Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
EDDIE
Eddie stood, carried Jett into the bathroom, and placed him down on shaking legs. “I can get a seat for you.” His hands brushed up Jett’s sides, settling on his waist, steadying him as he swayed.
Jett shook his head again, braced himself against the side of the shower, his muscles straining under his clothing. “I just need your help.” He glared up at Eddie, the words a challenge.
“Don’t be stubborn, love.”
Jett snorted as he pulled his crunchy sweater off. “Like you can fucking talk.” There was a little more life to his words, a little more of what made him Jett.
Eddie knelt by Jett’s good hip, used one arm to support him, and pulled off his pants and underwear with the other. He did his best to avoid the most sensitive parts of his body. Did his best to ignore the fire burning in his gut, the desire that he’d fought over the previous three months.
But it was hard.
Harder now than it had been because Eddie could touch and hold and kiss Jett again. Harder because he was here in their rooms, undressing Jett, brushing his hands across his body. And they couldn’t do more. Eddie couldn’t risk hurting Jett further.
Jett’s breathing was heavier as he leaned into Eddie’s shoulder.
“Please,” he breathed as he stepped out of his clothes, his voice breathy, a whisper.
Eddie didn’t know if he was asking for help, for intimacy, or for Eddie to get his shit together and never fuck up again.
It could be all three. A hand rested on his head, fingers digging into Eddie’s curls, the pressure a soft release of tension.
Eddie closed his eyes and leaned against Jett, head resting on his uninjured thigh.
He pressed a kiss there then slowly stood.
Jett turned, pressed against the shower wall, and watched over his shoulder as Eddie stripped.
His eyes lingered on Eddie’s chest, the dark hair between his pecs that trailed lower.
He used to shave it off, but forgot once and Jett had been ecstatic for reasons that still escaped Eddie.
But he’d stopped shaving and learned to enjoy when Jett played with the hair. Even though it hurt just a little bit.
“Enjoying the view?” he asked, betraying his desires.
Jett smiled, a sad, forlorn, little thing. A gentle flush stretched across his cheeks. “Sad I can’t enjoy more than just a view.”
Eddie hit the water on, waited a minute while it warmed, and guided Jett under the stream.
The smaller man visibly relaxed as he settled under the burning water.
They worked together to clean him, to scrub the grime and hospital cleaners from his skin.
Jett was able to clean his torso, scrub the healing wound with his hands.
Eddie had a soft rag that he rubbed over Jett’s legs, his back, his shoulders.
Eddie only needed to wipe himself down, having showered earlier that day.
When they were done they stood together in the heat, Jett leaning against Eddie’s chest, strong hands gripping his arms. The water turned off and they continued to stand there as steam dissipated and the room cooled against their skin.
Eddie turned Jett in his arms, leaned down to press a kiss to Jett’s neck, another to his chin, reached up to angle Jett’s delicate face toward him.
His eyes were half closed, pleasure and pain captured in the almost-black iris of his natural eye.
He sought out Eddie’s lips with his own, kissed him until there was nothing left but each other and the swirl of emotions in Eddie’s chest.
There had been so many moments like this over the years: their first kiss at that concert, the day Eddie took him to see the star show, moments of peace after fighting over something stupid because their personalities did not mesh together perfectly.
But the love they had for each other was worth the stupid fights, the trouble communicating their needs, their traumas.
It was worth everything to have someone like Jett who listened and tried to understand.
Who was there for Eddie in any way that he needed.
Jett opened his eyes a fraction, enough for Eddie to see the ring in his cybernetic eye burn a bright, steady gold. Jett’s eye gave away his strongest emotions with the shade and brightness of the gold, with the pulse that sometimes mimicked his heartbeat. Eddie knew that steady, unwavering light.
Jett was happy.
Despite dying and being dragged back into this life. Despite all the trauma and pain and loss he’d endured. Despite the heartbreak Eddie had caused. Despite everything, Jett was here, wrapped in Eddie’s arms, in their quarters, on the ship they loved, that they called home. Jett was happy.
Eddie sighed and pressed a kiss to Jett’s head, his fingers digging into that long hair.
He reached out with his other hand, grabbed a towel warmed on the rack, and wrapped it around Jett’s small frame.
He wanted to protect Jett, even if it wasn’t in his nature, wasn’t something he understood or that came naturally.
Eddie had almost ruined everything they’d built over seven years, but had been given another chance. He wasn’t going to fuck it up again.
Eddie wrapped another towel around himself, shivering against the heat. He watched as Jett stepped out of the shower, stumbled when he put weight on his right leg. Eddie caught him by the shoulders. “I got you, love,” he whispered as Jett whimpered in pain. “I got you,” he repeated.
They made slow progress back to the bedroom, to the bed where Jett collapsed on his back. His face was pale again, eyes closed, brows clenched. His hands dug into his thighs, nails almost drawing blood.
Eddie found Jett’s pain pills amongst the bag of stuff brought back from the hospital, and passed him the dose. “Get comfortable,” he said, turning for the wardrobe. “I-I have something I want to talk about.”
This, like so much else recently, was unplanned. Eddie had practiced the words so many times, tried to find the right arrangement, the best way to say what he wanted to say. The towel fell off of his hips in the five steps it took to cross the room.
Anxiety rose in Eddie’s chest as he dug through the top of the wardrobe, looking for one small thing out of the ordinary. A box. He rubbed his thumb over the wood, grown and harvested on Ganymede, and the anxieties surged, closing his throat.
Eddie didn’t just want to do this, he needed to do it.
But as he looked over at Jett, sprawled on their bed, as beautiful as the day they’d met, Eddie felt doubt.
That old doubt that he could ever truly make Jett happy.
The doubt that had eaten away at him, let his family’s words poison his mind.
He couldn’t let that happen again. Eddie had to confront his fears and fight back against the impulse to run, to push people away.
Their gazes met, almost-black to green, and a smile crossed Jett’s face. A real one, shy and vulnerable. “What?” Jett’s eyes made a lazy trail up and down his body as Eddie returned to the bed.
“I have something for you, Little Rose. Something I should have given to you years ago.”
Jett leaned forward, indicating with his chin that Eddie should sit behind him like they’d always done.
“What is it?” he asked as he settled into Eddie’s arms, squirming into a comfortable position. His skin was cold to the touch despite the shower. Eddie reached forward and pulled a thick comforter up over Jett, tucked it in around his legs and torso.
“Mmm. That’s better,” Jett purred after a moment, sinking further into the warmth between Eddie’s body and the blanket. “What do you have for me?” he asked again.
“A promise,” Eddie responded, opening Jett’s hand and placing the box in it.
Jett stiffened as one finger brushed across the top of the box. Eddie wrapped his arms across his torso, careful not to touch his wounded side.
“I don’t think there will ever be a right time for this, love.
It’s come and gone and I missed it.” He pressed a kiss to Jett’s shoulder.
“I got these a while ago, long before we went to Ganymede.” He once again saw the heartbreak on Jett’s face as Eddie tried to push Jett out of his life for good.
Eddie vowed to himself that he would never cause that kind of anguish in Jett again.
Jett shifted the box to his left hand and opened it with his right. Inside was a pair of matching rings of a dark silver alloy. Each was set with a single, small gemstone; the larger one had a black stone and the smaller a deep green. Jett brushed a finger over the smaller ring first.
“It feels so wrong asking you now, but I know that this is what we both want. What we need.” He took a deep breath to quell the storm in his heart, the flight response screaming at him that Jett would say no, that he should leave, that no one could love and want him this much.
“I know I’m never going to be a perfect partner or husband.
Maybe never even a good one.” It was the truth, and it hurt, but Eddie was dedicated to trying.
He pressed another kiss to Jett’s warming skin.
“But I am never going to abandon you again. I am never going to pick anything else over you, Ji-tae Valla.”
He stopped there, knowing that if he continued he would run out of the right words, would talk himself in circles trying to convince Jett to commit himself to Eddie and a future together. He pushed himself closer to Jett, held him tighter. Hoped for the best.
“What are the stones?” Jett said, caressing the smaller ring.
“The green one is an emerald.”
Jett leaned to his right and looked back at Eddie, staring into his eyes. “Did you match the stone to your eyes on purpose?”
The lack of an answer was doing nothing for Eddie’s anxiety, but he wasn’t going to ruin this moment like he’d ruined so many before with his inattention, his careless words. “Yes, I th-thought it would be sweet.”
Jett looked between the ring and Eddie’s eyes once more, then returned to the spot he previously occupied.
“What is this one?” he tapped the stone in the larger ring.
Eddie bit his lip, knowing that Jett was either going to love or hate the answer. “That is a jet.”
There was a quiet scoff and Eddie could almost hear Jett roll his eyes. “Did you really get a gem that’s a pun on my name?” His tone was lighter, happier. He sat the box down on the bed beside their legs.
“I got what I wanted,” Eddie said into Jett’s hair, uncertain if the matter had been settled or not.
“You’re such a fucking nerd, Farm Boy.” Jett sat forward and pulled himself around to face Eddie. There was a small smile on his face, a lightness to him that hadn’t been there before. Maybe the pain meds had finally kicked in.
Jett pushed himself forward until their chests were almost touching, draped his arms over Eddie’s shoulders.
One hand dug into Eddie’s curls and he pulled them together.
He kissed Eddie, bit his lower lip, hands digging into the skin of his shoulders.
The storm inside of Eddie raged, battering at the walls of his chest as Jett consumed his other senses.
Pressure built up in his chest, ready to burst.
When Jett pulled away, he stared up at Eddie, a flush covering his face.
“Does that mean you’ll marry me?” Eddie panted out the words. The kiss had done a little to settle his nerves, but he didn’t want to count on something unsaid.
Jett leaned forward, his head nestled against the hollow between neck and shoulder, and sighed. “I’ll consider it,” he responded after a moment, then kissed the base of Eddie’s throat, took the skin between his teeth and nibbled it.
Eddie shivered, his hands gripping Jett’s back.
“Just consider it?” he managed between clenched teeth as Jett nibbled further up toward his ears.
Heat gathered in his gut, in his groin, it took more willpower than he wanted to admit to not reach between them, to coax moans out of Jett with his hands.
Jett licked the lobe of his ear, a quick flick of his tongue. Then he leaned back against Eddie’s arms and leveled him with a smirk. “Fine. I’ll marry you, if you’re gonna be insistent about it.”
“I am serious, Jett.”
“And so am I.” He cupped Eddie’s face in his hands and pulled them together for a less desperate, but no less passionate, kiss.
“I love you, Eddie. I would do anything for you.” He searched Eddie’s face, eyes flicking back and forth.
“And I fucking mean that. Anything.” His voice deepened on the final word.
“Nothing about this has ever been perfect, and it never will be. But we have each other and that’s all I fucking need. ”
He winced, one hand flying to his side. “Fuck this shit,” he breathed.
Eddie stood, gently adjusted Jett so he could lay down on his back, then crawled into bed beside him.
“It’ll be okay, Little Rose,” he said as tears slipped from Jett, dotting the pillowcase. He crept closer, draped an arm over Jett’s chest, hand massaging his scalp.
Jett continued to cry as the lights dimmed around them, then they dwindled to heaving breaths. Eddie continued to hold him, to whisper meaningless platitudes when he could do nothing, to kiss Jett and rub his hands through his hair.
When the sniffles and tears turned to whimpers, then to soft snores, Eddie crawled out of bed to put his sleeping clothes on and grab his tab. He didn’t want to disturb Jett, but he still had work to do and a favor to ask.
He looked over at Jett, sleeping soundly, one hand flung out toward Eddie. It was almost as if nothing had changed, and Eddie wanted to make sure they wouldn’t stray from each other again.