Chapter 22 Devon
DEVON
His touch underneath my chin is feather-light, enough that I know it’s there but not too much that it ignites that fear buried deep within my mind.
The first press of his lips, while slightly alarming, was extremely welcomed, and every slowly passing second since has been bliss.
The last thing I saw before my eyes closed were the thousands of beautiful, twinkling lights above me gleaming against the falling snow like every star in the sky was coming down for a glimpse of this tender man and the gentle way he kisses.
Standing a full head above me, I’m encouraged to tip my head back to make the kiss more comfortable, and this deepens when I curl my good hand into the thick, wiry fibers of his wool coat and step closer.
The sharp bite of cold caught between our lips melts away in an instant and seemingly makes Kairo’s lips sear hotter against my own.
My eyes close, and I sink into the kiss like it’s the only thing in the world that matters.
For me, it is.
Kairo’s spicy, woody cologne washes over me like a comforting blanket.
The heat from his incredible body chases away all lingering numbness from our walk through the cold, and he hovers over me like some kind of protective shadow.
Very subtly, his lips slide against mine and they part just enough that his breath ghosts over the seam of my lips.
Then he deepens the kiss, focusing mainly on my lower lip.
I tighten my grip until the wool on his coat starts to embed in my palms.
Heat ignites in my belly and rushes through my body like a raging fire until my fingertips are buzzing and my toes curl in my thick boots.
My racing heart leaps forward, pounding so fast that I’m certain he must be able to hear it because it’s the only sound flooding my ears.
It thunders against my ribs, frantically trying to escape as if it knows the one place it might be safe is in Kairo’s arms.
He kisses me so differently from that night in the bar.
Back then, it was all alcohol-fueled touching and tearing with only pleasure on the mind.
He’s an entirely different man here and yet the same aching desire is rising inside me.
A deep yearning for gentle, human connection that’s been robbed from me for more years than I ever deserved.
In a flash in my mind, his gentle mouth sweeps across other parts of his body while his hands hold me close and the only heat I need comes from him.
My mind runs away with itself at the same speed as my heart, and I can’t control it.
The want is overwhelming and alongside that feeling comes a new fear.
A growing concern that Kairo might give it to me if I ask, and I won’t know what to do with it.
Kairo’s head tilts very slowly to the left and the kiss deepens.
His movement makes my fingers tighten further in his coat as if he’s about to leave, but tension building in my chest is rapidly bringing this kiss to an end.
I need to breathe.
But I don’t want to end this.
I want to stay here forever with his body against mine and his lips tenderly locked over my own, with snowflakes biting my cheeks as they land and the cold ground seeping up through the soles of my boots, eager for a taste of the fire burning between us.
Unfortunately, we both need to breathe and the kiss ends far too early.
Kairo gasps softly against my lips and as soon as I’m free, I step back and gasp myself.
Placing my hand over my racing heart, it takes me a few long seconds to even open my eyes.
By the time I do, reality has come crashing back.
What am I thinking? This can’t happen!
We’re business partners now.
Muddying the water just makes everything far too complicated, especially with a fake marriage on the table.
My unsavory mind hits me with the fear that anything that happens between us will trap me in this marriage and I’ll once again lose myself.
Our eyes meet and my heart breaks.
Kairo’s smile is so utterly soft that it makes me melt.
Mirth shines in his eyes and he very slowly licks his lower lips as if he’s savoring the ghost of me against his mouth.
“Wow,” he breathes. “I… I’m sorry. I should have asked.”
“It’s fine,” I assure him, and his face lights up further. “But it can’t happen again.” It’s like someone else is speaking those words as every fiber of my being craves another kiss.
It’s like I’m burning up from the inside out and he’s the only thing that will soothe me.
But my wall is creeping back up. It’s taking over and I need to protect myself.
His dark brows twitch slightly, giving me a glimpse of the swirl along his forehead. “I’m sorry I overstepped.”
“It’s not that,” I assure him quickly, winding my arms around my middle.
“The kiss was… I just think we should avoid things like that, y’know?
With everything going on with the bakery and this arrangement we have, it would be foolish to risk ruining both of them over a misunderstanding or something. ”
Kairo slips one hand into his pocket and despite the calm way he controls himself, he fails to hide a flash of hurt in his eyes.
Guilt forms a ball in my gut.
“Do you have feelings for me, Devon?”
His question is so abruptly to the point that it catches me off guard, and I stare at him, frozen, for at least a few seconds.
Then I shake my head.
“No, Kairo. I don’t.”
The lie sours the lingering sweetness of the kiss on my tongue and it takes all my effort not to immediately correct myself when Kairo nods and takes a half step away from me.
“Devon!” Mom saves the day by hurrying toward us through the snow-covered street, taking small steps to prevent her from slipping.
Dad is just behind her. “Kairo!” She waves one hand in the air. “Look what I bought!”
I finally notice what’s in her arms and my stomach somersaults.
Four ugly Christmas sweaters.
As she shows them off, I realize exactly what she bought them for, and the guilt inside me weighs heavier.
“There’s a snowman for your Dad, a Santa for me, an elf for you, Devon, and look!”
Mom holds up a red and white knitted sweater with a wonky reindeer in the middle. “This is for you, Kairo.”
He stares at her with raised brows but is unable to say no as the sweater is thrust into his arms. “Wow. It’s quite the thing.”
“You have to wear it this week. Thursday, December first, I expect you to be here helping us with the bake sale, okay? We’ll need all hands on deck and I don’t want to hear any excuses.”
Kairo glances at me as if looking for permission, so I smile softly.
“Okay,” he says with a smile. “Just give me a time and I will be there.”
“Excellent!” Mom cheers softly and my heart lifts.
A guarantee of seeing Kairo again isn’t something I should be excited about, but I can’t help it.
He deserves someone better than me, someone who can give him everything he wants and isn’t weighed down by the ghouls in my past.
And it’s definitely in my best interests not to risk anything that could jeopardize the bakery.
So why do I feel like I’ve made the worst decision of my life?
The last few days of November pass in a blur.
A website runs an article on the bakery and an award won last Christmas, which spurs an influx of orders for festive cakes, gingerbread men, and pastries from all over the city.
Dad ends up hiring one of the local teens to drive the truck back and forth at least four times a day to make all the deliveries while Mom and I end up to our eyeballs in marzipan, edible glitter frost, and countless bags of sugar to decorate a cake exactly like an icy lake from someone’s old holiday photograph.
The bakery is typically busy at this time of year, but the sudden rush of attention barely gives us time for anything else.
It’s a miracle that there continues to be no pushback on the land deal, so my lawyer currently needs nothing from me.
One evening, as snow blankets the town once more, Mom and I sit hunched over the decorating table working our way through sixteen pairs of ice skates to be added to the cake which will be collected tomorrow.
“Sixteen,” Mom murmurs, her tongue slipping out the corner of her mouth while she concentrates. “A family this big must be insane at this time of year.”
“Imagine how big their dinner table is.” I chuckle, weaving thinly rolled marzipan over each skate as the laces.
“They’d need at least four centerpieces.
Although the selection would be easier. One turkey, one chicken, one ham, and then a vegetarian option.
Can’t imagine all sixteen are meat eaters these days. ”
“I dread to imagine the grocery bill.” She laughs to herself and sweeps the final stroke of glitter over the skate she’s working on, then passes it to me. “Out of everything, I’m just glad you’re here this year.”
Pausing my weaving, I glance up. “Me too.”
“You and Kairo seem to be getting along well.”
From the tone of her voice, it doesn’t sound much like a question.
More like a statement she already knows the answer to.
“Yeah, I guess. The deal is important.”
“I mean beyond that.”
“There’s nothing beyond that.”
“Devon.” Her hand suddenly covers my wrist. “I saw the way he was looking at you at Thanksgiving. That man is smitten.”
“What?” Warmth immediately ignites in my cheeks. “No, he’s not.”
“So that kiss was a friendly peck between friends?”
My spine straightens like a poker and I stare at her as a shameful heat washes over me from head to toe.
Sweat prickles along my scalp and my mouth runs dry. “You saw that?”
“You were kissing in the middle of the street, darling. Did you forget that?”
“I— well, it… it was just—”
“Relax, honey.” She pats my wrist and pulls away.
“Kairo seems like a very nice man. What he’s doing for us is incredible.
I admit I was wary for a while. I kept expecting the other shoe to drop, but if he’s one thing for sure, it’s consistent.
I don’t think half of the things he’s done for us required him to be here in person. ”
No words escape me despite the various weak excuses surging through my mind.
“He… we work together now, Mom. Technically. He’s my boss in a way. And we… I can’t.”
“Do you like him?” She looks at me with a warm smile. Glitter clings to the soft fuzz on her cheek and her eyes crease with the mirth of age.
“I do,” I whisper as the guilt inside me surges. “But I shouldn’t.”
“Why ever not?”
“Anything goes wrong between us and I risk fucking up everything with this place, Mom. I can’t let that happen. It’s too important.”
“Honey, the contract you both signed about this place surely protects you from any emotional backlash from him if things did go awry. But you don’t know they will.”
My attention drops to the ice skates. “I didn’t know with Axel, either.”
“Do you fear he’s the same?” she asks softly.
I nod and suddenly, tears burn at the corners of my eyes.
“I don’t mean to paint him with the same brush, but I can’t help it. Every time I think about what could be between us, I’m reminded of—” My throat closes and the words don’t come.
“I can’t tell you what to do, my dear,” Mom says, her words filled with a loving warmth, “but you’re not alone this time. Your father and I are here. And Kairo… he strikes me as a good man. I think he would understand if he knew the truth. You deserve to be happy, my darling.”
“He doesn’t deserve someone like me.”
She pulls me into a gentle hug and buries her glitter-covered face into my curls.
“My darling. It’s Christmas. Maybe Kairo is exactly the healing miracle you deserve, hmm?”