Chapter 43 – One Month Later #2
“If it’s too hard, you can stop, sweetheart.” Patrick’s hold of her hand strengthens.
“No.” She raises her chin. “I need to do this.” With a quick exhale, she goes on.
“My mother told me about her plans to marry me off as soon as the marriage was set. Told me to leave Pat and stop this foolishness before I got him killed. I told Pat about it, and he didn’t care.
Neither did I. We continued to be together until my marriage.
” Her voice grows shaky. “He tried to urge his family to stop it, to help us be together, but they too refused. His father couldn’t be involved in a war with the Italians. ”
She sniffles, and my father rounds an arm around her and holds her to him.
“I found out I was pregnant shortly before I was to marry Giancarlo.” Her eyes fasten.
“I didn’t love Giancarlo. He was cruel. I saw evidence of it even before the marriage.
I knew of him and his horrible family, so I made plans to run away in hopes that Pat would meet me and we could start a life with our child. ”
She pinches her temple and shakes her head before staring back at me.
“But my mother found out. Told me if I didn’t go through with the wedding and pretend that my baby was Gian’s, I’d be called a whore around town and no one would ever marry me.
” Her eyes grow with fresh tears. “She told me that I’d bring shame to the family and she’d send me away to a nunnery to have the baby before they took my child away.
I didn’t know,” she cries. “I didn’t know I was having twins until I gave birth. They didn’t tell us back then.”
Pain seeps from her voice, and I hate that for a moment I feel anything for this woman, even sympathy.
“I know it’s probably hard for you to understand,” she continues.
“But having the label of a whore in my circle was like a death sentence. But worse than that, I couldn’t be sent away and have my child taken from me.
So I married Gian, and I hated every damn moment with that horrible, cruel man.
” She chokes on a sob. “He found out about my relationship with Pat, but he still believed I was a virgin and that it was just a childhood crush. Or so I thought.”
She claps a palm around her mouth for a second, her resolve crumbling the more she talks.
“My mother was there with me at delivery when you were born. You had those beautiful green eyes…” She smiles brokenly.
“Just like your father’s. While your brother had my dark eyes.
Like Gian’s. And I knew in that moment Gian would know you and your brother were Pat’s. ”
“So you just gave me away?” I chuckle.
“No!” She shakes her head. “I begged my mother to help me get a divorce, to let me run away somewhere Gian couldn’t find me.
But she simply laughed cruelly, right before she slapped me while I held you and your brother in my arms. And I knew right then and there she was gonna do something terrible. But I didn’t expect that.”
I sit up straighter. I know this part. Sophia told me her mother was involved, but hearing my mother’s words, her voice… It adds another layer to it.
“She told me I was at fault for my actions. That I made my bed and now I had to lie in it. That if we were going to make Gian believe I was a virgin, I had to give you away.”
“Is she still alive? Your mother?”
“Why?” Pat asks. “You’re gonna kill an old lady?”
“With a fucking smile on my face.” I smirk coldly.
My mother sighs. “No, she passed away a long time ago.”
“Hope it hurt.”
She nods bitterly. “It did.”
That brings some level of satisfaction.
“I lay in that hospital, holding you tightly as I wailed for her not to do this. To help me. To help us. But she told me I had two options: keep one or lose two. She left me for a bit to use the phone. While she was gone, a kind nurse who heard everything took that picture of us. The one from my wallet. I begged for her help, but she couldn’t cross my family or Gian’s. ”
My throat locks with a silent growl, wondering how the hell people could decide the fate of a single person just like that.
“When my mother returned, she told me to say goodbye. I held on to you so tight,” she snivels. “I couldn’t let you go! I begged and pleaded, but she took you right out of my arms as I fought her, clawed at her arm. But she pushed me off and ran out of the room and I never saw you again.”
With both hands, she clasps my father’s shirt and cries.
“I…I,” she wails. “I didn’t even get to name you!”
“Did that asshole ever find out Raph wasn’t his?”
She nods as her attention returns to me.
“The bastard did a DNA test soon after he was born, and that’s when he found out.
Once he did, he lived to make that boy suffer.
He hated him. Beat him constantly. Made him feel worthless.
Raph had no idea why his own father hated him so much.
” Her shoulders slump. “I wanted to tell them all the truth, but Gian threatened that if I told anyone I had a baby by another man, he’d kill Raph and me. I believed him.”
With a deep sigh, she comes to a stand, letting go of Patrick’s hand.
Watching her, I’m unsure of what she’s doing until she comes nearer. Skittishly, her hand extends toward my face, and tentatively, as though in slow motion, she places her palm against my cheek.
My skin tingles, starved for the love of a mother I never had. I should push her away, should tell her to stop, but I can’t seem to want to. Her touch fills the void of that once-broken little boy who’d cry for his mother and wonder why she never came.
“I know I could’ve done more.” Her mouth thins.
“I could’ve looked for you. I could’ve checked to make sure you had a good life, and I didn’t.
I deserve every bit of your hate. I could lie and say it was because I was afraid of Gian, but truthfully, my boy, I was afraid of this very thing.
That I destroyed your life. That you weren’t better off. ”
Fresh tears pummel into her weary gaze.
“What those nuns did to you, I wish I could take your place. My—” She wails. “My sweet boy.” Her fingers stroke my stubble. “Can I… Can I just hug you once? Please?”
My chest cinches so tightly, I can barely fucking breathe.
“Please, Adriel. I… I beg you.”
Before I can change my mind, I nod, rising to my feet, and she throws her arms around my middle and weeps against my chest.
Behind her, my father’s own emotions grow and a smile full of his own turmoil flicks across his face.
Somehow, my arms make it around her, and that only makes her cry harder.
We remain this way for minutes that pass us slowly. Yet I don’t know how to process any of this. My need to keep her and this whole family at a distance has been my priority. The rage I once felt for them was my only purpose in life. But now, I don’t know what I want.
Can I let it all go? Is there a path for redemption?
“Where does this leave us?” Her words echo with her anguish.
“I don’t know, but I won’t try to kill you anymore, so you’re welcome.”
She laughs, Patrick joining her.
“That’s a start,” he adds.
She looks up at me, her palm clasped around my face once again.
“I love you, Adriel. It feels just like yesterday when she took you from me. I’m still the same woman mourning the loss of her son, someone she wanted and loved with every fiber of her being.
And for all my faults and my mistakes, I am so truly sorry. ”
Pain lodges in the back of my throat. Her admission of love, it’s foreign and tasteless, yet it does something to me.
“I know nothing will undo what has been done to you, but all I have to give are my words and my actions going forward.”
My father comes to stand beside her. “It makes me sick to know what those animals did to you.” His jaw flexes.
“And if I could, I’d kill them. I’m sorry too, son.
You need to know we’re all here now, and for what it’s worth, you have a family.
” He grips my shoulder. “And we want to know you. If you’ll let us. ”
“I don’t know if I’m there yet,” I tell them honestly. “I don’t know if I ever will be.”
She purses her lips. “I understand. Our door will always be open whatever you decide.”
“That’s right.” Patrick squeezes my shoulder before dropping his hand to his side. “And I’ll have you know Sophia has not stopped talking about you. She keeps asking when you’ll come around to see her.”
That has me grinning.
“She wanted me to give you something.” Mom reaches into her handbag to retrieve a square envelope.
Curiously, I take it. “What is it?”
Tearing it open, I find a birthday invitation.
“She’s turning seven and requested that we personally invite you and Kayla.”
Chuckling, I find the date a month from now, and on the back of it, in a child’s handwriting, it says, You better come, Uncle A!
Stuffing it back inside the envelope, I say, “Tell her thank you and I’ll think about it.”
“We will,” my mother says. “Thank you for giving us the time to talk to you. If there’s anything either of you ever need, please call.”
“Mm-hmm.”
I start for the door, needing time to process everything, needing to talk to Kayla. Having her to talk to now, it helps.
Silently, I lead them out back to where they came from.
As my mother shuffles out the door, she gives me one final, lingering look. “No matter what they took from you, you’ve still managed to turn out to be an amazing person.”
I snicker. “You have no idea who I am.”
“Maybe not.” She shrugs. “But you never hesitated to save Sophia. You just did it. And bad people don’t do that.”
Before I can rebut, she grabs my father’s hand, and together, they disappear into their car and out of my life for good.