2 #2
He met my gaze and did a double take. “It’s amazing.
I always thought that, but I haven’t seen it on you as an adult like this.
” He studied me and moved closer, actually reaching out and touching it which shocked me.
He ran it through his fingers and then held up two different streaks.
“I never thought the two colors would work together, but they’re so gorgeous. ”
My lower lip quivered and I looked away and focused on my wine.
His larger hand covered mine and what I was doing. “Sagan, what happened? Why are you opening at least your fourth bottle of wine and have puffy eyes?” He tried to take it away from me when I didn’t answer, but I was stronger. “Why are you kicking Maple and Fraser out?”
“Did you give the order?” I asked instead.
“Yes, but they’re not just going to leave. They’re not—talk to me. Please?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I whispered. “The reason doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore. This is just where we are.”
“Of course it matters. If something happened, of course it matters.”
I chuckled darkly and yanked the bottle away. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I moved so I could set it down and open it and then looked up at him. “And right now I hate you because they loved you.”
His eyes flashed shock. “What did someone tell you about your parents?”
“Nothing.” I snorted when he opened his mouth. “No one told me anything. I’m not lying. I’m not.” I snorted again and poured myself wine. “Just go. I’m not going to tell you even if I drink all of the wine in this fucking castle or our wonderful nation.”
I snorted yet again. I wasn’t sure there was really any other reaction to have right then.
I went to take a swig of my wine but froze when Treena was standing there like she’d never seen me before… And she hadn’t. Not like this. Myriam swore under her breath and Velle just waved for the bottle.
Yeah, fair enough. I handed it over.
And snorted.
I met Treena’s gaze and gave a half shrug. “I’m not hiding Eloise anymore. They all hate me anyways and I have no family—I never did. You have no idea how lucky you are to be loved and wanted. I would give anything to have a fraction of the love you have with your father.”
“What are you talking about, Sagan?” she whispered, her voice shaking. “What the fuck happened?”
“I can’t tell you. You’re the Heir of Bodach,” I choked out. “Not this. I can’t tell anyone. Again. Always.” I covered my face and silently sobbed, trying to push Benson off of me when he hugged me.
My glass was gone and my dragons wouldn’t hurt him, so I just let him hug me even if it wasn’t comforting.
“No, I demand to see her,” Maple said from the outer hallway. “I’m not leaving and risking more corrupt guards or this is some Alpha coup.”
“Get out of my castle!” I roared. “I have no family!” Horror filled me when I realized I’d shoved Benson away from me.
“I’m fine,” he promised, holding up his hands and then moving them over his body. “You just untangled—I’m not hurt.”
“Don’t touch me. I can’t hurt you,” I begged, whimpering basically when he tried to come near me.
“Sagan, please, let us in,” Fraser pleaded.
“Leave!” I screamed. “You’re just like them! I’m done pretending when they hated me! And you lied that you accepted me! I found the proof! I knew it! I knew you hated me too and agreed with them!”
I turned and grabbed my bottle back from Velle and went out onto the balcony, hoping the cooler night air could do… Something? It was end of September and Nerthus was on the ocean, so when it wasn’t hot and humid summer days, it was actually amazing.
“You going to tell us what’s going on or why you have extra streaks?” she asked after she sat down with me.
“Fuck you, Velle,” I answered.
“Yeah, that’s fair after how I’ve treated you,” she accepted and raised a fresh bottle to her own lips. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for that and what you’re going through now. I really am.”
I nodded that I heard her and I believed her, but… I didn’t even want her there. Just because I didn’t hate her anymore and appreciated her hard work didn’t make us friends.
It meant I didn’t hate her and liked her work ethic.
Treena came out and knelt down in front of me, moving her hands on my knees.
“I love you. No matter what is going on, I’m your friend and I love you, okay?
I accept you can’t tell me, but please talk to someone.
What we’re getting off of you—please? Don’t—please?
I would never forgive myself if I left right now and didn’t… ”
I flinched, realizing she was sensing I was feeling such darkness she was worried I might kill myself. I nodded and looked back out at the night.
“You cannot be alone like this,” she choked out. “Myriam and I are drowning in it. Whatever happened—you cannot be alone. Onyx or Joris? Someone has to—”
“I’m not leaving,” Maple snapped at someone in the living room. “So help me, I will shift and trash this fucking castle.”
“Me too. I’m not leaving her until I get answers, Benson,” Fraser added. “So shove your shit like—you’re part of her traumas acting like you don’t care when you’re in love with her! I agree you shouldn’t be protecting her and now you want to act like you have her best interest at heart?”
“I hate my fucking life,” I rasped and took another long drink.
“I’m just going to stay no matter what they ordered,” Myriam muttered as she slipped out onto the balcony with us. “I already knew you were different after all.”
“This was what you were hiding from me?” Treena hissed. She sighed when we both gave her the looks she deserved. “Yes, of course, not the time.”
“How bad?” Myriam asked after a few moments of us not talking, but also hearing Maple, Fraser, and Benson doing a horrible job of hissing at each other in the living room.
I thought about it a moment and met her gaze.
“You loved your dad and then he turned on you, but you’ve got hope he’s coming back and you can fix things, right?
” I waited until she nodded. “Yeah, take that and the glimmer of hope and destroy it as all lies and so much worse than you ever knew and you can’t ever tell people after everything I already can’t tell. ”
“Okay, wow, fuck, so you’re gonna need more wine,” she muttered.
I snorted. “I’m going to need the power to raise the dead and have a needed conversation if I ever want to be sane ever again.”
“It can’t possibly be that bad, can it?” Treena asked.
I swallowed loudly, thinking back to what Mother wrote specifically about what Father had said to her. “It’s worse, and I’m very sure there’s more.”
What else was there to say?