of the late hour, to start now and spill everything going through my head.
But as I bumbled along with one shoe on, one shoe off, reaching for my car keys hanging from their hook, I paused.
I might have chosen him, but Jared was still at his own crossroads, wasn’t he?
Would he still choose someone else over me?