Chapter 7
TO: themerrymaker@
FROM: elijahabrams@
SUBJECT: Happy Holidays WTF
Hi.
I woke up with a mild hangover and an alarm notification that said “Check attachment in email Cleo sent to herself from my phone, Dummy.”
Your video proof of me offering you a temporary assistant job over the holidays was rather clever and seems legit, despite the very shaky camerawork.
A hundred dollars an hour for office assistant work is outrageous. However I have a deadline to meet. Having already fired seven temps this week, I am inclined to give this a shot, assuming you are willing to start today.
I can arrange for you to have a drive-on pass at the studio lot. If you accept, I’ll send you my office info.
I do have to get real work done today, as I have a deadline.
Please don’t wear that saucy elf costume, speak in rhyme, or act all festive.
PS: I apologize for the confusion caused by my son’s good intentions. He knew nothing of our former acquaintance and film school rivalry. But thanks for playing along.
PPS: I can’t believe you still have the same email address.
PPPS: Whatever you do, do not attempt to kiss me at the office, no matter how obsessed you are with me.
TO: Elijah Abrams
FROM: Cleo Jones
Dec. 21, 2025, 8:50 AM
SUBJECT: And a very merry good morning to you, sir!
To your non-festive requests, I must say nay!
You can pay me in cash, starting today.
I’ll help you produce movie magic, while spreading Christmas cheer,
Despite your mockery of my theatrical career.
I’ll bring my balloons and my kazoo.
I hope Paxton can join us too!
So flattered you found my costume saucy!
See you at the office, Bossy…
PS: Please don’t attempt to lick my eyebrows while I am under your employ.
PPS: Please never attempt to lick my eyebrows or anyone else’s again.
PPPS: If I’m being honest, it wasn’t as weird as it should have been, but that doesn’t mean you should do it.