Chapter 17 #2
A testament to his kindness, I think.
Kindness that I ache to soak myself in.
Ever since learning how much pain he carries, it’s like we’re more kindred spirits than I realized.
It’s only when he sighs that I realize he was talking the entire time I was lost in my thoughts about how stunningly attractive he is so, daringly, I reach out and lightly touch his elbow.
“I’m so sorry, I was miles away. Can you repeat that?”
Kairo’s dark eyes, almost black in this low light, glance to where my fingertips linger on his elbow and then up to my eyes.
His smile remains soft. “Wow. Not even listening. That’s crazy.”
“I was!” I pout softly. “I was just distracted by…”
“By?” His voice is just above a whisper.
“My tea.”
“Oh, of course. Well… I was saying that my trouble sleeping, I think, is because I feel…”
His mouth twists briefly, and he moves one large hand from the crook of his elbow to his chest. “Exposed. I know it sounds crazy, but what we spoke about on the bridge is the first time I’ve ever told anyone that. At least the parts about how it makes me feel.”
“That’s the beauty of stopping to take in the world.” I smile up at him. “You end up finding a bubble that makes you feel safe enough to give your wounds time to breathe. It’s healthy, or so I’m told.”
“And what makes you feel safe?” Kairo asks, his voice a touch softer than before.
I can’t look away.
It’s like his eyes have me pinned in place, but it doesn’t give me the usual urge to run away.
Instead, I ache to be closer so I slide half a step toward him.
You sits on the tip of my tongue, but that confession is far too bold.
As soon as I admit that something or everything about him makes me feel safe, it leads to questions about what makes me feel unsafe, and that’s a can of worms I refuse to open.
Even though Kairo trusts me enough to share, I can’t revisit what I determinedly left behind.
What I need is just time.
The washing machine clunks as the cycle runs, but neither of us looks away from one another.
“I don’t know,” I murmur. “I like the way the world is after a blizzard. Everything is quiet and soft. It’s like a fresh sheet is laid out for us to do whatever we want and the first steps in the crisp white snow feel like a new beginning.”
“And that makes you feel safe.”
“It makes me feel like there’s potential to be safe, yeah.”
“But what about now? What’s keeping you grounded?”
His eyes.
The slight smile playing over his lips.
The warmth radiating from his bare torso.
The gentle lilt of his whisper-soft voice.
His height and the strength he exudes with the thought that he could protect me from anything that could come through that door.
It all plays in my mind within half a second while he gazes at me like I’m the most precious thing he’s ever seen.
“Right now?” My words struggle to pass through this deep warmth of relaxation that seeps through me in his presence.
“Yes.” Kairo angles himself fully toward me, and I step another half-step closer as visible goosebumps rise across his strong forearms.
Veins bulge slightly under his skin, creating sexy curves and lines all across his arms.
His breath hitches softly and my heart races faster and faster.
“I don’t know,” I reply as honestly as I can. “There isn’t just one thing. If there were, then I would have it with me all the time and I’d feel safe all the time. But I don’t. So sometimes, it’s just a feeling that happens and then I know I’m going to be okay for a little while.”
“I get that.” He blinks slowly, and a pang of jealousy stabs through me at how his eyelashes gently caress his cheek. “So what you’re saying is, this feeling will fade when something else takes its place and makes you feel safe.”
“Yeah.” I nod slowly. “I think.”
“It’s not an exact science.”
“Nope.” I’m too distracted by the gentle way he talks and the soft way his lips curve and form around every slowly delivered word.
A soft beeping suddenly rings out in the kitchen, signaling the wash is complete, but neither of us moves.
I’m too transfixed by his stare and the warmth spreading through my chest as my heart races faster and faster.
He can surely hear it pounding away at this point, given how each beat is nearly deafening in my eyes.
“You gonna get that?” Kairo whispers, tilting his head toward the washer.
But as soon as he moves, something takes over me and I’m suddenly on my tiptoes using his crossed arm for balance to push myself upward and into Kairo’s space.
Half a second later, my lips collide with his and the world around me goes completely still.
Nothing moves.
Nothing breathes.
Even the beeps of the washer fade to nothing.
Kairo’s lips are soft against my own.
I catch mostly his lower lip from this angle, despite my attempts to get closer.
If his head were tilted down more, then it would be a fuller kiss like I ache for, but in this moment, this will do.
Kairo’s hand on his chest rises slowly, then a whisper-soft touch caresses my cheek tracing from my temple down to the soft line of my jaw.
Warm shivers tingle down my spine.
My heart stops momentarily, and nothing else matters but the press of his mouth against mine.
My eyes close, and I drift in these bold seconds where every point of contact with Kairo, from my hand on his arm to my lips against his, burns with excitement.
It’s a moment I want to bottle up and keep, a moment that the desire igniting in my core aches to pursue.
But as soon as I register that desire, the chilling alarm at being touched rises like a tidal wave inside me, drowning out all other emotions.
This is too much. Too bold. You’re ruining things. He’s just waiting for you to drop your guard and then he’s going to hurt you.
The noise in my mind kickstarts time around me and the alarm from the washer bursts back into my ears as my daze passes.
Holy shit, what the fuck am I doing?
I jerk away from Kairo, leaving him visibly dazed with a light pink flush across his cheeks.
“I’m so sorry!” I gasp, then I flee the kitchen and don’t stop running until I reach my bedroom and close the door.
Sagging against it, my fingertips skim over my lips and chase the ghost of pressure that still lingers there as if part of me stayed behind to kiss Kairo until we’re both breathless.
My heart hammers and my hands shake.
Oh my God.
That was so stupid.
But so worth it.