Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Burk
“Merry Christmas,” my grandparents holler the moment I come down the stairs to join them for coffee in the kitchen.
“Merry Christmas,” I reply, bending down to kiss Gram’s cheek and squeezing Gramps’ shoulder. “You two are up early.”
“We wanted to see the sunrise together over the tree farm,” Gram informs me, smiling behind her coffee mug.
“It’s good to be home,” Gramps confirms, reaching for his wife’s hand and linking their fingers.
I stop in my tracks, staring down at their hands.
They’ve aged over the years, but they’re still the same hands they’ve held for the last fifty years.
My grandparents built this farm and a life together.
They grew from a young married couple to what they are now.
I’m envious of their love, their commitment, and maybe it’s because for the first time in my life, I truly want what they have.
Clearing my throat, I move to the coffee maker and pour myself a mug.
I add just a splash of creamer and a bit of sugar and join them at the table.
I look at the basic coffee and already miss Joy.
Even though I messaged her first thing this morning and wished her a Merry Christmas, I wish she were right beside me, sharing some of her delicious coffee creations that will give me cavities and a sugar rush.
I want her beside me, holding my hand, and watching the sunrise.
“How are you feeling?” I ask Gramps.
“Never been better,” he assures me with a wide smile.
You can still see a hint of a droop on the right corner of his mouth.
He’s physically doing well, but there’s still a few characteristics of his stroke he’ll most likely always have.
“Nothing better than waking up on Christmas morning with the woman you love back in the home you built together.” He gazes lovingly at my grandma. It’s so powerful, I have to look away.
“I’m glad you’re home.”
Gramps clears his throat. “I hear you’ve kept yourself busy in my shop.”
I nod. “I hope that’s okay.”
His brown eyes widen with delight. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been wanting someone to share in the joy of woodworking for as long as I can remember. Your uncle Karl used to tinker a bit, but never really got into it like I did. And your dad, well, it was never his thing.”
I hold his gaze and confirm, “It wasn’t.”
He clears his throat once more and takes a sip of his coffee.
“I was sitting outside, watching the sunrise, and just couldn’t get over how beautiful of a view I had.
It’s something I’ll never take for granted, Burk.
But as I was watching that sun come up with renewed vision, I realized not everyone shared my views.
” He levels me with a sad look as he adds, “And that’s okay.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and this morning, I took the first step to apologize. I called your dad.”
Shock sweeps through me as I look across the table at the older man who resembles my own father so much. “You did?”
He nods. “I did. What’s more surprising is he answered.”
That makes me smile. “I’m glad.”
“Me too, though I wouldn’t have been surprised if he hadn’t. But he did, and I was able to wish him and your mom a Merry Christmas. We actually talked for about thirty minutes.”
My heart feels lighter now, happier.
“Anyway, we’ve both agreed to open up the lines of communication.
We’ll both stay in contact and, hopefully, rebuild the relationship we broke.
” When he looks my way, there are tears in his eyes.
Happy ones. Taking another drink of his coffee, he says, “Tell me about what you’ve been doing in the shop. ”
So, I do. I tell him about building the arch for John and Eve’s wedding later tonight.
I took it to the church yesterday so it could be decorated.
From what I was told by Ray, they’ll wrap it in fresh holiday greenery and flowers before the ceremony, and even though it’s not the first one I’ve built, I’m more excited to see this one complete and serving its purpose than any other I’ve made in the past.
“It’s a beautiful day for a wedding,” Gram states.
“It is. Are you sure you two don’t want to come? I’m more than happy to chauffeur you around.” I know my grandparents were invited as friends of Ray and Cindy’s, but with Gramps being recently released from the rehab center, they’ve decided to stay home and rest.
Gram grins and shakes her head. “We appreciate the offer, but we’ll be all set here. I have a card for the happy couple, if you’d deliver it to them for us.”
“Of course I will.”
“Thank you.” Gram drinks her coffee and asks, “When are you doing your gift exchange with Joy?”
I glance over at the wrapped box sitting near the tree.
I added it last night, after finally finishing the contents.
It took me way longer than normal, but mostly because I just didn’t have a lot of free time to work on it.
When I was in the shop, Joy was with me, helping finish the arch for her sister’s wedding, and most of my nights the last two weeks have been spent with Joy wrapped in my arms in her bed.
“Tonight. Their family is doing a small gift exchange this morning at breakfast, and then they’ll spend the rest of the day preparing for the wedding.
” Joy invited me over to her family’s gathering, but I didn’t want to leave my grandparents this morning.
It’s Gramps’s first full day back home, and I wanted to share that with him.
She understood completely, which is why we agreed to do our exchange later tonight, after the small reception.
“Well, she’s going to love it. I mean, I don’t know what it is, but if you built it, I’m certain it’s a beautiful piece full of meaning,” Gram says.
“Thank you. I hope she likes it.” I think about what’s in the box and how I came up with the idea.
I won’t say a word about everything that transpired between Joy and myself the night the idea formed.
Those moments, which started in her kitchen and ended with us naked upstairs in her apartment, are just for me.
Once I leave, they’ll be some of my most treasured memories.
A knot forms in my gut. Actually, it’s not a new knot, but one I’ve felt grow steadily over the last week as my time in Snowflake Falls winds down. As the hourglass sand starts to run out and I think about leaving, that knot tightens, making it hard to breathe.
Before we can continue our conversation, chaos erupts at the door.
“Merry Christmas,” my uncle Karl bellows as he enters the house, followed closely by his wife, Sheila, as well as Klint, Gretchen, Noah, and Tasha.
They’re loaded down with gifts, as well as delicious smelling food for our breakfast together.
I stand up and help take boxes and gift bags, delivering them to the tree while everyone removes their boots and coats.
I’m pulled into a tight hug from my aunt Sheila, as well as from Klint’s wife, Gretchen.
My youngest cousin, Tasha, walks over and gives me a fist bump, while little Noah runs over to my leg and gives me a hug and toothy grin, and yells, “Merry Christmas!”
This is home. This is family. Yes, I miss my parents. They should be here, celebrating with everyone else. Maybe someday they’ll get to that point again. I truly hope it happens.
As the noise level increases and everyone gives Gramps a little extra attention, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye.
I lift my arm and pull my Gram against my side.
Her familiar arms wrap around my waist as she rests her head against my chest. “I’m so glad you’re here, Burk.
” There are tears in her eyes as she looks up at me.
“Me too,” I assure her, feeling my own eyes burn with emotion.
“You’re always welcome here. Always.”
I give her a smile and press a kiss to her forehead. “I know.”
“Good. Now, I’m going to say something else I think you need to hear.
I know I’m probably overstepping my bounds, but I think it’s important.
” She levels me with a gaze full of love as she says, “If you love her, make sure she knows. Even if you return home afterward as planned, don’t let the words go unsaid.
They’re too important, too meaningful not to say them. ”
My throat closes and I find it hard to draw air into my lungs. “I will.”
She nods. “Good, because that woman deserves to feel your love and hear you say the words.”
“I promise I’ll tell her.” There’s sadness in my voice.
She cups my cheek with her hand and offers her own sad smile.
“One day at a time, Burk. That’s all you can do.
And maybe, someday down the road, the day will come when you return to Snowflake Falls.
Return to her. But even if that day doesn’t come, she’ll be okay.
You will be too. Because love doesn’t just die when you leave someone.
It’s always there, deep inside you. Your heart just continues to grow and make room for more love.
It’s one of the most beautiful, yet painful parts of life. ”
I know she’s talking about more than just me and Joy.
She lost her son, daughter-in-law, and grandson the day my family’s pride ripped through us.
Like a photograph, it was torn in two, separating us into two sides.
Gram kept in touch with my dad, mom, and me the best she could, but it was difficult.
There was still tension, and it was felt by everyone.
“You’re a very wise woman, you know that?” I state, needing to lighten the mood a little.
She giggles and grins. “I do know that. I like to remind your grandfather of that point on many occasions.”
I bark out a laugh. “As you should.”
She keeps her arm wrapped around my waist as she pulls me toward the kitchen, where my family is gathered. “Come on, let’s eat.”