Chapter 26
Chapter
Twenty-Six
“Icould run to Georgia just like this. All the way to Georgia and never quit.”
We were coming up on our last mile as I sang army cadences to keep the alpha company in step.
I hadn’t realized we had run so far until some of the soldiers started falling behind.
We were on our third circle around to pick them up when I looked down at my watch to see we’d been running for six miles.
“Take us back, LT.” Cap spoke only loud enough for me to hear, and I knew it was more of an order than a suggestion.
I needed this run to clear my head from how things went down with Gina last night, but for the sake of our soldiers, I needed to get them back to the barracks.
Doing as I was told, I took a shortcut to get us back to our company area.
I didn’t feel any better, making it back to my office.
I planned to tell Gina about the deployment, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal one way or another.
I’d struck a nerve with an insecurity my girl already had, and now, even a run couldn’t take my mind off of it.
I had to figure out a way to help her put this shit behind her because there was no way I was losing her over a misunderstanding.
“That was one hell of a run, young blood.” Top came into my office uninvited, as always.
“Yeah, I think we all needed that one,” I lied.
“Maybe, but not as much as you needed it. Still not ready to talk about it yet.”
“Man, you know she tried to pack a bag to go by Anissa’s last night?”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“I swear, you nosy ass niggas find out everything.”
“Lexi and Nissa are sisters. They tell each other everything, and your girl has become their new best friend. Who else you expect her to talk to?”
“You right, man. I guess I just don’t understand her logic. How is me going on a deployment any different from her going on tour? Work is work.”
“You saying that because you don’t see the difference, but you got to look at it from her point of view. The job we do is dangerous. When you leave for deployment, you are going to war. Whether that war is on foreign soil or here at home, you are expected to defend this country.”
“And what’s wrong with defending my country? She knew what my job was before we even started this thing. How could it be a problem now?”
“Yeah, but you volunteered to go. I can guarantee she sees that as you looking for a way to get away from her. Women are hard to understand, and they don’t always say what they mean. I admit that, but you gotta pay attention to what she’s not saying, young blood.”
“I was just looking for something to occupy my mind. Staying away from her was a thought that never even crossed my mind. I couldn’t stay away from Gina if I wanted to. She got a nigga mind all fucked up.”
“Look, I’ve made the mistake you’re about to make.” Top got quiet for a minute before opening social media and showing me a picture of a beautiful older woman. “Her name is Laura. She was the love of my life.”
“What happened between y’all?”
“I did exactly what you are contemplating right now. We were broke as hell, so I volunteered to go to Iraq on a nine-month deployment. You know, just to make enough money for us to survive. She begged me not to go, even volunteered to get a job, but I didn’t want her to.
I was too much of a man to make my woman go to work.
I wanted her home, setting the place up for our future kids. ”
“So she cheated while you were gone?”
“Hell nah. She was the best woman I ever knew. She was there, waiting for the man she loved to come home, but he never did. The man that came back was different. War is hard on you. It takes a toll on you mentally and physically. I came back, but I wasn’t right in the head.
I wasn’t fit to be with her. Still, she didn’t leave me.
She tried her best to bring me out of the darkness I was in, but the longer she stayed, the more I dragged her down with me.
Her father dragged her away, kicking and screaming, after I almost choked the life out of her one night. ”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t see Top being the kind of man to put his hand on a woman, so I knew there was an explanation. I patiently waited for his before I lost all respect for him.
“I was out of my fucking mind, young blood. She woke me out of my sleep, and I thought she was the enemy. The only thing running through my mind was kill and survive. I still don’t know what snapped me out of it, but I’m happy it did.
I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I would have took a life so precious. ”
“War can fuck you up. You can’t blame yourself for that one.”
“Yeah, but I can blame myself for volunteering. Being called to duty is one thing, but willingly leaving is another. You’re running from something, whether you want to admit it or not.
Leaving my fiancée to go chase money will always be my only regret.
It was probably why I ended up marrying a woman who cheated on me and took me for everything I had.
Karma will get you one way or another. Despite all the accolades, I wished I could go back and change things.
I still look at her social media from time to time to make sure life is treating her good. ”
“And is it?”
“She’s married with kids now, so you tell me.”
Hearing Top’s story and seeing the pain in his eyes as he told it showed me how stupid I was.
I wasn’t used to loving someone, let alone having the person I loved be away from me for long periods of time.
Hell, I didn’t even want Gina going home the first night I met her, and I knew I wouldn’t survive losing her for good.