Chapter Fourteen
Emily
Who knew how much your life could change in three minutes?
One hundred and eighty seconds turned my world inside out and opened my heart to a million new emotions.
Never before had I been so raw with so much fear, happiness, and love.
I tucked the four at-home pregnancy tests into a pair of socks and slipped them under everything else in the very back of Chris’s dresser drawer where I kept some of my things when I stayed over. Those little pink lines would remain hidden until after New Year's.
Two weeks had passed since I received the news, and I still hadn’t found the nerve to broach the subject with Chris.
The day Cassie met me at Bark Park seemed like a lifetime ago. I didn’t believe the little pink lines that stared up at me, so I made Cassie go buy another test.
When she arrived back at her house, she laughed as she handed me three different brands from the first one she bought. “Just to be sure,” she’d said.
There was no denying anything after all four tests came back with the undeniable “Pregnant” results.
I took them with me to Chris’s that night with every intention of breaking the news to him. Unfortunately, my grand plan would have to wait since he’d had a crappy day at work, and I was afraid my news would only add to his stress.
And every day since then, it just seemed to come and go without the perfect moment to tell him. I was lost, and now that I’d blown every chance, I didn’t see any other way than to wait until after the holidays.
I was in a massive haze as I walked into Cassie’s shop.
“Hey!” Cassie said, eyeing me cautiously.
“Emily! Cheri !” Celine called with a huge lip-lacquered grin.
“Celine!” I said, glad I didn’t slip and say anything about my little secret. I bent over to say hello to Gigi. “How are you, pretty mama?”
“She’s doing just great,” Celine said. “We skipped her bath again. I know it’s been weeks since her last one, but I don’t want her to be uncomfortable. Thank you for your recommendation to skip them until after she delivers.”
Cassie and I nodded.
“Of course, I couldn’t resist getting Gigi some fancy new bows, though. Every new mama deserves something pretty before delivering, right.”
“Of course,” I said as Cassie looked at me with a conspiratory smile.
“And how are you doing?” I asked, ignoring my best friend and finally hugging Celine.
“Fantastic! I’m so excited for Gigi and to be a grand-ma-ma.”
“I’m excited too. She’s doing okay?”
“She’s been acting funny,” Celine said. “I think she misses you guys.”
“We miss her too,” I said, feeling my stomach tighten as I thought about Gigi and me being in precisely the same predicament.
Sensing my thoughts, Gigi uttered a bark and pawed at my knee. “That’s a good girl,” I said, rubbing through her soft curls, careful not to disturb her new bows.
“Well, we are off to get Gigi a whelping box and some new towels, and I saw the most precious blanket,” Celine said. “Elodie’s back at my place. She’s happy to be out of her boots, but her feet still hurt, so she’s been relegated to do some online shopping for us. I still have to approve everything. I want everything to be perfect for her and the puppies.”
“We’d love to have you both over for dinner when she’s feeling up to it. And, of course, Gigi should come too,” I said.
“I’d love that,” Celine said.
We chatted for a few more minutes before Celine bid us au revoir.
“So?” Cassie asked.
I shook my head. “I lost my nerve. His parents are going to be here in a couple of days. I can’t?—”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to ruin their visit. Or Christmas.”
“Ruin? That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”
“I told you what he said about more kids!” I screamed, feeling guilty for yelling at her as a wave of hormonal emotions overwhelmed me.
“Hey! Hey,” she said, wrapping her arms around me. “It’s going to be okay, Em.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he loves you.”
“And I’m about to saddle him with the ultimate commitment. This isn’t fair.” My belly fluttered with a multitude of emotions.
“I’m sorry,” I said, pulling myself out of her arms. “I have to do everything I can not to fall apart in front of him. I hate that you’re the only one I can let my guard down with and see the real me right now. I’m cranky and crabby. And my boobs hurt. I’m tired and feel like shit. But when I’m with him, I have to act like I have my shit together and that everything’s hunky dory.”
“That’s what best friends are for, babe. You know I got you.”
I sniffled. “I know. I wish I could fast forward in time and be in this fairy-tale kind of moment where he knows, and he’s happy. I’m scared that he’s going to completely freak out. And then there’s this other part of me that’s terrified he doesn’t want more kids.”
“You haven’t talked about it?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t think we were there yet. We haven’t even talked about marriage. And now this”—I cupped my belly with my hand—“is going to make or break us.”
“Em.”
“I don’t want him to feel trapped. Like I planned this or something.”
“He could never think that.”
I rolled my eyes.
“That’s not the kind of person you are, Emily. You know he knows that.”
“I just wish I could be happy about this.” I looked down at my tummy. “I am happy about it. I don’t mean to sound like I’m not. But this should be a magical time where everything is full of promise and excitement. A place where all my dreams finally come true. I don’t expect everything to be perfect, but you know . . . the romance, and when I look around, everything is so pretty and utterly amazing?”
“You will have all of that. And more,” Cassie whispered.
“I hate feeling so out of control. This baby is going to change my life—our life. And as exciting as it should be, I can’t help but push my happiness aside right now. The worrying is overwhelming everything else. I need to be focusing on Christmas, and hostess duties, and Hudson. Oh, my God! Hudson!” A new wave of nausea hit.
“Hudson will be fine,” Cassie tried reassuring me. “He loves you, Emily.”
“Yeah, until I turn his world upside down with all this.”
“Emmy,” Cassie mimicked, using the sweet name Hudson had recently gifted me. “Remember, kids are resilient.”
“I know. But I still can’t help stressing about how he will be affected.”
“And that right there is proof that you’re going to be a wonderful mother.”
The earlier anxiety that had my stomach muscles seizing into a bundle of overstressed nerves suddenly eased. A gooey, overpowering kind of love rooted in my feet and spread upward. Warmth, both from the happiness of the Christmas spirit and from the joy of family, flowed through my entire body.
Talking with my best friend was just what I needed.
When I got back to Chris’s house, the only guys who greeted me were the four-legged kind.
I kicked off my shoes and flopped onto the couch, joyfully soaking in the unconditional love and affection of Moose, Rufus, and Luke.
Luke hopped onto the couch and nudged his head up under my arm. “Okay, buddy,” I said. I laid my hand on Moose’s head and rubbed Rufus with my foot.
“Thanks, guys,” I said, burying my face and hands into their kisses and furry bodies. “I hope you know how much I love you. And I know you love me, too.”
Moose woofed, Rufus laid his giant paw on my thigh, and Luke leaned forward for another slobber kiss.
“Things are going to change for us very soon.” I patted my belly and smiled. “You guys will always be my babies, you know that, right?” I asked Moose and Rufus.
When Luke yipped, I patted his head. “Yes, you too, Luke,” I added. He smiled the way dogs do and placed his paw in my hand.
I enjoyed the quiet and solitude for a few more minutes before deciding to take a quick shower and change into my sweats.
When Chris poked his head in the shower twenty minutes later, I automatically sucked in my stomach. I wasn’t anywhere near to showing yet, but I was self-conscious and hyper-self-aware that I could already notice the subtle changes my body was experiencing.
“Hey there,” he said.
What was it about him that I couldn’t get enough of? His silky, sexy voice that made my insides heat? His fantastic body that molded perfectly to mine whenever we made love? His strong arms that made me feel safe? The way he looked at me—like I was his birthday and Christmas present all rolled into one? I craved everything about him. And with the extra hormones coursing through my system, I was hornier than usual.
“What’s so funny?” Chris asked when I giggled unexpectedly.
I shook my head. “Just remembering something Cassie said earlier,” I lied.
“I’m really tempted to join you,” Chris said, his hypnotic eyes pulling me under his spell.
I turned the water off and leaned forward, linking my arms around his neck. “If you’d been a couple of minutes earlier, I’d have been really tempted to let you,” I said. “Where were you guys?”
Chris winked as he slid his hands over my naked torso. “Christmas shopping.”
“Oh?”
“Mm-hm.”
Shivering under his fingertips, I wrapped myself up in a towel before I melted into the floor.
“What’d you get?”
He gasped and said, “I’m not telling you!”
“I wasn’t assuming you bought me something,” I said, laughing as I wrapped my hair into a second towel.
“Oh. Well,”—he cleared his throat—“we got Mom some slippers. We got Dad a puzzle, and for Savannah, we got her a coffee mug. They’re all from Hudson.”
“Very sweet,” I said. “I know they’ll love his gifts.”
“I can’t wait to celebrate Christmas with you,” he said.
“Me too.”
“All right,” he said, smacking my butt playfully, “I better get back out there.”
“Hey,” I called before he got too far.
The smile on Chris’s face stole my breath.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you too,” he said.
I kept my groan in my throat until he shut the door behind him. Once again, I lost the momentary nerve I thought I found.