Chapter 8
LUCY
The large firepit sat steady on a concrete slab, easy to use once Sam piled the wood near the bottom before turning to me with an outstretched hand. I returned the gesture, planting my hand in his, and was met with a deep-rooted laugh.
“As much as I want to hold your hand, I was asking for a lighter.”
Oh shit.
I smiled sheepishly his way, guilty of forgetting we had nothing in the first place.
“Really, Lu. Christ. This is why you can’t be up here by yourself.”
With a huff, the brittle snow crackled under his feet as he took long strides toward his truck, coming back after a few minutes with a camouflage pouch. It only took him a moment to pull out a small firestarting kit and get the fire going, so we didn’t freeze.
I looked at him with furrowed brows. It was convenient. Almost like having an extra makeup bag in my car.
“Ask any service member. Everyone has one,” he defended.
I held my hands up. “No judgment here. You saved the fire.”
We set the bench back a little way from the pit, facing the fire, and sat down. Sam seemed tense, drastically changing from how he'd been moments before. He was quiet as he sat beside me, his knee bouncing every so often.
Frankly, I had forgiven him a long time ago, but there was something about seeing him in the flesh that brought back my unresolved feelings. The constant fluttering in my chest, I hadn’t felt it in so long. I wanted to catch the feeling in the palm of my hand and protect it.
There was also the possibility I was breaking my own heart by letting him touch every inch of my body, something I would have to face eventually.
“Sam, why the Marines when you could have picked any other branch?” I whispered out of genuine curiosity.
My fingers traced along the sleeve of my jacket, playing with an out-of-place string as I sat and waited patiently for the answer.
His brows knit together as he opened his mouth a few times to speak. From where I sat, his jaw was sharp, defined as it tightened. Maybe I could get him to talk to me, tell me something he's buried.
Moving my hand along his arm, I rested it on his bicep. His muscles were tense under my fingers, his face blank, and remaining on the fire.
I knew better. He was masking.
He needed to know I would be there. What better way than to try and share some tactics I use when I get anxious? I barely registered his voice as I dug through my jacket pocket for the sour candy.
“They didn’t give up on me,” he muttered.
“What?”
A soft chuckle rolled off Sam’s lips as he motioned to my pocket. I pulled out a piece and handed it to him, waiting for an answer.
“What do you mean?”
Warmth enveloped me as Sam reached his arm around and pulled me into his side.
There it was, that pounding against my ribcage.
I turned to face him, and icy blue eyes were already on me, seemingly trying to find the words to say.
“My D.I. never let me fail. You know I hated authority growing up, but this, Lu. It's different when I had people who never gave up on me, even when I’d given up on myself. Aside from loving you, serving was the best decision I could’ve ever made.
I became a leader, confident leader. Something I never thought was possible. ”
“Do you know the real reason why I didn’t come home with Marco?”
Panic vibrated my nerves, and my legs tightened. I felt like a snake was constricting my breath. I had a feeling he was about to reveal something huge, and he had my full attention. I shook my head.
“You’re brother, and I had a deal. If something happened to one of us, the other would finish out and come back home. That’s why he came back, and I didn’t. It was supposed to be a simple extraction, Lucy. In and out. Fucking A. It all went wrong when…”
His voice trailed off, and he didn't speak for a long while after that. I desperately wanted to cut through the silence, but this had to be on his terms.
“I saw your letters. I would’ve written back if I’d known.”
The fire reflected off his orbs, making them appear dark, like a raging storm, yet he was calm as we spoke.
“There was one more that I had, one that never got back to your brother. It’s gone now.”
My heart hammered against my chest as I fished out two more sour candies. They seemed to be helping him focus.
“Where is it?” I asked softly, rubbing circles into his hand.
“Wherever we were being held.”
What?
Sam was…
“Sam I–”
“We were ambushed.”
The statement was matter-of-fact, and I didn’t push after that.
I smiled under the blanket as his body felt a smidge less tense from the small admission.
Only being given a small piece of the puzzle was enough for me.
It felt nice to talk to him so intimately again, and it felt like nothing had changed between us.
A sinking feeling still had me thinking, though.
What happened that was so bad…He couldn't even finish telling me, and what about the other letter?
SAM
Once I plopped myself on the bed, my eyes fluttered shut. It was hard to stay awake with the dimmed red Christmas lights casting their glow on the room. It gave off a relaxed, sensual vibe. I drifted, thinking about everything that transpired, right down to the mind-blowing orgasm I gave her.
Damn, she had quivered over me, letting her juices coat me like a waterfall. I loved every minute of it. Her candy apple perfume permeated the area, and the sweet smell lulled me into dreamland, almost like she was right next to me.
I wanted to ask her to come to bed, but she was adamant about watching Elf for the tenth time, reciting her favorite scenes. It was funny every single time. She was animated and really letting herself go. For a moment, she shone like the brightest star in the sky. No way in hell I was ruining that.
Any other time, I’d place the pillow over my head, but her voice lulled me into dreamland. A place I hated to be, one I hope one day to fill with better memories, where she didn’t know the truth about me being a monster.
I’m not sure how long I was out when my sobs woke me, trapping themselves in my chest when I inhaled and choked out an exhale. The sheets were rough and cold with sweat as I wrenched them in my hand.
I swung my legs over the bed and wobbled toward the bathroom, raking my hands through my sweaty hair. A lukewarm shower always helped when the panic forced me to believe I was having a stroke. I fucking hated it.
The handle was silent as I turned it to the desired temperature and stepped in. The steaming water touched every surface of my skin as I thought about my life and the implications that my decisions left in their wake.
Lucy still needed to love herself, and I needed to heal as well.
Did I love her?
Yes.
Was I capable of a relationship right now?
Maybe?
I ran the soap along my chest, imagining it was Lu running her fingertips along my body to distract myself from the fleeting thoughts, biting down on my lower lip, and fighting the urge to relieve myself. My senses narrowed as a small voice sliced through the quiet.
“We have to stop meeting like this.” Brown eyes settled on mine as I whipped around and took a step closer. Her eyes followed the trail of water that flowed down my body with a smirk. “I want to make you feel good.”
“Use me then,” my voice dropped an octave, a low groan replacing my words. “Show me what you want.”
She lowered to her knees, running her nails along my thighs sensuously. My dick stood at full attention now, twitching with need as precum gathered at the tip.
“Lean against the wall, please?”
My head tilted up toward the ceiling as my body fell back, shivering as it connected with the cold tile. Under hooded eyes, I shot my gaze to the woman at my feet.
“Right to the point this time, aren't you?” I teased.
Her tongue shot out, teasingly licking at the head of my cock. A groan rumbled in my chest as I fought the urge to snake my hands through her hair and guide her movements.
She was amazing, and the feeling of her tongue running along my shaft was unlike any other. If she kept it up, I would crumble and beg for more.
Once her lips wrapped around me, it was the closest I'd ever been to heaven. I could tell she hadn’t done this often as her teeth scraped against the sensitive flesh a few times, but it felt too good to tell her to stop.
“Keep going,” I panted. “Just like that.”
Saliva spilled from her mouth and coated my dick as she increased her pace, taking me almost to the base. Each time she gagged and that beautiful fucking throat clenched around me, it had me feral, sucking me back in each time I tried to slide out.
“Lu, slower…I want to feel everything,” I begged. Her mouth released me, and my right hand ran through the top of her hair, gently grabbing her wet locks.
“Do you trust me? If it becomes too much, blink twice. Okay?”
She nodded slowly with flushed cheeks and teary eyes, chest rising slowly with each shaking breath.
“Wrap one hand around the base of my cock and let the other wander.” She obeyed, and the tip of her nails grazed my balls. A shiver ran down my spine at the contact, her moans encouraging me further. “Wrap your lips around me and don’t move. I'm going to guide you. Nice and slow.”
My pulse raced as blood rushed through my body. Her eyes fluttered as I inched into her mouth, feeling the wet, hot slickness of her tongue on the underside of my cock.
“Ready?”
She blinked once, and when the next one didn’t come, I pushed in until I hit the back of her throat.
Tightening my hold, I brought her head back and forth.
She was held in place as I fucked her face in long, deep strokes.
She surprised me when her other hand caressed my balls, pinching and squeezing like she wanted me to empty down her throat in the next two minutes.
She gagged as she tried to open wider for me, but it made the noises that much more intoxicating. I pushed deeper, sliding further down her throat and holding steady before I pulled back again.
Lucy drew in a shuddering breath and hollowed her cheeks before starting to move her hand in sync with my movements.
Even though we were surrounded by cool water, fire coursed through my veins as my abdomen tightened.
“Good Girl…fuuuuuuuuck,” I hissed through my teeth.
With one last deep thrust, her throat pulsed around me, her eyes rolled back from lack of air. I couldn't control myself. When the cord snapped inside, I held her against me, feeling my cock jerk as I emptied down her throat.
I withdrew from her mouth, my dick hanging limply as I knelt and swiped my thumb across her eye.
“You did amazing,” I cooed, placing a kiss on her throbbing temple.
I rose, turning the knob and shutting the shower off before her raspy voice caught my attention.
“Sam, that feeling from the kitchen.” She averted her gaze quickly, laughter coming short and forced.
“Yes?”
“I want that again.”
Her eyes widened, and her shoulders relaxed as she faced the mirror and combed through her locks. I moved behind her and wrapped an arm around her, my lips hovering just above her ear. “Why don’t you lie on the bed? I bet, tonight, I’ll have you seeing heaven.”
“I think death by orgasm will secure a one-way ticket into the sea of fire.”
I held her tighter and laughed at her reddened cheeks. “As long as I’m burning with you, baby.”
Breaking out of my hold, she ducked under my arm and headed out the door. I had no other choice but to follow her, and hope that I could make due on the promise I’d just made.
.