7 #3
“Fucking elders. Okay, well, this is going to be fun. Let me know if you figure out what’s going on.”
“Yeah, you—was there something specific in that meeting?” I pushed again, not wanting to make it like I was giving up.
He was quite a moment. “I think we’ve pushed her too far and—I don’t know. I don’t think it’s any one thing.”
I pretended like I accepted that and hung up, but I was already out the door and headed to the residence wing.
I was glad when I saw one of Sagan’s guards who I’d talked with a few times and was a decent guy.
I pulled him off to the side. “Look, I don’t want to cause a scene, but I think—I think I really need to talk to the queen.
Can you please go ask her to give me two minutes? ”
He studied me for several moments and then sighed. “Promise me this is at least something she won’t beat me for bothering her with.”
I licked my lips. “She would want me to bring it directly to her. I just don’t know if I’m right.”
He ran his tongue over his teeth. “Yeah, fine, but if I get in trouble, I’m kicking you in the head.”
“Fair.” I let out a slow breath as he radioed in that he had to leave his position and for someone to cover his rotation. I was antsy and fidgety the whole time, but then I saw him coming down the hall and he waved for me to follow him. I jogged over and muttered a thanks to him.
“Just please don’t be fucking with me,” he grumbled.
“You seem decent and not like these other asshats. I really need this job and it’s so much better now that the elders and those other guards are gone.
” He let out a shaky breath. “Ya know, if I ever heal from realizing half the people I thought were my friends were corrupt fuckers.”
“I swear I think I’m doing the right thing by the queen,” I told him quietly as we quickly walked along. “And I’m sorry. I’ve not had exactly what you’ve had, but—betrayal is betrayal.”
“You know?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I admitted as we reached the stairs. “And there are some nights I wake up wondering how the fuck I missed the signs. That part never fully goes away. You just get wiser.”
He snorted. “Or you just start shutting everyone out like Benson. I can’t even judge him for it.” He was quiet until we reached Sagan’s floor. “I’m not sure he’s wrong.”
I didn’t disagree… Because I’d basically done the same.
It was mostly why I’d suggested what I had to Sagan. I’d been betrayed too many times—seen it too many times and didn’t think there was a life where it didn’t keep happening.
One of the guards at her suite nodded when he saw us and knocked on the door. “Your Majesty, Ayao Hamdan is here.”
“Thank you, let him in,” she said from inside.
He opened the door for me and the warning look he gave me not to fuck with her was actually impressive.
I ducked inside and barely took much note of the place, leaving my curiosity for another day.
“What can I do for you, Ayao?” she asked as if we hadn’t seen each other less than an hour ago. She was reviewing something and writing notes on it and didn’t even glance up at me.
I moved closer and let out a shaky breath. “What did you mean when you said I won?” I swallowed loudly when she didn’t answer and decided to just say it because I couldn’t not after what my brain had pieced together. “Did your father not want you to ever become queen?”
She froze in writing and colors around her exploded. It was every fucking vibrant color possible all at once.
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
Like for real, what the fuck was I even seeing?
She slowly raised her head and the answer was very clear in her eyes… Yes. Absolutely yes. I’d gotten it right, and it was like a punch to the gut—the pain in her eyes was, even if she kept the mask in place.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
She swallowed loudly. “That is a very dangerous accusation you’re making. Some would call it treasonous to even imply such a thing or a challenge to my legitimacy as ruler of Thovudin. I was King Rhys’s only child and heir—rightful heir. To say otherwise is—”
I squatted down and covered her hand with mine. “I’m so sorry.”
Sadness was there for just a moment, but then it was replaced with something I saw in my father’s eyes all the time and that actually scared me more. It was something so much worse than being in pain or broken.
Coldness.
Because being cold was being numb and just done with it all. Zero fucks given and there was no more warmth in that person.
How did I know that?
It was also the look I saw in my eyes when I looked in the mirror too often.
She slowly pulled her hand out from under mine and went back to what she’d been working on. “If there’s nothing else, have a good evening.”
I swallowed loudly and thought of something to say—anything to say.
But there wasn’t anything that I could do to fix this nor should I be the one to try to, and a huge part of me hated that I knew the answer. I didn’t want to carry the weight of this truth.
Especially when she was right and this type of knowledge could cost me my fucking head.