Chapter 34
Iwoke up in a big cuddle pile very relaxed. I hadn’t slept this well in a long time. And the stupid night sweats seemed to be gone now that I was in Hell. I would have said those made my life utter Hell, but now that I was here, the climate was kind of nice on this side of Hell.
I groaned and stretched. Oops. My ass was lined right up with Celix’s cock. He immediately started purring again and gripped my hips with his claws. Nero just chuckled.
“Felid demons are nearly as amorous as my kind. Especially when they can scent someone is into it.”
“It was just a morning stretch.”
“With a side of lust. You can’t lie about that to an Incubus.”
“Listen, we all needed this after yesterday, but—”
“Say no more,” Nero said, jumping out of bed. Celix got out of bed just as fast.
“Wait. That’s not what I was saying at all. I want to take a step back and get to know both of you better. You’re some of the best people I’ve met here that I’m not potentially related to. I don’t want to fuck this up and ruin it. Please tell me I didn’t do that last night.”
“Absolutely not,” Celix grinned.
“We need to get you fed,” Nero said. “Sex with a Felid demon can be exhausting, but you invited an Incubus to the mix. You’re going to need a big breakfast.”
Yeah, clearly, because right when he said that, my stomach did a back flip, and I realized I was ravenous. We went down the hall holding hands to the sitting room in this wing. Except some kind of disaster struck while we were holed up in my bedroom.
There were alcohol bottles everywhere, and it looked like Kujo tried to rearrange the furniture when he got drunk. He managed to move a chair before he passed out and was sleeping on his face again. I nudged him with my foot to try to roll him on his back because that couldn’t be comfortable.
“I’ll kill you with this grapefruit,” he muttered, curling into the fetal position.
“This is the second time he’s talked about fruit in his sleep. Do you think it means something?” I asked.
I remembered what they said about Nero lucid dreaming because he would probably get visions soon. It could be nothing or it could be a clue.
Nero let out a scandalous gasp.
“Lucifer is going to smite him for that!”
Celix fell out laughing, so I followed their gaze. Someone had drawn the weirdest looking dick on Lucifer’s portrait and by someone, I was guessing Kujo. It looked like a shriveled mushroom that had some kind of disease. I tried cocking my head because maybe it wouldn’t look so weird from the side.
“I know what I’m looking at, but also, what is that?”
“It’s an imp. They are basically menaces. They are belligerent drunks who use any occasion to whip their dicks out. They look like that,” Celix said.
“I wonder why he decided to stay here and drink instead of just going for a walk. No one is going to jump him in this neighborhood,” Nero said.
“This neighborhood is way too fancy for my blood. Maybe he was worried someone was going to accuse him of wanting to steal their shit?” I asked.
“Maybe, but Kujo makes questionable choices sometimes,” Celix said.
“We have that in common.”
“Fucking mangoes. The floor is lava,” Kujo muttered.
“Does Sir Dickhead’s crabbiness extend to fruit? Because his mutterings are starting to sound like they might mean something.”
“The only food that seems to anger Kujo is spray cheese in a can. It really pisses him off. He’s fine with fruit.
It probably does mean something because he’s been talking in his sleep for a while now.
The Sight takes a long time to manifest. He’s still at the lucid dreaming stage.
He’d have to be strong enough to remember the dream when he wakes up and he really needs to study with another seer to interpret the visions, but he hates nearly everyone here on principal and he doesn’t want to learn to harness the visions because his mom came sniffing around when she heard a rumor he might have them,” Celix said.
“He’s also useless like this and he’s violent if anyone tries to wake him.
He said it’s leftover from his time in the foster system in the mortal realm and then again after he got shipped here and his mother had to take him.
Kujo doesn’t talk much about what happened after he ended up with his mother, but she’s a terrible person.
She gets away with most of it because she’s a Fury and pure-blooded,” Nero said.
Yeah, I didn’t know what that was like because I was raised by a Mama Bear who loved the shit out of me. I guess I could understand why Kujo was a bit of a dick sometimes, though why he hadn’t gone to therapy to deal with all of that was beyond me.
I knew he might hit me, but Kujo just looked really uncomfortable, so I gently lifted his head and slid a pillow underneath. Even hungover and talking in his sleep, he looked peaceful. I didn’t particularly like people waking me up, either.
“Breakfast?” I asked.
We stepped over Kujo and went to the kitchen.
There was a huge spread set out. Nero marched over and fixed me a fairly massive plate.
I wasn’t sure I could eat that much. It was such a stark contrast to my ex, who’d get mad if I ate a big meal after I got home from sparring because he thought I’d gain weight.
“So, I don’t know what you like, but you need protein and carbs after sparring and then last night.
You know the fallen stole animals from the mortal realm, right?
This is basically like eggs and bacon. I’ve had bread in the mortal realm and ours is superior.
I got butter and five kinds of jam because I don’t know what you like on your toast. Do you want coffee, milk, or juice? ” Nero asked.
“Um.”
“Let him. It settles his Incubus after he’s been with someone,” Celix said.
“Coffee and I like it with flavored creamer if you have that here.”
Nero just beamed at me.
“I peeped in your fridge when we were at your house and saw that you had five different flavors, so I asked the servants to get some and try to match them with what we have here.”
“Oh, my Jesus, can I keep you?” I moaned.
Celix brought out an assortment of coffee creamers and yeah, they were pretty close to what I rotated at home.
These demons were actually perfect, but then again, if someone took that much notice of my coffee habit and made it happen on a totally different plane of existence, then they were probably a keeper.
I dug into the food. It was nearly identical, but slightly different. The eggs were fluffy with cheese and some kind of herbs in it. The bacon had some kind of glaze on it and tasted amazing. Nero was right. The bread was better in Hell.
But then Kujo came stumbling in. He was hungover and crankier than usual.
I was going to have to talk to Lucifer’s servants.
They would have seen Kujo passed out drunk in the living room, but since they could feel I was in my bedroom getting railed instead of drunk, they didn’t make the hangover remedy.
I called everyone within earshot into the kitchen.
“Look, I get my father is a big deal down here, but the whole hierarchy is stupid. We need to be better to each other, even if it’s just in this house.
If you see someone drunk off their ass, then help them.
If I see you piss drunk, I’ll get you to a room and tuck you in because I don’t know how to make that hangover potion.
I’ll make sure you get it, though. Let’s look out for each other.
Can someone make Kujo the potion? And while I’m asking, does anyone need anything?
I’m not sure I’m in a position to grant it, but I’ll try. ”
One of the demons set off to make the potion, and another shoved a woman forward. She bowed her head like she didn’t want to ask me whatever she wanted to ask. I inclined my head and told her it was okay.
“My son just got out of prison. All he did was fight back when an upper demon was messing with him, but it’s going to ruin his life.”
“Dude, I despise bullies and making it illegal to stand up to them because of some weird ranking system is stupid. Find him a job here and give him a room. I’m not sure if I can change the system for all demons, but I can help your son.”
They were thanking me and bowing like I did something other than not being a shitty person.
They shuffled off as another one brought the hangover potion to Kujo.
Kujo was staring at me like I had two heads and they were having an argument whether The Empire Strikes Back was a better sequel than The Godfather Part II.
The answer was that you had to keep your genres separated, by the way.
“What?” I demanded.
“That was decent. The upper demons would have shunned that kid for having a backbone and the lower demons wouldn’t have given him a job because the demons with money would stop visiting their businesses if they saw him working there.
They aren’t going to say a damned thing if the heir to Hell hired him. ”
“I’m only a bitch to people who give me a reason to. You might want to marinate on that while you sip your potion.”
“And she’s back,” Kujo muttered.
“You’re drunk talking in your sleep, baby girl. You’re saying the same things and I think it’s important. What are you dreaming?”
“Never call me that,” Kujo snarled.
“Um, he doesn’t resemble a baby girl,” Celix said.
“No, but if I’m trying to enjoy a book and the stupid hot guy opens his mouth and says that, it’s like, an instant hate for him. Kujo is like the stupid hot guy who opens his mouth and says unlikable things. He keeps calling me princess, so now he’s baby girl.”
“If you weren’t Lucifer’s daughter, I’d drown you in the toilet.”
“Mm-hmm. Anyway, back to your dreams.”
“I’m not a seer. I just have fucked-up dreams. Cambions are never seers. Our demon blood is too diluted.”
“Cambions have never been seers before,” Celix corrected. “You called out numbers that sounded suspiciously like a pit ball score. I won four hundred dominions betting on the game.”
“Pit ball?” I asked.
“It’s like rugby on the mortal realm, but it’s played over the pits of Hell. You get knocked off the field, you’re going to have a shit time,” Nero grinned.
“It was stupid to bet money on things I said in my sleep.”
“Four hundred dominions, asshole.”
“Who has four hundred dominions?” Wrathhog said, joining us in the kitchen.
“We’re pretty sure Kujo is going to be a seer, but he doesn’t believe us because he’s Cambion.”
“It’s rare, but humans have been seers, too. The real ones just got drowned out by the charlatans. It skips generations, but Kujo could very well be a seer even if he’s Cambion.”
I stuck my tongue out at Kujo and flipped him off for good measure because I was a mature woman and he wasn’t even trying to be open about this in a world full of magic.
“Fuck me,” Kujo muttered. “I keep dreaming I’m stuck in a cage in some kind of volcano while an imp keeps pelting me with fruit because that’s all I’m being fed. And the imp has his dick out because he’s an imp. It probably doesn’t mean anything.”
“Shit, is there writing on the cage?” Wrathhog asked.
“Yeah, and it’s kind of glowing blue, but I can’t read it. I know a lot of languages, but I think it’s gibberish.”
“It’s Enochian. I’m pretty sure you just found Lucifer,” Wrathhog said.