Chapter 19
NINETEEN
Joy
“You’re in love with him.”
I pull my gaze away from Burk, who is standing in the dining room with my dad, and turn to the familiar voice of my sister. My mouth opens, but no words come out. I can’t deny it. It would be a lie if I did, so why do it?
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I see it on your face. It’s written in your eyes.”
I sigh and give my sister my complete attention. “I don’t want him to go.” I feel tears coming, and I do everything in my power to keep them at bay.
“Of course you don’t,” she replies gently. “Because you love him.”
I sniffle, blinking rapidly to keep the wetness from falling. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Tell him.”
I let out a deep breath. “I can’t, Eve. He’s leaving soon, returning to the other side of the country. What good will it do to confess how I feel?”
“It would give him all the pieces to the puzzle, Joy. If he knows all the facts, maybe he’ll consider staying.”
“He has a life there. A home, a business, friends. His parents are there.”
“But you’re here,” she adds gently. “I can’t tell you what to do or say, but I think you should tell him how you feel.
Then, if he decides he’s still going home, then that’s on him.
You gave him the choice. Right now, he doesn’t know that you’re desperately in love with him and probably always have been. ”
“Why would he stay, Eve? I mean, just because I tell him I love him doesn’t mean he should move back here.”
“Why not?”
I sigh and shake my head. “Because what if he moves here and we give it a go, and we end up breaking up? What if it doesn’t work out?”
She swipes at a piece of hair hanging across my forehead before she whispers, “What if it does?”
My heart climbs up into my throat, making it hard to breathe. I blink away more tears, trying to remain calm and not let my emotions get the better of me.
“There’s my wife. Come share a dance with me,” John says as he takes my sister’s hand and leads her to the center of the family room.
The entire house is covered in head-to-toe Christmas, and even though Eve and I didn’t grow up in a huge home, there’s plenty of room to host a small gathering of less than two dozen people.
We’ve enjoyed cake and champagne and now my sister and her husband are sharing their first dance.
Surrounded by Christmas lights, decorated trees, and their closest family and friends, it’s the perfect way to finish out their wedding day.
“Well, hello there, beautiful.” Burk steps up behind me and wraps his hand around my waist, drawing my back to his chest. He presses a light kiss on the side of my head and starts to sway to the music.
“Hello, yourself.” I lean against his body, reveling in the way he feels against me. I close my eyes, letting the music wrap around me, and just…feel.
“Dance with me, beautiful.”
I open my eyes and realize there are other couples dancing with the bride and groom in the middle of the living room.
Placing my hand in his, I let Burk lead me out with the others and pull me into his arms. We move to the beat of the song, and a few tears silently slide down my cheeks.
The mixture of the beautiful Christmas music, being wrapped in his arms, and surrounded by those I hold nearest and dearest to my heart is too much for my fragile emotional state.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Burk asks, placing a finger beneath my chin and gently lifting my face. The sadness in his eyes reflects that in mine, and it’s almost too much.
“I’m just—” I clear my throat and do my best to get myself under control. “I’m just emotional, I suppose. It was a beautiful day. I’m so happy for my sister and John.”
He gives me a small smile. “It was definitely a beautiful day, and while I’m certain it was perfect for the bride and groom, my favorite part is this right now. Dancing with the most beautiful woman in the world.”
I lose the fight. His words are too much for my delicate psyche. I lean my cheek against his chest and silently cry, wishing things could be different between us. Wishing my love for him would be enough to make him stay.
Burk doesn’t say a word, just holds me even tighter as the tears fall. Even after the song ends, he doesn’t let go and we dance to the next one too. When that song ends, he places his thumb and index finger on my chin and lifts my face. “You ready to get out of here?”
I nod, feeling drained and numb. The ache in my chest is consuming, like a wildfire destroying everything in its path. If I’m going to completely fall apart, I want to do it in the privacy of my own home, not in front of my family. I swipe quickly at my tears and paste a smile on my lips.
Burk keeps a firm grasp on my hand as he leads me to where my parents are standing and watching their oldest daughter dance with her new husband. “I’m feeling a little tired, so I think we’re going to head out,” I tell them as I approach.
“Of course, dear,” Mom replies, pulling me in for a hug. “John and Eve are getting ready to head to that bed-and-breakfast for the night and will join us for lunch tomorrow.”
My parents gifted them with an overnight stay at a private cabin at a bed-and-breakfast not too far out of town. It’s quite popular with the tourists, and when the owner found out Eve and John were getting married on Christmas, they insisted they use that particular cabin so they have more privacy.
“I’ll be here,” I tell her.
Then, I turn my attention to my dad, who wraps me in his arms and holds me tightly. He kisses me on the side of the head, and whispers, “Tell him, honey. I think he feels the same.”
I close my eyes, praying he’s right. Because if I say the words I long to say and he doesn’t feel the same, it would kill a piece of my soul. “Love you.”
“Love you more, honey.” He kisses my forehead before turning his attention to Burk. He extends his hand. “Take care of my baby.”
“Always,” Burk replies, shaking my dad’s hand firmly.
I try not to read too much into his words, instead giving my attention to my sister.
She glances over and offers a small smile and a wave.
I return the gesture, blowing her a kiss before making my way to the front door.
Burk helps me slip on my winter coat and grabs his as well before taking my hand and leading me out of the house.
He presses the remote start button on the key fob on his rental and escorts me that way.
When we left the small church where the ceremony was held, I rode with Burk, since my vehicle was left at home.
After Mom did our hair at the salon, Eve and I rode with her to the church to get ready. It was easier that way.
Burk helps me into the passenger side of his rental and closes the door behind me.
I try to take a few moments to calm my racing heart, but it’s no use.
I’m too worked up right now, especially knowing the end is near.
In a couple of days, Burk will be flying back to South Carolina, his return to Snowflake Falls a complete unknown.
When he climbs inside, he reaches for my hand and links our fingers together. We ride back to my place without saying a word. The air is so thick with everything unspoken. It’s almost hard to breathe.
By the time we pull into the alleyway behind the bakery and he parks, I think I’ve finally gotten myself calm enough to not burst into another fit of tears the moment we walk through the door.
My movements are almost robotic as I climb from the vehicle and pull my keys from my small clutch purse.
I don’t even realize my fingers are shaking until Burk wraps his hand around them and stops me.
Gently, he takes the keys from my hand and unlocks the door, pushing it open and waiting for me to step through. The moment we’re inside, the door is relocked behind us and we’re making our way up the steps. The upper door is unlocked too, and we’re finally inside my small apartment.
Burk sets down a duffel bag before moving to the tree.
He turns on the lights and sets a box down in front of it.
There’s only one other present left, and that’s the one I got for him.
We agreed to do our exchange tonight, but now, I don’t feel jovial or anxious to give him the gift I spent so much time and energy making.
“Come here,” he says, taking off his coat and dropping it onto the couch. I do the same and go willingly to where he’s standing in front of the tree.
Once I reach his side, he pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. I don’t know how long we stay right here embracing, but it feels like forever, yet not long enough at the same time.
Pulling back, he cups my cheeks in his big hands and brushes his lips across mine. “Come on, let’s open presents.”
We move to the couch, sitting side by side in front of the brightly lit tree.
Even with the hundreds of lights adorning it, my Christmas tree just feels like it lost its luster.
I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever look at it and feel peace and joy ever again, or will it remind me of the man I love and lost?
“Here,” he says proudly, smiling brightly as he hands me the wrapped box.
I push aside the pain and focus on the now as I remove the bow and tear into the paper. I can’t help but notice it contains a family ice-skating and enjoying other holiday traditions on the thick paper.
Ripping open the box, I push aside the red and green tissue paper and pull the wooden object out. My eyes tear up when I realize what it is. It’s a tabletop cookbook holder. Not just any cookbook holder. One Burk handmade with two words etched on the base.
Easy-Bake.
Happy tears stream down my face as I run my hand over the intricate carvings and details of the nickname he gave me all those years ago.
He glides his rough thumb over the apple of my cheeks and swipes away the fresh tears. “I love it,” I whisper, the words barely audible.
He gives me a small smile. “Good. After I saw you pull that cookbook out and prop it against something on your workstation, I knew what I had to make you.”
I sniffle and reach for the shirt box wrapped beneath the tree. “Here. It’s not as amazing as this is though,” I tell him, holding onto this fantastic, thoughtful gift as if it were a lifeline.
Burk digs right into the present, sending scraps of paper flying and making me giggle. He looks like a four-year-old ripping into the gift with so much anticipation and excitement, it’s hard not to feel that kind of joy.
When he opens the lid and pulls out the gift, he seems to stop breathing. All he does is stare down at the item I made him. Or more specifically, the photograph it contains. He looks up at me, his eyes wide with shock. “Where did you find this picture?”
I glance at the frame and offer a small grin. “Mom was going through photos a week ago and she stumbled on it. It was mixed in with all the Christmas pictures from that year. She thinks we were probably ten when she took it.”
His eyes drop once more to the captured memory of two little kids who were the best of friends. A boy and girl ice-skating around the rink during the annual festival, the lights twinkling around them as they both smile widely for the camera.
“You made this.” Burk runs his fingers across the smooth wooden frame.
“I did,” I confirm, clearing my throat. “I know it’s not as good as one you’d be able to make, probably with your eyes closed, but I enjoyed making it for you.”
“How? When?” he asks, his brown eyes full of wonder.
“Last week, after Mom found the photograph. I took some of the thin pieces of scrap wood when I was helping you clean up your grandpa’s shop after you finished building the arch.
I took them to my dad, and he helped me make the frame.
I did most of it myself, thanks to the knowledge you shared when we built the arch. ”
He beams proudly. “You did a great job.”
“I didn’t, but I figured it was more the sentiment than the actual gift.”
“No, don’t sell yourself short, Joy. This is amazing. I love it,” he insists, leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.
I ignore the way my heart skips a beat when he tells me he loves the gift I made him. If only he was using that word in a different context.
He sighs and sits back, putting space between us. “Do you want to take a walk?”
His question surprises me a bit, considering we haven’t been inside too long. “Oh, uh, okay?”
Standing up, he extends his hand toward me and helps me rise.
We gather our coats and slip stocking caps on our heads.
I glance down at my dress shoes and know they won’t keep my feet warm for any length of time outside, so I grab one of the thick pairs of wool socks I keep by my washer and dryer and slip those on my feet.
Once they’re in place, I slide my winter boots on and turn my attention to Burk.
“Should I change out of my dress?” I ask, glancing down at the deep-red floor-length dress I’m wearing beneath my winter coat.
He just smiles. “I’ll keep you warm.”
My cheeks flush as images of him doing just that filter through my brain. “Are you going to put on boots?” I ask, looking down at his black shoes.
“I’ll be all right, Easy-Bake. Besides, we won’t be out for long.”
I nod, indicating I’m ready, so he takes my hand and leads me down the steps. I don’t bother to lock the door, hoping we really won’t be gone long. I just can’t imagine someone breaking into my place on Christmas night.
Together, we walk outside and toward the end of the buildings, making our way to the park in the middle of town.
Despite being forecast, it hasn’t snowed today, so the sidewalks are still fairly clean, as are the roadways.
We cross at the light and make our way to the walkway through the middle of the town square.
The lights are still on, a million white lights illuminating the area, giving off the perfect Christmas glow.
“Here.” Burk stops walking and turns to face me. He has both of my bare hands tucked inside his, keeping them warm and us anchored together.
I glance around, trying to figure out what’s going on. No one is around. We’re literally standing in the middle of the sidewalk, surrounded by the calm of Christmas. “What’s going on?”
He takes a deep breath. “I have something I want to say to you, and I wanted to do it here.” He looks around, a faint smile stretching across his lips. “This is one of the places I have the most memories of my time in Snowflake Falls. Every single one of those memories features you.”
My own grin breaks out across my face. “We spent a lot of time together when we were little.”
“We did.”
Reaching up, he runs his thumb across my chin and cheek. “I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”
That’s when the rug gets pulled out beneath my feet.
That’s when my heart breaks.