Chapter 36 Sydney
You basically had to do lots of deep dives, even when you were writing romance, and there were bizarre facts about literally anything and everything.
I was betting whatever volcano Lucifer was being stashed in used to regularly have virgins tossed in it so appease a god of frogs or something because it was that kind of fucked-up situation.
We invaded Lucifer’s study with my laptop and Celix’s and snuggled into the sofa.
“If I’m using Hell resources, can we even find information on volcanos in the mortal realm?”
“Baby, this is Hell. You can find information about volcanos in any realm.”
“If shit ever settles down, I want to know about all the other worlds out there. You do realize that if an imp was left to feed him, then whoever captured Lucifer is from Hell, not Heaven, right? Asmodeus is a dick and the rest of them just go along with it. My money is on him.”
Celix started playing with my hair and if I could purr, I would have.
“Asmodeus is more of a plotter than a fighter. He never would have gotten the drop on Lucifer. It could be all of them.”
“Except Satan and Abaddon.”
“No. Satan would kill them. No one knows if this is true or just an urban legend, but I heard Abaddon was a beast during their rebellion. When they got banished, he decided he was never doing that again and was just going to make the best of it.”
“Really? He was giving ‘fun uncle’ vibes. My mom was an only child, so I didn’t have one, but I imagine he would have had Super Mario Brothers on Nintendo, Mountain Dew instead of Tab, and an endless supply of pudding pops.”
“Um, I’m not an incubus, so I wouldn’t know the first thing about what happens in Abaddon’s house, but Felid demons tend to have litters, so I have a ton of fun uncles and aunts.”
“It was me and Mom against the world and I have no regrets, but I wish she had family for support because I wasn’t easy sometimes.”
“If you want to experience a big family, you can come to my baby siblings’ birthday party. There are three of them and it’s utter chaos.”
“Yeah, but ages are weird here. You could mean a twenty-five-year-old or an actual toddler.”
“They are sixteen. My parents got a bit of empty nest syndrome after my litter moved out and had another. My sister is currently in her boy-crazy phase and her littermates are terrorizing her boyfriends. Some of my littermates are giving them tips, but my sister and I are helping my baby sister get her revenge.”
“I wanna help your baby sister get revenge because she’s allowed to be boy crazy at that age as long as she’s smart about it. How many siblings do you have, anyway?”
“There were four in my litter and three in the one that came after, so there are seven of us. My mom has eight siblings and my dad has nine, so there are a lot of aunts and uncles. Our gatherings can get a little…rowdy. Jenath, my baby sister, decided Kujo was her soulmate last year. It’s funny watching him squirm. ”
“Wait, Jenath actually knows Kujo and likes him like that? Yeah, he’s super hot, but has she heard him open his mouth?”
“Kujo is boneheaded, but eventually, he’ll realize it was his own damned fault he got shampoo in the eye and a foot to the nuts. He may or may not apologize in anything more than a grunt, but he’ll stop being dickish. He’s actually an amazing friend when he wants to be. Loyal as fuck.”
“Still rude. I prefer you and Nero. What does your mom think about your sixteen-year-old sister having a crush on your coworker?”
“Oh, she thinks it’s hilarious. Kujo’s mom sucks, so my mom adopted him.
He likes my family, and he’s scared if he does anything, they’ll kick him to the curb like his birth family did.
Plus, Jenath is just a kid with a crush on an older demon.
He’s not going to crush her, by being mean about it, but she’s pushing boundaries.
She keeps blaming Nero and saying he’s pushing lust vibes out to get away with it, but Nero is one of the strongest Incubi in Hell and has exceptional control.
He’s also really big on consent, so no one will ever feel that from him unless they’ve given him permission. ”
“Oh, he’s pretty fucking potent once he’s switched on,” I said, fanning myself at the memories.
“I told you about my family. Tell me more about your mom. She sounds like a strong woman.”
“She was. Cancer took her too soon. We weren’t rich, but I didn’t want for anything. If anyone ever told me I couldn’t do something and I came home upset about it, she told me to do it anyway out of spite.”
“Nero and I never would have gathered that about you. Our moms raised us to not rock the boat because it would get us arrested. Kujo was always the one who was going to realize that about you.”
“Hungry?” Nero said, coming in with a tray.
Yeah, I was. I was probably hungrier that I’d ever been since I landed in Hell.
Nero basically made grownup Lunchables. I refused to call it a charcuterie board because I wasn’t fucking fancy.
There was also some kind of cookie there and I had to ask if it was chocolate chip or raisin because this was Hell, these were demons, and that was just one of the reasons I had trust issues.
“It’s my mom’s recipe,” Nero beamed. “It’s chocolate, but there’s magic in there to soothe when you’re stressed and it helps during demon puberty. She taught us the recipe for when we eventually have kids. Mom will lose her shit I baked them for Lucifer’s daughter.”
“Well, I’m losing my shit you baked magic cookies for me from scratch and didn’t use premade dough. Holy shit, dude, even I buy the premade shit when I want cookies. Can I keep you?”
“I invited her to Jenath’s birthday party.”
“Are you trying to scare her off?”
I moaned when I tried one of the cookies because yeah, it tasted amazing, but I also relaxed a little because of the magic. I didn’t know what it was doing to my magic since I hadn’t felt it much since I blew the roof off my house. Nero and Celix instantly zeroed in on me.
“That was a sex noise,” Celix purred.
“I won’t tell my mom you got turned on eating her recipe.”
“Dude!”
“You’ll meet her at my sibling’s birthday. We invite Nero’s family, but Kujo’s mom can get fucked.”
“She’d curse us out and probably assault us if we did invite her, but it’s the principle of the thing. We’re snubbing her even if she wouldn’t come.”
“I might have found something,” Celix said.
“We’re looking for a volcano where tropical fruit grows, but also remote enough that no one would find a man in a cage being taunted by an imp.
I found a dormant volcano in the rainforest. It’s a tiny one, but it killed a lot of people ages ago.
It’s considered cursed because anyone who tries to get close to it never comes back.
“It’s a bit of a thing with some of the mortal influencers.
They think it’s haunted and they try to go looking for ghosts.
The video always violently cuts out when they get close.
Most people think it’s a scam for likes, but there’s some people in the comments claiming to be their family that say local authorities won’t do anything because they won’t go near it. ”
Shit. After a few years of desperately wanting to meet him, a few decades of hating his stupid guts, and then finally agreeing to just never think about it, I might finally lay eyes on the man who contributed sperm to my creation.
“Relax,” Nero said, petting my hair. “None of us speak Enochian. We don’t know how to open that cage.
If someone has kidnapped the King of Hell, they won’t trust just a cage and an imp.
There’s going to be Enochian spells protecting the place and some of them might have taken out the ghost hunters. ”
“The princes might be conspiring against each other and one of them probably kidnapped him, but since they started a rebellion, they made damned sure the rest of Hell was at a disadvantage, so they couldn’t. None of us speak Enochian. We don’t know any Enochian spells.”
“Good thing you know someone who does and can vouch for one of the fallen,” Wrathhog said from the door.
“Shit, are those your mom’s cookies?” Kujo asked, marching over and stealing my food.
Dick.
Wrathhog saw how I was glaring at him and laughed.
“Don’t worry, I thoroughly kicked his ass while all of you were in here researching.”
“You wish,” Kujo said, flipping her off.
Wrathhog just blew him a kiss. Yeah, I could tell those two were getting along.
“My dad will help. I’m not sure if he’ll be able to convince Abaddon to come off of the bench.
He got a little lost to the bloodlust during their rebellion and swore he’d never get involved with anything like that again.
Dad, Lucifer, and Abaddon were the strongest of those who fell, but Dad said Abaddon can go too far in the heat of battle.
Someone would have to had have drugged Lucifer to get the jump on him, but they can’t take on Dad at full strength. ”
Excellent. I didn’t know what was more terrifying. Facing whoever got the jump on the devil or facing my father.