Seven
W e were mostly silent on the way home, I think both processing our meeting with Reaper. Lowell had asked me occasional questions, but otherwise just sat quietly, intermittently watching me as I drove.
“Almost home,” I said quietly, to break the silence, even though it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant.
“I wish it was,” he murmured softly, probably thinking I couldn’t hear him.
“You’re welcome there as long as you want,” I said, just as quietly, and Lowell side-eyed me briefly.
“Until you get tired of me, but thanks. I like your home.”
“Why would I get tired of you? You’re a nice guy, and you make good company.” He’d snorted at the ‘nice guy’ part, but grinned at me as I parked up by my front door.
“I’ll get the kettle on, babe.” He was out of the van before the engine had even stopped running, and was waiting by the front door with slumped shoulders, because he had no key. Maybe I should just give him my spare.
“Sorry, Lowell, I’ll sort out a key for you, so you can come and go more easily.”
He just smiled and went to the kitchen to make tea, while I went to the bathroom and washed my hands, staring in the mirror with a sigh. How did I end up cooking drugs for a biker club? This wasn’t the plan… not that there had actually been one, but I never had the chance. I was almost twenty-eight, and I’d been their ‘cook’ now for almost a decade. Their well-kept secret thankfully, at least until now, but maybe my secret was with a true ally at last.
Then…
I felt trapped, surrounded, and the one boy I thought I could rely on was staring at me with predatory eyes.
“We’ve been together a while now, huh, Soph?”
I nodded at Rexy, who I had now been told I should call Reaper instead. That group of bikers I’d seen with him were more than a few guys who just enjoyed the thrill of motorcycles. They were a motorcycle club, and he’d lied to me for a year.
“Took your sweet little cherry, didn’t I?” My cheeks flushed red with shock and embarrassment, as his ‘brothers’ chuckled, looking me over with hungry eyes.
“Time for you to be of use now, sweetness. You know what we want.” Oh god, no. I stared from one leering face to the other, wondering why I’d let Rexy bring me to this party. It was a biker club party, and I suddenly felt like I was on the menu.
“Ha, she thinks it’s bukkake time or somethin’.”
Rexy, I mean, Reaper, laughed, reaching out to rub his thumb over my lips.
“Nah, that sweet mouth is mine, and she gets my cum only. Soph, look at me. You’re gonna cook shit up for us, Put all that brainiac stuff to good use. We’ll sell it, and you’ll get a cut.” The first of many lies.
T hat had been the start of my forced, and unpaid, servitude to the Rogues, and the only silver lining had been Reaper getting bored, and moving on to other women. He’d grown more and more aggressive with me, in bed and out of it, no doubt due to how much of their product he was indulging in, and I’d been relieved when he told me I was boring, and he needed the freedom to fuck around. Not that he hadn’t been doing so already. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was being able to put more distance between them and me, apart from the regular deliveries. Inheriting the farm from my old uncle had given me the space to cook up speed, and to keep that free from the rest of my life, although the ‘cut’ Reaper had mentioned would have come in handy.
“Tea’s getting cold, babe,” Lowell suddenly said, shocking me out of my little stroll down my miserable memory lane.
I met his eye in the mirror and he groaned. “You need a hug or something? You look like someone just ran over your dog or something.”
Suddenly the idea of him holding me was so appealing, I almost said yes, but I held back, because I knew I was developing feelings for a man who’d eventually leave me, because he couldn’t feel the same, could he?
I squeezed my eyes closed, hearing him move away from me. I really wanted that warmth and support, but I just didn’t know how to ask for it. I’d spent so long keeping people away from me, that the loneliness was crushing at times.
“Babe,” Lowell whispered, as he caught my arm, and pulled me around and against his chest, his arms looping around me in a tight hug. How did he know?
“I’m sorry, I’m taking liberties here, and I know that. Tell me to go, and I’ll back off.” I shook my head, wrapping my arms tightly around him.
“Somehow you knew what I needed, Lowell.”
He sighed softly. “Had to happen once in my life. Doing the right fucking thing at last.”
Micro
A ll my life I’d been this asshole, groomed by my dad to be a carbon fucking copy of him, and where did it get me? All my decisions, especially those I’d made in the name of revenge, were fucking twisted. How did I think that would play out? Did I really think I was that guy? Brutal, and evil, willing to kill for vengeance? Every fucked up thing I did just ate up another part of this ragged soul I was barely clinging to.
Speaking of clinging, I didn’t have a right to pretend I was this guy either, but Soph was wrapped around me, and I felt like it was some kind of validation, but I didn’t know that I deserved any. Was I a good man? A gentle or soft man? Didn’t she deserve that kind of man? She was already in too deep with asshole bikers, so she didn’t need the taint of my evil touching her too. When I tried to release her though, she held me tighter.
“Babe?”
“Please, just a few more seconds. I haven’t felt this safe since I was little.” Safe . She hadn’t felt safe, but now she did. While I was touching her. Would I be able to see the shadow of my filthy touch on her after? Would I destroy her by being near her?
She was a sweet, caring, beautiful woman, and way too good for me, but if someone didn’t save her from that fucking club of bastards, she’d get herself killed. Once I’d saved her, though, I had to get away before I caused her harm, because one thing I’d learned about myself was that I ruined everything I touched. Hurt everyone who knew me. In the end, she’d be safer without me.
Sophie finally pulled back from my chest, and I forced myself to release her and step back, which was harder than I’d expected. When was the last time I hugged someone just for comfort, even the other person’s? Had I ever had a hug like that?
“Thank you. I’m always really anxious after a delivery to them, and Reaper does his best to make me feel edgy. He’s an asshole.” Yeah, that fucker’s days were numbered for sure. I’d fucked up a lot of lives, but maybe for once I could make someone’s life better instead. Of all people, she deserved that.
“Come on, let’s have that cuppa, and plan their downfall, babe.”
That planned downfall began two days later, when we both had mandatory invites to a party at their clubhouse. Clubs were usually pretty careful about who they allowed in their clubhouses, but some clubs were also incredibly arrogant about who they thought they had to be wary of. I knew they were absolutely scoping me out, and would have asked around about me. That’s why I took the name of a biker I knew of, who never stayed anywhere for long, and who died quietly about six months ago from an overdose. I didn’t look exactly like him, but I’d copied his look, and we were both average looking guys otherwise. I’d been bulkier than him, but since nobody had seen him for six months, and I’d lost some of my bulk during my convalescence, without the chemical assistance I’d been using before my accident, I figured it’d work. We were about to find out though.