Chapter 16 Isaac
SIXTEEN
ISAAC
The past two weeks have been busy for both Evan and me with the start of the season. We beat the Bills yesterday by a field goal in overtime. It was a tough game and to be honest, I thought they were going to win.
I’ve spent more nights at Evan’s apartment than my own house the past few weeks, but tonight, I invited Evan over to my place.
I’m not a versatile cook like him, but the few things I know how to cook, I cook well.
The doorbell rings as I’m seasoning the steaks.
I wipe my hands on a kitchen towel and walk to the door.
When I swing it open, Evan is standing there in a pair of tight, black jeans and a lavender polo shirt.
It looks gorgeous against his tan skin. We’ve been out to the small strip of beach several times in the past couple of weeks and Evan is now sporting a delicious dark tan.
I shake away the very inappropriate thoughts swirling in my brain. There will be time for that later.
“Come in,” I offer, stepping back enough to let him in, but making sure he has to rub against me as he passes. I take that opportunity to grab his hand as I close the door and pull my very sexy boyfriend in for a kiss.
“You look fucking delicious,” I whisper against his ear when I break the kiss.
“Dessert,” he promises with a wink, and I consider forgetting the steak, so we can start with dessert. Instead, I adjust myself and lead Evan into the kitchen.
“I opened a bottle of red,” I say, handing him a glass of wine. “It will be great with the steak.”
“Can I help?”
“You can relax. You cook for me all the time. It’s my turn to pamper you tonight. Have a seat.” I point to the barstools. “You can keep me company.”
Evan sips on his wine while I snap the ends off the asparagus. I’ve already poked a few holes in the potatoes and put them in the microwave. I walk to the patio with the steaks.
“How do you like yours?” I call to Evan.
“Medium rare to rare. I’m good with a red center.”
“Hell, yeah!” I smile. “I was worried you’d want a hockey puck. That might be a deal breaker,” I say as he joins me on the patio.
“I can’t imagine eating a well-done steak.” Evan shudders.
“Me either,” I agree, placing the steaks on the grill and setting the timer for five minutes.
Evan follows me back into the kitchen, so I can cook the asparagus.
This is my go-to meal when I’m not gorging myself on fast food.
It’s fast and easy. I need to eat better, but I can’t pass up a drive-thru and there are way too many between the stadium and my house.
Basically, if it’s fast food, I pass it to and from work.
One day, it’s going to catch up with me.
“Can you go flip the steaks?” I ask Evan when the time beeps.
“Sure.” I reset the time for another five minutes when I hear the patio door close as Evan comes back inside.
The microwave dings indicating the potatoes are done. Without asking, Evan walks over and takes them out, piercing each to make sure it’s done. About the time I’m taking the asparagus off the stove, the steak timer beeps.
“I’ll get them,” Evan offers, picking up a clean plate.
By the time he returns with the steaks, I’ve got everything else on our plates.
“Toppings for the potatoes are on the table. Do you want another glass of wine?”
“Yes, please.” Evan picks up both plates and takes them to the table while I pour us wine and grab forks and knives. I appreciate the help. This happens at his house all the time. He insists on cooking for me, but we end up working in together.
“This looks delicious,” Evan gushes as I join him at the table.
“It’s my favorite meal to cook. I’m not the chef you are, but I do okay with the few things I know how to cook.” I ramble on, a little more nervous than I expected to be with Evan in my home.
I like him so much and I want everything to be perfect for him, but I worry that he likes me for reasons other than my sparkling personality.
It pisses me off that he’s the first guy I’ve liked since Devante was such an ass to me, and I’m struggling to enjoy our time together because I keep reliving that past relationship.
A small moan from Evan grabs my attention. I smile and raise a brow at him. “You okay?”
“This steak is heaven. It’s the best steak I’ve ever had, and I’ve had some damn good steaks. What’s the seasoning?”
I can’t help but beam with pride at his words. “It’s my own secret blend.” I wink.
“You should package this stuff.” He moans again on the next bite. “Wait. You aren’t going to tell me what’s in it, are you?”
“I told you, it’s my secret blend.” It’s so fun to watch the look of horror cross Evan’s face. He can’t believe I’m not giving up the ingredients. I shrug nonchalantly and take another bite of asparagus, making every effort not to look at him.
“But…” he starts.
“Ple…” he tries again.
“Isa…” he trails off a third time. This time, I glance at him. There’s no humor in his eyes. Confusion. Hurt. Shock, but no humor. It cracks me up.
“Why are you laughing at me?” he all but whines.
“Baby, I’m not laughing at you. It’s cute to watch you try to figure out what to say. Okay, yeah, I’m laughing at you. I’m also screwing with you. The blend isn’t a secret and it’s not my creation.”
“What? You’ve been fucking with me this entire time?” A smile slowly appears lighting up his face. “I fell right into that, didn’t I?”
“Yep.”
“You’re proud of yourself.” It’s not a question and accompanies the sexiest damn smirk.
“Extremely.” I wink, rising from the table.
I kiss Evan on the cheek then walk to the counter to grab the bottle of wine and the shaker of steak seasoning. After adding wine to our glasses, I place the seasoning in front of Evan. “This is the best blend on the market. I get it at a specialty shop in Little Havana.”
“It’s fantastic.”
“They have the best fresh produce, a variety of spices, marinades, dressings, and other specialty items that can’t be found in most grocery stores.”
“We’ll have to go one day. I like trying new spices and marinades.”
“It’s a date!”
Evan’s eyes widen slightly then he looks away in an attempt to cover his surprise. I don’t call him out on it, but I can’t help wondering why he still gets surprised when I mention dates. He’s my boyfriend for fucks’ sake.
I know he says it doesn’t bother him that I want to keep our relationship a secret, but I don’t think he’s being completely honest about his feelings. Maybe I’m wrong and he doesn’t mind keeping us a secret and there’s another reason for his shock.
He still won’t look at me as he starts clearing the table and washing the dishes. Now the silence between has grown uncomfortable. Where did the night go wrong?
“Hey,” I say, taking the plate from him and setting it in the sink. I pick up the dish towel and dry his hands then pull him against my chest. He stiffens in my arms. “What’s wrong?” I ask, gently stroking his back.
“Nothing.” He tries to pull away, but I hold him in place while continuing to rub his back.
“You can tell me. I lo…” The word gets caught in my throat.
It’s too soon. We’ve only been dating a few weeks.
Hell, Evan might not feel what I’m feeling, but I’ve thought those words a hundred times or more in the past couple of weeks.
Tell him how you feel, I silently encourage myself.
Taking a small step back to put enough space between us so I can look Evan in the eye, I cup his face in my hands.
“I love you, Evan.” His breath hitches and unshed tears sting his eyes. He starts to shake his head. “It’s true. I love you. It might seem fast, but I know how I feel,” I tell him honestly.
“Isaac, I…” he trails off, looking everywhere but at me.
“It’s okay if you’re not there yet.” It cuts like a fucking knife, but I don’t want him to say something he doesn’t mean or isn’t ready to admit.
“It’s not that,” he whispers. “I’ve felt the same way since our first date.”
I wait several seconds, maybe even a minute for him to continue, but he doesn’t say more.
“Talk to me,” I all but beg.
“Why?” It’s one simple word with too many possible answers.
“Why what?”
“Why do you love me?”
“What? How can I not love you. You’re funny, smart, honest, selfless, nice, fun to be around, and sexy as hell.”
“No. I’m not those things.”
“You are and so much more.”
I had no idea Evan believed so little in himself.
When we tried to have sex a few weeks ago, he freaked out a little.
Now I’m wondering if there is more to the story about his ex than he shared with me.
I take his hand and lead him to the couch.
Cleaning the kitchen can wait. I sit down first then pull Evan down next to me scooting him against my side and wrapping my arms around him.
“Does this have anything to do with your last relationship?”
He tenses in my arms, telling me my guess is right. “It was bad.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I doubt you want to hear what a shit boyfriend I was or how I’ll never measure up.”
“Measure up to what?”
“Whatever expectations you have for me.”
“Evan, I expect you to be exactly who you are. I love you, the Evan I ran into in August, the Evan I took to the beach on our first date, not some version of you I’ve created in my head. I want you.”
“That’s hard for me to believe. Mike told me who to be and every time I thought I was measuring up to his expectations, he’d change his mind and want a different version of me. It was a constant rollercoaster of being the person he told me to be and then failing in his eyes and switching again.”
“That sounds miserable.”
“It was a shitty two years, but I stayed because I didn’t think I deserved anyone better.”
“He didn’t think you deserved better.”
“Basically. And he convinced me I wasn’t good enough for anyone else and he was doing me a favor by dating me.”
“That’s seriously messed up.”
“I’m pretty sure he was cheating on me. We hadn’t had sex in more than nine months before we broke up.
At first, he made up excuses, but when I got up the nerve to confront him, he said I was terrible in bed, and he couldn’t stand to be with me.
Like an idiot, I stayed for months. Sadly, if I hadn’t taken this job, we’d probably still be together. ”
“Damn, Evan. That’s awful.” Now I’m pissed. I’d like to meet this Mike guy and beat the shit out of him. “No one deserves to be treated that way. You are an amazing person. I’m sorry he did those things to you.”
“It’s my own fault. I knew he was a crappy boyfriend from the beginning but felt like he was the best I could do, so I stuck around and allowed him to treat me like crap.”
“Not to be overly confident, but I’d say you definitely upgraded.” Evan laughs at my words.
“Conceited much?”
“Confident,” I correct.
“Keep telling yourself that.” Evan sighs heavily and snuggles closer to me.
“You’re right. I upgraded quite a bit. Isaac,” Evan says, pushing himself up so he can look at my face.
“I love you, too.” Then his lips are on mine.
We kiss for several minutes before he scoots back and runs his hand along my jawline. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I inquire.
“For being a great man. For having the confidence to tell me how you feel. For listening to me talk about my past. For making me feel safe and loved and giving me the encouragement to tell you what I’ve been thinking for weeks. I. Love. You.”