Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
brOOKS
IN FOR A PENNY…
C harlie’s avoiding me.
For the better part of the last week, he’s been absent. It feels like I saw him more during college with us going to different schools than I’ve seen him while living with him.
The only reason I know he’s been home is my coat appeared on the hook sometime after he came home from the bar that night.
Since I started working at the Naughty Pine, I’m up early while Charlie is still asleep. By the time I get home, he’s already at the Tinsel Tavern.
I was hoping we could have a conversation like adults about what I overheard. But if I want to have this conversation, I guess I’m going to have to track him down and force him to have it.
I’ve gone over this in my head a million different ways since he walked away from me. The pain in his eyes has haunted me.
Fuck. It has me rubbing the heel of my hand over my heart. The very last thing in the world that I want to do is hurt Charlie.
He’s the best person I know. My favorite person in the world.
I can’t lose him. And I don’t want to let this fester any longer. Hearing his confession is only adding to my own confused feelings.
Maybe if he would talk to me, I’d know what he’s feeling. Then I could tell him what’s going on inside of me. Because these last few weeks have been nothing short of confusing.
I make a decision. Fuck it.
“I’ll be back later, okay, Comet?”
My dog barely opens an eye from his bed in front of the Christmas tree before closing it and going back to snoring.
Grabbing my coat and keys, I stuff my feet into my boots and head toward the Tinsel Tavern.
No more ignoring me. No more avoiding.
It’s not like he’s the only one that’s scared. Charlie’s my best friend. If he’s nervous or scared about how I’m feeling, we need to talk about that. It’s not like he’s the only one experiencing these emotions. I’m scared too.
It’s a warmer night for Moose Falls with groups of tourists and townspeople alike milling around, drinking hot chocolate and listening to carolers on the street.
I bypass all of them and set my eyes on where I know I’ll find my best friend.
The courtyard to the left of the building is filled with people and heaters. Christmas lights woven through the rafters outside cast a soft glow out onto the street.
I nod to the security guy who sits inside the door as I let my eyes adjust to the flashing lights inside.
There. Behind the bar, slinging drinks .
Charlie has a bright smile on his face as he sets a cocktail down in front of someone. The dance floor is packed to the brim with people as a Christmas tune plays out.
My eyes stay fixed on Charlie as I cut through the mass of people. Now that I’m here, my nerves are starting to jumble because I have no idea how this conversation is going to go.
I know the minute he sees me because the smile slides off his face.
Fuck. Okay, this isn’t going to go well based on that reaction.
I’m not going to let him run anymore.
“What are you doing here?” Charlie asks, almost yelling over the music.
“You’re avoiding me.”
“I’m working,” he corrects me. “You want something to drink?”
“Beer.”
Charlie nods. He knows exactly what I like. It has warmth blooming in my chest. Charlie knows everything about me. It’s why he’s been my best friend my entire life.
I watch as he grabs a pint glass and pulls the light amber liquid. I’m noticing things about him now that I’ve never noticed before. The way his biceps move when he draws the tap toward him. The happy smile on his face when a regular calls out to him.
It’s everything that makes him my Charlie.
When he sets it in front of me, he is fast to walk away.
“Charlie, can we please talk?” I call after him.
“Busy.” He shakes his head, not turning around.
Okay then.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
I have all night though. I’m not going anywhere. If Charlie thinks I’m going to leave, he doesn’t know how stubborn I can be.
I’ll close this bar down if I have to .
I watch as Charlie mixes and pours drinks. He works effortlessly with his crew behind the bar. It’s mesmerizing to watch.
“Can I get you anything?” someone pops up in front of me and asks.
Looking down, my glass is empty. “Sure. Another IPA.”
“You got it.”
When I go back to searching out Charlie, I see him with someone at the end of the bar. That perks my attention up.
I don’t miss the way the guy leans in closer to Charlie. His finger swirls along the rim of his glass as his eyes roam over Charlie’s face in what looks like a soft caress.
Whatever the guy says has Charlie throwing his head back in laughter before resting his hand on his forearm. Even from here, I can see how Charlie’s fingers brush over his skin. It pulls the guy’s attention to that spot.
I have no idea who the man he’s talking with is. Well, flirting. Based on how Charlie is reacting, they are definitely flirting.
What. The. Fuck.
A growl bursts out of my chest. I can’t get Charlie to talk to me for two minutes—his best friend that he’s known his entire life—and he’s paying attention to this fool?
And why do I want to be that guy?
Fuck that.
But before I can go interrupt them like a jealous boyfriend, Charlie is rounding the bar and linking hands with this guy and heading to the dance floor.
Again. What the fuck?
Shouldn’t he be working?
Perks of being the owner. I can hear Charlie’s words echoing in my head.
Fuck. I eye the man he’s dancing with. He’s attractive, there’s no doubt about that. Exactly Charlie’s type.
Dark hair. Dark eyes .
The exact opposite of me.
My eyes don’t leave them as the music changes to something sexier.
I sip my beer as I watch the guy rest his hands on Charlie’s hips.
Fuck. The two of them are moving to the music together, rocking their hips into one another. Charlie’s hands slip into the guy’s back pockets as they keep dancing.
A burning fire erupts in my gut.
I swallow down the rest of my beer to cool myself off because I have no idea why I’m feeling this way watching Charlie dance with some stranger.
Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with me?
The guy spins Charlie, so now he’s facing my direction. The flashing lights are dancing across his face, highlighting all his best features.
The guy splays his hands on Charlie’s abs over his T-shirt.
Seriously?
I came here to talk to Charlie and he’s ignoring me. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Because all it’s doing is making my gut churn.
It’s then I notice the guy’s hand is dipping just below Charlie’s belt.
Am I jealous? Do I want to be the one dancing with Charlie?
No. It’s because the guy is taking advantage of him. I’m ready to head out there and punch the guy. Let him know he can’t do this to my best friend. It’s like my thoughts are a beacon to Charlie as his gaze meets mine.
His brown eyes are filled with lust, and it sends a new feeling floating through me. One that I’ve only ever felt for one other guy.
But now I’m feeling those things for Charlie.
My best friend.
Desire. Lust. Passion .
I want to be the one out there with him. I want to be the one making him look like that.
Charlie’s tongue darts out, wetting his bottom lip.
It’s about all I can take. I’m going crazy being here and can’t watch this for another minute. Not with the way my thoughts are all jumbled up in my head.
Spinning on my stool, I head out into the cool night air, wishing it was colder. Lights are flickering up and down Main Street. It’s like a postcard.
“Brooks. Wait!” Charlie’s voice calls from behind me.
“I’m going home, Charlie,” I bite back. I don’t stop, just stalk down the sidewalk. Finding a lone patch of ice, the boots I’m wearing have me going ass over elbow. Until someone catches me.
“Would you stop?” Charlie huffs, helping to right me. “What’s your problem tonight?”
For once, I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to have this conversation.
“My problem?” I turn to face him. His cheeks are pink from dancing and sweat lines his brow.
Why am I noticing these things about him now?
“Yes. You show up at the bar demanding to talk and then leave when I start dancing with someone.”
“Because…”
“Because why, Brooks?” Charlie crosses his arms in defense.
“Fuck.” I scrub a hand down my face. This isn’t how I planned on this night going. On feeling new and different things for Charlie.
My Charlie.
How can watching him dance with one person elicit all these new emotions? Have they always been there, but I never actually let myself feel them?
I need time to think. Time to clear my head to figure out what all this means. Maybe that’s what Charlie has been doing all week.
“Hey.” Charlie’s voice brings me out of my thoughts. “I’m allowed to dance with people, Brooks. So why are you being weird?”
“Me?” I scoff. “You’ve been avoiding me all week. So who’s the one being weird, Charlie?”
“Excuse me for not knowing how to be around you after you learned the truth.”
“So ignoring me is the better option?” I ask him.
“Okay, fine. What do you want to know, Brooks?”
Someone bumps into me and it’s then I realize we’re having this conversation in the middle of the sidewalk with people still out to hear this.
Fuck.
“Do you want to know that I’ve been in love with you since I realized I was gay? How hard it was to have to hide that all this time because I knew you were straight, only to realize the other night that might not be entirely true?”
“Charlie—”
He doesn’t stop. Doesn’t take a breath.
“I’ve buried my feelings for you for years and I was fine with it. Because you were my best friend and I’d rather have you as my friend than not have you at all. But to realize that you might not be straight but that you just aren’t into me? It’s something I’m trying to come to terms with. It feels like my heart is shattered all over the floor.”
The lights play in Charlie’s eyes. A Christmas tune is coming from somewhere behind us. My eyes focus on the scar that Charlie got over his lip when he was playing soccer in middle school and fell into the goalpost.
I take a step closer to him, not quite sure what I’m doing. All I know is all common sense has left my head. Because ever since I stepped foot into the Tinsel Tavern tonight, I’ve been off .
“Brooks.” Charlie’s voice has gone soft. It’s barely a whisper, but it has me closing the distance between the two of us.
The pain here is something I can’t take. I can’t take the thought of hurting my best friend. But with everything swirling in my head the last week, I act without thinking.
In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.
I kiss him.