Chapter Four
Chessie
“Can I get you anything, Dad?” I perch on the arm of his chair. When he was young, he used to have red hair, but everything about him is gray now. His hair, his skin, even his clothing. I should make him change his T-shirt to something more colorful, but I don’t think he has the energy to move.
It’s Sunday morning, and yesterday afternoon Dad was discharged from hospital.
I drove there after I left Kingi and brought him and Mum home.
The hospital declared he would recover better at home now he’s out of danger, but I’m worried about him.
He’s on lots of medications, and they say his wound has only a minor superficial infection, but I’ve looked at it, and I’m not sure it’s getting any better.
Apparently a community nurse is going to come in every day to check it and change his dressing, but I’m concerned he’s not showing more improvement.
The list of things to expect after a heart bypass is as long as my arm—fatigue, appetite changes, bruising and swelling, anxiety and mood swings, confusion, depression…
He’s supposed to go for short walks to prevent blood clots, but he’s so tired I have to bully him out of his chair.
“I’m fine,” he says, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Stop fussing.” My brother is sitting on the sofa with his wife, Nina. He scowls at me. “He’s an adult—he’ll soon say if he doesn’t feel well.”
“Leave her alone,” Nina snaps. “She’s just worried about him. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I get up and sit on the floor with my niece, Thea.
She’s eight, a super-sweet, bright young thing I adore with every ounce of my being.
She’s coloring in a picture of Ariel from Disney’s The Little Mermaid, and as I stretch out onto my front beside her, she pushes the box of pencils over to me.
I smile, choose a blue one, and start coloring the sea so she can concentrate on the mermaid.
I feel so sorry for her. Her parents argue all the time, and even though they’ve said she doesn’t know anything about their financial situation, she’s smarter than they think.
She knows something is awry. Now, as they continue arguing, she glances at them, at me, then back at her book, concentrating on making sure she doesn’t go outside the lines.
“Tea anyone?” Mum asks cheerfully, cutting into their argument. “How about you, love?” she asks Dad.
“Please,” he says, even though I know he’ll only have a few sips to please us.
Everyone else also says yes, so Mum goes off to the kitchen to make it. I think she’s relieved to leave the room, and I don’t blame her. It’s tough to watch your partner in pain, and having Mark and Nina picking at each other all the time isn’t pleasant either.
“So how many times have you seen The Little Mermaid now?” I tease Thea.
“Thirty-seven and a half,” she says. “I didn’t finish it this morning before we had to go out.”
I laugh and switch pencils to yellow so I can start coloring Flounder. “I bet you know it off by heart. Is it your favorite?”
“Yes.” She carefully colors the mermaid’s shell top in purple. “You need blue for his fins and tail,” she points out.
“Of course. So why do you like it so much?”
“Ariel’s pretty. She looks like you.”
I laugh, flattered. “That’s very sweet. I think she’s a lot prettier than I am, though!”
“When you haven’t waxed your mustache you look more like Yosemite Sam,” Mark says.
I check to make sure Thea’s looking at her pencils before I give him the finger.
“Don’t be mean,” my father says to Mark.
I glance up at him. It’s unlike him to say something like that. Normally he lets our bickering flow over him.
“I’m only teasing,” Mark says, exasperated.
“Well, you need to think more about how your comments might make other people feel. Take some responsibility for your words and actions for once.” Dad glares at him.
I return to the box of pencils and rifle through them, looking for a dark purple so I can color Ursula’s tail.
Our family has been through a lot, and despite everything, as far as I know Dad hasn’t once criticized my brother for his actions.
He’s always accepted the news of Mark’s failures with quiet resignation, blaming himself for a lack of guidance, even though I’ve told him many times it’s not his fault.
So it’s unusual for him to openly reprimand Mark, especially in front of his wife and daughter.
Mark shifts on the sofa. “There’s no need to be like that.”
Dad brushes a hand over his face. “Sorry.”
“No,” Nina snaps, “don’t apologize. You were right.”
I frown at them. “Guys, save this for later, okay?” I glance at Thea, who’s still focused on her coloring.
They ignore me, though. “Don’t start,” Mark says irritably.
Nina stiffens. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
“I’m tired of you berating me as if I’m five years old.”
“When you start acting like an adult, I’ll start treating you like one.”
I push myself up to a sitting position, frustrated. Last night I was so tired after a busy week’s work, as well as going to and from the hospital, that I decided to take Sunday off, but now I wish I hadn’t bothered.
“Come on,” I say, “it’s Dad’s first day home, and this is the last thing he needs.”
“Well, maybe Mark should have thought of that before he—” Nina stops abruptly as Mark shoots her a glare.
I frown and look at Dad. He’s also glaring at Mark stonily. There’s an icy undercurrent, as if the door’s open and the autumn breeze is blowing through the house, but the sliding doors are closed, and the coolness is coming from the atmosphere, not the weather.
“What’s going on?” I ask suspiciously.
“Nothing,” Mark says.
My gaze slides from him to her and then to Dad. He looks at Thea.
“Hey,” I say to her gently, “how about you go and ask Grandma if she needs some help?”
She puts down her pencil and says, “Okay,” then scrambles to her feet and goes out of the room.
“What’s going on?” I ask again, my heart starting to race.
“Nothing,” Mark repeats, more forcefully this time.
But Nina has clearly had enough. “A man knocked on our door last night,” she reveals.
“Oh?”
“Apparently Mark borrowed money off him, and he wanted the first installment.”
My jaw drops. Another loan shark? When my brother confessed his debt to us, we pushed him to tell us all of it, all the credit cards, all the loans.
Nina is breathing fast, and her eyes are filled with fury. My eyes widen. “This is a new loan?” I ask, and she nods. Mark drops his gaze to his jeans and scratches at a mark on them. “You’re still gambling?” I ask, incredulous.
He doesn’t reply.
“How much?” I demand. When he doesn’t reply, I direct the question at Nina. “How much?”
“Another five thousand,” she says.
“Five thousand…” Horror fills me. “Mark, how could you?”
Slowly, the resistance seeps out of him, and his shoulders slump.
“I only borrowed a thousand,” he says. “But they charge a hundred percent interest if you don’t meet a payment, and late fees…
” He sits forward and puts his face in his hands.
Oh jeez. So if the loan isn’t paid, it’s going to balloon into a huge sum.
“He can’t stop,” Nina says bitterly. “He’s so fucking weak.”
“There’s no need for that,” I tell her, even though at that moment I agree with her.
“You’re going to ruin us,” Dad says bleakly. I can tell by his face that he already knows about the extra debt. That’s probably one reason why he seems so beaten today.
“Don’t,” Mark says, shaking his head, covering his face.
Emotion wells inside me. “I know you’re not trying to hurt us on purpose. You have an addiction, and you need help.”
“I’m so tired of it,” Nina says, and bursts into tears.
“Look,” Dad says to him, “look what you’ve done. You call yourself a man? What kind of man makes his wife cry like that?”
Nausea rises inside me. I can hear Thea in the kitchen with Mum—they’re about to come in with the tea. I can’t have her witness this. Mark’s shoulders are shaking—I think he’s crying too, and Dad’s eyes are also shining.
Suddenly, it’s all too much. I’ve done everything I can for my family.
I’ve worked my fingers to the bone to try and help them, and where has it gotten us?
We were struggling before, and now we have another five thousand to add to the debt.
Well, I can forget about getting the ride-on mower mended.
I wouldn’t take a wage myself, but I have my own rent and bills to pay.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I have nothing else left to give.
Despair sweeps over me. I love my father, and I don’t want to add to his stress when he’s so ill. And I love my brother, and I want to help him. But everyone has their limits, and I’ve finally reached mine.
“You need to get help, Mark,” I say. “Clearly, you have a problem. And it’s not up to us to solve it for you. You need to want to be better.” I get to my feet. “I’m going to take Thea out for a drive. While I’m gone, you have to think seriously about where you go from here. Because I’m done.”
I pick up my purse and walk out of the room, meeting Mum and Thea coming down the corridor. “Come on,” I say to Thea brightly. “We’re going out for a bit.”
Her face lights up. “Oh, okay! Let me just pack up my pencils.”
“No, you can do that later.” I pick up her hand. “We won’t be long,” I say to Mum. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay.” Against my will, my bottom lip trembles.
Her face falls, but she says, “It’s okay, love. You two go for a while and enjoy yourselves.”
I walk past her, bringing Thea with me. At the front door, we shove our feet in our shoes, and then we go out, crossing the front lawn to my car.
I open the back door, and Thea climbs in and sits on the booster seat I always have in my car for her. I make sure she’s buckled in properly, close her door, and get in the front, and soon we’re on our way.
“Where are we going?” Thea asks.