Chapter 2
As I was lying on the floor, the lady driving started talking to me. “OK, honey, I know this is probably scary for you, but we honestly just want to help you. My name is Lauren, and this is my daughter, Eva. I am offering you what someone offered me several years ago—the chance at a new life, a new start away from the man who is abusing you. If someone had not given me that option, Eva and I would not be here today. Any time I get the chance to pay it forward, I do so,” she was talking while negotiating the traffic. “We only ask two things from you in return.”
Here it comes , I thought to myself, some proposition . Here is where I learned exactly how big of a mistake I made trusting two total strangers. I look at the van doors, wondering if I could unlock them and jump out fast enough to get away.
Lauren continued to speak. “Someday down the road when you are safe, no longer in fear for your life, you pay it forward if you are able to. That is not something we would expect of you for years. In fact, you are only the fourth person I have helped in the 19 years since someone helped me. Secondly, most importantly, you have to keep everything you see, hear, and learn about us a complete secret or you will endanger our lives.” She stopped talking while she maneuvered the van around a couple of cars.
“Right now, I imagine you are terrified that he will find you. So are we. If he finds you, we will be out there in the public eye. I only tell you this as I need you to understand the risk we are taking. Just in case they caught us helping you in the parking lot on a security camera, we are going to make a couple of stops. I know it isn’t very comfortable lying on the floor back there, but this is to help you I promise,” she explained as she was stopped at a stoplight.
“We had a couple of errands that we were going to run today, so I am not going to stray from what we would normally do today,” Lauren said. “One of the errands was to renew the plates on the van, so I am going to the courthouse, where I will park in the view of the camera. I need you to stay hidden, do not look out any windows at all. I want the cameras to show what appears to be an empty vehicle. Pull that blanket on the back seat over you, hiding you from view even more. When we are done here, we will go to one of the drugstores and do the same there. Do you understand the importance of staying hidden? Not only will he find you, but you put us in danger also as there is someone looking for us out there too.”
Even though I was in a state of shock, I was able to take in everything she said. Someone did this to her, too? This is not what I had expected to hear, in a weak voice I replied, “I understand. I won’t put you or your daughter in danger although I don’t think you understand how much danger you are in just by helping me. You need to know, my husband is a cop.” I hear both of them gasp.
Lauren said, “Well then, that makes going to the courthouse the perfect cover. Do you think he will be there today?”
“Chances are pretty good he will be. He is at work today, the police station is adjacent to the courthouse. His name is…”
“No! Don’t tell me his name,” Lauren declared. “I don’t want to be looking for him. If I were to see him, my face could betray that I know who he is—that would be dangerous for us all.”
I understood what she was saying, so I didn’t tell them Allen’s name or give them a description of him. I grabbed the blanket, covering up with it, making sure I didn’t show anywhere. I also grabbed a couple of their bags off the seat, placing them over top of me.
Eva looked back, saying, “That is perfect, I can’t see you at all.”
Lauren said, “Great. Now, don’t tell us your name either, I am sure I will learn it at some point from the news, but if someone asks me about you, I don’t want to show recognition when your name is mentioned.”
“Instead, while you are waiting for us to run errands, think of what you would like to be called instead, making it something similar to your real name, so you will get used to it quickly, but different enough to not ring bells when it is heard. That is the name that you will give to Eva and me when we get to the house.”
At that point, we pulled into the parking lot at the courthouse, and she parked the van, but before they got out, she said, “I know you are scared, but you need to trust us. I also know I am asking a lot of you, trust is probably hard for you. You have nothing to lose by putting your trust in us right now. I am going to do my best to help you,” she reached for the door handle. “Stay hidden, we will be back in a few minutes.”
“I promise.”
With that, Lauren and Eva left the van, shutting the doors. I heard the doors lock. Scared? I thought. Scared did not explain how I was feeling at that moment. Scared was an understatement.
Terrified was an understatement. I lay there hiding, waiting, knowing that the door to the van could fly open at any minute, and he would drag me out of the van. I tried to think about the situation, did I have anything to fear from these two women? Could I trust them?
The conclusion came to me easily. I didn’t have a choice. I had to trust them. The fact that they were putting their lives at risk for me, that this mom was putting her daughter’s life at risk FOR ME, is finally what made the conclusion obvious. Who would do that? What daughter would be OK with her mom doing this? I wondered if Eva experienced what her mom went through, remembered it and so did this for that reason.
I remembered that Lauren said they had helped four people before this, I wondered how that went. Were they successful? I was going to take a risk to trust these two people with my life. It was at this point I heard the doors unlock and open. I never said a word as Lauren and Eva climbed into the van, buckling up, chatting like a normal mother and daughter probably running errands together. The doors closed, the van started, and soon, we began moving. As we pulled out of the parking lot, Lauren asked, “Are you OK back there?”
“Yes,” I replied. “I don’t know how to thank you both for what you are doing. I am sorry I don’t know how to act or what to say, I am not sure I even believe that this is all real.” There was a moment of silence, and then, to my surprise, Eva answered me.
“I’m sure that this morning when you were getting up, showering, eating breakfast—whatever your morning routine is—the last thing you were thinking about was getting away. I’m sure you were thinking about what you could do to make sure that you didn’t get hit again. I remember hearing the horror stories about my dad and what he did to Mom. I read the newspaper articles. Mom shared her journals with me. I vowed that I would help anyone I could get out of that situation if I had the chance.” Eva paused. “You don’t need to thank us; Mom and I have discussed this many times.”
“We know the risks we are taking. This morning when we both saw your face, we knew, without even speaking, that we needed to help you. We already care about you, wanting to help you, so that you can have a future. All I want from you is a promise that you will never give up, no matter what. My mother is my world. I will protect her at all costs, even if it means kicking you out. If you can abide by what we ask you, keep us a secret from anyone going forward, I will help you to no end.”
I was crying in the back as I listened to this young lady—a girl no longer seemed appropriate to describe her—her words held so much meaning that I would never forget them.
“Eva,” I said as I pulled the blanket away from my face enough, so I was not muffled, “I don’t know what life holds for me right now, I’m trying to wrap my mind around all of this. I will promise you that no matter what happens to me, I will never give you and your mom up to protect myself. What you have already done for me is more than anyone has ever done for me in my entire life. I have a lot to take in, but that promise I can make to you without hesitation.”
“Thank you,” Eva said.
I saw her look at her mother and smile. I pulled the blanket back over my head as we pulled into yet another parking lot, going through the same routine as we did at the courthouse. This time when they came out and unlocked the doors, they opened the back doors, putting some more sacks in, including on top of me, yet gentle enough that it did not bother me. We started driving again.
Lauren said, “OK, I think that is good enough, we finished the errands we had originally set out to do today. We need you to stay hidden for just a little longer, we are going back to our house now. When we get there, I will pull into the garage, closing the garage door, and then we will be able to get you out of the van without anyone seeing. There are no windows in the garage, no chance of your being seen in there.”
“We do have to be careful when we go into the house though, the less people that know you are there, the better. We have a basement with a bedroom, small kitchen, and full bathroom, which is where we will have you go once we get into the house. It will be like a small apartment for you. Do you think you can stay down there, stay hidden?”
I affirmed that I could do that, after all, none of our neighbors ever saw me anyway. I could easily pretend not to exist, having lived that way for years.
“Perfect. Just remember, this is not permanent. We will eventually get you out of town, to a safe place where you can start over, but for the time being, we need to keep you hidden.”
We pulled into the garage; the garage door closed.
Eva turned toward me, “It’s OK, you can uncover now.” I pulled the blanket back, sat up, moved the sacks back on the seat, then I climbed out of the van.
Lauren walked up to me, saying, “I know you don’t know me, but I would like to give you a hug—unless it would make you feel uncomfortable, I will understand.” I told her it was OK. She gave me a gentle hug. She then said, “We are going to do whatever we can to make you safe, I promise.”
I just nodded, as more tears came. Lauren released me, and I turned, grabbing sacks from the van to help carry in their purchases.
We walked into the house; the garage door led into a hallway. Eva walked into the main part of the house, but Lauren walked in, stopping in the hallway. She turned as I shut the garage door and told me, “The doors right there are where the washer and dryer are. You should be able to come up and use them when needed without being seen from the outside although you might want to wait until one of us is home, in case someone comes to the door and can hear the noise.” I nodded to her as I took in the doors she was pointing at.
“This door,” Lauren stated as she pointed to a door a little further in, on the opposite side, “leads to the basement. Eva is checking the windows in the other rooms, but we should be good to head straight down there.”
At that point, Eva came back to the hallway, nodding at her mom. She opened the door that Lauren said led to the basement. We headed down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs was a small living area with an eat-in kitchen. It was comfortably furnished, and even though the furniture was not brand-new, it was very pleasing to the eye.
Lauren walked across to the door on the other side of the room and opened it. “This is your bedroom.” She nodded at the room. I walked into it, finding another very comfortable room with what was secondhand furniture but very lovely and peaceful looking.
“Over here, you have a full bathroom,” Eva said, pointing at another door. I was overwhelmed once again, unable to stop them, the tears flowed.
I looked at Lauren, “I don’t know what to say, how to express what I am feeling right now.”
Lauren smiled, “Well, it isn’t much, but I hope you will feel at home here for the time being.”
I shook my head, “It is lovely. So comfortable and peaceful. I am… extremely grateful for what you are doing for me.”
Lauren took my hands into hers, “You are welcome here with all our hearts. This will be your home until we can make other arrangements. We will discuss that later. Let’s go out to the kitchen, I’ll show you a few things.”
We walked out into the kitchen area, and she showed me a well-stocked pantry of canned goods and boxed goods, explaining, “We keep this kitchen well-stocked as we never know when someone will be using it. We keep an eye on expiration dates and use things upstairs as needed.”
She opened the refrigerator, which to my surprise was somewhat stocked also. “These are cold items that have longer expiration dates on them, we come down and get them when we use ours up, replacing them as we go.”
I observed the items in the refrigerator, “Milk and eggs?”
Eva looked at her mom and laughed. “Well,” she said, “those are new. I told Mom a couple of days ago. I felt we needed to buy extra of those types of items, putting them down here. I guess you could say I had a feeling.”
Lauren laughed, “The last time she had a feeling like that was when we helped the last person. So I listened, and we stocked up. Use what you want/need, let us know if there is something else you want or need, and we will pick it up for you.”
She walked over to the table and sat down. She motioned for me to join her while Eva took another seat. She looked intently at me, saying “I think we should discuss a couple of things now, and then we will let you get settled in and rest. First off, what name did you decide on, so I know what to call you?”
“Mattie,” I said.
“OK, Mattie it is. So you know our names. We would like to keep things on a first-name basis if that is OK with you?”
I nodded, I understood. The less I know the better off they will be if I am found.
“Thank you for understanding. Not being rude, we would prefer you to not wander around upstairs where you can see personal items, not only because the less you know about our private lives, but when you go upstairs you run the risk of being seen. Doing laundry is safe, you can’t be seen there from the windows.”
Again, I nodded, “I am good with that. It really does feel safe down here.”
It was Lauren’s turn to nod. Eva said, “There is a variety of clothing in the bedroom closet, a variety of sizes that we have collected here and there. Some are brand-new, picked up on sale. Others are nice items we picked up at garage sales or at thrift stores. I think one of the first things you should do is go change clothes, bringing us what you have on, so we can dispose of them, in case he remembers what you were wearing today when you left home.”
I said, “He will know exactly what I was wearing, as he picks my clothes out every day.” I got up and walked toward the bedroom, but not before I saw the glance exchanged between Eva and her mom.
I closed the bedroom door behind me, took all my clothes off, including my bra and panties, putting them in a pile on the end of the bed. I opened the closet door, seeing that there were a lot of clothes in there. I stared at them for the longest time, it was like my mind froze. I had no idea what to wear, what size I was, what would even look good together. I opened a drawer in the closet to find a variety of underwear, bras, and socks. Another drawer yielded shorts and another pants. I was clueless. I backed away, sliding to the floor, crying. I couldn’t control the sobs. I heard a slight knock on the door.
Eva opened the door a crack, “Mattie, can I come in?” I nodded yes, and she walked in, closing the door behind her. She reached into the closet and pulled out a robe. “Here, let’s put this on for the moment.” She reached out and took my hand, helping me up. As I slipped into the robe, she saw all the bruises and scars all over my body. “Oh, Mattie, I’m so sorry he did that to you.”
She handed me some Kleenex, and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. I motioned to the closet. saying, “I don’t know what to wear.”
Eva seemed to take that in stride and said, “Well, what size are you? We can start there.”
I looked at her with a blank stare.
“You don’t know what size you wear?” she asked.
I shook my head. She walked over to the clothes on the bed and looked through them for size tags. Finding nothing, she put them down and walked back over to me. “OK, I think you are about the same size as me, so let’s start with something else. What is your favorite color?”
I had to think about that for a little bit, as I hadn’t thought about my favorite anything for a long time. No one cared about what my favorite things were. “Any color?” I asked meekly.
Eva nodded, smiling gently at me. She watched me as I searched my mind for a color I liked.
“Blue,” I said, “like the sky.”
“Perfect!” Eva said. She went into the closet and pointed to a section. “These clothes here should be the ones that would probably fit you the best. Let’s see what we have here.” She went through the clothes and pulled out a blue dress, the color of the sky. “What do you think of this?”
I nodded, “It’s very pretty.”
“I think it will look great on you, matches your eyes. Now, let’s see if we can find some undergarments for you to wear.” She pointed to more drawers that held things that she thought would fit me and pulled out a bra and panties set that were pretty blue also. She set all the clothes on the bed and said “Try these on. I’ll go back out with Mom. Let me know if you need anything else.” She walked out and shut the door behind her.
I picked up the bra and panties and looked at them closely. They were nothing like what I was used to. They were pretty and soft, not the more revealing sort that I was required to wear for Allen. I stood up and dropped the robe onto the bed, trying them on. They were very comfortable, fitting me almost perfectly.
I then put the dress on. Looking in the mirror, I was surprised at the results. It was a soft summer dress with spaghetti straps. It changed what I felt like completely. I felt pretty, even though I knew with the bruising and cuts I was anything but pretty. I turned to leave the room, noticing that Eva had taken all the clothes I had been wearing, including the shoes, with her when she left the room earlier. I opened the door, shyly walking back out to the kitchen table where I sat down again.
“Oh, honey,” Lauren said, “you look lovely.”
“Thank you,” I said shyly to both of them.
“Of course! That dress looks so nice on you,” replied Lauren. “Now, we need to discuss a couple other things before we can let you get settled. I work a full-time job at a medical clinic where I am a nurse. I work for a fantastic female doctor. The first thing I would like to do is have her come to check you over.” She could see how nervous that made me. Lauren stated, “She will do this very privately, nothing will be put on a medical record—anywhere. We need to make sure you are OK.”
I could see the sense of this, yet I was still scared. I nodded my assent after seeing the common sense of it.
“Good. I will call her to ask her to come over tonight. She is here a lot, we are best friends, so no one will think anything of her coming over. Then, after we make sure you are OK, we will let things lay low for a couple of days, keeping an eye on the news while we work on a plan for your future. We will not rush that unless the news is showing us a reason to hurry you to a new location. You have a TV down here, so you can watch it during the day while I’m at work and Eva is at school.”
“Please just watch the volume and noise level. We don’t have neighbors very close, but there is the possibility that a mailman or occasional delivery driver dropping off a package might hear something. We will keep the door closed at the top of the stairs for your privacy, but that should also help with the noise level. We will not intrude on your privacy, always knocking when we need to see you. You can lock the door if it makes you feel safer. Please let us know if you need anything at all.”
With that, both Lauren and Eva got up, gave me quick hugs, then went up the stairs.
After the door closed, I just sat there and looked around at my new home, at least for the time being. Looking up at the door at the top of the basement stairs, I went up and quietly locked it, feeling silly but a little safer. I was lost, trying to decide what to do next. There was no LIST, no rules, no fists dictating what to do. I try to think of this as a good thing, but the problem is—I have no idea what to do.
I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost lunchtime, but I really was not that hungry. Even if I was hungry, I had no idea what to cook without THE LIST telling me. I was a good cook, I thought, being able to make a lot of things without having to follow a recipe, but not being told what to cook was overwhelming for me.
My stomach was still a bit upset, so I finally thought I would get myself something to drink, maybe see if there were any crackers. I found some saltines, poured a glass of milk, and walked over to the couch—even though this would never have been allowed with Allen, my husband. Food was only eaten at the table. This felt like my first act of defiance although truthfully that would have been when I didn’t get the groceries .
I sat down on the couch, looking at the TV. I was never allowed to watch TV unless he was home, even then I definitely had no say so in what we watched. Here I am in a nice little apartment, all by myself, not only is there a TV here in the living room, but there is a smaller one in the bedroom! What can I watch on two TVs? What is there to watch on one? I looked at the remote lying there, feeling overwhelmed again, and I decided to ignore it.
Looking around, I saw that there was a small bookcase over to the side of the room. This caught my attention, so I got up with the intention of looking at the books. There was a wide variety of books, I picked one that seemed interesting and took it back over to the couch. I sat down, opened the book, grabbed a cracker, and started reading.